23. The Heart of Me

I focus on folding neat lines. Nice neat lines, so that the tunic's all look so perfect and sit ever so neatly in the chest of drawers. It takes me forever to fold up Legolas' clothes in this immaculate way, but it keeps me distracted. If something doesn't fit right, or has a slight crease I'll remove it and refold it until it is perfect. I know what I am doing. I know I am keeping my mind preoccupied and busy with ridiculous things. I know this is considered slightly manic and I understand why Oropher is worried, but I just need time. It was quite an ordeal that I went through but I'm okay and more importantly Legolas is fine. Well maybe not fine but - like me - he is recovering in his own way.

It has been just over a fortnight since I was reunited with him and we have not spent a single moment apart. The first four nights after I awoke were the hardest. Legolas would not sleep properly. He would scream relentlessly if either Thranduil or I left the room, even for a second, so we resolved to stay together. It was a novelty at first - with all three of us crammed on his small bed, but it soon became slightly ridiculous.

With Oropher still recovering from his injuries, Thranduil was supposed to be picking up the responsibilities in his absence. Obviously with all that had happened Thranduil was not for leaving us, but logic eventually had to prevail. So with much fretting from him and a lot of assurance from me, that Legolas and I would be fine; he took his father's place in the ruling of the Realm. However all the sleepless nights and days spent worrying had not been kind to him, so I insisted he return to his own quarters to get rest and focus on the task ahead of him. I could look after our son; I was more than well enough to do that at least.

So that has been the ebb and flow of our days. Legolas and I stay within the family quarters close to Oropher. As much as the King appears well, he often becomes quite fatigued and I worry over him. Though he is fiercely independent and will not allow anyone to help him, so he will not allow me to express any concerns that I may have whatsoever. Mostly he drifts in and out of the vast rooms of his home appearing very much at a loose end. He will insist Legolas and I eat with him, and he attempts pleasant conversation with me at these times. It is early days but we are really making progress.

He is fascinated with my tale and although he does not ask questions specifically about my world, he will ask me about my upbringing and the people I would consider kin. He never really reveals much about himself, but he often brings up Thranduil's mother. Never outwardly saying her name, because this seems to bring him pain, but he will refer to her quite a lot in the course of a day. I can tell he misses her and wants more than anything to be with her, but he still feels responsible to Thranduil and to Legolas, and now me. He openly admits his wife would have seen the potential in me straight away. He insists that if she were here she would have been appalled at his indifference towards me, and I know he is harboring a great deal of guilt which he shouldn't. We all do stupid things in the pursuit of protecting the ones we love, even the wisest of us. I tell him this often and he just chuckles in response and says no more on the subject. I am glad we are bonding though, it is good for everyone.

I very rarely see Thranduil but he does return periodically during the day. Often he appears aged and overwhelmed, but again he says nothing. He just deals with it and stubbornly keeps all anxieties locked away. For me he is only ever pleasant and composed, but I see the stress in his face and the concern in his eyes. I would love to be alone with him, even just for a few hours, we need to talk. He will not touch the subject of my past and the one and only time it was brought up, he told me it was no longer a concern of his. I think he believes that this is what I want. I think he feels that I want him to forget and pretend all the horrible stuff didn't happen, or maybe that is how he is coping...I'm never sure?

Truthfully I would love to forget about my gruelling moment of captivity and my brush with death, but it won't magically disappear. I don't want to talk about it in any detail but it would help if I could just be with him. I want to take comfort in him and I want him to help me forget, but I guess that won't happen any time soon. What with his extra duties and Legolas needing my full attention, it just isn't the time to want such selfish things. I have made my peace with that, this is the price of my position and I know we'll see each other soon, when everything calms down...I hope.

There is a slight tap on Legolas' chamber door that startles me from my precise folding. Legolas peeks up from his sprawled out position on the ground where he is currently building a much more elaborate version of Menegroth with his wooden blocks - using just a book illustration and his Grandfather's stories for his inspiration. I smile indulgently at him for at last I am beginning to see his character shine through. He has been so withdrawn and quiet the past few weeks that it is good to hear him babbling happily to himself.

"Nana someone is at the door?" he calls breezily and clambers to his feet, "I will get it!" I nod and return to my folding listening to him outwardly chant, "Please let it be Ada." I chuckle at his plea because the only reason he hopes it is his father is because Thranduil will often return with a treat, or toy of some sort. I guess it is his sort of apology for being absent. I have warned him he is spoiling him but in light of recent incidents, who can blame him. The door clicks and there is a brief moment of silence before I turn expectantly.

