Thirteen

Rin was surprised by how much restraint Bachira showed, because he lay there on him, pretending to watch the movie, tensing and shaking a little, for almost a whole minute before he pushed himself up and told them, just as shakily, that he was going to get some water. Once he had left the room. Rin looked up and glared across the room. Isagi's expression, from the side glance he got of it anyways, looked almost as pissed as his own. Sae still looked painfully unbothered as he watched the TV screen.

Rin got up and smacked Sae upside the head again on his way to the kitchen. As he was leaving, he just barely heard the harsh whisper of why the hell would you say that?

He found Bachira in the kitchen actually holding a glass of water, guzzling it down. Rin got the impression that it wasn't his first. He was so frantic about it, like it was medicine, or a surefire way to kill all emotion. Rin waited for him to finish it. When he looked over at Rin, those eyes that were almost entirely the same shade as that flower he'd found at the gardens were bloodshot and glassy.

"Come here," Rin whispered, because the one kindness he felt he could provide, besides whatever the hug would fail to remedy, was a refusal to embarrass him any more.

Bachira let him. He didn't even pause to put his glass on the counter, so Rin took it and did it for him. He wasn't planning on saying anything, just standing there, being there, trying to understand without prying or needing to know. But it wasn't long before the rambling started.

"I knew it. I knew something happened. I just knew it," Bachira said, the words coming out muffled against Rin's shirt and his own breath. "He was going to say he loved me back at the party that night. He hinted he was going to. And then he disappeared off the face of planet for a few hours and called and broke up with me instead. Like, you don't just do that."

No, of course you don't. Nobody in their right mind would.

"He probably told him to break up with me." It sounded to small. Worse than that, Rin couldn't even deny it. He probably did. "I just, I knew it. I knew something happened, but I really hate knowing it for real. I hate it so much."

Rin could empathize with that. He hated it too. He hated the both of them, for creating this moment and every other one that had come before it.

"They were together even though we were still dating," Bachira continued. "And he just admitted it. Like it was no big deal. Like he's proud of it."

He is proud of it, Rin thought. He knew he was. He'd known this side of Sae for years. This was nothing new to him. Rin thought there was so much he could say, so much he wanted to say, but he stayed quiet and solid until the rambling trailed off. He didn't trust himself to keep his words coherent or even sane.

He was empathetic, sure. But more than that, he was furious.

When Bachira finally pulled away of his own accord, wiping his face and breathing and nodding and assuring he was okay, and Rin could somewhat assure himself that was the truth, he gave him a nod and went back into the living room.

Sae had clearly gotten an earful, because the air was tense and they were quiet. Good, Rin thought. He was about to get another.

"Come with me," Rin said.

Rin grabbed Sae by the arm and more or less dragged him across the room towards the back porch. He was almost surprised how easy it was. That's how pissed he was.

He got him outside with seemingly little fight. He didn't know if it had been easy, or if Sae had been trying to save face by avoiding a full on brawl in front of some idiot he was clearly still trying to impress, but it hardly mattered. Rin had done him the courtesy of doing this in private. It was the only one he was going to offer.

"Is that true?" Rin asked.

"Is what true?" Sae asked back.

"Do not fuck around with me right now," Rin warned. He wasn't sure where all this feral anger was coming from, but he couldn't help it. It was there, and it was demanding to be felt. "Is it true?"

Sae rolled his eyes in place an answering. It was answer enough for Rin.

"God, how is it that you have made it this far without being punched in the face?" Rin demanded. "Seriously, what the fuck happened that made you this fucking awful?"

"Awful?" Sae asked back. "Oh, please."

"You are!" Rin fought back. "Only a fucking psycho would-"

"Why are you so pissed? And follow up, why did you feel the need to drag me outside like we're in some bad sitcom?" He still hadn't budged, not his face nor his voice. They were both still uncracked. "I didn't do anything."

"You stole his fucking boyfriend, Sae," Rin fought back.

"People can't be stolen, Rin," Sae said back. "I offered an option. He took it. It's hardly a crime."

Rin could hardly fight him on that. But still, he was wrong. Sae was wrong. The whole way he'd gone about it was wrong. The way he was making these subtle brags and jabs and forcing Bachira into this battle for dominance that didn't matter to anyone but Sae and his twisted ego. He couldn't get Rin to budge on that. There didn't seem to be a way to put that into words. Not when he was this angry, anyways.

"You of all people should be thanking me," Sae then said.

"Thanking you?" Rin asked, genuinely dumbfounded.

"If I hadn't sought Isagi out, he never would have left his little ex boyfriend, leaving him for you," Sae said, as if this was perfectly reasonable logic. "And if you really do like him, which I still don't entirely believe, you should be grateful I did what I did."

"Grateful?" Rin asked.

"Yes," Sae said. "Grateful."

Maybe he kind of had a point there. Very slightly, if at all. But it didn't calm Rin any. Rin didn't owe Sae gratitude. He didn't owe him anything. He owed Bachira a million apologies, as a starting point.

