LVI

Calum's POV:

"What's wrong?" I try to ask her but she doesn't answer. She just looks down at her shoes, breathing deep. I watch her chest rise and fall, watch her eyes screw shut, watch her fingernails attempt to dig into the hard surface of the bench.

"'Wrapped'." she finally mutters under her breath.

"What?" I ask, confused. Luke's hand grabs the collar of Michael's shirt and he pulls him away, noticing Jackie and I's hushed conversation.

"He wrapped his car around that telephone pole." she says numbly. I still don't get it, "On purpose." she finishes. Then I get it. Her dad did it on purpose. I feel anger swell inside me, feel heat rush through my veins. But more than that I feel discomfort seep into me at the thought of how much this new information must've hurt her.

Then another thought hits me - did Ashton know? Was he withholding this information? For Jackie's sake? I don't think so. He wouldn't filter the situation like that.

"Oh, Jackie." I breathe and her eyes flicker open at the sound of my voice. I move to hold her, but she doesn't let me. She pulls away and straightens her spine, lifting her eyes to look straight into mine, blue burning furiously into brown.

Her eyes hold such emotion that I start to wonder if she's mad at me, start to wonder if I did something to upset her, if I said something wrong. But then I realize that she's not mad at me. She's pushing down anguish intended for her father. Anguish that will never be answered. Because there's no one left to answer it.

I watch her pull her hair to one side in a swift, absentminded motion, "No. No, he won't ruin this. I won't let him. He's dead. I'm alive. I'm here. He's not. I'm fine." she takes a deep breath, "I'm more than fine, I'm good." She shakes her hands at her sides like it'll relieve the tremors that course through her.

"When did you find that out?" I ask quietly, crossing my arms to fight the urge to hold her.

"Thursday. My wonderful mother told me." she scoffs, shaking her head, "And, like, I need to talk to somebody. And it's - I - the whole thing - " she stutters in a huff, still shaking her head, "I need Ashton. Like, I just need him."

That burns. Doesn't she think she can talk to me? Am I not understanding enough for topics that hold this much weight? Have I not assured her enough that I'm here for her? Am I not enough?

"You can talk to me." I say weakly, trying to hide my disappointment.

"Oh!" she exclaims with wide eyes, signaling that she just realized how her words were understood. "That's not what I meant. At all. It's just, that's the sort of thing that he and I would talk about usually." she shakes her head once again, her hair fanning across her back piece by piece, strand by strand, "But I'm telling you now. It's been eating away at me."

I'm about to ask more questions but Luke comes trudging over, "Michael's being an arsehole." he proclaims half-seriously with a chuckle.

That makes Jackie laugh but I still see the remnants of pain in her eyes.

"We'll talk about it later, yeah?" I ask, draping my arm across her shoulders, squeezing her jacket reassuringly.

"Yeah." she smiles. It's a weak smile, and it contradicts the panic in her eyes. And in that moment I realize that her and I talking about it won't sate her need to discuss it with Ashton. He's her best friend and I'm her boyfriend. Apples and oranges, I guess.

...

It's Monday now and I'm struggling to maintain consciousness in Calculus class.

Jackie and I haven't had a chance to discuss everything with her dad yet. And I haven't talked to Ashton at all. But I plan to today. Jackie told me he's ignoring her now. I tried to text and call him, too. Mostly just to tell him to quit being such an arsehole and answer Jackie for once. But he didn't respond either way. So I'll find him on campus.

The gray-haired, mumbling professor finally dismisses us. He assigns far too much homework and I end up leaving sans handout. I wouldn't do it anyways. So instead I take off to look for Ashton before Jackie gets out of class.

I pace the campus quickly, peering down halls as I walk through the science building.

I finally find him, hunched outside against the brick wall of the cafeteria. I see the form of a girl's hips and legs on the far side of him and at first I think it's Jackie but as I get closer I see the blonde hair swooshing in the frigid winter wind. I don't think anything of it but as I get closer my eyes focus in on the girl. Focus in on the overly-large, makeup-smothered brown eyes.

Alice. Her and I had a thing last year. You can't even call it a thing, really, because it was just fucking. No emotions, no plans, no desire, and absolutely no love, just physical semi-satisfaction. I'd call her when I wanted a distraction, or when I was drunk, or sometimes both.

I think about turning and walking away, leaving the two alone, pretending that I didn't see them together, telling Jackie I didn't see Ashton. But he spots me just as I begin to slow my pace before turning. His face seems to pale and his mouth falls open slightly.

Hey." I say, trying to recover from the shock of seeing her again. I never wanted to. But more than the shock of seeing her, I'm shocked to see him with her. They're an unlikely pair, that's for damn sure.

"Hi." Ashton mutters, avoiding eye contact.

"Hey, babe." Alice says, eyes locked on me, biting her lip. My stomach turns at the recollection of where her lips have been on my body. She moves toward me, arms open for an embrace and I don't know what the proper reaction is. I don't want to touch her. Hell, I don't even want to be around her. So I just lift my arms awkwardly, letting her hold me but not returning her touch at all.

"Yeah," I mutter once she pulls away. The hug didn't last that long but it was like my flesh burned under her touch, like the physical contact was painful. The complete opposite of Jackie. "so, uh, what're you two doing together?" I ask as my nose catches the scent of smoke. I look over to see Ashton tucking a pack of Marlboro's into the pocket of his leather jacket. "And since when do you smoke?" I add, watching the smoke flow from his nose. I've never seen him with a cigarette in tow like this.

