XXXVIII

Jackie's POV:

I've always believed that there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I'm not ready to admit the latter. Not even to myself.

There's the love you have for your friends. The kind of love that you have for your parents and your siblings.

Then there's the love you have only once in your lifetime and only for one person. I'm saving that for when I'm sure. I'm saving that for when I'm in love.

But I love Calum. I really do. I may even be in love with him. I don't know, not yet at least. But I do know that I'm excited to find out. For now, I love him.

Physically the water that we're currently in is cold. But somehow I'm not cold. Somehow I'm the complete opposite. Somehow I'm warm and whole and comfortable. I suspect that has something to do with Calum's hand being splayed on my back.

I break away from him and kick my feet furiously, letting the waves wash me out bit by bit. All the while laughing like a kid as I watch Calum try to catch up to me.

"Come back!" he pouts, grabbing hold of my ankle, "Your legs are all goosebumpy." he scowls running his fingertips from my ankle all the way up to the waistband of my underwear.

"It's cold." I breathe out despite feeling a wave of warmth wash through my body at his touch.

"Come on." he brings his hands to the back of my thighs, willing me to wrap my legs around him again. I happily comply, putting one arm around his neck. The fingers of my other hand graze over the feather tattoo on his collarbone before finding their way to his hair, threading into the strands as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"We weren't even in there that long." I laugh with a shiver.

"You're gonna get sick." he says and I feel my heart swell at his seemingly everlasting concern over me. "How can you swim so damn fast?" he laughs as we touch land again.

"I was on swim team in high school." I snicker, tightening my grip as he lifts us from the water and starting toward the house.

"Wait, wait, our clothes!" I remind him but he doesn't slow, "Cal!" I break out laughing.

"Yes?" he asks innocently.

"Why do you have such selective hearing?" I say, still laughing as I meet his eyes.

"I only have selective hearing when I'm freezing my fucking balls off, Jackie." he raises his eyebrows and I halt my laughter, nodding in understanding with artificial seriousness.

"Put me down." I push on his chest and unwrap my legs, planting my feet to the ground. I run over to our clothes and shake as much sand from them as I can. It's windy which only serves to amplify the discomfort of being wet right now.

Calum's waiting on the steps to the door of the house. Leaning against the railing, wearing only boxers, skin still dampened by the water, black hair dripping salty tears, tattoos on full display, the swallow on his forearm seemingly poised to take flight into the blustery night sky. I don't think I'll ever get used to him. I think that monotony is impossible when I'm in his presence.

I love him. And he loves me.

What a foreign concept.

"Tea." he chirps with a grin when I reach him.

"What?" I ask confusedly as my knees shake from lack of warmth.

"Hot tea. Warm us from the inside out." he laughs, walking through the door with me on his heels.

"No, not tea. Coffee. Hot coffee." I giggle, trying to cover myself as well as possible with our jumbled clothes. I may not be shy but I feel overexposed under the lights of the house. "I'm, uh, I'm gonna change really quick." I notice his eyes rake my body once more as I turn away to root through a moving box that has Calum's clothes in it.

I hear his feet pattering against the hardwood, closing the space between us. I freeze in place and wait for his touch. Wait for the electricity. His pointer finger brushes the center of the small of my back, right above the waistband of my boy shorts. I know what he's looking at. I know he sees the delicate and minuscule black ink lettering that scars my skin.

"A.M.?" he asks softly.

"Amelia Madson. My sister's initials." I answer in an equally hushed tone.

"How long've you had it?"

"About a year. I was underage when I got it at a party and was completely wasted. Ashton was there. He tried to talk me out of it. He's the only one who knows it's there." I dip my head, "And now you."

"Do you regret it?" he breathes and even though my back's to him I know he's biting his lip.

"Not one bit." I say honestly.

I feel his thumbnail brush over it briskly before dropping his hand. I feel the electricity dull and I force myself to physically un-pause my body.

"Uh, can I wear this?" I change the subject, holding up a thick black cable knit sweater.

"You can wear anything that you want." he smiles at me, pulling a long sleeve shirt from the same box and slipping it over his head in one swift motion. He's really gorgeous.

