Nine

Rin left Bachira's in a panic.

After the weekend away was confirmed, Bachira made some joke about packing and asked if he needed to bring anything specific but Rin barely got through the questions without trembling. He stayed for a bit until he was sure he was really making a fool of himself and then he finally made some excuse about having to do his own packing and that he'd see Bachira the next day.

He spent the entire trip home entirely regretting inviting him at all.

I don't want to break up.

And he didn't. There was no other way to look at it. This had become something real to him and it was only with the prospect of losing it that it became apparent to him. He felt so stupid. He was smarter than this, wasn't he? But he couldn't untangle the events and his feelings towards them and figure out when this had all happened.

When had he started liking Bachira for real?

He still hadn't figured it out when he got home. The blue flower on his cork board was not just something that mocked him and his stupidity mercilessly. It was such clear evidence of his feelings. How had he tacked it up there and not realized what he was doing and why he was doing it?

Even Sae had caught on, he realized. Don't tell me you're actually falling for your fake boyfriend.

He had been. Maybe the whole time.

He had to break up with him, obviously. That was the only reasonable course of action. He didn't want that. His reaction even to Bachira's joking about it had made that perfectly clear, but he still had to do it. Now that he had this information about himself, the thought of being stuck in his fake relationship with someone he actually liked who, as Sae was so kind to remind him, was clearly using him to make Isagi jealous, the thought of spending any more time with him unbearable.

He had to break up with him right now.

No, Rin told himself. Just calm down. Think things through.

He got changed, grabbed his yoga mat from the closet, and unrolled it before laying it out in the space it sometimes occupied across the foot of his bed. Before he stepped onto it, he took the blue flower down so it couldn't mock him any further. He didn't have it in him to throw it away, so just tucked it into the top drawer of his desk.

The yoga and meditation helped somewhat, but not nearly as much as it usually did. It was only physical and mental exhaustion that didn't have his panic regenerating at that fact alone. He considered himself so well practiced at this point that there was no fear or frustration he couldn't effectively diffuse, but this one lingered.

He couldn't break up with Bachira. Not right now. Which is to say not before the trip. He'd invited him along for a reason. The underlying reason below his awareness might have been because he just wanted him there, but the reason he'd given him and the one they were agreeing on was because they could mess with Sae and Isagi if he came. It made Rin's stomach turn in this new context, but that's what he'd offered and agreed to, and it would be wrong to go back on that.

He could make it through the weekend. He'd break up with him after the trip.

A bit more yoga and meditation, a long run, some food, and a good night's sleep had clearly done him a world of good, because he wasn't as nervous or horrified as he had been the day before. He was mostly just feeling excited to see Bachira, and if he leaned into that feeling, it dulled the newfound sadness he felt towards the whole thing being fake.

Bachira showed up first, which is to say before Isagi, and that was ideal as far as Rin was concerned. Rin was still excited to see him even in person.

The impatient look that came over Sae's face was just a bonus.

The thought of their looming fake breakup also crossed his mind as he watched him walk up, waving wildly, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Rin tried to convince himself that he didn't actually like Bachira like that, he was just his friend, and maybe they didn't have to fake break up, but then he caught the flaw in his logic. Then he thought he'd just enjoy the weekend and worry about that afterwards.

"I'll take that," Rin said, reaching for his bag.

"I kind of overpacked," Bachira said, handing it over.

"It's fine," Rin said, taking it over to the trunk.

"Hi, Sae," Bachira said.

Rin hated it, how pained it sounded. It was only made worst when Sae made some type of wordless sound of the bare minimum amount of acknowledgement and Rin could hear his smirk from it. He shoved the bag into the trunk as frantically and quickly as he could.

"Come here," Rin said, coming back around to the side of the car, pulling Bachira in. When he let him, he whispered, "Don't bother."

Bachira seemed comforted by it, or stayed there either way. Rin continued to hold Bachira, and his grip on his tightened when he saw Isagi coming up the street, like he'd be able to shield him from seeing him for the entirety of the trip by doing this. He knew it was stupid, and maybe a little self indulgent, but it felt good anyways, so he decided not to judge it too hard.

"Hi," Sae said to him, in this gross way like he was ready to play battle of the boyfriends, but Rin was fully satisfied in seeing that not only was Isagi not interested in this game, but that he'd been entirely right about what his reaction would be.

Isagi didn't even acknowledge Sae. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Bachira?"

Bachira lifted his head then, turning a little, not enough to pull away from Rin but enough to see Isagi and his shocked expression. He didn't answer him. It was obvious enough that he was indeed Bachira and was indeed standing there.

He just looked up at Rin and asked, "Did he not know I was coming?"

"Of course he knows," Rin lied, answering Bachira but looking over at Sae with quite the satisfied look. "If he didn't know, that would be fucked, right?"

Sae too seemed aware of Isagi's discomfort and Rin's rightness. It was awesome. But he was trying really hard to hide it behind his eternally blank expression. He shrugged and looked at Isagi.

"Why does it matter if he's coming?" Sae challenged.

Isagi looked like he was right on the verge of explaining exactly why it mattered. Rin was wondering if they were going to fight, right here, right before they got into the car to head onto this trip. Maybe Isagi would be so pissed he'd decide not to come after all. Rin felt kind of giddy even thinking about it.

But Isagi sighed and begrudgingly said, "I guess it doesn't."

Rin still enjoyed it.

When their mother came out of the house and saw the four of them standing there, she seemed shocked, as if she had no idea she'd find them all there.

"Hello...boys," she said, like it was her first time speaking to other humans. Rin gave Bachira a look like told you so. "Shall we?"

"Hi, Mrs Itoshi," Isagi said, lifting his hand in a wave. "I'm Isagi Yoichi."

"Oh," she said, looking him over. "Great."

As far as Rin was concerned, this trip was off to a great start.

When they were climbing into the car, Sae gave Rin a shove between the shoulder blades. "Get in the back."

Rin barely fought off the childish urge to kick Sae straight in the shin and got into the backseat. Bachira climbed in next to him. It was fine. The backseat was a little rough on the legroom, but it would only be an issue for Rin himself so he didn't say anything. There wasn't a space between the seats, so he didn't mind.

He did mind, however, how Sae had obviously made the suggestion for a dickhead reason. It was no more than five minutes after the car pulled away from the curb that Sae extended his hand across the space between the seats in front in Rin and Bachira expectantly. Isagi seemed to hesitate only slightly before reaching out and taking it.

Rin felt Bachira tense beside him. He heard the swallow. He could see how his eyes were focused on the exact place where their hands were clasped and how Sae was circling his thumb on Isagi's hand as he held it. Rin didn't have to see the tears to know they were welling up.

He reached out for Bachira and pulled him in again. After Bachira slumped over into him, Rin took Bachira's headphones from his neck, placed them onto his ears, and plugged the jack into his own phone.

"Just go to sleep," Rin told him before hitting play on his meditation playlist.

It didn't take long. Rin once again questioned his feelings, because if he liked Bachira so much, or at all, or whatever, hadn't he ought to feel jealous? But he didn't. He just felt bad for inviting him at all and subjecting him to this. He felt really shit about it.