Chapter 10

 

  Knee bouncing, clutching his coffee, and his eyes pinned unmovingly on the small table for two, Mark sits with nervousness boiling in his veins. He's been trying to recite a script in his head, despite knowing damn well that he will most likely have to deviate from it when Brittany inevitably does. Whatever he manages to come up with is crap anyway. Its all just useless conversation filler that will most definitely not satisfy any of her questions.

  He draws one of his hands from his cup, checking his watch once again to find that only three minutes had passed since the last time. He takes in a large breath, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, as if shielding his eyes from the current situation will make him invisible.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting." A voice chirps in front of him politely. Mark peels his hands from his eyes to watch Brit slide into the seat across from him, wearing a smile that seems all but real.

"No, you're fine." Mark says, once again clutching onto his barely sipped coffee.

  A silence creeps across them, and it makes Mark want to fall into his shoes. Brittany is incapable of quiet, why the hell is now the time for her to practice it? He takes a large breath, letting himself meet her gaze politey.

"How ya been?" He asks stiffly, aching to break the silence. Brittany leans forward on the table releasing a soft sigh.

"Confused, and conflicted mostly." She says simply, holding Mark's eyes hostage with her seriousness. Mark swallows and nods, his throat suddenly very dry as he wrenches his eyes free.

"I know... and I'm sorry-"

"I didnt come for an apology," She cuts him off, surprisingly with a lack of any bitterness. "I just want to... talk. Even if I dont understand, I feel I'm owed that much." She says with a level and even composure as she leans back into her seat.

  Mark has never seen her so compact and emotionless. It was as if beyond the floaty, smooth moments of her flesh, sat a wall of stone that Mark had never laid eyes on before. He'd used the excuse that she wouldnt understand quite often since they split, so the word felt a bit like a punch. Her gaze rests patiently on him, expectantly, chilling him slightly as he does his best to edit the truth into a painless explaination.

"Yes, you are." He agrees hoping to buy himself some time. Brittany sits perfectly still, her eyes still waiting for all the secrets Mark is shoving into drawers labled 'redacted' in his head.

"Things hadnt been good... for me, for quite a while." Mark starts cautiously, shifting uncomfortably in his chair despite telling the truth. "I felt..." He hesitates as he peels his eyes from his hands and meets Brittany's stone ones, "smothered." He finishes, fighting his own voice. Brittany nods, and Mark snaps his mouth shut, hopeful that he doesnt have to continue.

"You felt smothered by my attention, but no one elses?" She questions, a coolness in her tone.

"Yes... no... I just... I was going through..." Mark stops himself rubbing his hand frustratedly across his face. Brittany doesnt fill his silence, allowing him to collect his words.

"We were fighting... a lot... and it always seemed to be because I wasnt spending enough time with you. The more you wanted, the less I felt I could give because I felt I needed space. That was selfish... Of me." Mark finally explains, bravely meeting her gaze. Recieving a solemn head shake.

"Its not selfish to have needs." She responds quietly, finally shifting more forward in her seat.

"It is selfish to demand your own above others. And for that I'm sorry." She says seriously, now averting her eyes from Mark's shamefully. Mark swallows sharply, nodding jaggedly.

"And I forgive you, because thats what I did to you, too. I accept my responsibility in this." He adds, trying to meet her eyes to reinforce his sincerity, and feels a pinch in his gut when he sees an oddly unreadable expression cross her features.

"I forgive you too..." She mumbles, glancing his way before holding her eyes firmly on her hands.

   Another beat of silence passes as either search for anything else to say. Mark should feel relieved that he hasnt had to dive head first into all the dirty little details, but instead he feels incredibly guilty. Guilty for all the secrets he'd kept from her months before he worked up the courage to end it. Guilty for all the time she spent confused and hurt. Guilty for all the fights that stemmed from his secret feelings for Jack. Guilty for feelings that he's still unable to tell her about. Mark grits his teeth, tucking his chin to his chest shamefully.

"Well... I think thats all I needed..." Brittany comments abruptly, seeming to collect herself before attempting to stand.

