Chapter 7

I haven't felt so awful since I finally told Zayn about Jade. I just walked away from them. I didn't even bother mustering up a goodbye. I just simply, left.

I'm living in New York City now with a roomate who's also a rockette. I passed my audition, as you can tell, and having shows every so often. It pays decently and I love it.

No body really knows about my past. There are a few people who claim they've seen me in a magazine before with Zayn, but I just laugh it off. I don't say "That's not me" but I also don't say "Yup, that sure is me!"

I miss them; Jade, Tracy, Zayn, Kris, everyone. I miss them all so much.

I've called Tracy now and then, though she isn't the slightest bit happy with me, and we planned a visit for her and Jade. They'll be coming out in a little over a week. I can't seem to wait a week, yet I've waited almost a whole year to see Jade again. We've skyped so Jade could still see me, but Tracy just plasters on a fake smile.

She told me that Zayn has been seen out with a few girls, but nothing out of the ordinary. She says that none of them seem to effect him the way I did. I just told her it was because the paps captured the picture at the wrong time. I'm sure he's moved on.

"You coming?" Melissa asked. Melissa is my roomate. She's brilliant and extremely funny. Her looks are almost completely different from mine. She has bright blonde hair contrasting to my dark color. She has light, fare skin while I have my tanned, flawless skin. She has bright blue eyes, completely different compared to my dark brown ones. We're polar opposites, yet almost exactly the same.

I shook my head, unaccepting her offer to lunch. "No no. I think I'm just gonna hang around here and pick up a bit."

She smiled sweetly. "Alright then, babe. See you in a bit! I'll tell the girls you miss 'em!"

"Thank you!" I cooed. I gave her a slight wave and began to tidy the living area up.

The apartment isn't huge, but it's decent for New York City. Living where I do can be hectic, but it's an adventure; that's what I wanted. My phone rang from my bedroom and I sprinted to it. Tracy's name showed across the screen and I quickly answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I have someone who wants to talk to you!" There was some muffling then a sweet, angelic voice rang through out the phone speaker.

"Mumma!"

"Hi, sugar!" I couldn't help the smile spread on my lips. "How's my big 2 year old?!"

"Good!"

"You excited to see mumma soon!"

"Mhm!" She giggled. "Bye, Mummy!" There was more muffling before Tracy was back on the line. I want to talk to her about how she feels, but I never found the guts. I mean, I found the courage to do what I did, yet I can't seem to ask my best friend if she absolutely despises me?

"Trace, can we talk about something?"

There was a silence before the quiet sound of a door closing echoed into the phone. "What's up?"

"You know I'm sorry, right?" I picked at my nails, chipping off the black matte paint I had on them. "For leaving you guys?"

She chuckled softly. "I know, Ray. It's just hard to think that my best friend left me and her daughter behind. We just miss you."

"I'll be back eventually, Tracy. I'm not gone for good. I just needed to do this. This was something I needed to experience." I sighed, finally acknowledging the nagging feeling I've had in the back of my head. "But I realized it's never going to be as rewarding as Jade."

"That's all I wanted to hear you say, Raven."

Tracy and I talked for a little longer, avoiding the usual conversation of Zayn. It was great to finally talk to Tracy like we used to. It hasn't been the same, but now, I can't wait to get back to London.

"You know he's going to be in the states soon," Tracy said quietly. "They land in the city in a couple of days."

"Who is?" I asked, completely unaware of what she meant.

"The boys. They're heading for a big concert there." I sighed heavily and slunked onto my bed. "I'm not saying they'll be near you, but Zayn knows you're there, Raven."

"Of course he knows, but he probably doesn't care."

I could hear Tracy sigh through the phone speakers. "He still cares. Kris had another lunch date with them, except they had to come here."

"What?" I felt my body slightly start to tremble. Zayn saw Jade again? He was suppose to forget about us and just focus on his career.

"He saw Jade and completely broke down. He excused himself from the table and came into the kitchen to talk to me," Tracy continued. I shook my head, well aware she couldn't see me. "He kept asking about you."

"What did he say?"

"Asked how you were and where you're staying. If you got the job with the Rockettes or not. Mainly just wondering if you were content, it seems."

I remembered back to when we fought in the alley way, him telling me that I can talk to him again once I'm content with life. I felt my heart break a bit. God, I miss him.

