Chapter 25

You are likely to:• feel that you don't have a strong sense of who you really are, and others may describe you as very changeable• suffer from mood swings, switching from one intense emotion to another very quickly, often with angry outbursts• have brief psychotic episodes, hearing voices or seeing things that others don't• do things on impulse, which you later regret

You feel very worried about people abandoning you, and would do anything to stop that happening. You have very intense emotions that last from a few hours to a few days and can change quickly (for example, from feeling very happy and confident in the morning to feeling low and sad in the afternoon).

You don't have a strong sense of who you are, and it can change depending on who you're with. You find it very hard to make and keep stable relationships. You act impulsively and do things that could harm you (such as binge eating, using drugs or driving dangerously).

You have suicidal thoughts or self-harming behaviour. You feel empty and lonely a lot of the time. You get very angry, and struggle to control your anger.When very stressed, sometimes you might: feel paranoid.

Have psychotic experiences, such as seeing or hearing things other people don't. Feel numb or 'checked out' and not remember things properly after they've happened.

•••••••••••••••••

Janet still couldn't believe everything that was going on. Toni and Janet were reading the email that Nadia had sent. As they read on and on things started to add up. Janet was invovled with someone who was diagnosed with BPD.

Janet paced around the room her hands sweaty. All of the worse case scenarios were flowing through her mind. Her mother was in the hands of a psychotic person. A person that she had fell in love with. Tears streamed down her face. This was all her fault.

Toni stood walking up to her and grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Hey this isn't your fault Jay," Toni said reading her mind.

Toni always knew Janet so well.

"Why does it feel like it," Janet questioned sniffling.

Toni looked at her tilting her head to the side.

"Because you were blinded by love. She was everything that I wasn't for you so, you acted on it giving your heart to her. You felt like you would never find another like her. So don't beat yourself up to death about this being your fault. You fell in love, and nothing is wrong with falling in love," Toni replied.

Janet nodded her head as they went into a comfortable silence.

"Jan-"

Toni was cut off by Janet's phone indicating that she had a message.

Janet grabbed it seeing that it was from April.

By the look on Janet's face Toni knew it was time. Toni took Janet's phone from her and looked at her again.

"We are going to make it out of this alive, okay," Toni said pulling her into a warm and much needed embrace.

"Okay," Janet replied silently praying that what Toni was saying was 100% true.

•••••••••••••••••

"Alright Janet you and Toni are securely covered underneath. If she tries to shoot one of you it'll just knock you down and make it seem like you're hurt. Trust me it'll sting like a bitch, but it won't last long. The FBI will be surrounding the perimeter in five minutes so just go in there and wait for our signal," Toni's friend, Milano said.

They both nodded and walked into what seemed to look like and old abandoned warehouse. The only light that they could see was from the busted windows. There were rats scurring across the floor making Janet jump every five seconds.

The air smelled of must and mildew. They both stopped when a large light shined in the middle of the warehouse. There sat Mama Katherine tied to a metal chair with her mouth taped shut.

Janet and Toni ran over to her stopping when they saw April step into the light next to Janet's mother.

"I hope you didn't think it would be that easy," April chuckled.

April wore all black with her hair cascading over her shoulders. Her hands were covered with gloves as she held a silver pistol.

"What did you do to my mother, " Janet asked looking at her mother whose head hung low.

"Oh nothing she's just sleeping baby," April laughed waving the gun around carelessly.

Then she paused her eyes landing on Toni.

"You know I really hate that I have to do this. I mean I was actually feeling you Janet. Then this bitch popped into the picture. I couldn't help to think that if I just slipped up one time that you would go running to her, and look at God. I was right," April spat.

"I mean look at her. What does she have that I don't have," April questioned scratching her head with the pistol.

"Not a fucking mental disorder that's for sure," Toni scoffed making April's head snap in her direction.

April lifted the gun up towards Toni and chuckling menacingly.

"What the fuck did you say," April hissed her finger close to pulling the trigger.

Janet was trembling. She didn't know what to do. She was still trying to process what was actually going on right now. She was knocked out of her thoughts by April.

"What the fuck did you say," April yelled.

Janet then did the most dumbest thing ever. She stood in front of the gun. Barrel lining up with her nose.

"What the hell are you doing Janet," Toni asked panicking.

"I'm standing in front of the gun. I'm waiting for her to pull the trigger," Janet said calmly.

Janet was taking in April's body language and features. She could tell that April was scared. She looked at her eyes as they darted from left to right. Sweat was forming on her forehead, and the gun steady jiggled in her hand slightly.

April was just a scared little girl.

"I'll kill you Janet if you don't move," April spat.

Janet just looked at her, her eyes piercing into April's soul. She could tell April was a weakling.

"Shoot me then," Janet said boldly.

Toni watched scared as hell of the outcome. She wanted to literally slap the shit out of Janet right now. What black person tells another black person who's crazy and holding a gun to shoot them?

"Do it April shoot me," Janet screamed making both April and Toni jump.

April pulled the trigger, but nothing came out. Janet and Toni both sighed. Janet then slapped the gun out of April's hand and punched her in the face making her fall to the ground.

April's hands immediately went to her nose as she cried out in pain. Janet and Toni looked down at her.

"You're just a weak little bitch that needs help," Toni said shaking her head in disgust.

Janet then walked over to her mother untying her. She lifted her her head making Katherine's eyes slowly open finding Janet standing before her. She smiled brightly as tears began to fall down her face.

Katherine's eyes then widened landing on April who held the gun in her hands. She couldn't get the words out. The only thing Janet and Toni heard were short breaths coming from her.

Just as April shot Toni in the back more gunshots were heard. April and Toni fell to ground. Janet knelt down next to Toni panicking.

"Milano get the ambulance we need them now! Hurry," Janet screamed as Milano followed her command.

"Hey Toni stay with me. Don't close your eyes. Just please don't close your eyes," Janet cried touching Toni's face.

"J...Janet," Toni said coughing.

"Toni don't speak," Janet cried.

"I-I...I'm still i-in love with y-you," she stuggled her eyes barely staying open.

"Toni please just hang in there okay."

The medics came running in with a gurney. They lifted Toni up onto the gurney while Janet stood right next to her. They hurried and put her in the ambulance truck and rushed her to the hospital.

Janet sat next to Toni holding her hand tightly. She couldn't lose Toni. She needed her. She needed her, because she was still in love with her too.