sixteen » torture

WARNING: mentions of abuse, torture, self-harm, and suicide.

About an hour had passed since I had awoken in this hell hole. Of course I was only estimating, because all the time seemed to drag on and on when I was sat there doing absolutely nothing. The only thing I had with me to occupy my time was my pounding headache and sore neck.

Definitely fun times.

The ear-deafening slam of the door is what caught my attention, and I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard it. I directed my attention from the filth-covered ceiling to the entrance of my cell, only to see Queen Nia returning, this time with three guards at her behind. The wide-open door let in an ice cold draught, and I only managed to catch a glimpse of an empty hallway before it slammed shut again.

"Uh, what's going on?" I asked as I sat up straight, fearing the answer.

She didn't respond, but with a flick of her hand, two of the three guards moved forward and immediately grabbed my arms, holding me in place. I tried to shove them off, but it was no use. They were too strong.

"It's time we had a little chat," Queen Nia said, walking forward so she was standing in front of me. "I do hope that you'll be a little thoughtful to how you respond, Y/N."

I glared at her with all the anger I could muster, fighting against the grounders strong grips. "And I hope that you'll be able to find enough white war paint to cover the black eye I'm about to give you."

She chuckled humourlessly. "Very idealistic, aren't you?" When I didn't respond, she waved her hand dismissively, continuing. "Anyway, I want to talk to you about Lexa."

I clenched my jaw at the sound of such a beautiful name coming out the mouth of a snake.

"What are her plans?" she questioned, leaning in close to try and read my harsh eyes. "Why did she keep you a secret? Is she planning something?"

I growled lowly, causing her to step back and smile with amusement. She paced up and down as she thought to herself, before finally stopping and looking at me sternly.

"Are you sure you don't want to respond?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. "I'm giving you a chance here, Y/N."

I breathed out deeply through my nose, not wanting to know what she was planning on doing if I stayed quiet. I looked down at the ground, saying, "I don't know. I'm sure she wasn't planning anything at all."

There was no immediate response as expected, so I looked up at her curiously. Her smile was twitching into a thin line, and she was obviously unsatisfied with my response.

"I don't appreciate liars, Y/N," she said in a quiet yet furious voice.

I shook my head, frowning at the accusation of me being a liar. "I swear I'm not lying. She doesn't have anything planned. She doesn't keep secrets. She wants everyone to be equal, unlike you who obviously wants to be in charge."

She cocked her head to the side, forcing a smile as she watched me glare at her again. "Suit yourself, darling. I'll make you talk."

Panic started to rise inside of me. I was telling the truth, and she was too stupid to see that! I watched as she flicked her hand again, making the third guard come forward. One of the two guards that was holding me in place forced me to stretch out my arm, and held it in place every time I tried to pull it back. The third guard brought forward some sort of metal tong, and a matchstick in the other hand.

"W-what are you doing?" I asked shakily, trying to back away, but failing miserably.

"Just tell us the truth and we'll leave you alone," Nia explained with a smile on her lips. "For now."

I shook my head, my eyes trained on the third guard who was now striking the match against the wall to light it, and heating up the tip of the tong. "I swear, I don't know anything. I'm telling the truth."

Nia sighed over-dramatically. "Such a shame, Y/N. You've forced my hand! Or should I say my guard's hand." She laughed at her own joke before giving some sort of hand signal to the third guard. "Do it now."

The tip of the metal tong was glowing bright orange, and before I could even prepare myself for what was about to come, I felt a searing hot pain on my forearm, forcing a scream from my mouth. The tong was kept there, allowing the hot metal to sizzle into my skin, definitely going to leave a mark.

"Ready to speak yet?"    

I shook my head, tears pooling in my eyes and threatening to escape. "I s-swear, I don't know anything."

She frowned, sighing again. "I figured you would learn from your mistakes, but obviously not." I shook my head frantically as she looked to the guard. "Again."

The third guard raised the tong from my arm, showing me the burnt mark that was now seared onto my skin. The fiery sensation was still there as the cool air tickled the area, and the sensation only intensified when he pressed the tong down again, eliciting another scream from myself. He repeatedly raised and pressed the tong into my arm, and I had no other choice but to scream and cry simultaneously. Eventually, I silenced my screams by biting my lip and enduring the pain, but the tears still came, and the burning was still there.

