For Her

Daryl's POV

She'd finally fallen asleep again.

I sat on the edge of the bed, watchin' her, the only sound her soft breathin'. Every little rise and fall of her chest shoulda eased me. Shoulda made me feel grateful. She was alive, Beth had got that bullet out. But all I could feel was the weight sittin' on top'a me.

I'd just got her settled after helpin' her through a bath, gettin' fresh clothes on her, getting rid of my damn brother. Soakin' prob'ly wasn't smart with her wound, but I could tell how much she needed the soothin'. I cleaned the area afterwards, 'n' we've got antibiotics just in case. Right then, anythin' that seemed like it'd help her was worth it.

She hadn't really said much since yesterday. Since she told me.

We woulda had a baby.

Goddamn.

She'd kept apologizin'. Over 'n' over, through the tears that wouldn't stop. Like she did somethin' wrong. Like she thought it was her fault. It weren't. Of course it weren't.

I'd just held her, feelin' more useless with every sob that wracked through her. She was the one in pain. She was the one bleedin', 'n' somehow, she was the one sayin' sorry.

But it shoulda been me apologizin'.

I shoulda kept her safe. Shoulda been faster when I saw that fuckin' asshole raisin' his gun at her. I got 'im, but he flicked the trigger as he went down, catchin' her in her side - the same one she already had her scar from the explosion. It feels like I let her get hurt. Feels like I didn't protect my wife good enough.

She didn't know she was pregnant. Neither of us did. I still couldn't wrap my head around it. We weren't tryin'. I knew how she felt about havin' kids, never wanted 'em. Said the world was too far gone for that.

Hell, I'd never even let myself think about it before, not 'til I met her. She changed everythin'. Made me want everythin'. But I didn't need it. She was more than enough for me. Her just bein' my wife was everythin'.

But when she told me there'd been a part of both of us, startin' to grow inside her, and now it was gone? It felt like the air had been damn near ripped from my lungs.

I'd never seen her cry like that. Not even after all the people we'd lost, all the shit we'd been through. Course I'd seen her hurtin' before, sobbin' even - but this was different, this was like there was nothin' left inside of her.

All I could do was hold her. Kiss her. Try and somehow take the pain away.

She'd finally cried herself out hours later. Fell asleep curled against me. I didn't move. Just lay there, my arms around her, listenin' to the shaky rhythm of her breath. Her face was still all tear-streaked, eyes puffy from cryin' so hard. I felt fuckin' helpless.

And now, here I was. Sittin' on the same damn bed, same four walls, feelin' like I was gonna explode.

My hands were balled in fists against my thighs. My jaw ached from clenchin' it too hard. That pressure behind my ribs, the one I kept tryin' to swallow down, was building again. I wasn't gonna cry. I couldn't. She needed me strong. Shit, I wanted to, though.

When she'd said it was okay to tell Merle, I'd thought maybe sayin' it out loud would help. Like it'd make it real 'n' force me to face it. But all it did was make me wanna punch somethin'.

He'd followed me back up those stairs like a hurricane, demandin' to know what was goin' on. The moment I told him - that the bullet took more than just her blood - he just stood there. Eyes wide, like I'd knocked the wind outta him.

"She was pregnant," I'd said. My voice had barely come out. "We didn't know."

Didn't need to say anythin' else - that she was miscarryin', that it was gone - I couldn't if I'd wanted to. My eyes were burnin', but I wasn't gonna let myself fall apart. I needed to be her husband 'n' hold it together.

Merle went quiet. Real quiet. Then he started cursin', pacin'. Said we should've wiped 'em out sooner. Said they'd pay for what they did.

They would, we'd already started it - Alexandria, Hilltop and The Kingdom, but it wasn't enough, it was takin' too long.

Then, before I could stop 'im, he was boundin' down the stairs, his awkward ass tryna show Ath he cared.

I couldn't be pissed at him for disturbin' her, not really. He sees her as his sister, he loves her. He couldn't not show her that in his own dumbass way.

Now, she was sleepin' again. Lookin' almost peaceful. I shoulda laid down next to her. Held her like I did last night. But I couldn't.

My fingers twitched. My legs wouldn't stay still. Every part of me screamed to move, to do somethin'. To go and end the Saviors once 'n' for all.

I'd already failed her by lettin' her get shot, but I wouldn't fail her again. The Saviors thought they could keep takin' from us. Thought they could keep hurtin' the people I love and walk away like nothin' happened.

They were wrong.

They were gonna pay. Every last one of 'em. For the baby we'd never get to meet. For the pain they put Ath through, for every Goddamn thing they'd done to us.

I needed to finish it. No more waitin' around for them to surrender or for the walkers to find a way into the Sanctuary. This needed to end. Now. Then I could start helpin' her heal.

Fuck. I've gotta get this done, for her.

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