Rinbachi Christmas Special

A/N: this is another fic that is so damn bittersweet to have ended but here we are <3 also this christmas chapter got so fucking out of control and got to 10.3k words sooooo I hope y'all like rinbachi haha 

"Wow," Bachira said. "This is depressing."

Rin wasn't offended. He'd been the one to tell him the state of affairs when it came to an Itoshi Christmas, after all. But he'd insisted he come to see it for himself. So, Rin said that he could come retrieve him before they headed to his house for Christmas Eve. He didn't quite know what it was about this in particular that was so depressing, however. They were just standing in the foyer of the largely empty Itoshi house.

Just ahead of them, you could see the Christmas tree, one of four the house had to offer, this one the grandest and tallest, so tall it nearly brushed the chandelier, but not quite. This one's colour scheme was red and silver, and the artificial branches of the evergreen were brushed with fake snow. It matched the garland that snaked up the handrail of the staircase and the boughs that had been stuck on the sitting room shelves.

In the living room near the back of the house, the colour scheme took a distinctly winter turn, trading red for blue, and as one moved upstairs to the lounge and the bedrooms, the colour theme became golden, dusty colours and white and pink, respectively. It was done to precision, right out of a catalogue. The Itoshis hired staff to come in and Christmas-ify the house every year during the last week of November, and they came back and took it all away during the first week of January. Both events were all day procedures, during which Rin had to clear out and make himself scarce.

Rin shrugged. "It's worse when they're here."

Which they weren't. As usual, Sae was staying wherever he was, somewhere Rin knew and pretended he did not. And it took no more than a single mention of Rin's being invited to Bachira's for Christmas Eve and Christmas for their parents to decide well, if both the kids are gone, we might as well go somewhere warm for the holidays!

For two weeks.

They hadn't even been home to greet him when he got out of Blue Lock for Christmas break. It's not like Rin minded, really. He could take care of himself. He was used to that. But still.

Bachira came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into his shoulder blades in a way Rin imagined was supposed to be comforting. It wasn't unsuccessful. It's not like he needed the consoling. Nor the pity. But he let it happen regardless. Bachira held him here for a bit, and when he was finished, he kissed his shoulder and let go.

"Let's get out of here," Bachira said. "You're suffering from a serious lack of Christmas spirit. And cookies."

Rin hardly agreed, but he didn't comment on it. It's not like he was especially eager to hang around the ghost town his childhood home had become. His parents did make it worse, but it's not like there was much to ruin, really.

He grabbed his bag, locked up, and the two of them walked the quiet streets to the train station, gloved hands linked together. The station was more of the same. A few people lingering around and keeping to themselves, but not many. The whole world seemed to have slowed and begun to embrace holiday time. Most people had already made their way to where they were going. Which was just as well, because the world as a whole and everyone in it had seemed to have one opinion or another about Rin's first fuck the cameras moment from Blue Lock. That video had more hits than either of their soccer highlights. Which, whatever. But still. The silence seemed heavier in this context.

Rin looked over at Bachira. Bachira was staring into his phone. His glove had been pulled off at the thumb so he could type into the screen. Rin let himself smile on one side. Of course the social butterfly would have plenty of people to talk to over the next few days. Rin found himself wondering if his parents would text him Merry Christmas. Probably not, he decided. He then wondered if he would text Sae. Things had been somewhat better between the two of them in the past few months. If you could consider barely talking but not being openly hostile to each other better. Still, he came to the same conclusion.

Rin squeezed Bachira's hand absentmindedly. Bachira locked his phone and slid it into his pocket. He looked up then.

"I love you," he said. But he wasn't smiling.

"I love you, too," Rin said, feeling the words fill every crevice of his mouth and throat, just like they always did.

It was hardly the first time they'd said this to each other. They'd met up with each other periodically while still in Blue Lock, with far less reservations after the initial fuck the cameras attitude had been adopted. There was one instance in particular when Bachira was acting strange. Some odd mixture of distracted and bouncing off the walls. Rin had learned better than to ask after Bachira's oddness. Sometimes it simply existed. Other times, he'd talk when he was ready.

Upon leaving this particular session, Rin said, "You're being weird."

"Yeah," Bachira agreed. "I know."

"Well," Rin said. "Helps to know I'm not crazy."

"I just, well." Bachira laughed. It was the uneasy kind. Rin hadn't heard it for a while. Not since back when they'd first started doing this, back when it was fake, and Bachira was trying so hard to constantly mask his sadness. Rin flinched. "I have to tell you something."

And that phrase slapped him across the face completely.

He knew what was coming. He was sure within himself, anyways. I want to break up. Or we have to break up. Or Rin, I just don't love you anymore, and never did, because as it turns out, Sae was right, you're completely unlovable!

"Just say it then," Rin said. It sounded cold. Like a challenge. He knew it did. He hadn't meant for it to, but there was hardly any stopping it.

Now it was Bachira flinching away. He turned a little and mumbled something into his own shoulder.

"What was that?" Rin asked.

It sounded just as harsh. But he didn't really regret it, because if he was going to be broken up with, he wanted to be told to his face. He stepped in closer, maybe to be intimidating, and maybe to make sure he would hear him the second time around. Bachira sucked his bottom lip into his mouth a moment, and then turned back. He still looked small, and uncertain, but his eyes were golden and steady.

"I love you."

"What?" Rin asked.

It was automatic. It wasn't really shock or disbelief or anything of the sort, it just kind of came out. But Bachira clearly thought it was something along those lines, and averted his eyes again.

"I think you heard me," he said, quieter. "And I..."

But then he didn't say anything else. It was clear he was struggling to. Shutting down, or some sort. Stricken with something. Rin, on the other hand, felt himself unlocking. Filling with relief. He let himself take an easy breath, and understood it was him who needed to fill this newfound silence.

"Is that all?" he asked.

Bachira looked back up at him. Briefly. And then back away just as fast.

"You don't have to say it back," he assured him. "If you're not ready. Or you don't, you know..."

Love me, Rin filled in for himself.

"But that's how I feel," Bachira said. "And, uh, I wanted you to know that."

