Chapter 2

The plane ride seemed to go on forever. This was my first time on a plane and I was not enjoying it. My stomach felt as if it was in my chest. I was liable to pass out or be sick again at any moment. I wasn't quite sure which, maybe both. I put the paper bag I had been using for the past hour up to my face and began to take slow deep breathes. A few moments later the pilot announced that we would be landing in ten minutes.

Thank God.

I looked over to see Haley fast asleep in the seat next to me. I placed my hand on her shoulder and began shaking her awake.

"Haley wake up! we're about to land." Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around at her surroundings.

"What time is it" she asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I'm not sure" I replied. "We're in a different time zone."

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We made our way to the street our bags in hand. Neither one of us knew where the hotel was from here. I pulled up the gps on my phone and began searching the address she had given me.

"Oh my god!" I groaned. "Its like an hour and a half away."

I just wanted to get to the hotel and lock myself up in a room until it was time for the events. I just wanted to be away from the world. I have so much I have to figure out. Like where I'm gonna go after here for starters. I can't stay in California. I have some money, but not near enough to survive in California. I have to figure something out and fast.

I just need my blade. My blade was always there to comfort me. My blade was exactly what I needed to get my release. My release of pain, agony, stress. It may only last for a few moments but those few moments of release help. So many people don't understand why I do it but the truth is unless you've self harmed before, unless you've walked that path then no you don't understand. And you won't understand. Unless you've been there, no matter how much I try to explain it. You just won't understand.

I crawled in the cab Haley had called for us and laid my head against the window. Taking in all the beauty of California it was truly beautiful. The sun was shining so bright, Palm trees at every corner, People laughing as they walked up and down the street. Everyone looked so happy here.... I can remember when I use to be happy, before my world came crumbling down, before everything that use to make sense just didn't make sense anymore.

I can remember those Sundays we'd wake up, go to church, and then come home and have a BBQ with the whole family. I can remember playing baseball in the yard with my dad while my mom sat in a lawn chair reading a book and laughing at how foolish my father and I were acting. Those were the days. I didn't have to worry about wether the bills had been paid, or if my mother was strung out, what kind of drugs she had been taking, if I was going to get beaten, if I was going to come home to an empty house, I didnt have to worry about any of those things. How did things end up so bad ? what went wrong ? why did my daddy leave me ? was I that terrible to be around ? my mom was right. It was my fault for what he did. I wasn't a good enough daughter.

A tear escaped from my eye as these thoughts ran through my mind. I didn't stop them either, I just let them fall. Tear after tear after tear.

I saw a hand reach my thigh, I looked over to see Haley smiling at me, an 'everything will be okay' look plastered on her face. I close my eyes and leaned back on the head rest and before I knew it I had drifted off into a much needed sleep.

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I grabbed the last of our bags as Haley went to talk to the lady at the desk and get our room keys. She came jogging back to where I was standing. She had the biggest smile in her face.

"Here. This one is yours. We have this room for two weeks." She said as she handed me the key. I showed a half smile as I took the key and headed for the elevator. We were on the top floor which I absolutely loved. The balcony view was going to be amazing. The elevator came to a stop and we made my way through the long hallway. I looked from door to door trying to find our room number 974 (I'm a mahomie. Sorry I had to put 74 in there somewhere. Lol)

969

970

971

972

973

974. Found it.

"Haley, where right here." I yelled down the hallway before placing my card through the door to unlock it. I threw my bags right by the door and started to look around. It was nice. It was like a mini apartment. It had double beds, a bathroom, a little kitchenette, a tv, and there was a sign that said free wifi on the door. It doesn't get better than that. I walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I took a glance at my reflection in the mirror. God I look hideous. My right eye had a purple ring around it, my lips were swollen and there was a cut visible in my cheek. I lifted up my shirt to observe my side where I had been kicked repeatedly. There was big black bruises plastered across my ribs. I lightly touched my side with the tips of my fingers the pain was excruciating but I liked it. I let a single tear escape my eye before Haley came rushing into the bathroom.