"That's enough," Nia ordered, causing the guard to raise the tong and carry it by his side.

A shaky sigh escaped my lips as I realised I was done, for now. Queen Nia stayed quiet for a moment, studying me as the fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. The two guards released me now, and I crumpled to the ground helplessly, unable to do anything remotely violent to them due to the pain in my arm. I looked at it, and my eyes widened at the red flesh that was clearly visible, having been tortured enough to make me want to puke at the sight.

"What? No smart remarks?" she asked teasingly, smiling with amusement as she watched me in pain. "No witty comebacks? Profound language?"

Ignoring my damp face and fresh tears, I glared at her with the most hostility I could muster. "Fuck. You."

She laughed lightheartedly, evidently not offended by my chosen words. "Ooh, you're a tough cookie to crack, aren't you? But don't worry. You'll hate this place in no time!"

Her words went in one ear and out the other, and before I knew it, her and her three minions had left me alone again, but I wasn't sure for how long. I was trying to ignore the overwhelming pain spreading through my left arm, and attempting to calm my crying down because it wasn't doing my headache any favours.

I didn't get very far with either of these things, though, as the door soon opened again, revealing the same three guards and Queen Nia, who was still grinning maniacally. They brought items with them this time, and I feared what they would be used for.

"Hope you enjoyed your little break there," she spoke enthusiastically, motioning for the guards to grab me again.

I made no effort to fight the two men off as they held me in place. The third guard was placing some sort of wooden crate in the centre of the room, and he had a rope in his hand with a noose tied at the end. My eyes widened with realisation, and I began to try and fight my way out of the guards' grip, but it wasn't working.

"Ah, I see you're getting the gist now," Nia said happily. "This should be easy then."

Tears escaped my eyes again as I tried my best to fight against the men, but everything I tried wasn't working. The third guard managed to wrap the noose around my neck, tightening the rope just enough to make my previous injury sting a little.

"Please, don't do this," I begged as they were tying the other end of the rope onto a pipe above the wooden crate. "I'll do anything, just please."

Nia shrugged. "I told you what you could do. Just tell me the truth and I'll stop this."

"I'm telling the truth!" I shouted as I tried to kick the guards away. They only manoeuvred around me and placed me on the crate, meaning I now couldn't move unless I wanted to die. "I swear, I'm telling the truth," I said as I sobbed. "Please.

Queen Nia rolled her eyes and didn't bother responding. I shook as the tears fell, and I came to realisation that I was about to die. As soon as they did this, I was gone forever. Without even getting to say goodbye to Deka, or Nyko, or Indra and Anya (even if they hated me).

Or Lexa.

I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to her, or tell her that I love her, or give her one final kiss before making sure she doesn't blame herself for this. I wouldn't be able to do anything. The only positive to this was that Nia wouldn't be able to put me in any more pain. That's good, isn't it? At least I could be gone from enduring anymore torture.

"Do it," Nia ordered.

The crate beneath me was kicked away, and I was soon dangling from the rope, feeling it tighten around my neck and slowly cutting off my breathing. My eyes were fighting to stay open as my lungs were fighting for oxygen, but soon enough, my vision was slowly being overtaken by black dots. This was it. I was going to die.

"Now!" Nia's voice rang out, and I heard it echo off the walls around me.

Before I could be enveloped in the darkness that would take me away from this evil place, I hit the ground below me with a thud, and the knot around my neck loosened, allowing me to take deep breaths and get the oxygen I needed to live. As I pulled the rope off my neck, I gasped desperately for air. I wasn't dead. They didn't kill me. But I was so close, I could feel it. What...

"Did you really think I would let you get out so easily?" she said with a bitter laugh. "Of course not!"

The other guards snickered along with her, and I felt my anger rising, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was in a terrible state, and I was outnumbered. I had to let them do what they wanted, and I had a strong feeling that I would be stuck here for a long time.

In other words, I was screwed.

***

"Ow!" I shouted groggily, clutching my head to relieve the pain that was forming. When I brought my hand back down, I was met with the smallest bit of blood.