"Okay," Rin said.

He found himself all of a sudden very confused. Was this something that needed this big of a spectacle? Had there been some big turning point? And if it was something that needed to be said, had he not said it, in a million different ways, including a very clear one? Had he not confessed to Bachira with the very phrase for the record, I don't think you're hard to love?

"Okay," Bachira agreed. His whole body turned away from Rin now, and it just then dawned on him that he was planning to leave. "Well, I'm gonna go."

His voice broke a little as he said this.

Rin caught his arm and pulled him back. "Wait. Get back over here. We're not done yet."

"Please," Bachira said. It was small. He refused to look at him. Rin didn't get it. Why did this confession feel so much like they were breaking up? "I just want-"

"Obviously, I love you," Rin said, narrowly avoiding tacking on you idiot there at the end. Though he very much wanted to. Bachira's eyes met his now, going wide as they did. "Why did you have to make such a big deal out of it?"

"What?" Now it was Bachira's turn to be confused. "But you've never said it before."

"What?" Rin said back. "Last time I checked, I didn't tell you 'I don't think you're hard to like' before kissing you in that park!"

Bachira's eyes squinted a little as he moved through the memories. Once he found it, they were wide again. A gasp accompanied the sentiment. "Oh my god. In the park? You loved me after a week?"

Rin thought that over. He hadn't really put two and two together.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "Maybe. What's the difference between love and like?"

Bachira thought that over. "I don't know."

"Then why the spectacle today?" Rin asked.

Bachira shrugged. "Recently, I've just felt like saying it, so I figured I'd fallen in love with you."

"Well, that's what I felt like saying when I said it," Rin said. "So."

"So," Bachira agreed with a nod. He thought a few seconds longer, nodded to himself, and smiled. "I love you."

"Yeah," Rin agreed. "I love you too. Now stop biting at your cuticles. You're going to get an infection."

And then after the initial spectacle, they just said it sometimes. It was never much a big deal the way it had been that time, but Rin was still getting used to it. Like the hugs or the affection, it was new to him. He couldn't remember when, if ever, any of his family members ever said I love you to each other. The thought made him shudder. His parents didn't even say it amongst themselves. But he was getting used to it. The throat itching just came with the territory.

Bachira, on the other said, said I love you in two very distinct situations. One, when he was feeling especially love filled and needed to share the sentiment, and two, when he was feeling distinctly insecure, and needed the reassurance. Rin had become very skilled at telling the difference.

"What is it?" he asked Bachira, the words turning into steam in front of his face on the train platform.

"I'm just happy you're coming over," Bachira answered. But he still seemed so far away.

Rin couldn't help but wonder if that was really the truth. The two of them had seen Christmas as this finish line, something to look forward to and work towards their entire last stretch of Blue Lock. But had they hyped it up to a point where there was now some type of mounting pressure or regret? Rin wanted to say, we don't have to... But then the words trailed off. Even in his own mind. What would he call it? Sleep together? Mess around? Do all the things you may or may not have done with Isagi that I don't know for sure because the thought of asking or knowing for sure makes me want to kill myself?

But he didn't. He just squeezed his hand and said, "Me too."

He'd get it out of him sooner or later.

Rin didn't really know much about the abstract concept of Christmas spirit, but he felt it full fledged the second they walked through the front door. There were carols coming from some scratchy radio somewhere, the house smelled like oranges and cinnamon, and Yuu was upon them like vulture. Of the most loving variety possible.

"Rin!" was the first word out of her mouth. And she followed it up in action as well, pushing right past her son to get to him. He'd expected it. He hadn't even tried to take his shoes off first. "It's so good to see you! It's been so long!"

"Wow," Bachira said, rolling his eyes. "Thanks."

"Hush," she told him. "I see you all the time."

"I've been gone for months!" Bachira fake protested.

"It has been too long," Rin agreed, returning the hug. "It's good to see you too."

It lasted a while. Once she finally pulled back, she reached up and took his face in his hands.

"I'm really so happy to have you here," she said, emphasizing her words in a strange type of way.

"Uh," he started.

"And you can stay as long as you want, okay?" she then said.

Rin's face fell. He hadn't meant it to. But he was shifting over, hands on his face and all, to shoot his boyfriend, whom he had to remind himself he loved, quite the unimpressed look.

"Seriously?" he asked him. "You told her?"

"I had to!" Bachira pleaded, shrugging exaggeratedly, like there was really nothing else he could have done. "The thought of you alone there for two weeks makes me want to cry."

Rin did not press the issue, mostly because he wholly believed him. He continued to glare, though.

"Meguru," Yuu was suddenly scolding. "I thought you asked him."

"He would have said no!" Bachira defended. "Mom, you have no idea how bad it is over there!"

"Enough," she said, taking her hands back and waving them through the air. Once she was done with this, she gave her son a smack on the arm. "Go make hot chocolate. We'll talk about it later."

Rin sighed as he watched the two of them disappear out of the front hallway. He leaned down to take off his own shoes and hang up his jacket. Then, he wondered what about his house was so bad and tear inducing. Sure, his house was empty, but it was well kept. Warm. Temperature wise, that was.

When he got into the house and saw the Bachiras' one Christmas tree, he kind of understood. It had lights and garlands, same as the ones in his own house, but they hung crooked and imperfectly on the very real, pine scented branches. The ornaments themselves followed no theme. There were a few bulbs, snowflakes, icicles and the like, but there were also small apples, ceramic pieces of sushi, soccer balls, and tiny picture frames showing little Bachiras in various stages of growth, from the cradle to the missing front teeth to the different soccer jerseys. It was an eclectic mishmash of memories.

Rin fought the urge to rush straight over and look over every single one, taking his time with it. He also fought the urge to pocket one of them, just because.

"Rin," Yuu said again, softer this time. Less pitying. He was startled. He hadn't even noticed her. She patted the couch next to her. "Come sit."

He did. She was stringing popcorn from a bowl onto a stretch of thread with a needle. She set her supplies aside to grab the blanket off the back of couch and drape it over him. He hadn't asked her to, and he wasn't particularly cold, but he didn't fight it. He was quite touched by the sentiment.