"What did you say?"

"I told him you seem to be."

Shit. What if we somehow see each other while he's here? If I see him, I'm sure to apologize and make a down right fool of myself in front of him. I said my goodbyes to Tracy and laid down on my bed, allowing the duvets to engulf me within their warmth.

I need to disappear.

***

It's been a few days since the boys were said to have landed here. I'm trying to dodge going to my usual places, just incase they were going to be there. Except today. I have rehearsal then I have to go out to lunch with the director and some of the other girls. To the classiest cafe in the city, right near Time Square.

"Are you aright?" Melissa asked, touching my shoulder. I snapped out of my thoughts and nodded once, forcing through my worried expression. What if for some reason Zayn and the boys are here? What if they notice me? What if I have to talk to them?

I sat down slowly, my eyes darting from person to person. This is somewhere Zayn and Harry would hunt down and get a coffee at. I know this because most famous people who come to the city, come here to get the best coffee around the city.

I can't keep psyching myself out. It's only going to make it worse, so I just had to forget about it; move on and don't let those worries phase this lunch. 

We were all laughing and smiling with Linda, the director, and having a blast. I was taking a sip of my coffee and listening intently when I heard some familiar laughter. The sound sent chills down my spine. I glanced around in hopes of finding where the noise came from, but I had no luck.

"Ray, what're you doing?" Linda asked. She had a smile on her lips and giggle falling out of her mouth after I choked on my coffee. I wiped my mouth and shook my head.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." She accepted the apology and we went back to the usual conversation. Linda explained some new steps she's been working on and some new scenes she wants to introduce in the future. The familiar laugh happened again, but this time it was accompinied by another one.

This time, my head shot up and I followed where the laughter came from. My eyes scanned the back of heads, the profile of faces and people's attire. None of which looked familiar. The cafe was packed and almost all the seats were full, yet I could constantly hear this laughter. This sound that makes me remember everything in London. 

"Raven, are you alright?" Melissa asked. I shook my head and stood up. I gathered my things and excused myself from the table, apologizing immensly for leaving to sudden. I pushed through the line of people and exited the cafe, catching my breath. I sucked in a great amount of air and felt a lump form in my throat. Just that sound, that laugh, makes me feel the guiltiest I have ever felt. Zayn's laugh just rang in my ears as I waited for a taxi. I didn't want to walk nor did I want to take the subway.

I heard the door slam shut and I peeked over my shoulder, seeing a large, burly man standing in front of 2 people. Immediately, I knew I had to leave. I called out for a taxi as I ran down the street the opposite way, but it wasn't quick enough.

"Raven?" He called after me. I stopped in my tracks and spun around slowly. My eyes met those beautiful brown eyes, even with the distance there is. He approached me as people started to gather. "Raven, I-"

"You can't talk to me, Zayn. Please, just-" He cut me off by cupping my cheek.

"Trace said that you were content here. Is that true?" My eyes fell onto the ground and he rubbed my cheek bone with his thumb. "Raven, answer me."

I nodded. He lifted my face up with his forefinger and thumb, tilting my face towards his. "Will you love me again, then?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. After this time away, I found out that I do love him. The relationship wasn't forced for him and I felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. I need him, honestly. I will do anything for him. I did what I wanted to do here in New York City. 

"Because I haven't stopped loving you," he whispered before crashing his lips on mine. Even in front of a million people with fans gathering and cars passing, I felt as if we were alone. Nobody else was here with us.

After he pulled away, I smiled at him. Now I feel content, fully. Not the way I am just living here. This was rash and it happened quickly, but he kissed me after only minutes of seeing me again. That must mean something, right?

He kissed my forehead as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

This felt like home.

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shitty, I'm sorry. I was expecting more time. You guys actually took a while to get the votes I asked for, but it's ok. I have this big research paper going on and it's taking up a lot of my mental stability, lol. I'm stressing. 

Anyways! If you wouldn't mind checking out my other stories like "Shot in the Heart", which is my newest and shortest! lol maybe even "Starting Us Over"??? :) 

Follow my twitter! www.twitter.com/morepaynepls :) if you do, I'll start letting you guys know on there what's going on with the stories! 

let's keep it at 5 votes for the next chapter :) love you!