A Soul Shattered

Daryl’s POV

I ain’t never thought I’d get to this point. Ain’t never thought I’d be broken down so far that I wouldn’t even know who the hell I was anymore.

But here I am.

It don’t matter. Not anymore. None of it does.

I used to think I could fix things. Could make it right for the ones I loved. For Ath, for Abraham, for Hershel. Hell, for me. I thought if I just kept pushin’, kept survivin’, kept fighting, I could make up for all the shit I’d done, all the people I’d failed.

But I ain’t fought for nothin’ worth fightin’ for.

Ath - she’s better off without me. She always has been. I ain’t worth a damn thing. Ain’t never been.

I shoulda never dragged her into this mess. Never shoulda let her come after Dwight with me. Shoulda kept her safe, kept her outta the woods. But I was too busy thinkin’ I was doin’ somethin’ right, protectin’ her from all the hell that came after. But look at what they did to her. What I let ‘em do to her. What I've let 'em do to me.

It was me who couldn’t keep her safe. I couldn’t protect her. My wife. Negan took her and I let ‘im.

And now she’s out there, far away. Probably knowin’ she’s better off without me. And hell, she should. She don’t need me draggin’ her down. She don’t need the guilt of lovin’ someone who couldn’t protect her. Someone who couldn’t even keep her from gettin’ taken in the damn first place.

I keep seein’ her. I keep seein’ her in this damn cell. She comes on a night. She’s beat up. Angry. It ain't really her. Even though I have to remind myself. But it feels like it. Looks like it.

When I try get to her she looks right at me and tells me not to touch her - says I’m worthless. That she regrets meetin’ me. That she wishes she’d never crossed paths with a piece of shit like me.

It hurts worse than anything they’ve done to me. Worse than all the beatin’s, the broken bones. I love her more than anythin’ in the whole world, and I let her down. She'll know now I’m nothin’ more than a piece of dirt.

There’s others too. I see ‘em all. I see Hershel sittin’ in the corner, that calm look on his face like he used to give me when I was actin’ up. He’s shakin’ his head. He looks disappointed in me. Says I let him down, that I shoulda been better, shoulda protected the people I loved. I failed him.

Abraham, too. He’s there. Always there. I can still hear that big ol’ laugh of his. Still see his damn cigar, smoke curlin’ up into the air like he’s still jokin’ around, like he’s still gonna tell me it’s gonna be alright. But I can see it in his eyes now. He’s angry. Angry at me. I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t there when he needed me most.

Denise. She has one of my bolts through her eye. Askin' me why I didn't protect her from Dwight.

Hell, even my damn parents are here now, too. I ain’t seen 'em in years, my mom not since I was a kid - but now, in this hole, I see ‘em clear as day. They ain’t sayin’ a word, though. They ain’t gotta. Their eyes, they speak for ‘em. And what they say is louder than anything else. They think I’m worthless, too. They think I ain’t never been good enough.

And damn it, I can’t stop it. I can’t make ‘em go away.

I’m seein’ all the people I lost. All the people I failed. And I can’t escape it.

I deserve this. Every damn thing they’ve done to me, I deserve it.

But then there’s Hershel again, he keeps lookin’ at me, and this time, his eyes soften just a little bit. Like he’s tellin’ me maybe, just maybe, there’s still a sliver of hope left for me. But that hope is gone now. It died with him. It died with Abraham. It died when Athena’s ghost started tellin’ me I wasn’t worth shit.

I ain’t worth nothin’. Not to them. Not to her. Hell, not even to me. I ain’t good for nothin’. Never was. I was born a nothin'. I’ll die one, too.

I ain’t never gonna get outta this hole. Ain’t never gonna be free of these ghosts. Ain’t never gonna be the man I thought I was supposed to be. Ain't never gonna be with my wife.

I’m just a damn shadow, still crawlin’ through this broken world, waitin’ for it to swallow me whole.

They finally broke me.

I’m worthless.

A/N: 😭😭😭