"Help me," she said, putting the bowl of popcorn on his lap. "Pass me the fat, puffed up ones."

He nodded and started looking through. He passed over a few, but then held up a piece that was the exact opposite of her description. "What do we do with these deformed, spindly ones?"

"Eat them," she said with a smile. He smiled back, and then did just that. "So, how have you been since I've seen you last?"

"Good," Rin answered. As when anyone asked him, he didn't know much what to say or how to answer. "How have you been?"

She waved away the question like smoke before going back to her threading of popcorn. "How'd you like France?"

He was about to tell her he'd never been before realizing he was an idiot. "It was good. I made the right choice."

"Apparently," she said. Cleverly. He knew what she meant by it. Bachira and Rin had agreed not to speak about it, for respect reasons, but PXG had indeed beat Barcha during their match up. "Good for you. Anyways. I know I'm not supposed to mention it. What about Loki? Did you like him?"

"I respect him," Rin said. It was the truth. "He's talented. For someone around our age, everything he's accomplished is pretty impressive."

She hummed, almost indifferently. "Was he nice?"

"Huh?"

"Was he nice to you guys?"

Rin didn't think the question any less bizarre the second time around. He hadn't really thought about it. He supposed so. He hadn't yelled at them. Or whipped them or anything.

"Yeah," Rin said, slowly. Unsurely. "Yeah, he's a good guy."

"Hey!" Bachira said, suddenly appearing in the doorway leading to the kitchen, holding two mugs. "That's my job."

"Oh, there's plenty of popcorn," Yuu said. "Needles and thread are over there if you're so bothered."

Bachira huffed halfheartedly and passed a mug to each of them before returning to the kitchen for his own. Yuu set the popcorn string aside to grab it, so Rin did the same. She leaned down into the mug and took an inhale, enjoying every moment of the experience. Bachira did this kind of thing too. Like taking pictures of food. He was charmed by it. How much enjoyment people could find in the world.

She took a hearty gulp and hummed in satisfaction. Then she held it between her hands and close to her face. Rin lifted his own mug to his mouth. And proceeded to have an entirely different reaction.

There was something so wrong about it. It stung his tongue a little, not from the heat, but from the taste, like something had gone rotten or sour. He choked it down, refusing to spit it back into the cup, and then coughed. The smell, he realized, was off too. Chocolate, sure, tinted with something harsher. Yuu gasped.

"Oh god," Bachira said, laughing.

"Meguru!" Yuu scolded.

"What?" Bachira whined. A long, drawn out word, laced with laughter. "It's Christmas! I only put a little!"

"A little of what?" Rin asked, fighting the urge to wipe off his tongue with his sleeve. He figured he didn't have to, right? Bachira was a prankster, but surely he wouldn't try to poison him?

"Give me that," Yuu said to Rin, placing her own mug aside. She swatted her son back towards the kitchen. "Would you go make him a normal one, please?"

Bachira did not go back to the kitchen. He just started laughing harder.

"Seriously," Rin said, his voice becoming more panicked. "What's in it?"

"It's just," Bachira managed, struggling to catch his breath. He waved his hands around. "You know."

Rin did not know.

"Special hot chocolate," Bachira said.

"It's not going to do anything to you," Yuu assured him, reaching for his mug. "He's just being a brat. We'll make you a new one."

"No, it's okay," Rin said, pulling it into himself. He was, first of all, horribly embarrassed, but second of all, not too keen to add to the never ending supply of material Bachira had to joke about regarding their one year age difference. "It's fine. I was just surprised."

The two of them shifted to make room for Bachira, who immediately almost spilled Rin's hot chocolate as well as his own down their fronts trying to climb onto his lap. But he relaxed and settled into him and Rin liked it.

The taste got better with time, too. There was no more coughing, no more flinching. It wasn't as harsh when he was expecting it. He sipped it slowly, though. It was, undoubtedly, worse than regular hot chocolate.

Bachira noticed, and was plenty amused. "Considering your upbringing, I'm surprised you've never drank alcohol."

Was it really all that surprising? Rin wasn't sure. Maybe it was. He knew what Bachira meant by his comment. Namely, that his parents were so neglectful and hands off that he should have had and taken the opportunity. He'd had the opportunity plenty. It was a single instance that had wholeheartedly killed the temptation.

He and Sae had been kids. Not kid kids, but kids, old enough to take care of themselves, young enough that he hadn't left yet. They'd been hiding under the dining table during a Christmas party. Even more telling of their ages, because they both fit comfortably. They watched the adults, all of which had long forgotten about their existences, through the lace tablecloth.

"Do you think that stuff they drink is any good?" Rin asked, watching as glassware filled with various colours were passed around. Rin hadn't known any difference between champagne or beer or anything else. It had all been the same to him. Still was, more or less.

"No," Sae said decidedly. "It's not."

"How do you know?" Rin asked.

"It smells bad," Sae answered, just as certain. "If something smells bad, it tastes bad."

"But they all seem to like it," Rin said, watching everyone gulp it down by the glassful. "It looks like they're having fun."

"It makes you stupid, Rin," Sae had told him. "And it gives you cancer."

And then the conversation had ended, because Rin had started crying. Another very telling fact about how old they had been. He had been so convinced that his parents, and everyone else in the room, people he still thought he somewhat liked, were about to die. Sae had had to clap a hand over his mouth and tell him to stop that wailing, and only once the promise of ice cream out of the basement deep freeze was brought up did he stop.

He'd since learned that what Sae had said was significantly less true that Rin had thought in his younger years. Which was more so that alcohol caused cancer at the rate of the one sip = instant stage four cancer and immediate brain dead status. But he'd still never touched it. He'd never really had any reason to.

And now he did, apparently. The reason being: avoiding being called a baby by his boyfriend. Which may have counted as peer pressure, but still seemed as good a reason as any.

