5. Letters

Chapter 5 - Letters

Tuesday 23, 2005

Another school day, another day wasted.

I pulled into my jeans and a random clean shirt I found, and then of course my black converses.

   My brother and I hadn't spoken since yesterday. I owed him a sincere apology. I had never been the one to apologize to anyone nor was I good with it either. I tried to come up with something or even to think of the proper time to talk to him alone. It was almost sad that I didn't remember a time where I apologized to anyone to be quite frank. I couldn't even become that serious. I could already just see myself already choking on my words and my palms becoming extremely sweaty.

   But all I knew was one thing that I lived by for the longest time; never go to bed angry at someone. It was my main philosophy that I stuck to.

   My time was up to think of anything as my brother pulled into the school, well this was great. He parked his car and I sat still, not knowing what to say. When did speaking ever come this hard? Painful memories sunk in, like the times it was difficult to even speak one word to my father or my brother.

"I get it," He said, causing me to look at him directly. "I know you're sorry. It's written over your face."

"You're right," I sighed heavily, and took off my seat belt. "I'll stay away from him."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I obligated and got out of his car, leading myself straight into hell.

It was first period, Alex was not late for once. I ignored him when he tried to get my attention.

"Lalia,"

"Laila. I know you can hear me."

   Of course I could. Did he think being mute came with selective hearing as well? I rolled my eyes.

  "Yeah. Alright go ahead and roll your eyes." He huffed and went back to his work.

   That was the last time I saw Alex for the remainder of the day.

Wednesday 24, 2005

  Alex struck again with his impulsive self. I didn't think he would ever stop at this point or would he? His voice carried my name once again, but this time it was in art class. I put my ear buds in and ignored him the best I can.

   What exactly does he want me for? At this point, I wanted to be left alone. Alone like I had always been around school. I didn't want to be his friend nor did I care enough to even be acquaintance with him either. He honestly should get 'TROUBLE' tattooed on his forehead. It would save the future girls he bothered with a lot of time. At least I was fortunate enough to figure it out in a wick of time.

   I didn't have the time to deal with this all year. I needed to get good grades and be accepted into a college. Not this crap. I had my dad to please and that pressure couldn’t be endangered by some boy, I wasn't going to have it. I couldn't afford to have this reckless boy to be lingering around me.

In one quick motion, he yanked out my ear buds, causing me to nearly gasp from the unexpected twist. I jolted my head a little as I glared at him, indicating that I was waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sorry," He apologized, "about yesterday."

   I scoffed at him, really? After with rolling my eyes, I went back to my work. This was beyond ridiculous. I knew I was being bitter, but if that was the only way I could push Alex away, then so be it. I was allowed to be angry, disappointed, and bitter. It was all a part of being a human. It was the flaws of humans and people didn't seem to understand that.

 The bell rings, signaling that the day was over. Both Alex and I went our separate ways.

Thursday 25, 2005

   It was the last period of the day when I got a surprise. I wouldn’t say it was a surprise of a life time because I had other things that could easily have that title but this surprise? I didn't think there was a way to really categorize it. Maybe a mischief-maker type of surprise. 

  It started off when I walked into my last class of the day, my writing class to be exact. I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. I had my homework pilling up by the hour it seemed and my eyes could barely stay awake. 

   My teacher that I already like had us settle down, and then explained a new routine we would start off every week. Starting Monday that was

  "Good afternoon class," Mr. James spoke, he was slowly becoming into my second favorite teacher so far this year. He was witty and sarcastic, almost as if he had my personality. He was fairly young to be a teacher. Maybe twenty-seven?

   Anyway, he proposed a new assignment that the class had to work on every week. "You'll keep a journal and every week there will be a word or a sentence to write about in your journal. Then at the end of the week you have to turn in your journal."

Some kids groan, I snorted from it.

"Don't worry, your secrets will be safe with me." He paused. "That is if you stay on my good side and failure to do so, then you might just have your journal entry read to the class."

   The class laughed together from his sentence. I could only imagine the level of embarrassment if my journal entry was read out to the class, nonetheless even someone else's.