"Clara?" A sweet and entirely familiar voice asks and I drop the clothes I am diligently folding.

"Ollie!" I squeak and step towards her but it is only now that I register the hurt written all over her gentle face.

I feel instantly guilty I have not so much as alerted her to the fact I am home. I know Thranduil did whilst I was out of it for the first few days, but I just never got round to making contact with her. I can only guess by the look on her face that Aradan has filled her in on everything.

"Yes Clara, it is Ollie!" She snaps but then turns her attention to Legolas and throws her arms around him. He is quite happy to oblige and cuddles into her side. "You have got so big! Oh I have missed you," she croons and hugs him tightly.

"I missed you too Ollie!" He sings back and then turns to grin at me before lopping back to his toys. He has long since established that Ollie is my friend, and that whenever she is around the conversation is utterly boring to him. His building blocks are much more fascinating than any dull grown up chit chat. So he leaves Oliel and I to stare each other out in an awkward silence, until I eventually cannot take the uncomfortableness any longer;

"I...um...I've got a lot to tell you," I offer and give her a hopeful smile. She doesn't bite and crosses her arms tightly about her chest, pursing her lips in consideration.

"Evidently you do," she eventually answers and eyes me with a very unhappy look. "And I hope at some point in your tales you will be able to give me a good enough reason for neglecting to tell me you are home and still breathing!"

"I know, I'm so sorry," I throw my hands up in apology then hang my head guiltily. "I have no excuse it was terrible of me and I understand if you don't feel like talking to me for a while. However in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate."

"Yes I know," Ollie admits and glances behind me to look worryingly over Legolas. "How is he?"

"Good, better than good actually!" I chirp happy that she isn't about a second away from tearing my head off. "Last night was the first night he slept on his own and didn't ask for me. Which would have been brilliant, only I couldn't bring myself to leave him," I admit with a guilty shrug.

"That is a relief," she nods in agreement. "I worried over him, Nana has done nothing but pray for nights on end for both of you." She pauses for a moment then bites her lip before angrily whispering; "Clara how could you?"

I sigh and rub my forehead with my hand, I knew she knew! Aradan has told her about the incident in Imladris and now she is furious and hurt. I deserve this, I should never have been so deceitful. I muster my best apologetic look and begin to articulate my heartfelt plea in order to salvage our friendship;

"I should have said something months ago Oliel, I should have been honest with all of you. I just didn't know how to tell you, I mean it's not something that is believable." I am stopped by her hand raised about an inch from my face.

"Not that!" She hisses in her best angry quiet voice. "How could you be so reckless? Clara you could have...have...you know...I cannot even say it! What would I have done without you? What would we all have done? Thranduil? Clara he would have faded...we would have lost him again. You just cannot do those things; you are not that sort of elleth! You do not fight...you cannot put yourself in those situations...you just...Clara? Just look at you!"

"That is what you're angry about?" I question with a rather confused expression then try to take a quick glance of myself. There are a few fading bruises but all the cuts are well healed, maybe the one on my shoulder is still a little raw looking but nothing is that bad. Well at least not as bad as it was a week or so ago.

"Yes! No! I missed you," she sniffs and looks rather forlornly around the room. "I was relieved and excited when they told me the King was returning. I had been on my own for weeks, do you realise that apart from my Naneth you are the only other female presence in my life? But then I hear not only is the King injured, but that you had been taken captive and -" Oliie pauses and glances behind me to regard Legolas before taking a settling breath. "Clara I thought I had lost you, and I couldn't get to you...and...and then I find out you are awake but still quarantined in the King's quarters. I had to come looking for you, oh Clara I thought I was going to find something horrific? Yet here you are! Folding laundry!"

She starts to sob quietly and works quite hard to compose herself. I feel like the worst creature in existence right now. I guess I never really seen the time flitter by, I was just so absorbed in my family and being a good mother. I have no words; I just open and close my mouth like a sad little fish. Ollie sucks in a sharp breath and levels me with a cool look;

"You are not a heroine Clara! You are a silly little elleth that cannot even tie up her own boots without my help!" She says the statement with such serious and passive aggressive energy that I hang my head and nod in defeated acceptance.

"I know," I mumble sadly then chance a peek up at her, "I promise I won't ever act in such an irresponsible way again."

"No you will not!" She shrieks and darts across the room until she collides into me with such force that the two of us topple to the ground. "Clara you are so stupid, and headstrong, and I could kill you!" She howls in my ears and crushes me in an embrace that might smother me.

