Chapter 5| Visit

Dazai's POV

My shoes brushed off the streets as I walked. My eyes were lit and my lips curved into a smile. To be honest, I'm not even walking, more like skipping happily through the streets while ignoring the people's confused stare.

With a bouquet on my hand, I let my myself enjoy this happy walking of mine, closing my eyes and just imagining happy things.

Not until I bumped to someone.

My smile cracked into confusion as I slowly opened my eyes, seeing a glint of pinkish hair. I attempted to open my eyes fully yet something went in my eye. Causing it to itch and a result on me scratching it.

"Hey! Watch the fu-"

"Oh"

"Dazai"

I slowly looked down, rubbing my left eye as I saw no other than Chuuya. And he was just wearing a hoodie and some pants; Walking the opposite direction from where I'm walking.

Looking at him, my lips curved into a giddily smile as I continued to rub my itching eye.

"Chuuya!"

I cheerfully said, raising both of my hands as I stopped scratching my eye.

He looked at me, his face basically annoyed; staring at my maybe red eye.

"Where are you going?"

He said, staring right at my gaze, both of his hands crossed.

I just smiled happily at him, my teeth showing and my eyes squinting from the supposedly wide grin.

"Where I always go of course"

I replied, still smiling.

He looked at me confused for a second but then his eyes moved to the bouquet of flowers in my hands. The mixture of white and violet catching his eyes.

He looked at my eyes sterny before sighing. Rubbing his temples as I think he just remembered something.

"I see, I'll visit later"

He just simply said, as he continued to walk to wherever he was going.

I turned around to see his dissapearing figure, waving my hand and shouting.

"See you laterrr!"

He looked back at me with an angry face when he noticed all of the people looking at me then on him. I snickered at the cute little action he put. He's sooo fun to tease.

I turned around again, now continuing to walk to my aimed location. Continuing to skip as I held the flowers in my hand, tightly.

____

I stopped at a wide open gate. It's mettalic irons welcoming me as I brushed my fingers on it. Smiling all the way.

I took steps forward, closing my eyes and counting my steps as I already memorized where he was located; I always come here after all.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

And

Five.

I stopped.

I slowly turned my body, and opened my eyes. As I opened it, my eyes met a stone, a name carved in it as there are still some flowers that stayed. A sign that someone always visits him. That he's remembered. And will never be forgotten.

Atsushi Nakajima

May 5, 2002- May 4, 2020

"I might have given up, but please try to fight."

I stared at the words carve onto it. My eyes lacing and tracing every letter. It's still hurts. I swear it does.

But hey, it said so in the gravestone didn't it? Try to fight.

Those words...

He was the one that really left them.

I was roaming through his room when I saw a crippled paper on the floor. I was about to throw it away but then I noticed handwriting. His handwriting.

That time, my face scrunched up in confusion. My head started to throb. Again.

His death was still freshly embedded on my mind that day and everything that reminds me of him makes my head spin. Makes me want to gag. Makes me want to die.I opened it carefully, watching as words start to unfold in front of me.

"I might have given up, but please try to fight"

I felt tears cloud my vision again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

I was turning into a crybaby.

The mask that I made, so I was protected from the cruelties of the world, broke.

It shattered into a million pieces.

As I stood before his grave, I crouched down and placed the flowers. A series of violet and white one, resembling him.

White for his purity.

Violet for his eyes.

When I placed the bouquet beside the gravestone, I sat at the hot ground. It was pretty sunny today but I was lucky to have Atsushi's grave near a tree.

I stood up again, not wanting to sit in a warm place since it was already hot.

I walked to the tree and let my legs give up. Earning a little thump from the grass when my butt hit the ground. I leaned on it, looking at its branches and finding comfort on its shade.

"You know Atsushi-kun.."

I began as I averted my gaze towards his grave. Forming a smile I could muster.

"It's already 3 years since you died"

I inhaled deeply, intaking the air as I felt a sharp pain on my throat.

"We already found the one who's been texting you on those times you know? That f*cker was so hard to find but we manage to get a hold of him"

I said, smiling at the thought as I finally got a hold of something that was the cause of his death. That I at least, maybe, avenged him.

Even just a little.

I raised both my arms, putting it under my head as I made myself comfortable once again. I looked upright and closed my eyes. Relaxing myself.

My lips curved into a sweet smile as I started to hum a certain lullaby that I heared Atsushi sing in a rooftop One Christmas Night.

It was the lullaby "Holy Night"

And his voice was heavenly that day.

3 years, 5 months and 4 days ago~

It was 24th of December, the snow falling hard and everyone was In the Agency. Celebrating.

It was currently 11:55pm and everyone was waiting till it strikes 12.

I was in the office sitting in my chair, eating food I could get a hold of with a red scarf wrapped around my neck.

I looked beside me, expecting to see Atsushi doing some sort of thing but he wasn't there. My face switched onto confusion as I looked at the wall clock hanging in our wall.