I blinked to clear my fatigue, only to see a guard with a tray in his hand. After last time, I had fallen asleep straight away, exhausted from almost dying to death and all. But now, this arsehole seemed to have thrown something sharp at my head to wake me up.

"Eat your dinner," he snarled out, placing the tray on the ground before turning around and slamming the door behind him.

I flinched at the banging noise, but crawled over to the tray of food, my growling stomach urging me to see what it was. I frowned as I saw the contents of the tray. There was some sort of brown mush slapped on the dirty metal tray, and something yellow that looked like it was someone else's meal before mine. The tiniest bit of water was in a cup, and even that didn't look sanitary.

I had no choice but to force the wretched food down my throat, knowing I needed the energy and the food to actually keep me alive. I tried my best not to throw it up afterwards, and crawled back to my little corner, my hand subconsciously rubbing my sore neck.

I glanced around the familiar four walls that confined me as a prisoner, and tried to note anything remotely different. But I had scanned every part of this room and I knew it like the back of my hand. There was nothing in here that could help me. Unless I could manage to rip the toilet out of the wall and toss it at one of the guards, which was highly unlikely.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I curled up to myself, frowning at the situation I was in. Since I was alone in here, I had enough time to recall past events and do a lot of thinking, and I had come to the conclusion that I regretted not listening to Lexa and staying in my room. I shouldn't have been so stubborn and tried to prove a point to her. If I wasn't an idiot, I could have been in my bed right now. Playing stupid games on my phone.

I wished Lexa was here with me. I craved her affection, even though she rarely showed it. I wanted her to give me a hug, embrace me in her warm, comforting arms. I wanted her to kiss my forehead like that night she did when she thought I was asleep. I wanted her to whisper in my ear that she would keep me safe and that everything would be okay, like she once did. Even though I knew nothing would be okay.

The same scene kept replaying in my mind of Lexa trying to fight Titus' grip and come after me. As much as I wanted to hate Titus for stopping her, I knew it was wrong. If Lexa came after me there and then, either I would have died, or she would've. And both outcomes aren't exactly great. I just wondered what she were doing right now. Seeing as I had no idea whether it was day or night time, I pictured her doing all sorts. Making a plan to get me out of here. Sleeping in her bed, hopefully nightmare free, though I highly doubted it with our current dilemma and all.

I just didn't want her to worry too much. Even though I was terrified, the thought of her being troubled because of me and my silly mistakes pained me in my heart, even more than any injuries that Nia and her goons had given me.

***

I wasn't sure how long had passed. My days and night seemed to consist of the same things: sleeping with nightmares, thinking about Lexa, being tortured, and eating disgusting food. All of these things were my life now, and even though it had probably only been a few weeks since arriving here, it felt like forever. My days were merging together, and I had stopped keeping tracked long ago, finding no need to do so.

I found myself losing the will to live.

Constantly, I would get tortured in different ways – ways I didn't deem possible. Burning that same spot on my arm, nowhere else. Cutting my other arm with a knife in different areas. Consistent beatings. All to get some secret out of me – a secret that didn't exist.

My body was littered with bruises and scars and dried up blood. I was aching all over, all the time. My insides were slowly failing me because of not eating proper food that would benefit me. I reeked of body odour, sweat, and blood because they wouldn't let me shower. In whole, I was a mess.

But nothing was worse than the continuous hangings Nia would give me. Just like the first time, she would prepare me for death, and when I was seconds away from reaching it, she would snatch it away faster than I could tell. It was terrible.

The conditions I was in were so bad that I was wanting to die. I wanted her to leave me hanging for those few extra seconds, so the sweet, inviting blanket of darkness could embrace me and take me away from what my life was. But she took that chance away from me. And for that, I had never hated her so much.

At first, I forced myself to endure all of the torture she was purposely inflicting on me. I used the thoughts of my family, Deka, Lexa, all to bring me through this terrible time. But when I had finally reached my breaking point, I began to regret ever going into Cryopreservation for my parents. If I didn't do that, then I wouldn't have been where I was.

But then I would regret wanting to regret it, because if I didn't go in, I wouldn't have met Lexa, and she was my everything. She was the first person I had when I was alone, and I loved her so much, even though I couldn't tell her. 