Yuu had been right, though. It hadn't done anything to him. He didn't think so, anyways. All they did for a while was drink the hot chocolate, sit on the couch, listen to the radio, and exist. Yuu went back to stringing popcorn after a while, humming while she did so. Rin emptied his mug, set it aside, and was happy to just sit in the quiet.

Despite the depressing nature of his own Christmases, there was always something to do. Newly purchased pyjamas had to be ironed and put on, family members had to be called, the turkey had to go into the oven, the cookies had to come out, pictures had to be taken, and then posted, so many god damn pictures. It was nice to have no obligations. It was nice to be this close to the back of Bachira's neck. He pulled him back, closer into himself, and pressed his face into it.

"Ah!" Bachira protested, shuffling but not fighting. "Careful! I almost spilled."

"Sorry," Rin mumbled.

It came out muffled. Not that he could help it. He just smelled so good, felt so warm.

Bachira laughed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just," Rin started, but found he had no real answer. Smelling you. Being close to you. He didn't offer anything else.

"Okay," Bachira said cheerily, as if this was answer in and of itself.

Yuu laughed. Rin didn't know at what, and he was too preoccupied to look up and check.

"You're a brat," she said.

"He's fine," Bachira said. "Aren't we supposed to be ordering food soon, anyways?"

"Shit!" she exclaimed.

Rin felt it as she bolted off the couch. He looked up then, thinking it couldn't have been later than two or three. The clock on the wall told him he was right, but the alarm hung in the room all the same.

"Isn't it still early?" he found himself asking.

"We're not the only ones looking to skip holiday cooking," Yuu told him on her way out of the room.

"It takes hours," Bachira tacked on. "Literally."

When she came back, she was carrying this heavy looking book. Rin thought this very strange, especially how easily she seemed to be carrying it, but when she flipped open the cover, he understood. It wasn't a book at all, but a box made to look that way. Inside lay papers of various colours, but he couldn't quite see what they were.

She made a point to keep it that way as she made her way back towards them.

"Rin," she said. "You're the guest. Care to do the honours?"

"Uh," Rin said.

"What?" Bachira protested. "Just adopt him why don't you!"

"Maybe I will," Yuu said back. "He's better behaved than you are."

"He's been traumatized to act that way!" Bachira said.

Rin scowled at this deliberate talking about him in front of him like he wasn't even there, but it's not like he could really argue with any of it.

"So, Rin?" Yuu asked again. "How about it?"

He still had absolutely no idea what he was being asked to do, other than he was taking it away from Bachira, but because he was a thoroughly traumatized and well behaved guest, he agreed without asking for clarification. Yuu shook the box of papers a bit and held it above him.

"Pick one," she told him, noticing his clear hesitation.

Rin looked up at the box, clearly out of his eyeline. Yuu didn't lower it and Bachira, who had not moved off his lap to allow him to stand, didn't give any indication that this was strange.

"I can't see," Rin said.

"That's part of the fun!" she told him.

He understood a little better then. He reached up for the box and stuck his hand inside. There was no way to differentiate between the pamphlets, other than by size, so he shuffled around a little and then pulled one out. It was dark purple. Its all he saw before it was snatched from his grip. Yuu gasped with delight before giving Bachira's head a playful smack with the paper.

"Better luck than you, too," she said, taking it and the rest of the box out of the room and into the kitchen with her.

"Let it go!" Bachira called after her. He turned around to face Rin and rolled his eyes. He was still grinning playfully, however. "I pulled the brochure for this weird soup restaurant two Christmases ago. She will not let it go. It's like, why was it even in there if you hate it so much?"

Rin tried to smile. He wanted the moment to be lighthearted. He wanted to say something along the lines of maybe you just are bad luck or you should get better at picking if you don't want your job stolen but what came out instead was, "I love you."

Bachira tilted his head back in laughter as if he had indeed managed to say one of those sarcastic things. When he was finished, he tilted his head back upright and brought their faces close together.

"Rin-chan," he whispered. "Are you drunk?"

"What?" Rin said.

No, Rin started to say, before wondering, am I?

Upon inspection, he decided that he felt a lot warmer and calmer than usual. Maybe a little fuzzier too. Not horrifically. Just enough that he noticed a bit of a lag and an indifference towards the fact. If it was the case, and this was being drunk, he didn't necessarily mind it. It definitely wasn't what he expected. He could still speak and think what he considered coherently, and hardly doubted his ability to walk.

"I don't think so," he finally decided. It only seemed to make Bachira laugh more.

"Okay," Bachira said. If he didn't believe him, he didn't lead on. He pointed to their mugs on the coffee table. "You want another one?"

Rin considered, and then said, "Alright."

By the time the food came, Rin was definitely feeling the second hot chocolate, which had been much paler and tasted much less chocolatey than the first. He was surprised to find that he didn't mind. The doorbell ringing jolted him out of his thoughts and sobered him a little, because he realized that he hadn't even seen what food pamphlet he'd picked out of the fake book box or chosen anything.

The hot chocolate hadn't hit him that hard, had it?

No, apparently not. There was no selecting. Once a pamphlet was selected, the place was called and a little bit of everything was ordered and they all shared. These rules were explained to him as the paper bags were ripped open and containers were haphazardly arranged on the low table.

As Bachira was collecting something else from the kitchen, Yuu waved Rin over to the low table. He obeyed and sat. She got a troubled look over her face and started shaking her head.

"Bring one of the cushions," she said, waving over to the couch.

"I don't mind," Rin started.

"It's Christmas," she protested, waving her hand in the air.

Rin obeyed this too, prying one of the cushions right off the couch like she did. As he sat, she came around and grabbed the discarded blanket from the couch, draping it over his shoulders again. The room was cozy enough, but he didn't dare move it. He deeply appreciated the gesture.

Outside, the sky had darkened long before food has arrived, so the room was lit solely by the Christmas tree, various candles around the room, and the dancing Clauses every time someone dared to move too much.

Bachira set the both of them off again when he came back with plates in one hand, a holly covered mug in the other. He handed it to his mom, who stuck a lip out in a touched pout.

"You're such a good boy," she said, sounding as if she genuinely meant it, as she took it. "I love you so much."