  "So that leaves me to our lesson today. The sentence is on the board. It's simple and I think it's a great way to start off in your journal." He smiled nicely and sat down at his desk. "You guys can start working."

I took out my journal and began to read the chalk board.

Today's assignment - 8/25/05

Write into your journal of what you think friendship is. Is it loyalty? Honesty? Or is it how long you've known them?

  Before the tip of my pencil can reach to my paper, the class' door caught my attention. He came in with a crumbled paper and handed it to Mr. James. My heart dropped at the sight of it. I wanted to run and hide. This couldn't be happening. 

Mr. James squinted at the paper as he read it. "Class change? Hmm I see."

   Alex's eyes skimmed across the room. I ducked deep within my seat. Hoping he didn't come across me. Out of all classes this god damn high school had to offer, but yet he was still put into one of my favorite classes. How was this even possible? First art and now here - my only two favorite classes. Three full classes with this boy. This was a gateway to a suicide. Hell even maybe homicide.

"Find yourself a seat." Mr. James said.

  I looked to my right and noticed an empty seat. Great. Wasn't this lovely? I was on the verge of going insane. A pounding headache and this mess was unnecessary. 

   I hid my face with my hand and had my eyes trained on my desk, not daring to make eye contact with this Alexander Gaskarth. Luckily, I was in the back of the class, but this had one thing written all over it, again with bad news. Terrible news in fact. I heard the plunk of his body when he sat down, of course right next to me.

  It was about half an hour later, and I was rudely stopped of my production when a folded letter was thrown onto my desk. I sighed loudly and lifted my head up from my work. I slowly looked over at Alex with my expression being pissed. His hands opened with his eyebrows raised. I stared at him dead on. Grabbing the letter without breaking eye contact, I began to unfold it.

    I thought about maybe just simply throwing it out, but I thought otherwise, seeing it maybe being too harsh. I wasn't planning to be as rude as him.

   Once I had the paper straightened out, his finger pointed to it, eager for me to read it. I turned my eyes to the letter, slowly as the anticipation was heavy between us.

    His handwriting made me almost smile. Why? I was still trying to figure that out myself. It was messy but yet I didn't have any higher expectations than just that.

Dear Laila,

That's how to start out a letter, right?Well since you don't speak to me, why not write it?

I want to say sorry about yesterday. I'm not good with this type of things but just know I am sorry. How can I make this up with you?

  I shook my head at the letter that was placed in my hands. My eyes scanned it dozens of time uncontrollably. Countless of times actually.

  This was the first time someone had ever tried to communicate with me by letters. It was sweet, that was for sure. It caused a warm feeling to burst inside me. I felt actually appreciated for once, and not a ghost. Maybe Alex wasn't a bad person after all.

I gave a small smile towards his way as a sign of truce and acceptance of the apology. 

So I wrote back to him on a different piece of paper.

Dear Alexander,

Yes that's the right way to write letters. And apology accepted. Just don't do that again or the death stare will have to take place.

How to make it up? Lighten up, would ya? That's what you can do.

I folded the letter and quickly passed it to him, hoping to not get caught, but it was obvious that Mr. James wasn't paying any attention.

   When I received a letter back from Alex, I wasn't sure how to respond. 

Laila,

Can we hangout sometime tomorrow after school? 

My treat.

  The burning question was should I go with him? My promise to Derek crept into my mind, but then again that was when I had the wrong impression on Alex and maybe so did Derek. So I nodded my head as a yes and crumbled the letters into my bag, hoping that tomorrow wasn't going be a mistake that I'll forever regret.

     Now that I think about it, it wasn't a regret. But as I slowly grow older to come to think of it, maybe it was. The day was what started it all. It was the true beginning of the journey that was the roller coaster. If only I stayed behind and rejected him. It would cancel off the great deal of pain he had to endure in the long run of things. If only I knew then.

______

a.n 

I have two more days of school left! Meaning The Remembering will be updated frequently. 

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-Kc 6/3/2014