History repeating itself

"Welcome once again lady Idundottir" a deep familiar voice greets you.

It takes a second before your eyes adjust to the light. As soon as you see him, you give him a warm hug.

"Heimdall.. I've missed you" you say softly. "So what exactly seems to be the problem?" You ask.

Everything seemed normal, like it used to be.

"Why don't you have a look outside" heimdall gestures.

You turn around, looking out over your home. And then you see it, and yes it wasn't war and destruction you were looking at.. it was much worse. A ginormous bronze statue in the middle of the city..

You roll your eyes, as you look back at Loki. He tries desperately to hide his smile.

"This is a joke right?" You huff.

"Oh no it very real.." Loki chuckles satisfied.

"You build a statue of yourself?" You ask.

"No.. of course I didn't build it. I'm not a savage" Loki scoffs. "Asgard build it for me"

You turn to look at Heimdall. He shakes his head.

"Why?" You ask, crossing your arms.

"Loki here even blindsided me for a while.. it wasn't until Thor came back a few weeks ago , we realized he in fact was disguising himself as Odin.. ruling Asgard, bringing the people to their knees for him" Heimdall explains.

"You kept that up for a whole year?"

"You already knew my lady?" Thor asks.

"You didn't?" You ask shocked. "Loki posed as your father in front of me.. when he took me back home he promised he would make things right" you explain. "But of course... it was just another one of you devious lies"

"Y/n-"

"Just stop Loki.. I've heard enough of your broken promises.." you hiss.

Loki looks down, taking a step back.

"So what exactly do you need me to do here?" You ask. Crossing your arms.

"I need you to track down my father" Thor says nervously.

"No" you say quickly, without thinking about it. "Not happening"

"Please.. we need you. Asgard needs you" Thor says softly. Placing his gentle hand on your upper arm.

"How would I even do that.." you sigh. "Why doesn't he know?" You ask, glaring over at Loki.

"I just don't okay" Loki says.

"Right.. more lies?" You spit.

Loki shrugs, as he shakes his head. "I'm not"

"Y/n you're the only remaining wielder of Seiðr in Asgard" Thor explains. "I already lost my mother.. I cannot loose my father too" Thor adds.

"I don't use magic anymore Thor.. I don't understand it, and I don't want to understand it" you admit.

"I told you" Loki mumbles.

"What was that?" You hiss, turning around facing him.

"Nothing" he smiles.

"What did you say!" You say more firmly.

"I already told Thor you were of no help.. you're to scared to learn the truth about yourself.. that it might give you a reason to stay.."

You walk up to him, looking up at his eyes.. god you wish you were taller than him right now.. the way he looks down at you, doesn't help the situation.

"You listen to me laufesyon.. you don't get to tell me who i am. You don't get to say anything about me anymore. I am tired of your manipulations. You're just scared I'll finally know my worth" you say intensely, not breaking eye contact. "I'll help" you say as you turn your head towards Thor. "On one condition"

"Whatever you want" Thor says desperately.

"Loki is out of the picture.. it's just going to be us three." You say demandingly. "I don't want him around"

"What?" Loki asks shocked.

"He's out and I'm in"

"Whatever you need y/n" Thor says sadly, as he looks over at his brother. "Heimdall will you escort my brother to his quarters"

"You have to be kidding me.. You'll regret this"Loki growls as Heimdall takes him away.

"Was that really necessary my lady?" Thor asks quietly.

"No.. probably not. But I don't trust him anymore" you admit. "I want to Thor.. you know I do."

"Of course.. let's go to the library shall we?" Thor asks trying to cheer up the mood.

You wrap your arms around his waist, as he wields Mjolnir flying through the city.

The two of you begin a long search through the library of any books that might be of use to help you regain control over your powers. You've been reading for hours on end. Your mind is overflowing with information that you have no clue how to actually use. The only two women who could have helped you are long gone..

You wander off in the library, in search of more books. You stop, feeling your heart sink.. this was your spot. It was a small window, with a marble window still. You would sneak out on the middle of the night, sit here together, watching as the stars lit up the night sky. Looking for shootings stars, wishing to always stay this way.. Loki would stroke your hair as he read poetry to you... When your mother grew suspicious, he would hide the books in the small vent beside the window.

You slide the vent door to the side, reaching in your hand.. you didn't really know why. But to your surprise there was a book inside it. You slowly pulled it out.

You took a deep breath in. You recognized the book immediately, you could never forget it. It was once a book where Loki would write small pieces of poetry. He never filled it more than a few pages .. but the book you were holding today, was filled up with poems. It was once a black covered book. Yet now it was painted with green emerald letters.. and your name was plastered onto it.

You crawled up onto the window still, slowly looking through the pages. Some of them were fairly new.. only a couple of years old.. and the oldest dates back hundredths of years. And they all led back to one thing.. you.

I have never seen one like her.I look at her and the whole world goes silent.Cause I know in my heart.She sees me the same.

2nd may 1583

The beauty of young loveIs the truth in our heartsThat this will last forever.

30th October 1762

My darling when I think of youI find it hard to believe That the whole universe had not conspiredTo bring you to life.Your love to life.I cannot think of a more beautiful reason to exist.Than to revolve around you.

March 23rd 1879

You turned the pages over. Your eyes started to water.. this wasn't just some silly poems he had written as a child. They were from right before the accident.. and right after.