Bachira laughed. "I love you, too."

Rin felt some type of way watching this display too. Who knew that love could be this easy?

Plates were handed out and effectively pushed out of the way. Chopsticks just moved around the table, grabbing for whatever they wished your next bite to be. Sauces dripped onto the table. When Rin's eyes went wide and his frantic hands reached for napkins to remedy this, they laughed at him lightly and told him just to leave it. Just eat. Everything else could be taken care of later.

How different this was from any holiday celebration Rin had ever taken part in.

Twice over the course of the meal, Bachira got up and went into the kitchen with Yuu's mug to refill it, which Rin really only noticed because the Clauses would start right back up with their motion detected singing and dancing, and because the warmth he felt of how close together they were sitting became a stark awareness of absence. On his third attempt, Yuu snatched the mug off the table before he could reach for it.

"Let me get you some more." Bachira said.

"Meguru," she said, like it was in warning.

"What?" he said, reaching for it. She pulled it back. "You're running low."

"I know what you're doing," she said.

"I'm not doing anything," he insisted.

Rin didn't understand this exchange. He just watched them both, pausing his eating. He'd long since learned that when a Christmas fight broke out, one of the best things to do was just to stay still and wait for it to pass.

"Sit back down," Yuu told her son.

"I'm not doing anything," he said again.

Yuu's eyes flicked to Rin. Nervously. He met them and diverted his gaze just as fast. He didn't know if he should insist that he really was used to holiday tenseness, and they need not worry about him. But then Bachira looked at him too, and he didn't know if they were both looking at him as if they were both waiting for him to pick a side. Rin didn't know who's side he was on. He didn't even know what this whole thing was about.

Another painfully long minute of tenseness passed between the Bachiras as they watched each other, almost in challenge. Rin was only sneaking glances, still on his best behaviour, but during one of them, he saw Yuu meet his eyes, looking deeply apologetic. Once again, he wanted to assure them it was fine, he really was used to it, but she looked back at her son, who still hadn't sat back down, before he could.

"Our rooms are far enough apart," she said, her voice lowering. "You don't have to get me drunk."

Even so, Rin heard it, and worse yet, he understood and was deeply, deeply mortified. He sunk his gaze right into his lap and he did not lift it.

"All I ask is that you be safe," she then said.

Rin's head did not move. He still didn't think he was all that drunk, but he suddenly did wonder if the room was spinning or if he was going to throw up. It was easily one of the most humiliating situations he'd ever found himself in. He would have taken any mockery over his face from the U-20 match over this.

"You're embarrassing him," he heard Bachira protest.

"You embarrassed him, mister," Yuu snapped back. "Now I'm going to bring stuff up from the studio. Clear the table and bring out dessert, would you?"

She took her leave, and Rin was very grateful for it. He kept his eyes on his own lap as he heard her retreat, feeling like this was effective in hiding his flushed his face was. It probably wasn't, but he could hope.

As soon as the door at the far end of the hallway clicked shut, Bachira started laughing. Rin looked up then, if only to glare at him.

"What?" he asked, in that same who, me? tone he was so good at. "I really thought I was being sneaky."

"I hate you," Rin said. It was automatic, something he didn't mean in the slightest, and he was about to backtrack before Bachira's face became solemn, but it never did, and he didn't get the chance.

"You won't," Bachira told him.

This too, Rin understood, and the urge to look back down into his lap was coursing through him on a cellular level. But he didn't. He stared the declaration right in the face and accepted it for what it was. A promise.

They cleared off the rest of dinner, threw away the garbage, put the remainders in the fridge, and Rin helped bring out platter upon platter of cookies and pastries and god only knew what else. After the second trip, he was feeling a little wary of how much there was, but after three trips, he thought this amount was beyond ridiculous.

Yuu was back in the living room, a blanket draped over her lap, her hands wrapped around her mug as it rested in her lap. She smiled at both of them, like the conversation from before had never taken place. The only real difference in the room was that there were presents under the tree now, clearly having been what needed to be brought up. Still, Rin had to force himself to meet her eye.

"Is this really all for us three?" Rin eventually had to take it upon himself to ask, when absolutely no explanation was given for the ridiculous amount of dessert.

The Bachiras exchanged a smile, and there was a quick moment as they quietly decided who was going to speak.

Yuu took it upon herself. "Have whatever you want. As much as you want. Seriously. Don't worry about it."

"That's not really what I'm worried about," Rin said. This was more baked goods than the Itoshis set out on their dining room table during the Christmas parties from his childhood.

"We'll donate the rest to the women's shelter in the morning," Yuu told him. Rin found himself both very surprised and entirely unsure of what to say to that. "So, don't worry. A bunch of us from down at the studio get together and do it every year. I like baking, so why not?"

Rin tried not to picture his own compost bin stuffed full of all the Christmas food his parents were unable to pawn off on their friends at the end of the night, but it was easier said than done.

"But seriously, there's more than enough, so please eat whatever you want," Yuu said again, seemingly driving the point home by pulling at a snowman shaped cookie and effectively biting the head right off. Rin was touched at how generous and thoughtful she thought him, but he was still so stunned, and entirely unsure of what to say.

"They're nice," Bachira started to assure him. And Rin tried desperately to fix his face, because he was sure they were nice, and it was so completely not what he was worried about. "And it's actually kind of fun. Lots of them have kids and stuff, and they're really sweet."

"It sounds fun," Rin said, trying hard not to make it sound like he was lying.

Which he wasn't, really. It didn't sound awful. The silver spoon he'd had in his mouth when he was born sat more on the tip of his tongue than was wedged down his throat, and he didn't shy away at the idea of women who were down on their luck or kids who were touched by the mere kindness of Christmas cookies. He'd never considered the idea at all, let alone pondered whether he'd think it was fun. He tried not to stare or gawk as he stole a glance at his boyfriend. How different the two of them had grown up.

"You guys are really amazing," Rin found himself saying.

"Wow," Bachira said, grinning. He put himself on his toes and jabbed a finger into Rin's temple. "Those two special hot chocolates went straight to your head, huh?"

