Chapter 12

The barn was as grand as the house, extending out of sight, overcome by brush on one side. As we approached, I grew breathless at the sound of horses snorting and braying, and the smell wafting through the open windows, identical to the warm scent on Tamlin. I began raising myself to try to see them, glimpsing the heads of some through the windows. I didn't realise I was smiling until I caught Tamlin watching me as he walked beside Elain, Lucien and I. A corner of his lips were pulled up and the sight, for some reason, warmed me more than the horses.    "I don't think anyone other than myself has been quite as excited about my horses as you are," He snickered, and pulled his gaze from me.    I said nothing, unable to wipe the smile from my face.    Servants bustled from the doors, all of them males, hair blessedly brunette or chestnut—instead of blond, like the sentry. They opened the barn doors and bowed to Tamlin while he led the way in. His shoulders were held back, accentuating their broadness. He nodded to each servant as he crossed the threshold, and I dared glance at them. They blinked back at me curiously, and I attempted a smile.    It really wasn't hard to show friendliness; the anticipation of the horses right ahead of me turned it into a wide grin as I gracefully curtseyed to each of them. I was, after all, a human and they, Fae. Their status even as servants to the High Lord, was much higher than my own.    Tamlin turned, watching me, and softly said. "You need not do that."    I turned the grin towards him, finally stepping past the Fae. "It made them smile."    "How's old Heron?" Lucien wondered, peering past Tamlin as he came in.    "Heron has been kept well, since the last you checked—which happened to be yesterday," Tamlin chuckled, and Lucien rolled his eyes.    I couldn't move. All the hundreds of horses, their velvet noses of different colours poking out from their stalls, their enormous heads swinging toward us, their eyes half-lidded as they watched their visitors.    I noticed Elain as she bumped into me, her gaze flickering around the stalls nervously.    "Horses are scary, arn't they?" She shivered, and I laughed—actually heard myself laugh, if not incredulously—as I turned to her.    "You don't like them?"    She shook her head. "Not after one trampled my friend as a child. The horse was startled by a bee sting, no doubt. It took months for their arm to heal."    I shook my head, turning my eager gaze back to the beasts. They all stood so still as the spring sunlight filtered in, dust motes dancing in the air as, off in one of the stalls, there came the sound of a servant pitching hay.    Then my gaze slid to the High Lord as he came to lean on the stall Lucien was entering. Lucien made cooing noises at his horse and somewhere inside, a horse whinnied in response.    Should I be frightened of him... Tamlin?    I realised, quite suddenly, I did not want to ever leave this place. The trees blooming with pink and white flowers, the willows dripping morning dew, the ponds where swans flew in to sit idle on the water's surface—all of it, spring in its essence, is what I dreamed of my entire life. I knew it was possible I could grow tired of one season all year around but—was it one season all year? In each court?    And what did I think of the Fae? There was something undeniably brutal about them, something humans did not possess; but I supposed that came with immortality. There was less desperation to love unceasingly, domestically. Indeed, Fae love seemed to be grand. There was an infinite amount of time stretched before them, until something other than time ended their lives.    Did they go through seasons? Seasons of love, seasons of hate, seasons of learning and then... unlearning?    Could they maintain love once they really found it? Could it last, untiring, throughout the centuries? Could they be gentle for the eternity that stretched before them, in this imperfect world?    Maybe. They were immortal, but that did not mean they could not die.    But I had not seen everything yet; had not witnessed the layers pulled back among the hundreds of different Fae, what they were capable of, what their customs were. I realised, I had every reason to remain on the same ground my father stood on when it came to them.    And yet, this all felt more alive than anything I had seen growing up. All of them glowing with something, I couldn't quite grasp what.    But this one—my eyes travelled over his half smile as he watched Lucien, his skin slightly too pale for a High Lord of the Spring Court, where there was plenty of sunlight to tan. His hair lay limp, without care, past his shoulders—this one was missing something.    I felt a poke in my arm and jolted around, glancing with alarm at Elain.    "It's actually considered very rude to stare at a High Lord for periods of time. It can be considered a challenge," She said softly, nearly a whisper, but her lips flickered in a gentle smile.    My cheeks flared. How foolish I must have looked, staring at him, someone so grand, with so much power and a whole land under his reign; and I, a human, the daughter of someone who's life purpose was to be equipped to kill the Fae kind.    "It's not like that," I said in return, avoiding her gaze and now looking at all the horses. "I don't... I was just... you know who my father is. I promise, it's not infatua—"    "Shhh!" She held up a finger, and I noticed, from the corner of my eye, his approach.    He swept back the long, golden hair that had crept in front of his face, then smiled. "You have free reign," He nodded at me. "Whichever horse; don't be scared to approach. They are very tame," He turned, his eyes sparkling as they gazed over each beast.    "I don't know where to start," I said, trying to take my eyes from his mane, and instead look at the different horses, how they were groomed. Some of their manes were in buns, some in braids, some had been allowed to grow long while others were snipped short. "Do you have one specific horse? That you ride all the time, I mean?"    He turned around, and grinned. "You want to see my horse?"    I nodded hurriedly. These were, technically, all of his horses; but there had to be one that everyone thought of as Tamlin's.    Elain let out a sound of distress. "Are you sure? He has to be really terrible if he's willing to carry you everywhere," She gestured at Tamlin before snatching her hand back, hugging herself.    "Why? Because of my beast form?" Tamlin teased and I felt Elain shudder.    "Tell Lucien I'll be walking in the gardens," Elain said, turning. Then, she glanced at me, and added over her shoulder. "Just outside of the stables."    "Lucien wanted to take you out for a ride, across the meadows."    Elain gaped. "Are you serious? Does he know nothing about me?"    Tamlin flashed another grin. "It's up to you," He gave her a slight bow, before gesturing to me with a jerk of his chin, and I moved to follow.    "The mildest horses are kept in the front of the stable," He said, turning and pointing to the ones we had just passed. "Then, they become fiercer as we go on," He nodded towards Lucien's stable, where I saw him grooming a black beast, running his hand along the already shining flank. The eyes on Lucien's horse held a world within them—he was huge, his muscles thick and well-worked. The stallion glimpsed me, and pawed at the ground, blinking with curiosity. I wondered at all that horse had done.    The stable grew progressively darker as the walls on the outside became more overcome with vines and flowers. Sunlight filtered through gaps in the leaves into some of the stalls. One of the horses we passed had a scar running down his face and his neck, and I stared after him. His eyes, unlike all the others, did not follow our movement down the hall. A cowed horse—cowed by something, I could not tell.    "That's Aren," Tamlin said, following my gaze. "No matter how I try to reach him, I don't think he likes me. I have been thinking of releasing him into the wild, to be free, but... I feel as if his spirit is too broken to be able to survive there, alone."    Aren withdrew into his stall, and I turned to see we had reached the end. Some of the stalls were empty. The very last one was filled with golden light. A window in the stall was opened to the East, toward the sea (the opposite sea from the one I had been looking toward in Velaris). Tamlin hurried ahead, and speaking in a low voice, almost like a growl, he came to rest his arms on the stall door. In response, I heard a low nicker, and as I crept closer, my eyes glimpsed white. A mane of cream coloured hair flowed in waves past the horse's shoulders, curling around the muscles of its chest.    "This is Vela, my mare," Tamlin heaved a sigh, reaching out a hand and covering the mare's nose. "Elain was right—Vela's terrifying."    I dared a step toward the stall and Vela swung her head toward me. "Hello," I spoke in a low voice, letting my hand swoop up from my side, and Vela turned her head down to sniff at my palm. "She's wonderful," I glanced at Tamlin, before looking back at the mare. Her eyes were a dazzling blue, her muzzle a soft pink.    How wonderful these creatures are. If I could stand here all day, letting them surround me, their warmth and their smell all I knew for hours, I would feel alive. Calmed. Reassured. Already I felt the tendrils of peace and bliss curling around my hand and up my arm with each gust of warm air pushed from Vela's nostrils.    Then, she bowed her head, her eyes closing, and I stepped closer, running my hand up her head to her ears. She dipped her head further, and with both my hands, I cupped the back of her ears, and with a look of wonder, slid them up the velvet fur, to the tips. She let out a low nicker of pleasure, before nuzzling my shoulder with her nose.    As I pet her chin, then her neck, I heard Tamlin unlatching the stall door softly, swinging it open. I stepped back to let the door go by, being careful not to lift my hand from Vela's neck. Completely entranced with her, I stepped inside, and heard the stall door latch behind me.    I did not feel frightened. If Tamlin was here with me, any thought that I should be afraid simply was not there. Perhaps it was foolish, but I kept walking down the length of Vela, running my hand down her back. She was huge, the bend in her back taller than my forehead, though Tamlin's shoulder came just above it.    Vela turned her head so she could nuzzle my shoulder, and I let out a breathless laugh, running my fingers through her mane.    I met Tamlin's eyes peering at me over Vela's back. They were wide, filled with awe—as I'm sure mine were as well. How could you not look on with adoration in the midst of horses?    "Lucien's never pet her like that," Tamlin said softly, resting a hand on Vela's back.    I turned my eyes back to Vela, meeting her stare, ice blue eyes watching me. "Lucien doesn't like white horses, huh?"    "No," Tamlin snickered. "Not that," His hand ran down the length of Vela's back. "She won't let him. Won't let any of my stable-hands care for her either."    "Won't let him?"    He smiled back at me, tilting his head. "Vela's a terrible beast, Ellaena. What you see here, only I've known."    I grinned right back at him, raising on my tip toes so I could see him better. "You're telling me there was a chance my hand could have been eaten when I reached to pet her?"    His smile eased into something pleasant as he gazed back at me. "I would not let her. I'm always inclined to see people try. I doubt she'd let you ride her, though. Now there's a real chance you'll lose more than just your hand."    "Has Lucien tried?"    "Yes," He nodded. "Where do you think he got his golden eye?"    My eyes widened and Tamlin grinned, canines flashing.    "I'm joking," He chuckled, though I still wondered how Lucien met his golden eye. "Though he did spend a couple of days in his bed."    "Well, I will respect that she is wholly bonded to you," I dipped my chin toward him, and in response, Vela whinied low, nudging my behind, making me stumble into her side.    Tamlin's smile faded before he peered at me, assessing. He stared for such a length of time in silence that I began to shift, glancing toward the stall door, measuring how far I was away from it. Suddenly I wondered at my chance of escape, if I was in danger alone with him. I would have no chance to flee if he—    "Though Lucien never tried riding while I was on her as well."    My eyes slid to him, and my mouth fell open. "Oh no, I couldn't," I began to back away when Vela nudged me toward her side again, and Tamlin's pink lips slowly pulled into a gorgeous smile, a ray of sunlight brightening his face for once.    "I think maybe you could."