Fifteen

Rin had been mindfully avoiding his phone so effectively that he'd unpacked, done laundry, and cleaned his entire room and was back to feeling restless as he snuck glances at it from where it sat on the desk.

He'd gotten exactly three texts from Bachira since dropping him off, and they had him feeling like he was just on the verge of losing his mind.

that was interesting...

in a good way!!

And then, a few minutes later:

I liked it

That last one was undoubtedly the worst, though them as a group was nothing short of traumatic in its own way. He'd read them five or six times, knew what they said, knew them by heart, and still felt the need to look over them to see if they did indeed say that.

Was this something worth reading into?

No, it wasn't, Rin reminded himself. This was just how he was. Break up with him.

Rin couldn't help but feel a little bad about having to put Bachira through his second breakup in two weeks, but forcibly kicked that idea out of his mind. This was hardly a real breakup. They could still hang out and be friends. Or maybe they couldn't. But Rin would say it anyways, and he'd figure out how much friendship he could handle later.

He was crafting things in his mind, where to meet, how to go about the best breakup possible despite how fake it was, when he heard his door handle being turned and the door click open. He whipped his head over his shoulder so fast, Sae had barely stepped into the room.

"Would you just fuck off already?" Rin yelled at him.

Sae raised his eyebrows, like that was unexpected. Which it both was and wasn't.

"Did I catch you in the middle of a mental breakdown or something?" Sae asked. "I figured you'd be in a great mood after today."

"Well, you're ruining it." Rin somehow managed to make that sound calmer. "Get out."

"Does Bachira, like," Sae started, and then paused. Rin was just about to get up and shove him out of the room all over again, because he was just not in the mood, when he noticed the tone of it. "Make you happy?"

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Sae didn't repeat himself. It was obvious enough to both of them that he'd heard what he said. "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"Fuck off," Sae said, rolling his eyes. "It's just a question."

Which it was, Rin supposed. A surprisingly nice one. A suspiciously nice one. "What do you care?"

"I don't," Sae said. It was unconvincing. It was fucking weird, is what it was. "I was just wondering."

Rin was doubtful, but part of him didn't want to be. The world's shittiest brother was being surprisingly less shitty than usual, and it brought a lot of old stuff back up. He wasn't always like this. That had been a true thought. Sae used to be like this. Maybe this was a misguided and horribly overdue attempt at bonding, and under other circumstances, Rin might have been more receptive, maybe he would have even asked him about Isagi and hidden his disgust and tried to be nice about it. But Sae had indeed caught him in the middle of a bit of a mental breakdown, and it wasn't the kind of thing he felt like discussing.

Because he couldn't really answer that question in a honest way without this conversation taking a very yes, he does. Sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't. Not because of anything he does, but because we started fake dating like you thought and I fell in love for real like you thought, and I'm in way over my head, nii-chan type of direction.

"Wonder somewhere else," Rin said, shoving him out of the room. "Get out."

He closed the door behind him and grabbed his phone. This needed taking care of.

Rin and Bachira were going to meet up at this park. It was mostly walking trails, no playground, and in a secluded neighbourhood, so it wouldn't be all that crowded. Which was good, Bachira's affinity for crying being what it was. In his text, he'd been casual but not overly excited nor ominous. Rin had done a lot of research to conduct the perfect fake breakup.

Whatever hints he might have left, Bachira had not gotten them. He was excited to see him.

"Can I hug you?" he asked, holding his arms out. "Or are we on regular kissing terms now?"

Rin stepped out of the way of both actions. "Sit down."

"Okay," Bachira said, taking a seat on the bench. "But later, maybe?"

His smile still hadn't dropped. Rin couldn't really look at it without wanting to puke.

"Look," Rin started.

"Oh no," Bachira said. Now the smile was dwindling.

"What?" Rin asked. "I haven't even said anything yet."

"It's your face," Bachira said.

"What about my face?"

"Something bad is about to happen."

"No, it's not," Rin said, trying to convince them both. This wasn't bad. It was the ending of something that hadn't even really started in the first place. "It's just time for us to fake break up."

In his research, Rin had taken a lot of in into account, but there was also a lot that he blatantly ignored due to lack of relevance. Restate how much the relationship meant to you and that you cherished your time together. Be firm in your outcome but consider their feelings. This is someone you loved and considered building a life with, once. Do not suggest friendship. This doesn't work and leads to more complications.

Bachira was quiet. He didn't even as much as look at Rin.

"I mean, we were just doing this to mess with Sae and Isagi, right? And we did that. So, now it's time to, you know," Rin said, waving an impatient hand. He didn't really want to repeat the term break up. Bachira looked blank faced and on the verge of tears already. "What? It's not a big deal. We can still be friends."

"I don't want to," Bachira said, looking up at him.

That stung Rin a little. But maybe it was for the best. "Well, we don't have to. It's not like we were great friends before or anything."

"Oh," Bachira said. And nothing else.

Rin didn't understand. Why was he getting so upset? None of this had even been real. But then he supposed, it had been real for Bachira. It had been a real way to get back at Isagi. Or something along those lines.

