51: Heartbroken

JAMIE POV

"Let's break up." I said, my heart literally shattering in the process. I saw Jimin's eyes widen and suddenly turn glossy. Everything started to hurt as I forced myself not to give in. I swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore." I said. Jimin just stared at me, surprised and hurt. I waited for him to say something, but at the same time, I didn't want him to say anything. Finally, after a few moments, he spoke up.

"W-What? No... Jamie what are you saying? What did my mom say?" He asked, denying the fact that I just broke us apart.

"Nothing... I just don't want this anymore." I said. I didn't want to hurt him too badly, but I knew that the truth would hurt him more.

"Jamie, I know that's not true. Come on, just tell me what happened." He said desperately. I wanted to sob in his arms right then and there. I'm so sorry Jimin. You don't deserve this. I don't deserve you.

"I have to go. I'm sorry Jimin, it's not you. Please know that it's not you." I said.

"I'm coming over." He said, getting out of his window, but I vigorously shook my head.

"No, Jimin don't. It's for the best." I said.

"Jamie--"

"I'm not good for you."

"Don't do this..." Tears streamed down my face. I have to.

"I'm sorry."

"Jamie I love you." I love you too. So much.

"Take care of yourself."

"Jamie! Please! Stop!" He yelled, throwing half of his body out of the window. I felt myself growing more weak.

"Thank you... for everything." I finished. With that, I closed the windows, I closed the curtains and I broke down.

"Jamie! Kim Jamie! No! Please, no! Talk to me!" I heard him yelling from the outside. I covered my mouth and sobbed. My heart literally hurt, as if someone was repeatedly stabbing it. I am so sorry Jimin.

"You can't do this to us, you can't do this to me! I love you! You can't just leave me like this, please!" I heard his voice crack. I knew he was crying. I stayed silent as tears rushed like a river out of my eyes.

Elizabeth rushed into my room and saw me crying. She ran over to me and wrapped me in a hug. I let it all go into her shoulder. I cried, I hit myself, all the while hearing Jimin's screaming voice in the background. Elizabeth tried to calm me down by rubbing my back and petting my head, but I just continued to sob. My heart hurt so bad, but I can't imagine how hurt Jimin must be. I left him with no valid reason or explanation. He must hate me now. And that was my biggest fear of all. Soon, Jimin's screaming stopped and I grew weak. I soon collapsed in Elizabeth's arms and blacked out.

.

.

I woke up on my bed and looked around my dark room. I felt tired and weak, and I didn't want to get up. I looked at the time and saw that it was midnight. I sat up and took a deep breath. I miss Jimin.

I was about to walk to the bathroom when Elizabeth suddenly walked into my room.

"Oh good, you're awake." She said. I raised an eyebrow.

"Jimin is at the door... he has been knocking for the past thirty minutes and he says he won't leave until he sees you." She said. My eyes widened.

"What about my dad?" I asked. She sighed.

"He is asleep but at this rate, he may wake up." She said. I nodded and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked weak but still okay. I had to look okay, or Jimin won't let me go. I took a deep breath and slowly made my way down the stairs. I heard him banging on my door and I began to hurry. I reached the door, put my hand on the handle, hesitated for a moment, prepared my heart, and I opened it.

There, it broke my heart to see Jimin with red eyes, a red nose, and messed up hair. He saw me and his eyes widened, then softened.

"Jamie--"

"You can't be here Jimin." I said quickly.

"I had to see you." He said. I walked out and closed the door behind me.

"We need to talk."

"What is there to say?" I said. Jimin bit his lip in frustration.

"A lot. You can't just leave me like that. I need an explanation. You can't do this to me, please Jamie." He said, trying to reach for my hand. To avoid this, I put my hands in my pocket.

"I told you. I just don't want this anymore. Your parents don't like me, the kids at school don't want us together, my father won't approve of this, and I need to focus more on my academics." I said, although it hurt me to say every word.

"Was I not enough? What can I do? I can change. I don't care what anyone else says, I'll do anything." He begged. My heart hurt so bad I thought it would stop beating any time now.

"Don't make this any harder for the both of us." I said.

"How can I make it easy for you?" He asked. I took a shaky breath. I wanted to tell him everything. About my dad, his parents... but I couldn't.

"Take care of yourself. We can still be friends?" I said. He let out a half-hearted laugh.

"And what, forget what we have? Jamie I love you. How can I just be friends with you when I freaking love you. I want to touch you, I want to hug and kiss you. I want to fluster you with my stupid jokes and I want to be there for you. I can't just forget everything and go on as friends." He said. I knew exactly what he meant.

"Jimin... I don't want to lose you completely. It's just... dating... it's not the right time for us right now. This is for your own good. You're better off without me. Focus on your academics and be happy." I said.

"Don't you get it?!" He said, raising his voice. "You make me happy! We've only dated for a few months but you made me happier than I was at any other time in my life. If now is not a good time to date, then when will it be? I'll wait. However long it may be, I'll wait. I'm not ready to break up." He said as he took a step towards me. I hesitantly took a step back. Stay strong Jamie.

"Goodnight Jimin." I said, but before I could turn around and go back inside, he grabbed my wrist, turned me around, and wrapped me in his arms. At that, tears instantly lined my eyes and threatened to fall.