11:57pm

I shrugged off the thought where Atsushi was by eating yet again. Grabbing some of these food that Ranpo got in the Philippines. A ground meat rolled in rice paper, i think? Ranpo said that it's called "lumpia"

I grabbed some of that and shoved them in my mouth. Chewing and enjoying its flavor.

It's not half-bad.

11:59pm

My face frowned, Where is Atsushi?

A minutes left and its Christmas so where is he? I pretty much saw him attend here cause he was dragged in by Akiko and was practically trying to beg his way out of the office. But, in a little 'pursuation' he gave in.

I noticed everyone crowding the wall clock as they wait for the seconds to pass by.

I, still not knowing where Atsushi was decided to go in the rooftop. Enjoy the know fall on my face and shoo it away. I do that almost every year.

Like some sort of tradition.

I got up from my seat and went out, no one bothered to stop me since they already know my every year ritual.

I walked up the stares, my breathing getting more visible each step as I felt the cold wind seep through a door.

Hm? That's weird, I don't remember leaving the door open yesterday

My brows furrowed as I pushed the door forward, the loud sound of the metal creaking and snow pushing behind it. My eyes peaked throught the door as I caught a glimpes of snow white hair and also hearing a surprised squeak.

My eyes widened from surprise as I saw Atsushi staring at me with flushed cheeks. I was caught off guard as I stare at his beautiful figure; snow falling to his face.

He wore a thick fur jacket; it's gray shade suiting his skin tone. He wore a red scarf around his neck, the same shade as mine as I notice a part of his neck that managed to peek reddened from the cold.

How cute.

My eyes shifted to his cute face. Him holding an unbearable expression that just wants me to tackle him.

If I didn't have self control, I might've ran and hugged him already.

"Uhm, Dazai-san, you can stop staring at me now you know?"

His small voice said, his face still flushing as he avoided my burning gaze.

Wait.

Sh*t.

Have I been staring long?

In immediate realization, my face heated up. Making my hand go and cover my tomato cheeks. I forced my eyes to break away from his and just didn't do anything.

I was too embarrased.

Damn, who knew he could steal my attention just like that.

In a second, I suddenly heared loud cheering from the office.

Huh.

It's already 12.

"You didn't hear anything did you Dazai-san?"

Atsushi said, his eyes now staring at me as his cheeks still burned.

"Hear what?"

I replied.

"Nothing"

He just said as he turned his head and faced the terrace; snow falling on his hair.

"You were singing weren't you?"

He quickly turned at me with shocked eyes and flushed cheeks.

Oh he's embarrassed.

"N-no I wasn't!"

"Ohhh~ Atsushi-kun~"

"I wasn't singing!"

"Reaaallllyyy?~"

"Well... maybe a little"

My lips curved into a mischeivous smirk and looked at him with keen eyes. I slowly walked up to him; going beside him, my arms tracing  the rails.

"Sing it for me?"

Back to the present time~

I continued humming, adjusting my position every once in a while to feel comfortable. I usually stay beside Atsushi for 4-5 hours a week and gladfully, the Agency give me a day off once a week. 

Minutes passed by, and I suddenly heared footsteps. His shoes stomping to stone and grass as the loud sound of the flower wrapper crinkling ringed in my ears.

"Hello~"

I greeted, not caring who it is.

"Oh, hello Dazai-san"

Akutagawa's POV

"Oh, hello Dazai-san"

I replied; I crouched down in front of the weretiger's grave and gave him a bouquet of flowers.

Yellow and violet

Just like his f*cking eyes.

As I placed the flowers down, I went beside Dazai-san. Looking at my mentor as he just sat there; his eyes closed, his body fully relaxed.

He always does this every week. And I always manage to visit the him once in a while. So the chances of me and my once mentor meeting is very frequent.

"How are you doing Dazai-san?"

I asked, pulling out a book and flipping out its pages; looking for a certain mark where I left.

As you see, I already stopped my ridiculous jealous charade. It was hard and tiring to bear a grudge for someone dead. So I just dropped it.

Whenever I see Dazai-san, I just treat him like he was my normal mentor before. Not like  stupidly over obsessed with him.

"Oh, I was okayy~"

He replied; continuing to hum the song he always hummed. Every week, every year and maybe everyday; he didn't seem to get tired of playing it over and over again.

And I also didn't complain, I used to hate the song itself but now hearing it; it's quite peaceful. Making me feel relaxed and somehow comfortable.

"How long are you gonna stay here Akutagawa-kunn?~"

"Chuuya-san said he's going to be here so I'll just wait for him and leave"

I simply replied, Chuuya-san was still finishing up a job so he couldn't get here at the same time as me. There was also times that we three would get here.

But when that happens, the same question get asked and we just sit at this tree, like always.

Sometimes I would imagine that Atsushi was also beside us. That when we three are sitting there, minding our own business; he's there. Maybe smiling or some sh*t but that thought makes me really comfortable.

Maybe because it gives an illusion that he's still here or maybe because, just because, he's really here.

I hope you're happy now damn weretiger.