"Wait..." Mark calls out without thinking, guilt motivating him to tell all the truths hes been covering up. Her wide eyes fall on his curiously, reading the urgency in them, she cautiously lowers herself into her seat wordlessly, averting her gaze guiltily.

"There's more..." Mark finally admits, his heart hammering in his chest heavily.

  Words flood his skull imcomprehensively. How can he tell her this? This will hurt her. He doesnt have to tell her anything; because what she doesnt know cant hurt her. He can just button his lips, spare himself, Jack, and her, all for the price of a little guilt. Why does that feel like such a painful exchange? Is he really so selfish that he'd rather hurt her, betray Jack's trust, and out himself than live with a bit of guilt? What if Jack finds out that he told not one but TWO people about this? How would he react? Would he be upset? Mark shifts his jaw and wrings his hands together, unsure what to do with them when words claw their way back down his throat when he tries to continue.

"Mark."

  He barely hears his name above the calamity he created in his brain case, but the noise quiets down just a bit when she places a gentle hand across the top of both of his, finally earning his eyes.

"Whatever it is... It doesnt matter." Brittany states matter of factly, her hazle eyes earnest, but beyond that... nervous? This both confuses and frustrates Mark. She asked him here to talk, now shes trying to shut him up? What the hell does she want from him?

"But I-" Mark tries, but is quickly cut off with a gentle squeeze of his hand.

"It doesnt matter. Its in the past, and I have already forgiven you." She adds hurridly. Mark sits stunned for a minute, the thought of do or dont tell her playing pong in his suddenly quiet head.

"There's someone else..." Mark regrets the words the second they leave his lips, but his whole body is frozen solid, including his eyes glued to hers. Her body stiffens as well, but is quickly undone when she releases the very barest of a chuckle.

"Yeah." She states, falling back and slouching in her seat seemingly... guilty? Her watery eyes avoiding his as they plant firmly on the tile floor. After a beat, the reality of his confession hits Mark hard, and he immediately begins searching for an out or explaination.

"Brittany I'm sorr-" Mark tries, his body finally thawing as panic now rushes over him, but Brittany holds up her hand, shaking her head.

"Why are you sorry? Dont be... I should have known you'd figure it out." She starts, earning more confusion from him.

"I was going to tell you. I really was, but I just couldnt get it out. It just seemed too soon for me to have already moved on. Especially so soon after I pestered you for so long to want me back..." She continues, causing Mark to clamp his jaw together, and widen his eyes in surprise.

"He just makes me forget that I'm needy and he makes me..." She interrupts herself mid sentence, her eyes floating up from their spot on the floor to find the surprised look on Mark's face. He swallows, watching her put the pieces together for herself. An abrupt giggle falls out of her, which she tries to stifle but is quickly overwhelmed with them.

"I'm so dumb," she manages to gasp out past her humor, but every ounce of Mark is tense, simply waiting for an outburst of rage or heartbreak or something, Anything more logical than the laughter. After a moment though, Brittany steadies and composes herself again, clearing her throat.

"You meant that there's someone else for you, right?" She clarifies playing idly with one of her fingers in front of her, a surprisingly calm smile on her face. Mark nods jaggedly, his body still bracing for impact, but instead recieves another soft giggle and sigh.

"Good."

Mark blinks.

"I knew you werent happy with me. I knew it for a long time, but I was stuck on the fantasy of being the one to save you." Brittany's smile grows slightly, almost ironicly. Confused, Mark searches her action for any hostility or bitterness, but only finds sincerity in them.

"I made us both miserable trying to force you to be happy with me."

Mark swallows, nodding gently, remembering the nights hed find her sobbing to herself, but he was too focused on himself to offer her comfort, and the pit of guilt grows deeper and more painfully.

"I poured all of that onto Kade, and he never wavered. He was always there for me. He helped when we couldnt help eachother. And that made me feel so much guilt, I felt like I could do nothing to help you... But when I saw you yesterday, you actually looked happy. You looked better than I've seen you in so long. And that makes me happy too. Because we both found people to be happy with." Brittany explains with a single tear escaping the corner of her eye, but a smile on her face.

