Bringing Her Home

The road blurred in front of me, black as a goddamn grave, but I didn’t care, didn’t take my foot off the gas. The car rumbled underneath me, shakin’ with the force of how hard I was pushin’ it.

Didn’t fuckin’ matter.

Didn’t matter if the engine gave out.

Didn’t matter if the wheels fell off.

Nothin’ mattered but gettin’ to her.

Ath.

My girl. My wife.

She couldn’t be gone.

She couldn’t.

The world had thrown hell at her, and she just kept fightin’, kept pushin’ forward, like nothin’ could ever take her down.

I sucked in a breath, but it came out jagged, like my chest wasn’t workin’ right. My fingers squeezed the wheel so damn hard my knuckles ached, but I didn’t let go.

Rick and Carol tried to stop me. Tried to say they’d come too, that I shouldn’t go alone

Told ‘em to get their fuckin’ hands off’a me.

Didn’t wanna hear their voices, didn’t wanna see that look in their eyes - like I was some shattered thing they had to put back together.

Nah.

Ain’t no puttin’ this back together.

I asked the only thing that mattered. Where?

Rick told me.

And I left.

Merle was the only one I woulda let come with me. But where the fuck was he? Nowhere. When I needed 'im.

Again.

A fresh sob tore through my throat, and I bit it back, but it came anyway.

Fuck.

I slammed a hand against the wheel, my body shakin’ so bad I almost had to pull over, but I didn’t. Kept drivin’. Kept my eyes locked on the road even though I couldn’t see through the fuckin’ tears.

She was my air. She was my fire. She was the only thing that ever made this shit worth it.

She made me feel... safe.

I let out a breath, but it didn’t do nothin’ to stop the burn in my chest.

The way she looked at me like I was somethin’ worth holdin’ onto.

Like I was more. More than my past. More than my scars. More than my old man’s fists.

Hell, I didn’t believe it. Not really.

But she did.

She looked at me, ‘n’ I saw it in her eyes - like I was somethin’ good, somethin’ whole.

And I didn’t know who the hell I was without her.

A sharp cry ripped outta me before I could stop it, and I slammed my palm into the dash, like maybe I could beat the grief outta my fuckin’ chest.

Didn’t work.

Nothin’ would.

I needed to bring her home.

Not leave her out there, alone, like she was just another goddamn piece of the wreckage.

She wasn’t wreckage.

She was everything.

My chest ached so bad I thought it might cave in.

Then another thought - one I’d been pushin’ away since the second Rick had told me she was gone - came crashin’ into me like a freight train.

What if she was one of them?

My stomach turned over, bile risin’ in my throat so fast I had to clamp my jaw shut to keep from gaggin’.

I sniffed hard, wiped at my face, but it didn’t stop the tears from spillin’. My hands shook as I reached for the gear shift, adjustin’ it with a force that damn near broke the stick.

I needed to bring my girl home.