"Stay the fuck away from us until we go home," Rin told Sae in ice cold warning. "Or I swear to god, I will knock you the fuck out."

And with that, he went back inside, slamming the door behind himself, leaving his brother alone on the porch.

Back inside, Bachira was back in the living room. Isagi hadn't left. They weren't talking to each other. Or they weren't anymore. They weren't even looking at each other. The two of them might as well have been in separate worlds within the same four walls.

Bachira didn't need this either, Rin decided.

He was still acting largely on autopilot. Or that's how he would justify going over to Bachira, picking him right up like it was nothing, and saying, "Come on. Let's go to bed."

Bachira didn't fight him. He didn't even say anything. Rin might have felt weird about it if he had, but because he was still largely ignorant to what exactly he was doing and any reasoning he might have for doing it, he held no self judgement as he continued to carry Bachira all the way to his room.

He set him down on the bed like some small, fragile thing. Rin got snapped back to reality, a little at least, when he saw Bachira didn't look sad. It's not to say he looked thrilled. He was more blank faced than anything. But there was a lack of sadness. Now Rin started to feel weird about it.

"I, uh," he said, before kind of motioning towards the door he'd closed behind them.

"It's okay," Bachira said.

Rin didn't know what he meant by this and wasn't particularly tempted to ask after it.

"Are you tired?" Rin asked instead.

"Yes," Bachira answered. "I'm tired of everything."

"I am sorry I brought you here," Rin started to say.

"It's okay," Bachira said. "I was joking. Mostly."

"So you're not tired?"

"I'm not dying to go to sleep but I'm also not, you know," Bachira said, waving his hands in the air. "Bouncing off the walls or anything."

"Yeah," Rin agreed. "I get that."

Rin didn't really know where to go from there. Now he started to feel a little weird. About the carrying, about the threat, about the anger, about the trip itself. All of it. He didn't know what to do within the room or with the yellow eyed boy watching him from the bed. When they had an activity or a goal, being around Bachira was pretty easy. When they were just stuck with each other, nothing but the silence and Rin's feelings to fill the space between them, it was excruciating.

"Let's lay down," Bachira said. "If we fall asleep, we fall asleep."

Rin agreed. Or at the very least, he had no objections and no better suggestions. He took the time to get washed up, changed, ready to bed. Bachira fell back onto the bed and Rin didn't think he'd moved a single muscle until he was shoving him over onto the far side of the bed to make room for himself.

His first instinct was to pull Bachira back in, but when he lay his arm out in offering, Bachira shook his black and yellow head and kept it on the pillow on his side. Rin felt struck with the rejection, and even though he knew it was more than fair, after the night they'd just had anyways, how much it still hurt him felt like a slap.

"Tonight was good," Bachira said.

"Wow," Rin said. "Your definition of good is beyond fucked up."

"I didn't say it was fun," Bachira defended. "But I think I got what I came on this trip for."

That was yet another slap Rin had to mindfully ignore.

"Oh?' he asked, trying desperately not to sound overly sarcastic. "And what's that?"

"Closure, I guess," Bachira said. "I knew it would suck, and it did, but I kind of wanted to see Sae and Isagi all into each other. I needed to see it up close to really get it and let go."

"You are something else," Rin said.

Bachira stuck his tongue out at him. If he was picking up on any of Rin's very real bitterness, he wasn't showing it. "Isagi wasn't right for me."

"Yeah," Rin agreed. "I think we figured that out already."

"Because," Bachira said pointedly. "I deserve someone who likes me enough to just say no and go home. Someone who wouldn't even consider that offer."

"Yeah," Rin agreed again. Because he was being a good friend. "You do."

"Someone who says," Bachira said. He was grinning again. Rin stopped taking him seriously before he even continued. "Meguru, I like you so much it hurts! There is nobody else in the entire world for me besides you!"

Rin pulled the pillow out from underneath his own head and smacked Bachira square in the ear with it. He started laughing with how much that amused him. Rin, on the other hand, was not laughing. He considered smacking him with the pillow again, harder this time, but decided against it. His feelings were hardly Bachira's fault. He wasn't mocking him, regardless of how much it might feel like it.

As it tended to, it didn't take long for the moment to turn and the laughter to stop. His smile dropped too. "You think that person is out there, right?"

His voice was distinctly small. Just like it had been when all of this started.

"Yeah," Rin said.

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

"You know so, huh?" Bachira asked. It wasn't quite as sad, but whatever it was, it wasn't playful. "What makes you so sure?"

They had been laying facing each other, close but not touching, for the duration of the conversation. Rin got the sudden urge to reach out and touch Bachira's face. Lightly. Gently. Just enough to really get his point across. He felt he was being as obvious as he could while still toeing the line of ripping Bachira's one friend from his fragile little hands, but he didn't really know what the right move was anymore.

What he did know was that Bachira's eyes were as clueless as they were golden and no brushing of his cheek was going to do the job. He was going to have to spell it out for him.

I know, because that person is me.