"I'm sorry!" I sniffle slightly and cling to her, realising that I have really missed her. There was for a brief moment there that I thought I might just lose her, that she might not forgive me. I have never been so happy to be wrong in my whole existence. If I lost Ollie I don't think I could function, she is right, I would have to run around barefoot for life.

"No I am sorry," She sobs back and plants a kiss on my cheek, "I should not have shouted at you. I was just so cross and so relieved all at once. Oh Clara I don't know whether to hit you or hug you!"

"I vote hug!" I cry and tighten my grip on her which makes her laugh breathlessly. "You had every right to shout. I have been a recluse for far too long."

I hear Legolas' gleeful applause as he comes to join in on the impromptu dog pile. Ollie grabs him by the torso and pulls him into the huddle and persists in clinging to the both of us. I let out peals of delighted laughter as both of them crush me with their enthusiastic hugging, and I try on several occasions to remind them I am not a pillow contrary to all my soft pudgy bits. Apparently my belly is the best place to flop down on, and Legolas finds it quite amusing to do so. We eventually compose ourselves and I sit with Legolas stretched out over my lap whilst Ollie sits beside me, flitting between angry scowls and happy teary smiles.

"Let's get out of here," Ollie eventually mutters and grins at Legolas who sits up straight with an excitable look in his eyes. "No more reclusive behaviour."

"Please Nana?" He queries hopefully and looks expectantly at both of us. I bite my lip and divert my gaze because if I was being truthful I don't feel like facing people just yet. Ollie knows this and she quite forcefully pushes the subject, and by forcefully I mean she trails me off the ground and shoves me out the door. I suppose I deserved that.

xXx

The healing gardens are quiet and comforting, a good place for me to start reintegrating back into society. Ollie and I sit by the beautiful fountain structures happily chattering to one another about my extraordinary tale. Legolas is running around burning up some pent up energy and conversing with any other elves he finds strolling about the vast space. It pleases me that they come here - my people that is - that they enjoy the healing properties of this place. Sitting here makes me want to get back to work as soon as possible; I can already make out areas that need attention. Plus autumn is coming soon and there will be much to harvest.

"So let me just process this for a moment," Ollie states quite dramatically as she holds her hands above her head and waves them around. "You did not know elves existed until fairly recently?"

"Ollie? Are you serious?" I sigh and shake my head from my cross legged position on the soft grass. "I tell you that I was a mortal woman from another world and all you heard was that?"

"Did you try looking for us?" She asks almost with a baffled expression. "We are, as a race, quite reclusive."

"Ollie!" I snap and face palm myself, she really does seem to take everything in her stride. Yet the only thing about my whole bizarre tale that she finds entirely unbelievable; is that there are no elves, or dwarves, or other interesting creatures in the world I used to be from. "I am very sure there were no elves."

"What a very sad world you must have been born into," she muses quietly and shakes her head. "I cannot wait to tell Nana, she will find this fascinating!"

"Can we try and keep this sort of information between families," I plead and give her a warning look which she nods vigorously towards in agreement.

"You need to come home with me someday soon, Nana is desperate to see you." Ollie states quite resolutely and it is my turn to nod in agreement. "Oh Clara how confused you must have been waking up as something you were not? I wish I had of known sooner, I could have helped more instead of just thinking you were slightly eccentric." She stretches towards me and grasps my hands tightly with her own giving me such an sympathetic look that I stifle a sad laugh. I am so glad we have mended things. As much as I love Thranduil and the family he has given me, I need Oliel and Gilron. Without them I would go crazy.

"Nana! Nana! Look," Legolas bounces into view with a deliriously happy look on his face whilst he gestures wildly behind him at the two approaching ellyn. "It is Ada, I found him!" He confirms with a smug little nod.

Both Ollie and I jump to our feet and I quickly attempt to make myself look presentable. Sitting barefoot by the fountain in the gardens for a few hours does tend to leave you covered in grassy debris. The glittering colours of sunset are casting wonderful glows throughout the caves and I absently wonder what has brought Thranduil this far. Legolas skips back in the direction he flitted from just in time to scramble into his father's waiting arms. I smile fondly as they greet each other warmly but I do note that Raffyn walks with Thranduil, and they do look as if they have been bickering.

"Lady Clara!" Raffyn smiles warmly and in something very unexpected he strides towards me and gives me a sort of light hug, "It is wonderful to see you up and about. The whole Kingdom is celebrating your bravery my dear."

