Forget Him Somehow

Stephie

Austin?

Spencer?

Austin.

Spencer?

Spencer.

Austin.

My mind constantly races back and forth like it has done every night for the past 5 months. Spencer is still alive, he hasn't overdosed yet, as far as I know at least. I worry about him daily. It's obvious he's still using, he's impossible to work with anymore, it's only gotten worse, it only gets worse. I hung up a NA meeting poster on the board in the office, hoping maybe he'd see it and go. He didn't.

Dread sinks in as I have flashbacks from a few hours ago.

"I've been thinking a lot about us lately," Austin starts, his voice tinged with a nervous energy that I've never heard from him before. "About how much I care about you, and how much I want this to work."

My heart skips a beat, and I can feel the familiar weight of panic settling in. I don't like where this is going, but I can't seem to stop it. I've been dating him for just five-ish months, but he always talks about getting married and having kids and me quitting my job to stay home with them. I don't want that, I love my job. I don't want to "settle down" as Austin says, I'm 24 years old.

He pulls out a small box, and for a moment, I can't breathe. "I know it's only been a few months," he continues, "but when you know, you know, right? I don't want to waste any more time wondering what if."

He opens the box, revealing a simple gold band with a small diamond in the center. It's beautiful, understated, exactly what I would have picked out for myself. But instead of feeling excited or happy, all I feel is dread.

"Steph," he says, his voice soft but filled with hope, "Will you marry me?"

Steph.

The voices echos in my head, but it's not Austin's voice, it's Spencer's.

The room spins, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. This isn't supposed to happen. Not like this. Not with him.

"I... I don't know what to say," I stammer, my voice barely above a whisper.

His smile falters for just a moment before he recovers, leaning in closer. "I know it's sudden, but I can't imagine my life without you. We're perfect together, Steph. We can make this work."

I shake my head, trying to find the right words, but all I can think about is Spencer. Spencer, who knows me better than anyone, who sees the real me, even the parts I try to hide. Spencer, who makes me feel like I'm worth fighting for, even when I don't believe it myself. Spencer who needs me, now more than ever. And I let him go.

But Spencer also complicates things in a way that Austin never has. With Austin, everything is simple. Easy. No expectations, no pressure. Just comfort. But this proposal feels like a trap, a way to lock me into something I'm not ready for. A part of me wants to say no, to tell him that this isn't what I want, but the words won't come.

"Please, Steph," Austin says, his voice soft and pleading. "Just say yes."

Just stop.

The pressure is unbearable, and I can feel myself crumbling under the weight of it. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just scared. Maybe this is what I need, what we need. A fresh start. Something simple, something safe. My head is spinning, I feel sick.

"Okay," I hear myself say, my voice distant, like it belongs to someone else. "Yes."

Austin's face lights up with relief and joy, and he pulls me into a tight embrace. "You won't regret this, I promise," he murmurs against my hair.

But as he slips the ring onto my finger, all I can think about is how wrong this feels. I should be happy, but instead, I feel like I've just made a deal with the devil.

As Austin kisses me, I close my eyes, trying to block out the overwhelming sense of loss that washes over me. I'm not sure if I've just made the biggest mistake of my life, but I do know one thing: I can't keep running from the truth.

But for now, I push those thoughts aside, burying them deep down where they can't hurt me. I'll deal with the fallout later. Right now, I just need to survive the night.

Waking up for work the following morning, I stare at my hand. This is real. I should be happy, I should feel happy over the moon. But I feel nothing but fear, dread. Knowing I'll have to answer "Oh, i'm engaged." when asked about the ring on my finger.

I look Austin. He's still sleeping, he looks so peaceful. I take a deep breath, this is good for me. Austin is good for me. I should be happy. I am happy.

I'm marrying the man I love. I smile to myself, I'm happy.

Walking into work I stop at Emily's desk, flashing her my hand. She looks at me confused and then looks back at my hand.

Emily's eyes widen in surprise as she takes in the sight of the ring on my finger. "Oh my God, Steph! You're engaged?" she exclaims, her voice a mix of excitement and disbelief.

I force a smile and nod, trying to match her enthusiasm. "Yeah, it just happened last night."

She stands up and gives me a hug, her excitement infectious. "Congratulations! You have to tell me all about it. How did he propose? Was it romantic?"

I laugh softly, trying to keep the unease out of my voice. "It was... it was really sweet," I reply, though the words feel hollow. "He got me this ring and asked me to marry him, and I... I said yes."

Emily beams at me, completely oblivious to the turmoil brewing inside me. "That's amazing, Steph. I'm so happy for you. You deserve this."

"Thanks," I manage to say, my smile slipping just a fraction as I catch a glimpse of Spencer out of the corner of my eye. He's sitting at his desk, his gaze focused on some files, but I can feel the tension radiating from him. I know he saw the ring, and I know he understands what it means. But he doesn't look up, doesn't acknowledge me. It's like I don't exist.

The excitement that Emily's reaction stirred within me fades away, replaced by a hollow emptiness. I try to push it aside, to remind myself that this is what I chose, but it's harder than I thought it would be.

As the day wears on, the congratulations from my colleagues become a blur. Everyone seems genuinely happy for me, and I do my best to play the part of the glowing bride-to-be. But every time I look at the ring on my finger, all I can think about is how much I wish things were different.

Later that day, I find myself in the break room, needing a moment to catch my breath. The walls feel like they're closing in on me, the weight of the ring on my finger heavier than ever. I take it off, just for a moment, and hold it in my palm, staring at the small diamond as if it holds all the answers I'm searching for.

But it doesn't. It only leaves me with more questions, more doubts.

"Hey," a voice startles me, and I quickly slip the ring back on my finger before turning around to see Spencer standing in the doorway. His expression is unreadable, but there's something in his eyes that makes my heart ache.