"Don't make fun of him," Yuu scolded, setting her mug and cookie aside as she stood. She took Rin into yet another warm, motherly hug he was still trying to get used to. Then, she laughed. "We sure are!"

That was a better reaction, Rin figured. More lighthearted.

"Which is exactly why you fit in so well here," she added.

Rin's mouth became a tight lipped smile at the comment, because he really did want to seem appreciative and touched, but really it had made him feel so much more than that, and he didn't feel like kicking off his first Bachira Christmas Eve by crying in the middle of the living room.

So, he returned the hug. And then he sat on the couch, cuddled up with Bachira, and the three of them ate cookies and made conversation until the candles burned down or out completely and yawns were jumping themselves around the room. It was Yuu who finally said she was ready to call it a night, and said this while leaned over the table and pulled the covers back onto the baked goods instead of looking at either of them, which Rin appreciated.

"Blow out the candles before you go to bed," she said before dipping into the hallway. "Have a good night, you two."

Rin hadn't thought anything of it until she caught herself and stopped midstep.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said, waving a hand. "But I did mean it when I said-"

"Goodnight!" Bachira yelled at her.

She smiled before turning away. "Goodnight."

They sat in the dimly lit silence for all of two minutes before Bachira was shifting himself and turning around to face Rin.

"Should we blow out the candles?" he asked.

Rin was surprised but how little resistance he found in himself. He tried to search for some. For some anxiety, for some better judgement, for some pause, some panic. There was none to be found.

"Yeah," he said.

And so they stood, blew out all the candles, and went to bed. The promise had been fulfilled. Rin had never really had it in himself to hate Bachira, but after that night, he really, really didn't.

"That was the best present ever," Bachira said the next morning.

Rin had been awake for no more than two seconds and was still shaking the grogginess out of his eyes. That sure woke him up, because he had it in his mind that Bachira had crept his way out of bed, rifled through his bag, found his gift, and then opened it.

He shot up, glancing around, looking for the evidence. He found none. Bachira was still just laying next to him.

"What are you talking about?" Rin asked, letting himself fall back down and relax a little.

"Last night," Bachira said.

"What?" Rin said again.

"You know," Bachira said. "Last night."

And yes, he did know. But he was still tired, and it manifest as slight offence. Rin peered at him. "You know I got you a real present, right?"

"You did?"

Bachira seemed very surprised by this, and it made Rin pause. Should he not of? Is that not what they were doing? His family was very fluent in the giving gifts love language, so he'd just figured it was mandatory. The bare minimum, really. But if they weren't exchanging gifts, it would have saved him many, many headaches.

"Should I not of?" Rin asked.

"No," Bachira said.

"No?" Rin said. "Well, I don't have to give it to you."

"No," Bachira said again, shaking his head. "I just mean, you didn't have to. I didn't expect anything."

"I wanted to," Rin said. That was true, despite the headaches. "I know we didn't talk about it or anything. If you didn't get me anything-"

"I got you something," Bachira cut in, sounding, Rin suspected, mildly offended.

"Okay," Rin said.

"Okay," Bachira said.

They were quiet a couple seconds before they both returned to the point they'd both brushed over with early morning misunderstanding and awkwardness.

Bachira was the first to acknowledge it. Somewhat. By looking at the sunflower painting still sitting on the table beside his bed and saying, "You should stay."

"You're not kicking me out? What a relief." Rin said. He was kind of joking. He knew he wasn't all the humorous, but he'd been trying to make more of an effort. Bachira didn't laugh, so Rin tried again. "For Christmas?"

"For the break," Bachira said. Dot dot dot inherently implied.

"I'll think about it," Rin said, knowing already that as usual, he would have about as much fight in him over this issue as he ever did when it came to Bachira's requests. "Merry Christmas, Meguru."

Bachira gasped, his face filling with both remembering and delight. "Merry Christmas, Rin-chan."

Yuu was already waiting for them when they got dressed and made their way into the living room. The candles had been relit and the whole room was filled with chocolate scented warmth. She was off the couch before they even rounded the corner, coming towards them, arms outstretched.

"My boys," she said to them affectionately. "Merry Christmas."

They both accepted, returning both the gesture and the sentiment, though Rin was hoping very, very deeply that she would not comment about last night or ask how it had gone.

She didn't. They sat. Rin put his two envelopes, labelled with each of their names, into the branches of the tree and sat down. He hoped he was subtle and found that he hadn't been. But they seemed in no rush. It was nice. Some of the cookies had made their way back on to the coffee table, uncovered.

It was all so cozy.

The time for presents eventually came. Rin dreaded it. He always had. That was something that came with growing up with money in the place of love, he assumed. He'd never wanted for much, needed for even less, and the thought of accepting gifts from thoughtful people made his skin crawl. He also just didn't know how his gifts held up in comparison. He was thoughtful. He liked to think so, anyways. But he'd panicked for months, ever since he'd received the invitation, over what to get the two of them, and he still didn't feel particularly confident about either of what he'd landed on.

Still, he plucked his envelopes off the tree and handed them to each of them and then sat at one end of the couch, two hand wrapped gifts at his feet, him trying to gather up the nerve to even touch them.

"Is this money?" Bachira asked, turning the envelope with his first name over, examining both sides, and then shaking it.

"Jeez," Rin said. "I'm not that bad at buying gifts."

"I don't think that's a bad gift," Bachira said, and it sounded like he was teasing, but Rin was too shaky to know for sure.

"You really didn't have to get us anything," Yuu said, lifting her own envelope between two fingers.

"I know," Rin said. "I wanted to."

He watched as she slid her thumbnail under the envelopes tab and across it, trying to keep his head on. He was horribly nervous, but less so upon watching this display. He wasn't sure what it said about him, but buying Yuu's gift had been far easier than his own boyfriend's.

She unfolded the top, pulled the card out, opened it. The gift card to the trendy art store Rin had found downtown fell into her lap. Rin didn't really know much about art and wouldn't pretend to, but he'd gone there, confirmed they had paint and canvases and the like, and then purchased a gift card for a nice, appropriate amount and prayed it didn't come across too impersonal.