"Listen, I don't really know how much progress we even made," Rin said. "My shitty brother and your shitty ex clearly like each other, or whatever, and I don't know if that's going to change, alright?"

Bachira started shaking his head. He genuinely looked like he was about to cry. Rin paused. Should he comfort him? He forgot about what it said about this in the breakup research.

"I don't," Bachira started, and didn't continue.

Rin leaned down over him. "Hey. What the hell's going on with you? This was the plan, wasn't it?"

When Bachira looked up, there were tears in his eyes, just seconds away from falling. "I don't want to break up."

And Rin fought the urge to just grab him and say thank god, me neither. Because he didn't really understand, and just because Rin had meant it a certain way when he'd thought it to himself, it didn't necessarily mean they were on the same page.

"What?" Rin asked. "Why?"

Bachira didn't say anything. He looked like he'd caught himself having said something that he shouldn't of.

Rin waited what he thought was a relatively reasonable amount of time in his suddenly panicked state before he asked, "Why did you say that?"

"I don't know," Bachira said. He wouldn't look up at him. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," Rin said, taking a few steps back. He needed some distance. This was just a fake breakup, but still, he found he didn't like it very much.

"I guess I just kind of got things messed up in my head," Bachira said. Back was the tone from their very first fake dating experience. The effort of sounding upbeat making it heartbreakingly sad. He even tried to laugh as he stood from the bench. "It was just nice, you know?"

"Yeah," Rin agreed. "It was."

"It felt real there for a while, didn't it?" Bachira asked. More laughter on his part. More discomfort on Rin's. He didn't wait for Rin to respond. Bachira held a hand out for him to shake. "Well, it was nice being your fake boyfriend."

"Yeah," Rin agreed again.

He didn't specify to which statement he was agreeing to, but he knew full well it was both of them. He shook his hand. The gesture felt sad and empty. They both pulled away, like it was a shared sentiment.

"I guess I'll see you around," Bachira said.

"Or not," Rin, reminded him.

They would, of course. In a week's time, they'd be going back to Blue Lock. They would be seeing each other around. But he didn't want him to think there was any pressure.

"Yeah," Bachira said.

And all of a sudden, there was nothing else to say. Bachira gave Rin one last smile and turned before he started walking off. Rin didn't want to watch. He turned around like the whole thing was horrifying to him, all the while telling himself that it was for the best.

But he was sad. It came on all at once. He knew he would have felt some type of way about it, his feelings for Bachira being real and all, and this fake breakup being done to protect those very real feelings, but it was more intense than he had thought it would be. He started picking up the pace, because although he seldom cried, he absolutely refused to do in public.

The park gates were in view, and it wasn't much longer until he'd be on the street, but instead of hurrying through the last bit of the park, he stopped dead in his tracks. He was still fighting off those rather irritating feelings of sadness, but there was a louder, more prevalent thought running through his mind.

Oh my god, I'm a fucking idiot.

He ran back through all the things Bachira had said lately. I don't know if that's what I want anymore. I don't care what we do, as long as we're together. It felt real for a while there, didn't it? I liked it. I don't want to break up. Maybe there was a chance he wasn't reading too much into it.

"Meguru!" Rin yelled over his shoulder, turning around.

Bachira didn't hear him. He'd nearly reached the other end of the park, and Rin could see across the distance, he had his headphones on.

"Fuck," Rin muttered under his breath.

Maybe I am reading too much into this, he tried to reason. But he caught on quickly that it was just self preservation. It was a risk worth taking, and the odds looked good. Don't think, he told himself next. Just run.

He beat Bachira to the gates. Not that it was all that hard to do at a full sprint compared to Bachira's walking pace. Rin caught him by the shoulder and pulled him back, a little more forcefully than he'd meant to. He looked surprised to find him there, but he pulled his headphones onto his neck anyways.

"Hey," Bachira said. "What happened?"

You happened. Keep happening.

But Rin took a slightly more tactful approach. "It did feel real there for a while, didn't it?"

Bachira didn't respond, but his face shifted. It wasn't this solemn blankness anymore. It had become something much more hopeful looking.

"I don't want to break up either," Rin said. "I just wanted to stop fake dating."

There was no response to this either, but it hardly mattered. Rin had started talking, and there was no stopping now. He kind of shrugged, but it was a weird, unsure action. For someone with such body awareness, he had no choice but to be aware of how nervous and unsteady he was.

"There's nobody else. There never will be," Rin said. He threw every bit of dating knowledge he'd learned out the window and decided to fall back onto exactly what Bachira told him he needed to hear. "And for what it's worth, I don't think you're hard to love."

"For real?" Bachira asked. It was very small, very surprised, but even so, it confirmed what Rin had suspected and second guessed over the past few days.

"For real," Rin said.

Once again, there was nothing left to say. He just grabbed him again, like he had on the porch, and kissed him again. But this was when it really felt like the first time. It was a deliciously selfish action rather than a performative one, and with nobody watching and nothing to prove, Rin didn't have to focus on what it looked like and could instead focus on what it felt like.

And it felt pretty fucking good.