"Hey," I reply, my voice barely above a whisper.

He steps into the room, his gaze flicking to my hand where the ring now rests securely. "Congratulations," he says, but there's no warmth in his voice. It feels like a formality, an obligation.

"Thanks," I say, trying to sound casual, but I know he sees through me. He always does.

For a moment, neither of us says anything. The silence between us is thick, suffocating, filled with everything we've left unsaid.

"Are you happy?" Spencer finally says, but there's an edge to his voice, a bitterness that he can't quite hide. "You deserve to be happy, Steph."

Steph. Why did he call me that?

"I'm happy. Austin's a good guy." I force a smile.

His words cut through me like a knife, and I have to resist the urge to tell him the truth. That I'm not happy, that I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. But I can't. I've made my choice, and I have to live with it.

With my voice barely holding steady i'm able to squeeze out some words. "I hope... I hope you're okay."

He nods, but his eyes don't meet mine. "Yeah," he says, but we both know it's a lie. "Take care of yourself, Steph."

Stop.

With that, he turns and walks out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sink down into one of the chairs, feeling like I've just lost something I can never get back.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. I go through the motions, smiling and laughing when required, but inside, I feel like I'm falling apart. By the time I get home, I'm exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Austin greets me with a kiss, and I try to let his warmth soothe the coldness that's settled deep in my chest.

But as I lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, all I can think about is Spencer. And how much I wish things could have been different.How much I wish I could have chosen him.

The next morning arrives with a sense of dread. I wake up next to Austin, his arm draped over me as if he's protecting me from the world. But instead of comfort, I feel trapped. My thoughts are consumed by the events of the previous day—the proposal, Spencer's cold congratulations, the weight of the ring on my finger.

Austin stirs, and I quickly close my eyes, feigning sleep. I'm not ready to face him yet. Not ready to face the reality of what I've agreed to. But as I lay there, pretending, I feel his lips press gently against my forehead.

"Morning, fiancée," he whispers, his voice full of warmth.

A pang of guilt shoots through me. I force my eyes open and smile up at him, though it feels like my face might crack under the strain. "Morning."

He smiles back, a look of contentment on his face that only makes me feel worse. He's so happy, so sure of this. I wish I could share that certainty, but all I feel is the growing pit of dread in my stomach.

"We should celebrate tonight," Austin says as he gets out of bed, his voice full of excitement. "How about dinner at that new place you've been wanting to try?"

I nod, unable to summon the energy to argue. "Sure, that sounds nice."

As he heads to the shower, I sit up and stare at the ring again. My heart races, and a thousand thoughts swarm in my mind, all revolving around one person: Spencer. I never forgave him for what he said is Houston but I know it wasn't really him talking. It was the drugs.

Once Austin leaves for work, I grab my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find Emily's name. My thumb hovers over the call button, hesitating. I know this conversation could either offer some clarity or only deepen my confusion. Finally, I press the button and hold the phone to my ear, hoping that talking to Emily will help me find some answers.

The phone rings a few times before Emily answers, her voice bright and welcoming. "Hey, Steph! What's up?"

"Hi, Emily," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "Do you have a minute? I could really use someone to talk to."

"Of course," she says immediately. "What's going on?"

I take a deep breath and start to explain everything—how Austin proposed, how I said yes, and how I'm now filled with doubt and confusion. I tell her about the moment when Spencer came into the break room and how his words seemed to cut through me, even though he was just being polite.

"I don't know if I made the right choice," I confess, my voice trembling. "I keep thinking about Spencer and how things could have been different."

Emily listens intently, her silence urging me to continue. "But what if I'm making a mistake?" I ask, the words escaping in a rush. "What if leaving Austin means losing everything?"

"Steph, I get that you're torn," Emily says softly. "But you need to think about what you truly want. What makes you happy?"

"I thought marrying Austin would be the right choice," I reply. "He's a good guy, and he makes me feel safe. But I can't shake this feeling that maybe marrying him means losing myself."

Emily is quiet for a moment before responding. "You deserve to be happy, Steph. Really happy. Not just comfortable. And sometimes, making a choice is about figuring out what will make you feel fulfilled and true to yourself."

Her words resonate with me, and I feel a wave of relief at having someone who understands. "I know, Emily. I've been trying to convince myself that this is the right choice because it's what's expected. But deep down, I'm scared I'm settling."

"Choosing to marry someone is a big decision," Emily says gently. "But ultimately, it's about what you want for yourself. If you feel like you're compromising too much of who you are, then it's worth taking a step back and considering your own happiness."

I sit in silence for a moment, letting Emily's words sink in. "So, what should I do?"

"Only you can answer that," Emily replies. "But think about what you want for your future. What makes you feel like you're being true to yourself?"

I consider her advice and take a deep breath. "Thank you, Emily. I think I know what I need to do now."

After ending the call, I feel a sense of resolve. Emily's support has helped me to see things more clearly. I realize that despite the doubts and fears, I need to move forward with the decision I made.

Later that evening, as Austin and I sit down for dinner at the new restaurant, I try to push aside the lingering doubts. He smiles at me, talking about our future together with such excitement and certainty. And though the weight of my decision still rests heavily on my shoulders, I know I've made my choice.

As the night progresses, I remind myself that this is the path I've chosen. I need to embrace it, no matter how conflicted I feel inside. Maybe someday, I'll come to terms with my decision, but for now, I must move forward and face whatever comes with a sense of acceptance.

And as I look across the table at Austin, I make a promise to myself—to try my best to make this work and find happiness in the life I've chosen.

To try and forget him somehow.

—————————AN: Do you guys want a playlist for spencer and stephie?? I have one made already I can make a chapter with just some songs and place it after the intro chapter! LMK if ur interested!!

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