"We're happier now, Mark. And thats all I've ever wanted." She says warmly, vatting the tear easily away and standing from her seat gracefully.

"Thats a win for both of us." She finishes softly. adjusting her purse strap across her front.

  Mark stares at her for a long moment, still unsure how to react. This is thw woman he'd battled so long. All those nights wondering what it'd take to finaly make her happy, and here she is now, smiling brightly, as if nothing could touch her or bring her down. Finally, they can move on.

  Brittany offers her hand politely in his direction. Mark hesitates but slides his hand into her's, watching as she gives it a warm, almost professional shake.

"I wish you two the best." Her words so honest and kind, they ease the remainder of Mark's nerves.

"And the two of you as well." Mark replys slightly robotic, shaking her hand in return now. A smile blooms across her pretty features in a way Mark hadnt seen in a long time, and a bit of his guilt melts.

"See ya around, Mark." She says, twisting on her heel and making her way to the door with purpose. She carries herself higher than before, a carefree air following her presence out the door. After a moment, Mark stands as well, leaving every negative feeling in the seat he just left, and makes his way to the door as well. Pausing just outside to smile to himself, a feeling of absolved freedom dancing warmly around him.

"See ya, Brit." Mark responds to her long since passed farewell, and starts the brief journey home, growing anticipation building when he recalls who's waiting there for him.

~**~

  Jack lounges on the couch, waiting patiently for Mark to return while dividing his attention between the loving dog and videos playing from his laptop. Chica had nestled her way into his, now content as Jack mindlessly scratches any part of her he can reach while his eyes focus lazily on the screen.

  At first he was just watching funny fail compilations, but as usual, one of Mark's videos popped up in the autoplay. It had to have been uploaded a while back, the clues being the shorter hair and the fact rhat Mark hasnt posted in quite a bit, apart from the video he and Jack reviewed today of course. Jack lets it play out of habit. This is how he eased the ache of missing him when he was stuck at home a thousand miles away, afterall. Jack smirks as Mark strides across the screen dramatically.

"Clothes," Mark on the screen begins, leaning forward on one hand while the other pinches the fabric over his chest guesturingly.

"People made them out of the skins of wooly mamoths, saber tooth tigers, even the dreaded sloth."

  A lighthearted giggle interrupts his speech, earning Mark's narrowed eyes to his right, seemingly accusatotily pointing to someone off camera.

"Watch out for Sid the Sloth!" Ethan's voice emerges from off screen, along with his hand, pointing out to Mark's left, earning abrupt laughter from that side, as Tyler stumbles into veiw, chuckling at Ethan's joke. Mark fights his giggling as Ethan now steps into veiw as well.

"I think you are more like Sid, Ethan." Mark notes, earning a pair of offended eyes from the blue eyed guy at his side.

"No! That is such bullshit!" Ethan objects, and a lighthearted argument breaks out from the three, causing Jack to chuckle slightly.

"Actually," Tyler speaks up louder than the rest, guesturing at himself. "I think I'm more like Manny, and you're more like scrat!" He notes with a point at Ethan, who opens his mouth to argue but ultimately begins to chuckle.

"Yeah, thats true." He says past his giggling.

"I'm just a squirrel tryna get his nut!" Ethan explains with a hip thrust, and explodes with laughter, casuing the rest of the room to fall into hysterics as well. Jack chuckles, watching the way Mark's face twists to that lighthearted and easy going laughter that turns Jack's insides to butterflies.

"Alright, alright we got way off topic here. Today we're making clothes." Mark finally explains after a smashcut to when they'd finally managed to get ahold of their sanity. Both Tyler and Ethan slam two or three rolls of fabric onto the table while Mark drops a mystery bag in the center."We have 30 minutes to make ourselves an artical of clothing, and we will be judging it on fit, durability, and overall appearance." Mark futher explains, listing the catagories on his fingers.

"Everyone ready?" He says, glancing between the two standing at his sides, and both agree.

"Alright, three, two, one." Mark counts down, signalling Ethan to start the timer, as he dumps out the contents of the mystery bag onto the table.

   Dozens of differently colored thread spill out and roll and bounce off the table, along with one of the three bottles of fabric glue, earning a brief shriek from each of the three.