Soon enough, I wondered if help was ever going to come. If it were, it would have happened by now, surely. Maybe Lexa had given up on me. Thought I was too much of a hassle to risk her and her people's lives for. It's not like anyone liked me, so why would they allow their Commander to save my life?

All of this negative thinking was only the side effects to the real pain I was receiving, and no matter how hard I tried to stop, it wouldn't disappear. By now, thinking about my family and Deka and Lexa was no use anymore.

I wanted to die, and that was that.

***

"Do it."

I braced myself for the familiar feeling of the crate being kicked from beneath me and the tightening of the rope around my neck. Once again, I found myself in the same situation of being moments away from death. And once again, I found myself hitting the ground with a thud as the noose loosened.

But not this time.

I used my feeble hands to keep the tight rope around my neck, pulling at it with all my remaining strength, hoping it would keep my breath gone for long enough and kill me. But one of the guards seemed to get what I was doing, and immediately pried my fingers from the rope, ultimately loosening the knot.

Tears escaped my eyes as I had failed in killing myself. I was so close, but not close enough apparently.

"You're not getting away from me that easily," Nia commented smugly. "I'm not finished with you just yet."

I didn't bother looking up at her, and instead waited for them all to leave. Once I heard the door slam shut, I pushed myself to sit up and lean against the nearest wall. I knew this wasn't right. This couldn't end up where I tried to kill myself, and it couldn't end up where she tried to kill me. I had to get out of here instead of feeling sorry for myself.

For the following few days, I began to forge a plan to escape. I wasn't sure whether it would work, but it was better to die trying than to die doing nothing. So, I ate all the horrid food they gave me, to build up my strength, and I tried to get used to standing up for long periods of time without blacking out. Despite the continuous torture they practically fed me, I was slowly building myself up. I was a lame, weaker version of my past self, but it was better than nothing, so I continued at it until I felt it was time.

My ear was pressed to my cell door, as I was expecting my usual guard to come in with my dinner any time now. When I heard the familiar grumbling of him hating his job, I backed up behind the door and waited for it to open.

3... 2... 1...

The door opened and I immediately slammed the tray in his face, sending the food and water all over him. As he was dazed for a moment, I grabbed the metal tray and whacked him on the head with it several times. My aim was to knock him unconscious before he could even lay a finger on me, and to my surprise, it worked. I now had an unconscious grounder at my feet, with myself heaving heavily from all of the energy I exerted just to do that.

"It worked," I muttered with disbelief.

Recovering from my momentary astonishment, I peeked my head out of the doorway to see if I had alerted anyone, but thankfully, the hallway was empty. Deciding I needed to move quickly, I dragged the grounder's heavy body into my cell and grabbed his sword from his sheath, hoping I wouldn't have to use it.

I left the room and shut the door with a click before moving swiftly down the corridor in the direction I hoped was out. As I neared the end of the hall, I saw an opening that had no cover, so I paused by that opening to catch my breath, knowing I would have to run really fast. A cold breeze made me shiver, and I only just realised how freezing it actually was. Colder than usual.

Once I was ready, I raced out of the opening, only to see that it was some sort of man-made cave I was locked in. As my eyes blinked rapidly to adjust to the natural daylight, I saw that my surroundings were covered with snow. Snow!

"Over there!" someone shouted, and I turned around to see some grounders beginning to run my way.

Not even thinking twice about it, I continued to run ahead at the fastest pace I could manage. There was a hug field across from me, and the snow was beginning to disperse the further it went, making me wonder if I were on the border of Ice Nation's territory. I continued to run that way, thankful for the tall grass that was doing well in hiding me from other eyes.

As I huffed and puffed desperately, I watched the cold fog escape my mouth, betraying how low the temperatures were out here. If I didn't run faster, I would die out here from hypothermia.

Angry voices yelling in Trigedasleng were heard, and that only pushed me to run faster, despite how badly my knees wanted to give in. I eventually raced out of the snowy field and into the forest that was still unfamiliar territory, but easier to hide in. My feet didn't stop running as I took loops and turns – anything to throw the Ice Nation grounders off my track.

As I furthered deeper and deeper into the woods, I noticed the temperature slowly rising and the snow slowly melting. This was my motivation to keep going in order to get as far away as possible from Azgeda as possible. Even when I was growing exhausted from running, I would still make sure that I was moving somehow, whether that be speed-walking or walking. Either way, my aim was to no longer here the yelling voices of Azgeda from behind me.