"God! Parker! you scared me... I thought... I thought ..." she looked down at the floor, she couldn't get the words out but I knew exactly what she thought. She thought I was cutting.

"I'm fine Haley" I said in a sympathetic voice. She was like my sister an I lee how much it hurt her to see me in pain. I knew it killed her when she saw the cuts and scars that were drawn on my wrists and thighs. " I was just looking to see how much damage she did this time."

" I don't understand why you don't fight back. She could've seriously hurt you, Parker. You're a strong person. Why do you sit there and take it? you don't deserve that." She yelled, in frustration.

"I may not deserve it. And I know she's hurt me alot and she's done some pretty shitty things, but she's still my mother and me hitting back doesn't justify what she's done to me." I said. Trying to make her understand. " That makes me no better than her."

" You're right." she nodded. "I just don't know how you do it."

The truth is i don't know how I've done it either. If it wasn't for my idols, Haley, and my twitter friends. I probably wouldn't be here. They've kept me strong.

"Let's get dressed up and go walk around. I heard through the grape vine that the boys are staying some where near here." She smirked.

"No way. Oh my god. What if we run into them." I started to Fangirl.

"I seriously doubt it. We're not lucky like all those other girls." Haley said in a sad doubtful tone.

"Yeah, but you never know it could happen." I smiled hopeful. " Wait. Oh god. I look like shit. I've got all these bruises and shit. They can't see me like this. They'll think I got hit by a bus." I threw my hands up in frustration and anger.

"Come on. We probably won't even see them. And your bruises won't be that noticeable before the event. It's two days from now. Plus that's why make up is for" she strutted away to the bags by the door and came back with all of out make up equipment. "Sit. I'm gonna make you Beyoncé." I let out a loud laugh before doing as I was told.

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"There take a look. You look beautiful." Haley said spinning me around.

I stated at my image in the mirror. I actually did feel pretty which doesn't happen quite often. I have a very low self esteem. Once you are out down, called ugly, fat, whore, piggy, ..... etc so much, you start to actually believe the things they say. That can put a toll on someone's confidence. The bruise around my eye was no longer visible, you could just faintly see the cuts on my cheek. She had my dark hair waved along my back stopping a little below the middle of my back, my bangs were swooped to the right side of my face taking the focus of the cuts away. A small smile appeared on my face.

"thank you Haley. " I wrapped her in a hug. "I don't know what I would do with out you. I love you so much" I squeezed her tighter before pulling away. A huge smile was plastered in her face.

"I love you too baby girl. Let's just enjoy this for right now. Well figure the rest out later." I looked down. I honestly didn't want to think about what was going to happen after this trip. I have no ideas. I don't know where I'm going to go. "Hey. Look at me." She said grabbing my hand. "You're not gonna have to do this alone. I'm right here. I'll help you in any way I can." I shot her a quick smile.

"I know."

"Good now go get a cute outfit on while I make myself presentable. " I let out a small laugh and she pushed me out of the bathroom.

I walked over to my bags by the door, neither of us and even started to unpack yet. I rummaged through the clothes I had picked out. I picked out a pair of light faded high waisted shorts, a off white tank, with dream written across the front in red and blue, that was short in the front an longer it the back, showing part of my tan stomach, and belly ring. I threw on my red vans before Haley came out of the restroom. Her shoulder length alight brown hair was curved around her face. She wore dark blue jean shorts and a lacy red tank and black vans.

"You look hot" she smirked at me. I flipped my hair and did a quick turn before busting out laughing.

"Come on. Let's go find our boys." I said in between laughter. I grabbed my ran ban sunglasses and there my Indian style bag over my head and let hang by my side.

"Come on slow poke" she said pulling my arm out the door.

We made our way down the hall tithe evlevator but not before we heard loud laughter coming from a room down the hall. We immediately knew those laughs, even from the distance. There was no mistaking it. The boys. They were in our hotel. On our same floor. Can this really be happening. I could feel my anxiety kicking in. My heart started racing and my palms started sweating.

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