Chapter 14

"Is Dad really moving back in with us?" Eli asked, as we went grocery shopping a few days after Elliot announced his plans.

"Not with us. With our relationship having been shaky, I don't want him living with us yet." I spoke, and he sighed.

"Is this going to be like with Mom and Dad?"

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"Do you think that I'll be shipped between you two? One night with Dad, the next with you?" He spoke, and I stopped pushing the cart, and I turned to look at him.

"Eli, when it comes to where you are living, it is completely up to you. I'm not going to force you to stay with me nor your father. It is completely your choice." I breathed, as I looked at the blonde hair blued eyed boy. He nodded slowly, before hugging me.

"Thanks Liv." He breathed, and I smiled as I hugged him back.

"Anytime, Eli."

+++

Elliot moved back to Manhattan a month after our makeup. He got an apartment near us, but I needed him to know that he was going to spend most of his nights sleeping in his own bed, and not mine.

"Olivia?" Elliot called, as he opened the door to my apartment without knocking on it.

"Kitchen." I replied with a sigh. I ran my hands through my hair and breathed slowly. I had a migraine and didn't want to do anything, let alone talk to him today.

"Hey, love." He smiled, before walking over to me and attempting to kiss me. I moved away and went to a cabinet and grabbed a glass.

"Okay. What did I do?" He asked, and I frowned.

"Not in the mood." I replied. He watched as I filled the glass and drained the contents from the glass.

"Why not? What's wrong?" He asked, and I sighed.

"I just don't feel good. If you want to see Eli, he's down the street playing basketball with Nick." I spoke, and Elliot rolled his eyes.

"Nick." he sighed, before walking over and grabbing a cup from the cabinet that I had just opened. He filled it with coffee then looked at me as I watched him.

"What is wrong with Nick?" I questioned, and he frowned.

"He's kinda a dick." he spoke, and I rolled my eyes as I left the kitchen. I went into my bedroom and started to fold laundry that I had left on my bed.

"Oh my god." Elliot sighed, as he followed me.

"Maybe you should go back to your place." I spoke, and he frowned.

"I'm sorry that I offended you, but you have to admit that Nick has issues."

"SO DO YOU!" I screamed, yet I regretted it right away. My head ached even more, and it made me sick to my stomach. I dropped the towel and went to the bathroom where I threw up.

Elliot walked in and pulled my hair back, but I shifted out of his grip and stood.

"I'm just trying to help!" He exclaimed.

"Maybe I don't want your help! Maybe I want to be with a person who doesn't treat my friends like shit! Nick, Fin, Amanda. They all helped me, and it seems like you have a problem with all of them." I cried.

"Olivia, maybe you were right." Elliot spoke, and I eyed him.

"What?"

"Maybe we shouldn't be together. You don't care about anyone else but your friends. I'm going to pick up Eli and we can get his stuff."

"Fuck you." I swore, and Elliot stopped and shook his head.

"I thought we were really going to be together. You are just a bitch. I knew that there was a reason that you weren't with anyone. No one wanted you."

The words he spoke sent tears streaming down my cheeks. My mother had said that no one wanted me more than once. She would be drunk and treat me like shit because my father raped her. It wasn't my fault, but she made me feel like it was. 

This was my fault too. No one wants me. I can't be happy. I deserved what Lewis did to me, and I should just end it now. 

Death

+++

Tears ran down my cheeks as I sat on the roof of my building. I had never been the one to consider suicide but right now, it seemed like something I had been missing out on.

I slowly took a drink from my bottle of vodka, and downed what was left.

"Mom, I doubt you are even looking over me, but if you are, I hope you know that you hurt me. But then again, I was the one who hurt you." I slurred, as I picked up my service gun and ran my fingers over it.

"Elliot, I know that you are alive, but you are killing me." I whimpered.

"I love you, but you don't like that I care so deeply. I never know if I'm enough for you, or not even close. Find someone who is good, and won't be like me." I breathed. I loaded my gun, but didn't hold it to my head.

"Eli, I'm sorry I couldn't be a better step mother. I should've protected you and loved you more. I'm sorry." I whimpered. 

"She's usually up here when she is upset. She can see the city and it clears her head." Eli sighed, and I got nervous. I stood and grabbed my gun with shaky hands. 

Now or never.

"She hates me, Eli. She isn't gonna wanna see me." Elliot breathed.

"Dad, just don't be a dick." Eli replied. The door opened, and I was in perfect view.

Elliot grabbed Eli and pushing him back inside the doorway and looked at me.

"Livvie, love, what are you doing?" He questioned, as he walked slowly towards me.

"I'm helping you!" I laughed, and he swallowed hard.

"Love, put the gun down." Elliot spoke, and I shook my head.

"I'm not good for anyone! I'm toxic!" I exclaimed, and Eli walked out from behind his father.

"Liv, you are the best step mother I could ask for." he breathed, and Elliot turned around to look at his son.

"Eli, please go down stairs." Elliot spoke, before doing something with his hands. I wasn't in the right mind to know that he was telling him to call 911.

"Elliot, just go! I'm a lost cause!" I cried, as I stepped back towards the edge. Elliot walked towards me again, this time his hands ready to grab me.

"I love you so much, Liv. Please don't do this. We can give our marriage another try. Have a baby. You want a baby." He spoke, and I shook my head.

"No. I'd ruin it." I breathed, as I stepped back again, the back of my leg touching the raised edge of the roof.

"No, you would be an amazing mother! Come here, love. We can figure this out. Come on." He breathed. I raised the gun to my head, as I heard sirens.

"It's too late, El." I whispered. My hand shook as I felt the same fear as when Lewis forced a gun to my head.

"Baby, please. Come here. I love you. We can work this out." He smiled, but it was forced and an attempt to get me to not jump. To not kill myself.

"Elliot, please be happy." I whimpered, and I swallowed hard, and I put my finger to the trigger.

"I CAN'T BE HAPPY WITHOUT YOU, OLIVIA." He plead, and I whimpered, and dropped my gun. Elliot ran to me and pulled me into his arms. He walked towards the middle of the roof and held me as I sobbed.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered over and over again. He held me to his chest and gently kissed my forehead.

"It's fine, love. It's fine." He breathed to me over and over again. He said this between kissing my forehead.

Hey guys, thanks for reading. Please vote and comment all of your feedback. I'm thinking about giving this book more love, since I don't really write in it. I can't tell if you guys like this book or nah. Alright see you next time! :D