Night time approached by the time I had finally escaped my assailants, and only when I was sure that I was alone, I allowed myself to collapse onto a nearby tree trunk for a break. The realisation of all of the dangerous animals that lurked about in the dark didn't even scare me, because the overwhelming happiness that I had finally escaped was all I could focus on.

"I'm free," I spoke to myself, tears running down my face. But this time, they were happy tears, and I didn't mind them.

The adrenaline I had felt when escaping however, soon faded away, and my burning arm and scarred neck pain returned. I didn't want to die out here, though. I had to get away from Azgeda and hopefully find my way back to Polis. Or at least Tondc. I may have not been able to recognise where I was, but as soon as I saw the familiar statue of Lincoln, I knew I would be safe.

I pulled myself up from the tree trunk, and forced myself to cover more ground between Ice Nation and I. As I walked, my hand clenching the hilt of my sword tightly, I prayed that nothing would bother me tonight. No animals and no grounders.

***

I woke up to the sound of a rustling in the branches nearby, and when I realised where I was, I forced myself up, and I was back to square one. Running forward aimlessly as I tried to escape the grounders. Only this time, I knew that someone was chasing me, meaning a member of Ice Nation had found me.

My fatigue disappeared as I continued running, and any thought of me being tired from my extra-long nap was gone. I breathed heavily as I raced through the trees, hoping to lose my pursuer. But I could still hear him, and only when I felt a whisk past my ear did I stop running and widen my eyes.

There was a spear in the tree.

I glanced over my shoulder, only to see someone at quite a fair distance racing towards me. I continued to run, trying to think of a plan. I couldn't keep running forever, and in the state I was in, I was bound to collapse from exhaustion soon.

I stopped running when I truly felt out of breath, and I hid behind a tree, thinking hard about what I could do to get out of this situation. My eyes darted around frantically, and soon settled on a giant rock. I picked it up, knowing I only needed to use it to knock him unconscious. I wasn't planning on killing him. I wasn't planning on killing anyone.

As I heard the sound of his feet hitting the forest floor, I rounded the corner, about to smack the rock on his head, but he saw it coming and tripped me up, making me drop the rock on the ground. I groaned as I tried to blink my dizziness away, only to feel a weight on top of me. As my eyes focused, I saw the grounder who originally held a knife to my neck, grinning maniacally at me.

"I should've killed you when I had the chance," he growled, wrapping his meaty fingers around my neck and squeezing tightly.

I choked out as I tried to pry his fingers away from my neck, but it was no use. He was squeezing the life out of me. From the corner of my eye, though, I saw the rock beside my head. It was in arms reach, and using my remaining efforts, I reached over for it with my right hand. He didn't seem to think much of it, probably thinking I wouldn't be able to lift it. But I did, and using it, I smashed it into the side of his head, knocking him off me.

I forced myself to sit up, and I saw the blood on the rock in my hand. I looked at him and he was in a daze as he pushed himself off the ground and limped towards me. I opened my mouth with shock, fearing the fact that he just wouldn't go down. Salty tears rushed down my face as I smashed the rock into his head again, and this time, he went down.

The hand with the rock in was now covered in blood – the same blood that was pouring from his cracked skill. I was shaking as I stepped forward, reaching for his pulse through all of the blood that was covering his head.

No response.

"No," I muttered, stepping back, shaking my head slowly. Tears flooded down my cheeks as I realised that I had just killed a man.

I didn't have time to be surprised though, as a rustling noise came from behind me. My eyes widened when I wondered if this grounder was actually alone as I presumed, or if someone had followed him. My grip on the rock tightened, and I felt my heartbeat hammer rapidly in my chest. Hoping I wouldn't have to use the rock again, I slowly turned around, ready to fight, only to gasp at the sight and drop the rock from my hand.

"Y/N..."

Lexa was stood there, a bow and arrow in her hand, it directed at me. She was ready to shoot, but after saying my name, she lowered her weapon and stared at me with disbelief. I mirrored her expression, feeling my throat close up. She was here. In front of me. After so long.

"Lexa."

//

I'm emotional after reading this byE