He hadn't been overly sappy in the card. He hadn't even written much. But she took the time to read it anyways, her face becoming touched and bright.

When she lifted the gift card, however, her face turned to an expression of deep horror.

"I," Rin started, but he didn't know where to go from there, because he didn't quite know how exactly he'd fucked up, or how badly. So, what he decided on saying was, "I'm sorry."

"I can't accept this," she told him.

"They don't," he started, and then paused. "It's not the right...kind of store? I can return it, probably. If there's somewhere else..."

She shook her head. "It's not that. It's just. No. This is too much."

"Too much?" Rin asked. He genuinely didn't understand.

"You spent too much," she clarified.

"No, I didn't," he said.

It came out automatic. It was, to Rin anyways, the truth. He'd even swallowed his pride and asked his mother, without stating who the gift was for, if it seemed an appropriate amount, and she'd said it sounded fine. Which, he realized, was perhaps his blunder. Yuu still looked like she was trying to find a way to protest.

"Mom, it's fine," Bachira said. "He's rich, remember? You need those new brushes anyways."

"But I," she protested, but it was halfhearted, and fell off. "Fine. Fine. Just this once." She raised his face and shot Rin a semi-firm look. "But next year, we're setting a price limit, mister."

Next year. Rin's heart leapt at the thought, the intention, the ease at which it was said.

"Sure," he agreed. "And I'll stick to it, I promise."

"I'm excited," Bachira said, peering at his envelope like he could see right through it. "But I want to go last, so you go ahead, Rin-chan!"

As if Rin wasn't already feeling on the spot. He leaned down, forcing himself through the action if nothing else, when Yuu shot a hand out towards him and yelped.

"What?" he asked, jerking back upright.

"Before you open these, you just need to know," she told him. "That Meguru completely stole my idea."

"I did not!" Bachira fought back, bringing his hands up to his chest before casting an accusatory finger across the room. "You stole my idea!"

"My gift was already done," Yuu defended.

"I didn't even know about it!" Bachira crossed his arms now. "It was my idea to begin with, so there!"

Rin knew very little about what they were talking about, but the moment was playful and lighthearted and he enjoyed it very much.

In name of being fair, and in the name of self-preservation, he lifted Yuu's gift to him first. It was smaller, lighter, and seemed less threatening in a number of ways. He still felt horribly self-conscious, but he didn't care to drag the process out either, so he peeled off the paper at one end and slid what was very clearly a miniature canvas out of the paper.

And was greeted with the matching painting to the one that sat on Bachira's bedside table, featuring the blue flower from the garden all those months back.

When he looked up at her, she was already looking at him, smiling. "So you can keep yours, too."

He didn't know how to say or what to speak, but he eventually managed, "I love it."

"He loves it," Yuu said in a mock brag. Bachira rolled his eyes.

"Oh, whatever, idea stealer!" he said back.

Rin decided that wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it could have been, and reached down for his second present. Now that he'd opened the first, he could tell from context that this too was a painting. When he opened one side and the blue and yellow edge of a canvas, it confirmed it. He eyed Bachira suspiciously.

"Did you paint me something?" Rin asked. Bachira laughed.

"Oh my god, no." He laughed a little more while Rin's fingers moved over the seams of the paper, ripping them open. "But I did commission my favourite artist to paint it for me. And it turns out she'd painted you her own gift and didn't even mention that! Isn't that messed up?"

Rin flipped the canvas over. It wasn't messed up. It was anything but. Nothing about any of this was anywhere close to messed up.

The painting was the two of them. Undeniably. Half of each of them, anyways. Rin would know Bachira's features anywhere, and he discerned enough to know the black bangs, the under eye lashes, the jawline, was supposed to be his. The only feature he didn't recognize from any gaze or mirror was the eye that each of them had visible, which had been forgone for the very flowers they'd plucked out of the garden. It was a wonderful painting, there was no doubt about that, but he felt this sense of awe and wonder specifically for the person who'd thought it up.

Regardless of how touched he was, what he said was, "That's so funny."

Bachira's face fell. Rin knew he'd put his foot in his mouth.

"Hey!" Yuu said playfully. "The artist is still in the room, you know."

"I didn't mean," Rin said. But he had meant it, just not in the way Bachira thought. He tilted his head towards the envelope. "Open yours."

Bachira gave him a tight smile and started tearing open the envelope. He said something about how it had best be money, it might soften the blow, but Rin didn't listen. He'd been shaky about it before, but considering how the morning had gone so far, he knew it would fix everything and set the day as it should be.

Bachira opened the card, read it, and then pulled the piece of paper folded up in there and read that too. His yellow eyes were darting back and forth as he took in the words, but Rin didn't see him light up, and it confused him. Eventually, he looked up, troubled.

"I don't get it," he said.

That was fair enough, Rin figured. He'd had to print off the confirmation page off the website when he'd made the purchase, and it had a whole lot of fine print.

"The garden," Rin started, motioning towards the paintings. "With the flowers. It has a community garden portion. I bought a slot for this year. For us. Well, for you. But, for us."

Bachira's face shifted a little, but he still didn't seem to understand. Unfortunately for him, Rin had started talking, and now he just couldn't stop.

"I looked up our flowers too," Rin said. "They're complimentary. They don't kill each other. I mean, their roots help each other. They don't compete. They help each other grow. I thought maybe we could, I don't know, plant some. Take care of them. And it might be a fun excuse to keep going down there."

Rin shrugged. Bachira was still just staring at him.

"Or, fuck, I don't know. We could just grow peas or something," Rin said, all but choking on his own words. "Whatever. It's stupid."

"No," Bachira said. A sudden, frantic word. "It's not stupid."

Now Rin was the one looking at him, not quite understanding.

"I love it," Bachira said. "It is funny."

A few feet away, Yuu sat on the couch, also watching the both of them, a hand over her mouth, her eyes looking quite glassy. "That's so sweet."

"You surprised me," Bachira said. "I thought you'd just like, get me Barcha merch or whatever. Next year, I guess."