"I'll get 'em!" Ethan hollers out voluntarily as he drops out of veiw under the table.

"Ooh." Mark hints suggestively as his eyes follow Ethan's movements under the table that the camera cant see.

"What?" Ethan questions past a chuckle, still invisible from his position on the floor.

"Nothing, nothing," Mark says past a chuckle, "Just never noticed how quick you are to get on your hands and knees." Ethan groans through the embarressed chuckling as he reappears in front of the camera, dropping the collection of threads onto the table.

"Well, I mean, thats one way to get a nut." He almost hesitantly jokes, causing Tyler to damn near keel over with his laughter, while Mark chuckles, his face heating slightly.

  Jack swallows, watching the moment play out should have seemed pretty innocent and lighthearted. But he cant get over the way Mark jokes with Ethan. It seems a bit familiar... He shakes away the thought. He cant honestly be jealous, can he? Mark and Ethan are friends, and friends make those kinda jokes. No big deal, right? Even though he told himself similar things about himself and Mark in Vegas. He brushes the thought away again, his focus restoring on the screen."I dont-..." Ethan huffs, bending forward and placing his elbows on the table as he places his fingers frustatedly against his temples in thought.

"Whats your problem?" Mark comments, finishing cutting an oddly shaped piece of bright pink fabric and placing it to the side as Tyler silently focuses on his own teal creation.

"I dont know what to do!" Ethan whines, looking back at Mark helplessly despite his constant panic giggles.

"Well figure out something, we have like 20 minutes!" Mark responds, cutting out a piece of black material and setting it aside with the pink one.

"I know!" Ethan mumbles, pressing his fingers to his eyes as if giving up.After a beat, Ethan suddenly explodes, slamming his hands onto the table excitedly.

"I have an amazing idea!" He announces joyously, grabbing a green  material, along with a seemingly stretchy black material before chuckling like a mad scientist and going to work. Mark and Tyler share an odd look as Ethan continues.

  There's a moment where the editirs sped up the video, making their movements seem inhumanly fast, but its cut off when Mark speaks up, having glanced over Ethan's way.

"What the hell is that?" His question bleeds into stomach deep laughter as Ethan sends him an odd look over his shoulder.

"You know goddamn well what this is!" Ethan fights his own snickering as Mark has to brace himself against the table with his breathlessness.

"You know you have to wear this right?" Mark explains after catching his breath, seemingly unable to make eye contact with Ethan as his eyes glue to his own work station.

"Oh, no, I know." Ethan confirms, continuing his work as if it were nothing. Mark's eyes find the camera in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry..." He notes aloud to the camera, before continuing on his own project.

  Jack cant help but be incredibly curious as to what Ethan had been working on to recieve that kind of reaction from Mark, but the curiousity is interrupted by the abrupt sound of a timer going off on screen.

"Ok thats it, everyone materials down!" Mark calls out, stepping back from his station with his hands up. Ethan starts laughing again as he too places his fabric down, his eyes meeting the camera mischievously. Tyler sighs still seeming to fight with his material for a moment before dropping it onto the table with a huff. Each set of eyes run across the table curiously, and giggles inevitably fall out of everyone.

"Should we show the camera?" Ethan questions Mark, reaching for his before Mark cuts him off.

"Not yet, lets let the glue and paint dry or whatever then we're gonna have a fashion show." He stops himself there, as if unsure he'd just said the words that left his lips.

"Great!! I'm going to go prep myself for the cat walk!" Ethan comments, sashaying dramatically off screen, with Mark's eyes pinned on him the whole way.

   Jack makes a face, watching the way Mark's eyes follow Ethan off screen. He couldnt exactly read the emotion in them, but it made Jack uncomfortable to say the least. It feels like watching Mark get distracted by someone more attractive. Jack shakes his head, briefly pausing the video, trying to reason with himself. Its not like he's tied Mark down, but it would still bother Jack to find out that he was fooling around with others, oddly much more so if that person was Ethan. And logically, Jack knows thats not really fair. They havent exactly set in stone any rules for this nonesense. But if Mark is doing similar things with Ethan, how long will it take for him to realise that he no longer needs Jack?