"Oh well I wouldn't really call it bravery," I add softly and blush. "I was only doing what anyone would have done in similar circumstances."

"Nonsense we owe you a great debt," he brushes off my comment and again gives me a very warm smile, almost awestruck, it sort of makes me uncomfortable. Raffyn has always been so cool and indifferent I barely see him show any sort of emotion. I am not stupid though I have received a lot of bows and curtsies on my walkabout today. It is like suddenly I am recognised and not just for being the odd elleth that the Prince is besotted with. It is like I am suddenly respected, or revered, or something out of the ordinary.

"It was recklessness," Thranduil interjects as he sets Legolas down so he can scurry back to me. I flinch at the comment and drop my gaze; I sense he is still sore about everything but I guess we won't know if he never clears the air with me. Raffyn clears his throat and bobs his head returning to his cool composed state.

"Will you be dining at home tonight my lord or will I have the servants bring something to you?" Oliel asks rather formally but in a bright enough tone. Saving us all from the unspoken tension between Thranduil and I.

"Send something ov-"

"His highness will be home tonight," Raffyn pipes up and cuts Thranduil off quite briskly earning him an icy look, but he ignores it. "The King insists you rest my lord and so you shall."

"Fine," Thranduil mutters and shrugs, but I sense him tensing at the very insinuation at being told what to do. "But I shall be home late, have the servants leave me something Oliel and you can tell my Adar I will rest if he does."

"Yes my lord," she replies with a slight smirk.

"It will be good to see you," I murmur quietly and this instantly softens his features. "It is awfully quiet without you." Thranduil responds to my statement with a brief smile and in a very familiar move takes my hand in his and kisses the palm. The action causing a shiver to run down my spine, oh how much it hurts to be apart from him.

"I know," is his sad reply and he sighs when Raffyn begins trilling on about the agenda for the next council meeting. He ruffles Legolas hair and says his farewells before trailing behind the King's trusted advisor. Obviously they decided to have their consultations in my gardens, well that is nice and at least it is being used. I longingly watch him disappear from my view and it takes a moment before I realise Ollie is staring at me.

"Clara?" she gains my attention with a sharp tone and raises an eyebrow; "Tell me you two have had some time alone together since the incident?"

"We haven't had that luxury," I reply too quickly. "Besides I don't think he has quite forgiven me for lying to him, and then getting myself captured."

"Do not be absurd!" She cries and I startle slightly at her tone. She sighs and gives me a baffled look. "He adores you and I bet he forgave you the moment you told him, only his pride got in the way. That is beside the point though."

"What point?" I mutter and frown at her.

"You need a few hours together," Ollie rolls her eyes in exasperation and chuckles at my bemused expression. "After everything the two of you have been through you need time to talk. Or maybe less talking and more reconnecting if you follow me?"

"Ollie! Little ears!" I snap and point to Legolas who is thankfully too absorbed in making ripples in the fountain water. "That was slightly inappropriate."

"That was inappropriate?" She scoffs and eyes me with complete disbelief. "What was inappropriate was the uncomfortable level of tension between the two of you."

"But he wants space and he needs the space to concentrate on his duties," I defend and give her a pained look.

"He does not want space Clara, he wants you!" She chuckles and I feel myself becoming a little hot under the collar with that statement. "Stop this farce and all this skirting around the edges. The two of you need to get over yourselves and fix this."

"But I have Legolas and Oropher is still recovering, we don't have any time to spare," I add diplomatically and am suddenly met with a very loud and exasperated sigh. "What? Besides I don't know how to fix it if he won't talk to me."

"Stop making excuses Clara!" She mutters and rolls her eyes. "He is only doing what he thinks you want. You have not engaged with anyone since you returned -,bar Legolas - he probably wants to talk and you have just pushed him out. Admit it Clara you are just as much to blame for bottling things up as he is? I know it is all with good intent but you do not want to repeat the same mistakes do you?"

"No I guess not," I reply with a slight pout. I completely understand what she is saying and in the next heartbeat realise I am feeling slightly awkward about being alone with Thranduil. So much has happened in such a short space of time, and I guess things have changed. I have changed, but I still want him and I have stupidly not assured him of this. Instead I shooed him away and pretended I was fine, no wonder he is frustrated! Oh Ollie is right - I need to fix this.

"So I will look after Legolas tonight and you can have some well-deserved quiet time with Thranduil," she adds after my few moments of silent contemplation. I open my mouth to protest, because he needs me I can't leave him and she silences me with a look. "He will be fine for one night; it is you that needs to stop worrying!"