"Since when do you ask so many questions?" he says, edgy.

I'm about to respond but I hear the rhythmic smack of converse against the concrete and see the wild mess of chestnut-colored hair in my peripheral. Shit. Jackie's gonna be pissed. But she doesn't know Alice so it'll be fine, right?

"Hey, babe." I say but cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth, realizing they're exactly what Alice just said to me. I glance over to see her smirking to herself. I feel my stomach turn again.

"Uh, hi?" she asks, looking from me to Ashton then to the girl standing beside him who's pulling the cigarette from his mouth to take a drag herself.

"Alice." she extends her hand to Jackie but it just hangs in the air, unanswered.

"I know who you are." Jackie says with narrowed eyes. Another turn of the stomach. How do they know each other? I notice Jackie glancing between her and Ashton. And then to me. Shit, shit, shit.

Alice's lets the hand that was extended drop to her side, smacking against her jeans dramatically, earning a glare from Jackie and I alike.

"So is this 'homework'?" she says to Ashton, an almost unnoticeable sharpness to her tone as she nods over to Alice who's handing the cigarette back to him. 

He just shrugs, exhaling smoke that evaporates into the cold air almost instantly.

"Seriously, Ash, what in the actual fuck is going on with you right now?" Jackie asks, taking a step toward him, the toes of her shoes overlap his vans as she plucks the smoking roll from between his lips. She flicks the excess embers from the cigarette without thought and I can tell that she's done it plenty of times by the smoothness with which it returns to the space between her fore and middle finger.

He still doesn't say anything, he just looks at her numbly. I'm vaguely aware of Alice staring at me but I don't want to look at her. I don't want to show anything that can be misconstrued or misunderstood as interest in her when in fact it's irritation with her.

"Tell me," Jackie pleads quietly, stepping back and dropping the cigarette, smouldering it with the sole of her shoe.

"You." he says simply before turning away. Except he doesn't just turn away, he takes Alice's hand then turns away. Cold, I think to myself.

Jackie's POV:

Calum isn't in is usual place in the courtyard. I check the Math building. No sign. The Science building. No sign.

I feel an inexplicable panic well up inside my chest and my feet move faster than they were, my body hurling itself with more purpose in my quest to find him.

I do find him. Only it's not just him. It's him and Ashton. No, wait. It's not just him and Ashton. It's him and Ashton and the blonde girl from the party that was thrown on the first weekend of us moving into the beach house. The girl who proudly introduced herself to me as Calum's previous "fuck-buddy" as she so eloquently put it. The girl who posted the picture of me and Michael dancing together on Halloween. The girl who even though I don't exactly know her, I already hate with a passion.

But I move toward them anyways. My chuck taylors hitting the sidewalk heavier than usual. My steps heavier than usual. Maybe because I need to be rooted for the conversation that I think is about to happen.

When I'm about halfway to them Calum notices me. And I notice the smoke coming from Ashton's hand. I squint to see the source even though it should be obvious. Still, I'm surprised to see a cigarette. He hasn't smoked since high school. He quit. He was never really addicted to begin with. He only did it when he was stressed. I did, too. So what's wrong?

Calum's rubbing the back of his neck. He looks uncomfortable. He should be if what Blondie said was true.

"Alice." she tries to introduce herself to me. She tries to shake my hand, too. No way.

"I know who you are." I tell her. She appears unaffected by my harshness which only makes me want to be harsher.

"So is this 'homework'?" I turn my attention to Ashton who's exhaling smoke at an ungodly rate. He doesn't answer me. He ignores me. Just like he has most of the weekend. Only now I'm standing in front of him.

"Seriously, Ash, what in the actual fuck is going on with you right now?" I say, concerned. I stand on his toes in hopes that it'll get his attention. In hopes that my close proximity will awaken something within him. Make him realize how eager I am to have him back. But it doesn't do any of those things.

He hasn't looked at me this whole time. I don't understand what's wrong. I don't understand what could be wrong. Nothing's changed. At least not that I'm aware of. But he still doesn't say anything. He still doesn't even acknowledge me. And I still need him. Just like I think he still needs me.

"Tell me," I try one last time.

He does say something, finally, "You."

Not what I wanted to hear.

My mind races with possibilities. What did I say? What did I do? What did I not say? What did I not do? Did I forget something? Did I bring something up? Did something happen that I don't know about? I don't know. But he's turning to leave. And my tongue can't form words just yet. He reaches for her hand and it's like the invisible barrier that was in my mouth breaks free all at once.

"Why?" I squeak, trying to slow my racing thoughts.

He doesn't answer. Again. So I speak. Again.

"I'm here for you. You know that, right?" I ask desperately, grabbing a handful of his leather jacket. In some far, non-important part of my mind I register that this was the same jacket he was wearing last time I seen him.

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't look at me. Doesn't even look in my direction.

I feel my chest tighten, feel it fracture and every single second that his eyes avoid mine the fracture spreads just a little bit more. I feel the crack slowly making its way to my lungs and my heart, bit by bit. And somehow I know that if it goes on for much longer it won't be fractured. It'll be shattered.

A/N: Heeeeyyyy!

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