"Thanks" I tell him, desperately trying to purify my thoughts. I pull the heavy sweater over my head and remove my damp bra. I switch my underwear for a pair of his boxers, careful to keep the material of sweater pulled down, covering as much as possible in the process. This all takes place under his watchful stare. I notice that his lips are parted and his eyes are dilated far more than they should be.

"Coffee?" I ask him innocently, trying to change the subject yet again.

"Yeah, uh, let me, uh, I need to, I need to change." he stutters and grabs a pair of sweatpants before stalking away. I haven't had time to explore this house yet. I just watch him disappear down a long hallway. But I have to cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing at how flustered he just got.

When he reemerges his face is bright red and his dampened hair's strewn about.

Calum's POV:

She's going to kill me if she keeps this up. She knows what she's doing, too, she knows she's teasing me. At least I think she does.

"Okay, tea." I chuckle, starting toward the kitchen with Jackie close behind me.

"No, Coff - Oh my God." she murmurs when I flick the lights on.

"What?" I ask her, walking over to the kettle.

"This is gorgeous." she says, running her index finger across the granite kitchen bench.

"You're gorgeous." I smile at her.

"Well aren't you the smooth talker of the century?" she laughs and I watch the corners of her eyes crinkle slightly and her nose scrunch. It's times like this that I feel myself falling for her more and more.

"Here." I say a few minutes later, sliding a mug of black coffee and two sugar cubes over to her.

"How do you know I like two?" she asks, throwing the squares into the liquid.

"I pay attention." I shrug my shoulders and watch her smile slowly return.

"You, my dear, dear, Calum, make one damn good cup of coffee." she nods in approval with raised eyebrows after taking a sip.

"Actually, Folgers is responsible, not me." I laugh, and take a big gulp of my choice of steaming liquid that is tea.

I watch her eyes narrow at me as I swallow, "What?" I ask.

"You're weird." she squints further.

"So are you?" I question with a laugh.

"No, like, you're weird. And I love your weirdness. Does that make me weird? Or crazy?" she asks with a look of contemplation.

"Love makes even the most sane people go mad, babe." I tell her seriously.

"Yeah," she whispers, breaking her gaze from me and staring into her cup, "Yeah, it really does."

"Are you still cold?" I ask and she nods slightly in response, "Remind me why swimming seemed like a good idea, again?" I tease.

"Swimming's always a good idea." she challenges with a wink.

"Come warm me up." I grin and gesture toward the bedroom that's currently cluttered with half-unpacked boxes.

"I think I can do that." she laughs, following me with her coffee clutched in her left hand.

I fall onto the bed dramatically and watch her snuggle under the fluffy comforter, leaning back against the headboard, taking small sips of her coffee as her eyes burn into mine.

Jackie's the only girl I've ever shared a bed with on a continual basis without fucking.

But falling asleep and waking up next to her is infinitely more satisfying and meaningful than mindless fucking ever was and ever could or would be.

"I love you." she whispers.

"Ditto." I smile at her, moving under the covers.

"Only because you make kick ass coffee, though." she laughs.

"I'll happily make you coffee for the rest of my life." I say as she sets her empty mug on the bedside table and lays down, facing me. I put my hand on her hip and rub small circles with my thumb into the fabric of my jumper that she's wearing. She scoots closer to me, molding her body to mine as her hand tangles into my hair. I feel myself becoming less and less aware of my surroundings and more and more aware of how soothing her touch is. My consciousness is fading with each and every passing second.

I don't remember falling asleep but I wake with a start to a bright room and the doorbell ringing. Not once. Not twice. Repetitive, nonstop, back-to-back, incessant ringing that makes my ears burn.

I groan over to Jackie who's burying her face in a pillow. The simplest things that she does make me smile, like her unwillingness to part with slumber.

When I finally make it to the door and swing it open I expect a salesman, or the mailman, or some arsehole who doesn't know that a doorbell's only supposed to be rung once. But much to my surprise, Michael and Luke stand there, rocking on their heels impatiently.

A/N: Hey! Check out that gif on the side from their book photo shoot. Are you guys gonna buy it when it comes out? Leave it in the comments :) Apparently it's like 240 pages. I'm far more excited about it than I probably should be. So, yeah.

I know I always write this, but I can't convey it enough - thank you for reading!

The next chapter'll be up soon!

Vote and comment, please! It'd mean the world to me.