Well I can't really argue with her there, but I do try. She will have none of it though and even confirms with Legolas that he consents to my absence for the night. This is mostly because Oliel entices him with promises of treats and stories so naturally I have just become boring old Nana. Reluctantly I begin to accept the fact it is I who suffers from separation anxiety and not my son.

xXx

"If he cries you will come and get me?" I say one last time as I watch the slumbering form of Legolas with an anxious expression.

"He will not cry Clara, he will be fine, and I will be with him all night!" Ollie insists and shoves me out the door quite forcefully. It is already late and I insisted I stayed until he went to sleep. Ollie grins at my indecision and prods me again, "Now go surprise your lover, and do whatever it is you do that makes him more reasonable."

I scowl at her which only makes her titter with glee at my embarrassment, she really is not making this any easier. She shakes her head and envelopes me in a warm embrace, and I happily return the warmth. I am so happy to have her here she is most definitely my reason and my logic. With one last settling breath I nod and we say our goodbyes.

I know Legolas will be fine and he absolutely adores Oliel - in his words, 'she makes everything fun.' Still this is the first I have left him and I cannot help my indecision. It is also the first time I have attempted to just call in on my betrothed since our fight. Even though I know that is something that is in the past, I still feel a tad awkward about it. Like we are starting over from scratch, only this time with sour memories, we really need to wash away the bad memories. Only I am not just so sure how I can do that?

I quietly tiptoe the distance to Thranduil's chambers - silently hoping he will not be in too foul of a form. I don't get any reply when I tap the door a few times so I muster my courage and let myself in.

The living space is slightly dishevelled with books and scrolls scattered around the place, a few empty wine bottles loiter around too, and I spy a half-eaten plate of food. Clearly his mind is on other things, he tends to get scattered brained and messy when he is stressed. So I follow the trail of discarded robes, books, socks, and other personal belongings. I absently wonder if he is having a bath, in which case this is incredibly poor timing. Thankfully he doesn't seem to be taking advantage of the water formations within his own chambers. Instead I catch the glow of light from what I assumed was his private study or library. I softly tap on the door and when I receive no answer I timidly push inside.

This space is gorgeous, light, airy, decorated with rich cherry wood furniture, and thick woven rugs. It is a sort of library come relaxing space. At the far end of the room the rock walls have been chiseled away to create sky light openings. From these one can see the breath-taking night sky, with all its twinkling diamond like stars casting an ethereal glow about the room. I am slightly disgruntled that I have not been in this room before, but then again, I was never curious enough to explore.

Thranduil is stretched out on a mat on the ground, his back resting against a settee with his head tilted back as he watches the shifting night sky above him. His features are contemplative and almost lonely looking and I consider speaking to draw his attention. But, he blinks and sits up straighter turning to regard me with a surprised look.

I don't think I have ever seen him dressed so plainly, in a light and loose tunic, and his dark leggings which have crept up his muscular calves. His platinum hair, almost white in the pale light, is scraped back from his face, and he is barefoot. I cannot help my soft chuckle because it is not often I see him look so ordinary, but it is nice to see him that way. After his ongoing performances in Imladris and now his new acting up stint, I am sure ordinary is exactly what he craves right now.

"Hi," I greet softly and lean on one of the pillar structures that support this room. Thranduil fluidly comes to his feet and continues to stare at me in slight shock; obviously he was not expecting me. "I was feeling lonely," I confirm in a lighter tone hoping to get a reaction.

"Oh, but I thought Oliel was staying the night?" he asks quietly and takes a few tentative steps towards me.

"I will rephrase that...I've missed you," I say more forcefully and level him with a meaningful look. "You know we can't keep avoiding what happened Thranduil, we need to talk." He sighs in response and nods slowly in agreement, so I take that as my cue to talk. "I know you are hurting and I am so sorry for pretending everything was fine and pushing you out. I just didn't want you to worry."

"You didn't want me to worry," He repeats and gives a hard laugh as he shakes his head. "You practically died in my arms Clara! Then spent the following days drifting in and out of consciousness, how was I not supposed to worry?" His eyes light with a fearful anger, but I realise it is not directed at me this time, but inwards and I feel my stomach twist in response.

"It is destroying me Clara," Thranduil speaks hoarsely as his eyes sweep my frame, and he turns away from me; "I keep looking at you and thinking what did they do to you? If I had of been quicker I could have stopped this, I could have protected you and all this could have been avoided. You keep insisting you are fine but your eyes...they say something different...and I do not know what else to do!"