"Yeah," Rin said. He knew Bachira was trying to lighten the mood with this comment, and with how embarrassed he was, he really needed it. "I guess so."

"I'll take the Barcha merch next year too," Yuu agreed, her face and eyes having cleared up.

Rin thought this was very touching as well, another very supportive motherly move, but Bachira grimaced.

"Ugh!" he said. "Stop!"

"What?" Yuu said, fake innocence all over her face. Huh, Rin thought. So that's where Bachira got it from.

Bachira then turned to Rin, still utterly horrified. "She's in love with Lavinho."

"I'm not in love with him. All I said was that he was cute," Yuu said, raising her hands in defense. "Bugging you is just a bonus."

"Stop it," Bachira said. "Stop talking right now."

They then moved through breakfast and were spending some time lounging in the Christmas glow before they'd pack up the baking and take it down to the shelter. It was a nice morning. It was the first year he'd managed to make it through present opening without a single passive aggressive comment, and that in and of itself was a Christmas miracle of epic proportions. Maybe the holidays weren't all that bad when spent with the right people.

Inside his pocket, his phone buzzed. Rin pulled it out, thinking it would be the obligatory Christmas text from his parents. He figured it would do well just to respond so he could forget about it for the rest of the day, but when he looked at the screen, he didn't recognize the number.

Upon opening the text, it didn't help much.

Merry Christmas, Rin

Rin thought through who it might be, and coming up with nothing, had to resign.

Who is this?

Real mature.

No, Rin thought to himself. There was no fucking way. But he shook off the thought. He never made use of it, but he had Sae's number saved. This was someone else.

Oh, maybe I never gave you my new number.

My bad.

Rin stomach sank. It was a bizarre interaction that he didn't quite know how he felt about. He didn't know what he should say, if anything. The next thing that came through was a picture. Rin cringed, and tried to move his phone screen out of view of anyone else as subtly as he could. It was Sae's phone for sure. The picture was of him and Isagi, sitting on some worn looking sofa somewhere, Isagi looking the regular amount of stupid as he sat there grinning, Sae looking much stupider than usual as he tried to remember how the human smile was to look, an instinct he'd long since lost. Still, it didn't seem like they were showing off or rubbing anything in. They kind of looked genuinely happy.

It was gross, sure, but what troubled Rin the most was that the picture was taken from a ways away, all of their hands accounted for.

Wtf?

Who took that picture?

Isagi's mom.

You're in town?

Why didn't you tell me? Rin felt tempted to type out next, but didn't. It was fair enough. He didn't know why he expected he would of.

Yeah.

Rin rolled his eyes, thinking that was that and they could leave it there. He was about to lock his phone and push the whole thing into the back of his mind, when Bachira leaned onto his shoulder. Rin fumbled to lock his phone, but didn't get there fast enough. And just as his luck would have it, they hadn't exchanged enough texts to have gotten to picture off the screen.

"Who's that?" Bachira asked, but it was clear he figured it out halfway through asking. "Oh. They look happy."

He didn't flinch. He didn't even seem malicious or fake about it. Still, it felt like a betrayal to agree.

"Yeah, I guess," Rin said. "Sae's version of happy, whatever that is."

Bachira kept looking at the photo. Rin wondered if he should lock his phone and shove it out of sight anyways, but it felt childish. He'd wait until Bachira was done looking.

"Should we send one back?" he asked.

Rin didn't know what to respond. He deeply wanted to say no, fuck that, because what the fuck kind of business did Sae and Isagi have sneaking into their perfect Christmas morning? But then worried it would come across like he wasn't proud of him or didn't want to show him off.

"I vote yes," Yuu said. She was standing behind them, and neither of them had noticed. They looked around towards her. She smiled, but it looked kind of cold. "You want me to take it?"

"Yeah, okay," Bachira said, plucking Rin's phone right out of his hands and handing it over, like it was his own.

Rin's hands were tied. Not that it really mattered in the grand scheme of things. He'd do any number of bullshit things to prove to both of the Bachiras that he was very happy and proud where he was at and with the choices he'd made, even if sticking it to Sae and Isagi was very, very low on his overall priority list.

Besides, it felt good to hold Bachira that close. And it might be nice to have a picture of them together, wrapped up in this moment, on this morning, in a mood such as this. They didn't have many pictures together. They hadn't spent much time together since getting together, aside from the first couple weeks of fake and then real dating and a bit of sneaking around the Blue Lock facility. So, pros and cons. Sae and Isagi were hardly a part of this in Rin's mind.

"Okay," Yuu said, holding the phone up. "Say we're happier and cuter than Sae and Isagi!"

"Mom!" Bachira whined. "For the last time, I'm over it!"

"Be over it all you want," she said back, not an ounce of shame on her face. "I'm not over it. I still hate them."

Rin's face twitched with barely contained involuntary laughter.

"Oh, no offence, Rin," she tacked on.

"None taken," Rin said.

And he meant it. It didn't really matter how indifferent he was towards Isagi or how the merry Christmas text had been a half decent act on Sae's part. He himself had threatened to knock Sae out on Bachira's behalf, and he could hardly imagine how Yuu as a mother felt towards the whole ideal.

She clicked the pictures. Quite a few of them. Complete with directives. Move your arm, there. Smile for real. Now a fun one! This habit too, Rin realized, had come from somewhere. He liked it a lot. He'd forgotten what he was for.

They looked through one, selected the best one, sent it. And then, in an act of his own decency, Rin tacked on a Merry Christmas, Sae text, followed by a say hi to Isagi for us. Then, once he was finished with that and cleared the thread, he asked, "Can we take one all together?"

Bachira was readily agreeing as soon as he'd even gotten the question out, and Yuu just looked at him, genuinely touched, before nodding in agreement.

Then they were all piled onto the couch, Bachira's phone set up on a timer, propped against a Christmas candle, and they were sitting there, leaning into each other, grinning. And it was fun. It wasn't the product of anything malicious or prideful, to send anywhere or show off to anyone, it was just nice, done for the sole purpose of remembering good things.