SAD BIRDS STILL SING

'If it still makes you cry, it still matters'

Me and Aiden are sitting at the run down bus stop again, the bus never comes, people never pass. It's perfect.

I can tell Aiden wants to say something, because he's doing his foot tap with avoiding eye contact. He always does that when he's looking for the right words.

"Hey.. Ash..?" He says, finally speaking. He sounds hesitant, like he's not sure if he wants to say whatever he will.

"Yeah?" I say, my response was a little too fast.

"Are you.. okay? You seem a little distant lately.." He says, avoiding eye contact. His foot started silently tapping faster, more paced.

I pause before I speak. I don't know rather to be direct or vague.

"... I'll be okay."

"Yeah.. but what about now. Are you okay?" I hated that. I hated having to actually open up, the feeling after is disgusting. I feel tainted, like after drinking that horrible cherry medicine and the taste never quite leaves.

"Are you mad at me? Don't worry, I would hate me too." He says, his voice is more sturdy, like he finally planned what he was going to say.

But, I don't hate Aiden. I'm not angry. I hate what he did to me, not who he is.

I wish I had the strength to tell him that. But I merely slightly open my mouth to say something, before pausing and sighing instead.

"If we get separated again.." I say, pausing for long enough that he looks at me while I talk.

"We won't forget each other, right?"

He paused. His sunken eyes soften, from pitted to pitiful.

"I'll never forget you." He says, finally speaking up. His voice is sturdy and almost demanding,

"Yeah.. me neither" I say, meeker than I would like.

There's a silence over us. I love silence. Aiden hates it.

But this time, I hate it too. I feel like I'm waiting for him to say something, but I don't know what I want to hear from him.

"You're right.." he says, breaking the strangely awkward silence.

"We'll be okay. Just not today." He pauses. I pause.

Sometimes I wish I could snap my fingers and get better, then I tell myself that's not possible. But it is. Flashing someone a smile, admiring the world, find a hobby, anything. I just don't have the strength to do it.

"Aiden.." I say. I don't know why I said that. I don't have anything I want to say, I just want to speak. I want this conversation so badly, and I don't know why.

He tilts his head to look at me, now I really have to say something. But I still don't know what, all it will be is word vomit.

"Do you think that.." I pause, I don't know what to say. But I decide to just let the words come out of instinct

"That we'll ever be who we were again?"

He's taken aback by that. And frankly, so am I.

"No, I don't think anyone will be able to go back. We just have to find a new way to live."

I go quiet. "A new way to live". Is that really how to cope? I mean— it's better than what I was doing— but still, was it really in front of me this entire time?

I again feel this nagging feeling to talk. But I don't want to. I just wish he knew what I wanted to say without saying it.

"..I'm glad we met" I say, without even thinking of it.

He goes silent, and I stay silent. The only sounds is the faint bustle of cars down the block.

The silence is the loudest answer.

"Me too.." He says, his eyes darting around everywhere by my gaze.

There's not much else to be said. The conversation seems more about filling the silence than anything else.

Aiden finally looks back at me, his sorry eyes are soft again. That look is so weirdly familiar.

"Why do you—" I pause. I probably shouldn't finish that sentence.

"...Do what?" He— unfortunately— questions

"That thing where you—" I pause. This is stupid. "Never mind."

"No, what? What 'thing'" He asks, adding an awkward chuckle.

"Forget it. It's stupid." I mumble

"You literally just started a sentence then scrapped it. I have to know" He adds more of a playful ring to his words, making this feel way less awkward.

"It's just.. the way you look at me sometimes.. I don't know.. it's weird." The second the words leave my lips I regret them.

Aiden opens his mouth, about to say something before sighing and shifting uncomfortably. The silence is suddenly heavy over us.

"The way I—.. look at you?" He says, speaking up. But the question gave my stomach a nervous flutter.

"It's stupid."

"No, I just—" he pauses, hesitating, "I didn't know I was looking at you in a... way"

I sigh, shifting my weight.

"But..— uh.. how do I look at you?" He adds on, which I hated.

"I don't know." I say, maybe a little too sharply. "Like you're thinking something you aren't saying."

"I could be.." Aiden mumbles, his mouth cupped my his hand.

I freeze, something shot through me, it felt almost electric. Aiden—who I assumed didn't mean to say that out loud— quickly looked off to the side.

The heavy air teeters on something I feel nether of us wants to name.

"Aiden! Ashlyn!" Tyler's voice calls out from afar. Me and Aiden perking up to the sound of him.

"Come down to the train station! We're taking the next one!" He calls out. Before walking off leaving me and Aiden to follow.

__________Word Count: 957

(Sorry for the short chapter once again)