I cannot help my next actions as I rush to his side and grasp his wrists in my hands, pulling them away from his face. There are angry tears forming in his eyes but he just clenches his jaw and looks away. "I am fine Thranduil, I promise you that. Yes I am a little shaken up but it was just cuts and bruises, all because you were quick enough. These things heal in time and soon it will just be a faraway memory. I just keep reminding myself that I am here with you, and Legolas is safe, and that is all that matters." I attempt to assure him with hushed words and pleading looks. It was never my intention to make him believe he was at fault. There is a heartbeat of silence that worries me, but eventually he looks at me with forgiving eyes.

"Oh, we are a pair," he groans and gently frees himself from my grip so he can place his hands either side of my face. "Never do that to me again," he states quite firmly and presses his forehead against mine and I nod once. "If I lost you I would not survive the heartbreak."

"I am not going anywhere," I promise and I wrap my arms around his neck as he pulls me into him. I feel a strained sob escape my lips at the relief of being back in his arms again. "I have missed you so much. I thought for sure I had lost you in Imladris...I worried you would struggle to forgive me."

"All that paled into insignificance at the thought of being parted from you," Thranduil murmurs in an equally emotive tone as he rests his head on top of mine. He breathes in deeply and sighs in relief, and in a longing voice adds, "I have missed this."

We stay like this for a long time, just enjoying the closeness and the relief of now knowing what to say or do to start mending things. It all seems rather ridiculous now that we didn't broach the subject earlier, it would have saved a lot of confusion. Eventually though, Thranduil pulls away from me and lets his hands rest on my shoulders.

"You should get some rest," he tells me softly with worried eyes. "You could not possibly be sleeping well at night."

"Well I do have some annoying flashbacks but I never sleep well," I try and attempt a chuckle but he frowns at me so I stop. "If I am being truthful I don't like being alone, and I don't really fancy the thought of returning to my own bed."

"Stay here with me," He replies and I don't understand why my heart starts hammering quite suddenly in my chest.

"Sure, I would like that," I reply in a shrill voice and swallow reflexively in an attempt to fix my suddenly dry mouth. "Well...I will go make myself at home then," I chuckle and Thranduil nods with a small smile.

I turn away from him but feel his fingers trail down my arm and brush my hand as I go to walk away. I don't know why this action sends a spark racing over my skin? I try to reason that it is all in my head and I am just making mountains out of molehills. Yet when I snap my head back to look at him, his gaze has drifted to my hand, were he has entwined our fingers. His unreadable eyes flit back to mine and I inhale sharply as I perceive their unfathomable shade. I am so captured by him that I don't even flinch when he steps right into my space and presses his lips to mine.

This kiss is soft and fluttery and I automatically yearn for more. He pulls back for a moment, his eyes filled with unspoken questions watching mine dance with promise. In this moment I realise I need him, because I cannot go one more day apart from him. I want him, all of him; his spirit, his mind and...his...his body. I want to be bonded to him in every way I can be so that there will be no more doubt. I will be his and he will be mine.

Thranduil clasps my face in his long strong hand. I sigh at the warmth and sureness of his touch, and slowly find my own hands gripping the fabric of his loose tunic pulling him closer to me. I automatically feel that spark between us, that tension that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind every time he touches me. I tilt my face towards his and he leans into me, his eyes still screaming with questions and his breathing hitches ever so slightly. The walls are down, and he is suddenly just a little unsure of himself.

"Clara?" he questions me, suddenly realising my intent as I slide my hand under his tunic to feel the hard smoothness of his abdomen.

"This is killing me," I murmur as I stretch up and let my lips brush his. "To be apart from you any longer than is necessary is just not worth it." For a brief second he just stares at me and I cannot read his expression, but then I see it. The smile that plays on his lips and the needful look in his eyes, it just steals my breath away for I see the desire in him and I echo it.

With a firm push he presses me against the wall and forces my lips apart with his own. I don't think he has ever kissed me so deeply or so possessively before. I let out a weak gasp as he presses himself flush against me, his hands sliding down my curves, examining them more carefully. I lose my hands in his long hair and forcefully kiss him back as we fight for dominance.

Oh how I have missed this...how I have missed him!

He pulls away for a moment and I follow, unwilling to end the kiss but his hypnotic azure gaze captures me and I am suddenly rendered immobile. He lets his hands slide further down my body, the sensation causing an eruption of millions of excitable butterflies in my gut. I watch him carefully, as his penetrating eyes sweep my whole figure and then shudder when he lets out a painfully seductive sigh. He catches my mouth in his again and I am momentarily preoccupied by the feel of his body curved suggestively around mine.