   A ball of tension in Jack's throat causes a hitch in his breath. Could Mark just completely abandon him for someone closer to home? It wouldnt be hard. Ethan is here all the time what with all the videos they do together, and it may explain why Mark is so much more casual and seemingly experienced when it comes to the things he and Jack do together. He never seems shy, embarressed or hesistant with anything when it comes to intamacy with Jack, and it would explain the condoms in his bedside drawer.

   Jack huffs, sitting up slightly to place his chin on his fist thoughtfully. This isnt like him, jumping to conclusions and getting jealous over pure speculation. Jealousy and possesiveness has always seemed silly and unecessary, because he always thought that if the other perosn wanted to stay, they would. He never really considered how bad it would hurt if that other person were Mark, and he doesnt want to stay. But it seems unfair, the twisting rod of envy in his gut as he notes the way Mark's eyes are still pinned on Ethan on the screen. He loves them both, Ethan is a good friend and Mark is the man he's opened his whole soul up to. The betrayl he'd feel to know that Mark was just using them-... He sniffs, his teeth gritting as he shoves the thought firmly from the front of his brain.

  He forces himself to once again hit play on the video despite his whole being begging him to turn it off. The next scene is a smashcut to an empty livingroom, before Tyler strides out, wearing his home project shirt that appears to be splitting at the seams as its far too small for his frame, the words 'Smile always' scrawled across the teal material in black fabric paint, most likely still wet. He does a reluctant twirl in front of the camera then guestures at the same hall he'd walked out of, signalling Mark to follow next, wearing a colorful patch work looking vest and matching headband, taking the catwalk strut a step further as he tosses imaginary hair over his shoulder, posing in a few different angles for the camera before guesturing back toward the hall.

  Ethan struts from the hall, chuckling too hard to sashay rythmically. He's wearing a bra that was nothing more than two circle cut pieces of black fabric, held together by two stands of green fabric that wrap around the back of his neck and center like an ill fitted bikini, and tassle cut skirt that in no way would have covered his lower half if he wasnt wearing boxers underneath. Jack's eyes instinctually find Mark, who lets out a stiff breath and turns away from Ethan, his face glowing a shade of red. Tyler slaps his own face with a groan, unable to look at Ethan either.

"Here it is boys." Ethan comments twisting his hips to punctuate his statement as the tassles swing along.

"Dear god..." Mark mumbles, still unable to glance back toward Ethan. The three seem to take a minute to settle themseleves before Ethan speaks up in a mumble that the camera barely picks up, naturally granting the subtitles of his words to pop up on screen.

"I hate this."

Mark basically explodes beside him in a light hearded hysteria.

"You hate this? You made it! Now we have to fucking live with it!" Mark cries, with an open handed guesture at all of Ethan who is still giggling breathlessly.

"You know you love it!" Ethan says, shimmying his upperbody at Mark, who seems to choke out a cough and back himself closer to Tyler in response.

"Dont you fuckin dare!" Mark warns as Ethan steps forward threateningly. Ethan smirks triumphantly and steps back into his own space, but not before Mark gives him an uncomfortable glance up and down.

  Jack pauses the video and releases a breath he didnt realise he was holding. Guilt falls over him for his previous assumptions. It was entirely unfair to rope either of them into his imaginary situation. And who the hell is to say Ethan would even be into that? Sure he jokes and all, but that doesnt mean he'd be all for actually doing it. Jack guiltily rubs his face with one hand while the other reaches forward and closes the laptop. He's never been a jealous or suspicious person, so why should he start now, when it seems he has the least amount of rights to be? The two of them arent an item yet, and god only knows if they ever fully will be.

  He lets out a heavy sigh, dropping his head back onto the arm of the sofa. It shouldnt matter as much as it does. they're having fun, and lables might ruin that. Why cant he just appreciate what he and Mark have instead of trying to restrict him and selfishly keep him to himself.

  A bark from Chica on his thighs urges him to twist toward the opening door, and a bright smile illuminates the room in greeting.

"Miss me?"