"Tell me the real reason why you're doing this." He whispered in my ear with a shaky voice. I couldn't help but to become vulnerable.

"I-I'm scared." I said, containing my sob.

"Of what?" He asked. I put my hands on his chest and slightly pushed him away.

"Of hurting you." I said as tears streamed my face. He gave me a confused look.

"Then why are you doing the one thing that would hurt me the most?" He asked, trying to grasp me again. I dodged his touch and shook my head.

"It's not. This is my way of protecting you, and your life will be better like this. You're just going to have to trust me." I said. He let tears escape his eyes.

"I trust you... but... please don't break up with me." He said, staring into my soul with his eyes that were filled with pain and sorrow.

"I'm sorry... I can't. Please just... do this for me if you can't do it for yourself." I said. Just then, Elizabeth opened the door and stepped out.

"Jamie... you should come back in now." She said. I nodded at her and looked back to Jimin.

"Goodbye Jimin." I said, but this made him panic.

"Goodbye? Not goodbye..." he said. I sighed.

"Goodnight Jimin." I said. Then, I quickly turned around and followed Elizabeth into the house. There, I crashed into her embrace once again and started sobbing. She pet my hair and tried to calm me down.

"It had to be done. You did good sweetheart. I'm so sorry." She said. I let it all out until her shirt was soaking wet.

After thirty minutes of sobbing and talking, I calmed down. Elizabeth got me a cup of water and helped me get to bed. There, I took my time to explain to her everything. The fact that Jimin's mom knew drew my line. I now understand why she hates me so much... I deserve this... but Jimin doesn't.

"I'm so sorry Jamie. I know how much Jimin means to you." She said. A tear escaped my eye as I took a deep, shaky breath.

"I'm a horrible person. He doesn't even know... and he must be so hurt and confused." I said.

"He just loves you. Things will get better. Just... try to get some sleep tonight." She said. I nodded as she got off of my bed. I laid down and closed my eyes. Elizabeth kissed my forehead and left my room, although the second she closed the door, I broke down in tears again. My heart hurt... I felt like I did the night my mom died and it hurt a lot more than any physical violence my father ever brought upon me.

After what seemed like hours of twisting and turning, I finally drifted off to sleep, with tears staining my face and sheets.

.

.

I heard a text alert as I slowly opened my eyes. I weakly reached over and picked it up.

From: JiminTo: meTime to get ready, I'll see you downstairs Jamie.

I sighed as my heart instantly ached again. I forced myself to get out of bed and get ready. I rushed, just so I could leave before Jimin came out. Before I left, I texted Jimin.

From: meTo: JiminSorry, I left first. Take your time to get ready and leave, I'll see you at school.

I felt bad for just leaving, but I couldn't bring myself to face him right now. With that, I walked out of the door, not bothering to eat breakfast, and I rushed to school. After around ten minutes, I arrived and walked to my English class alone. The kids around me looked at me confused, probably because I am not walking with Jimin like usual.

Once I got to the classroom, I walked over to Rachel, Taehyung, and Jungkook. They looked at me confused as well. I smiled at them and sat down.

"Where's Jimin?" Rachel asked.

"He's coming a little later." I said. Before they could ask anymore questions, I quickly changed the subject. "So guys, did you finish the history project? It's due tomorrow." I said. Jungkook groaned and grabbed his hair in frustration.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Dang it. Well, it's a later problem." He said as he sat back. I rolled my eyes. Then, I looked at Rachel and Taehyung and couldn't help but to feel sad. Taehyung had his arm around Rachel's shoulder and their hands were locked as Rachel leaned into his embrace. I remembered when Jimin and I did that, and I almost teared up. I caught myself and swallowed hard before blinking rapidly to avoid the formation of tears. Just then, someone ran into the room, breathing heavily. I turned and looked to have my heart hurt even more. There I saw Jimin breathing heavily, with swollen eyes, and messed up hair. I saw as he looked around the room. When he finally made eye contact with me, his eyes softened but I looked away. He made his way to the table and sat down next to me.

"Woah Jimin, you look awful, what happened?" Taehyung asked. I could feel Jimin looking at me, but I kept my eyes down.

"Nothing, I was just running late." Jimin said. My jaw clenched as I continued to blink rapidly. Jungkook saw that the situation was awkward.

"Uh, what's going on? Did you two fight?" He asked us. I looked up at him.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"You two aren't looking at each other, and more importantly, you guys aren't touching each other. What happened?" He asked. I turned to look at Jimin, but I regretted it immediately to see him looking devastated. I took a deep breath and turned back to our friends.

"Guys..." I said, catching their attention.

"We're fine. I just have family problems right now." Jimin spoke up suddenly. I turned to him surprised, but he just looked at them.

"Oh, I'm sorry Jimin. But I'm glad you two are fine, you scared me." Rachel said. I gave a small smile, but it faded when I felt Jimin put his arm around my shoulder.

"We're fine." He said. I just stayed silent and stared at the floor. At that, the bell rang and Jungkook and Taehyung stood up. Rachel and Taehyung shared a quick kiss while Jimin kept his arm around my shoulder. I turned to him and we stared into each other's souls, both with swollen eyes and crushed hearts. Jimin hesitantly took his arm off of my shoulder and slowly stood up. He then walked away and I turned around in my seat with a heavy heart.

We're fine.