As he kisses me frantically, his hand trails down my arm and gently he draws it away. Instead he pins it against the wall behind us and entwines his fingers with mine. Whilst his other sweeps around to the small of my back to draw me closer. I am sort of stunned for a moment - because I am suddenly quite nervous? Somehow I know that if I go any further, then it will change everything...and that is a sobering thought.

Thranduil halts his deep and lavish kisses for a moment, gathering my uncertainty; he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. I bite my lip and peek up at him feeling my cheeks heat up.

"You are so beautiful," he murmurs and taps my nose with his; giving me a playful smile and I blush even deeper. "You feel incredible," he continues with an appreciative sigh and lets his eyes roll back in his head a little, before trailing his fingers lightly down my collarbone to make his point. "Clara?" he asks breathlessly and I nod in response to his aching voice, "I want you...but I will not force you if you are not ready."

I hear the need in his voice and I am instantly shaken out of my stupor, and so I crush my lips against his. That husky voice of his sends the jolt of desire through me and all previous worries have just flittered out the window along with my sanity.

"I know!" I pant and eagerly press a string of kisses down his jaw. "I know...I don't know what I was thinking...I just...I froze, like I usually do! No I want this! As Eru is my witness I give myself to you Thranduil," I breathlessly promise between kisses and I hear his nervous laughter as he starts to hungrily make his way down my jaw. I lock my arms around his neck and press him closer to me, wanting more of him...all of him. I am ready now, I understand the meaning behind this act now more than ever. I am willing to be bonded with him for eternity, until the ending of time, if Iluvator wills it.

"Then," Thranduil murmurs, the emotion evident in his voice as he picks me up and kisses me deeply; "In the sight of Eru, I am bound to you Clara...for as long as live I am only yours."

As if reading my thoughts he half carries, half staggers us through the hallway towards his bedchamber. I faintly recall bookshelves clattering to the ground, and all sorts of unimportant objects being rudely scattered in all directions in our attempt to hold onto each other. There is one mercifully loud crash and something smashes into smithereens. We stop mid scramble slightly disorientated by the sound, and I am sure we are a sight to behold. All entwined limbs and tangled bodies. I peer over Thranduil's shoulder to regard the remains of a very ornate looking vase that is now a casualty of pent up frustration.

"That wasn't expensive was it?" I cringe because I am pretty sure it was probably me that knocked it over. For an elf I am still pretty clumsy. Thranduil, in between shuddering breaths, glances at the sadly deceased ornament and shrugs before turning his attention back to my neck;

"Something from Doriath...I never liked it," he mutters and kisses me on the spot on my neck which drives me wild.

"That sounds important," I try and whimper out as we crash through the door of his bedchamber.

"Clara?" he moans out loud as I nuzzle into his sensitive ear.

"What?" I giggle and run my hands through his hair, clawing it back from his face so I can see him better. "I really am sorry, I will fix-"

"Clara! Stop talking!" He begs of me and I nod against the feverish kiss he plants on my lips in his attempt to silence me.

The soft mattress gives way beneath us, and I am drawn into my Prince's strong embrace. I can feel and see the strength and power slowly return to his wounded body. He is incredible and he is mine! I get to touch this and wonder over his insanely masculine form. I swear I have never been so attracted to another in my whole life! This is what they mean when they talk about magnetism. I have never wanted someone so much, every touch and sound seems to be exaggerated. My senses are running riot and I couldn't control them even if I wanted too. I am completely ablaze...does he not realise what he is doing to me?

Thranduil sits back for a moment to observe me, his eyes soft and full of that adoration that leaves me breathless. I sense a change between us; our excitable exploration is being replaced with something much stronger and deeper. I can feel a connection begin that is not something I remember from being a human. I understand now how the physical joining of an elven couple encourages the much more powerful spiritual bonding. I feel my heart flutter at the realisation that I am about to become his mate, and I sense the same want within him. It is quite a profound moment and my heart aches in my chest with the weight of my emotions. How did I ever deserve such love?

"I love you," Thranduil whispers huskily, and in a serious voice adds; "Guren min gaim lín." My answering smile is obviously what he was waiting for as he presses his hand to my cheek, and I feel his heart under my touch, as it beats in time with mine.