From the moment I saw her.I knew this oneWould Be Worth TheBrokenHeart

February 18th 1920

Your love could be labeled poison and I would drink it gladly, just for another taste of your lips.

August 16th 1938

You're gone. You're gone.You're gone.Where you ever really mine?

March 12th 1940

You showed me colors I now can't see.You taught me a language I now can't speak.So I'm a blind, mute man. Madly In love with a memory.

June 5th 1957

It took me decades to realize where I am happiest.It's not at the parties.Not with my family.Not on a throne.Not as a ruler.Not as a king.

But with you. Sitting in the window still reading you poems till you fall asleep in my arms. Roaming through the gardens on a summers day.Kissing in the rain out on the balcony feeling as the world around me seizes to exist.

Wherever I go I see a glimpse of you.For now and forever I will cherish these memories.Of a life where I was yours.And you were mine.My home.

April 22nd 2014

Your heart skips a beat, as you run your fingers over the ink. This was written right after he returned home, after his visit. Why did he have to make it so damn difficult to hate him.

"My lady?"

You quickly close the book, wiping away a tear that's rolling down your cheek. As you look up.

"Have you been crying?" Thor asks rushing to your side.

"It's nothing.. just a lot of memories" you smile. Holding onto the book for deal life.

"Did you find anything?" Thor asks, resting against the wall

"About what?"

"About Seiðr?"

"Oh no" you say shaking your head.

"Then what are you reading?" He asks, looking down at the book you're holding tightly in your hands.

"It's nothing.. just a stupid old book.."

"Alright then.. I'll keep looking"

"Do you mind if I go back to my room for the night.. I've had a long day?"

"Not at all.. do you need me to walk you back to your room?"

"It's okay.. I can manage. Thank you Thor" you smile as you place a kiss on his cheek.

You walk right past you room, walking down the dark corridor. Knocking aggressively on the door.

"What now?" Lokis hisses, as he opens the door.

His expression softens as he sees you standing on the other side.

"Y/n?"

"What the hell is this?" You yell. As You take out the book pushing it onto his chest.

Loki grabs the book. "Where did you get this he asks surprised.

"Where do you think" you say softly..

"You remembered" he smiles.

"Of course I remember.." you exhale deeply, as your body relaxes. "Why?" Is all you manage to ask.

"Because it's the truth.." Loki says.

"What do you know about truth!" You hiss.

"Just stop y/n.. when are you going to stop being so infuriated with me?" He asks sadly.

"I haven't decided yet" you admit. "Can I just come in?" You asks, trying to stay strong.

Loki open the door wider, stepping aside. Before closing it behind you. He rests his tires frame against the door, watching you walk around in circles, yelling at him.

"We're always on and off.. I can't do that anymore Loki.. It's like I can't breathe without you..I don't know what to do anymore.." you yell angrily.. but you're not angry with him.. you're just hurt.. you yell and scream, Until you sit down on the bed, resting your head in your hands. "All I see when I look at you is a scared little boy... Loki you're the type of person who should come with a warning sign.. you're gonna pull me apart again..leave me to piece together the pieces that you broke. And when I see you it all gets put back together... cause when I look at you I feel like a child again" you sigh.

"It's my turn now then?" He asks nervously.

"Go ahead" you mumble into the palm of your hands.

"I love you" Loki says. It was as simple as that. "I've loved you since we were kids. And I will continue to love you till I take my last breath"

You look up from the ground. You didn't even notice he sat down beside you.

"I don't want to love you y/n.. I really don't. But I cannot stop" Loki admits sadly. "You think it's easy for me to see you with them.. knowing what you've shared with them.. it burns me"

"You think I want to love you?" You ask quietly. "I've spent half a decade trying to unlove you"

"Has it worked?" He asks sadly.

"Do you truly think I'd be sitting here like a teenage girl with a thousand butterflies in my stomach if it had?"

"But is it worth it?... loving me?" Loki asks.

"I don't know.." you whimper..

"You are worth it to me.. worth all the trouble, all the pain. You are worth walking through years of hell don't you see that?"

You look up at him, with teary eyes.

"No.." you admit. "I don't believe in love anymore.. all it leads to is pain everlasting" you sigh turning your head away once more.

Loki cups your face, forcing you to look at him as he speaks. "I love you y/n.. not only for what you are. But for what I am when I am around you.. when I am weak.. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you make of me.. I love you for the parts of me you bring out.. like the sun lighting up even the darkest shadows"

"Lo-"

"Don't.." he says firmly.. "I know"

"No you don't" you whisper. "You don't know everything"

You grab his hand, holding onto it.

"I don't want to wake up one day and regret not trying.. all because of some stupid pride. I need to do this, not only for myself, but for my heart. I need you to stop running away.. and I will stop as well... if you can't do that I need you to look me in the eyes and say you don't have these feelings.. that when you look at me you feel nothing. Tell me I've misread things. That you don't love me... "

"I- I can't.. you know i cant"

"Then fuck it" you say, as you pull him close, locking your lips, in a raw passionate moment. Of both love and resentment.

Loki slowly pulls away from you.

"So does this mean?"

"Don't ruin it by talking right now"

"You forgive me?"

"No... but I give you a chance to show me that I should.. that we could actually work beyond just writings on paper"