He leans into my welcoming embrace once more, and with a kiss that holds no regrets, we let our spirits collide and become as one...as we were always fated to be...of that I have no doubt.

xXx

For the longest time - in the aftermath of our union - I just lie underneath him, feeling his heart thud in time with mine. Our fingers still tightly entwined...just like our spirits.  I know for sure there is a ridiculously wide grin plastered across my face. My breathing is still fluttery, and I am all kinds of exhausted. But I am just so deliriously happy that the caves could fall down around us and I wouldn't even notice.

I couldn't care less that I am flushed the brightest red and that my hair is a damp tangled mess. The only thing I care about is this incredible ellon resting against me. We are so profoundly connected now that I sense his fae within mine and vice versa.

It is a mind boggling and a very new sensation for me, it has sort of rendered me undone. All I can focus on is the intense joy and love that is flowing between us in our infinitely long moment together. Together...I like this thought...yes we are bound so completely together that it feels like we have always known each other.

Thranduil eventually sighs and the sound brings with it a deluge of memories that makes me shiver in response. He shifts his weight so he can prop himself up on his elbows to meet my gaze. The look in his eyes and the smile that lights up his whole face literally makes me gasp. Sometimes I forget exactly what he has been through, and that those eyes were not always so gloriously luminous but shadowed and broken. I remember a time not so long ago when he could not form a smile on his marred lips, but now he could light up an entire room with even the faintest of grins. He really does captivate me, and in response to this I twine my fingers through his tangled hair pulling him down to me so I can steal a kiss.

"I love you," I whisper as his forehead rests against mine, and I grin in response to his deliriously infectious smiling.

"I know," he replies in a gravelly voice that continues to send jolts of desire through me. "I can feel it." With this said he presses his hand to my cheek and continues to stare deeply into my eyes. But he is not seeing me he is searching out my fae with his.

Thranduil places tender kisses to my mouth, to my nose, and to my cheeks, then returns to resting his forehead on mine. "Do you know now how much I need you, how much I love you?" he murmurs and I nod gently in agreement, because I can sense it. This incredible deep bond that solidifies us and completes us. No longer are we separate halves of a whole trying to guess each other. There is no more doubt and I have never been so in love in my strange remade life.

After some time of quiet appreciation of his words - because it is impossible for me to answer straight away - I begin to giggle.  Mostly because Thranduil still insists on peppering me in kisses, or tracing ticklish patterns on my skin. However the absolute joy of the moment just makes me giddier than a lovestruck youth...what will everyone think?

"Well this little rendezvous was wholly unexpected," I eventually gasp out between kisses and snigger quietly at thought of Ollie's face when I try to explain this one to her. This is probably not what she had in mind when she talked about, 'reconnecting.'

"Do not play coy my love," Thranduil shakes his head in response trying very hard to keep the amusement from his eyes. "Your intent was to seduce me."

"Mmmm because you are so innocent," I remind him with a pointed look.

"I never said I was," he adds with a husky laugh and captures my lips with his for one searing kiss, just to make his point. When he pulls away he wraps his arms tighter around me, and drawing me into his flame hot embrace.

This effectively ends anymore conversation between us, and picking up straight were we left off. With absolutely no regrets.

***********************************A/N: Why can't human marriages be like this? Elves are so much better!

Thank you to everyone commenting and voting and adding this story to your libraries...it truly is a blessing and it means so much. Please enjoy this double update.

Elvish translation:Guren min gaim lín - My heart is in your hands.This inspired the companion book "To Live Again: In Her Hands" which is just a series of short chapters from Thranduil's perspective.

Song - The Piano Guys ~ 'Arwen's Vigil' I heard this amazing original piece a little while ago and being the whimsical music geek that I am - I likened the ebb and flow of the music to the bond between an Elven couple. I particularly love listening to deep throaty string music when writing Thranduil or other similar elf characters.

Trivia: I know there is a lot of "debate" around elven marriage, but textually Tolkien does state that it is the joining of the pair with the spoken acknowledgement of Eru to witness their love, that is all that is required. Usually this is done in times when the pair cannot wait or bear to be apart - for various reasons. Also Thranduil is a sub group of Sindar elves that melded with the Silvan - culturally - it is assumed that they don't follow LACE (laws & customs of the Eldar) because that is a Noldor tradition.  But, as I've said, I find the more Ive studied Thranduil and his people, the more I liken them to tribal, almost Celtic/Norse in behaviour, type people. So I think Clara and Thranduil choosing to bind privately this way, is a reflection of the spirituality and the emphasis put on "soul mates" in Tolkien's literature with elves, and the slightly less 'civilised' culture.Phew long AN!