Chapter 1

🎵 All Night by The Vamps, Matoma

Mondays are the worst.

Namjoon really hates Mondays. After a lovely weekend, starting the week all over again is the worst. Well, it would've been nice if he didn't have papers to write or exams to worry about. But at least he can spend time at home listening to music as he prepares for the week ahead. Maybe watch movies with his friends—or just the one friend he looks forward to movie nights with.

He knows he shouldn't complain; this is what he wanted, after all. He studied his ass off in high school, trying to get into Seoul National University, sacrificing a lot in the process. He got his wish and got accepted, so he really shouldn't be upset about the workload. Right after high school, he enlisted in the military, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible. Now that he's only focused on school and work, he's determined to do his best.

But Mondays... they feel like hell on earth.

"Hyung!"

Namjoon is heading to his car, exhausted after leaving his last class, when he hears Jungkook calling out to him. He feels a smile slowly erupt on his face, and he's suddenly feeling energized at the first sound of his friend's soothing voice. He turns around to see Jungkook running towards him, his camera bag bouncing at his side, and the stack of books in his arms tumbling to the ground.

He starts to jog back to meet him halfway. As he gets closer, he can hear Jungkook mumbling under his breath, something about it being embarrassing. Namjoon's heart flips, immediately endeared by the sweet, raven-haired boy.

"Hey," Namjoon huffs out a laugh. "What's all this?"

Jungkook motions to the scattered books, trying to catch his breath. "Ah... the books you need for your writing assignment, I-I got them for you," Jungkook responds shyly, his hand scratching the back of his neck.

Namjoon looks at Jungkook, surprised at the kind gesture, because why would someone go out of their way for him? But then he smiles widely at Jungkook, both dimples on full display now.

In reality, he shouldn't be surprised because that's precisely who Jungkook is—someone so selfless and sweet who thinks of others. Opposite of who Namjoon is. And honestly, it makes him feel undeserving of Jungkook's friendship.

Jungkook looks away from Namjoon's smile and crouches to gather the books, the tips of his ears burning red. He stands back up and tries to hold the stack of books to his chest, biting his bottom lip nervously and averting his eyes. Namjoon chuckles, finding Jungkook's shyness adorable. He moves to tug the end of Jungkook's sleeve in a silent thank you, touched by his friend's kindness.

When Namjoon finally gets him to look up, he's rewarded with a small, crooked smile, so he lets him go, sparing Jungkook from more embarrassment. And really, it's to stop himself from wanting to touch him more, to feel the younger's warmth under his hands.

"You didn't have to do that," he says, suddenly feeling flustered by the kind-hearted gesture. "I could've gone to the library myself, you know."

Jungkook shrugs his shoulders, still holding on tightly to the books. "It's no problem, hyung. I was already there for work and remembered how you mentioned needing the books. I got them to help you out since I know you've been busy between school and work." Namjoon's heart clenches, his heart swelling with even more warmth and adoration for him.

Namjoon is in his last year and is bombarded with assignments and exams. He's been trying to keep up, but his exhaustion is setting in, and it seems that Jungkook noticed. Getting his Master's in environmental engineering hasn't been easy; he often wakes up in a cold sweat after nightmares about mathematical formulas, overdue assignments, and missing classes.

But his love for the environment is something he's passionate about and wants to pursue as a career. So with that comes pain. Lots and lots of pain in the form of research papers.

"Thank you, Kookie," Namjoon says, eyes trying to convey his appreciation. Jungkook blushes at the sound of Namjoon's nickname for him. His cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he starts to bite his lower lip again, a nervous habit that will never go away.

He's suspected that Jungkook has had a crush on him since he was introduced into their friend group during his freshman year of university by Taehyung and Jimin.

They joke that they saw a quiet, shy Jungkook sitting alone one day and decided to "adopt" him. They thought it was their responsibility to help guide him since they were his seniors. Jungkook was too shy at first to have a proper conversation with Namjoon.

He remembers when he first met Jungkook. He stared at Namjoon with those deep brown eyes that reminded him so much of Bambi—wide and innocent. When Namjoon would turn to look at him, Jungkook would quickly avert his eyes somewhere else, thinking he got away with the sneaky glances. Over time, they've gotten comfortable around each other, growing super close and inseparable.

Jungkook is a sophomore now, studying photography. He also takes an art history class and graphic design, wanting to expand his knowledge of the different types of art. He's good at many things he puts his mind to, though photography is where he excels the most. Jungkook has a way of seeing things from a different perspective, his pictures always coming out so beautifully.

Namjoon loves the times spent with Jungkook, getting to know who he is. How Jungkook likes to work out but loves to eat to his heart's content. How photography is his passion, always carrying his camera around. How Jungkook dislikes his art history class but thinks it'll help him better understand the world of art. And Namjoon can't forget how he prefers Marvel over DC but still likes Batman because Hyung, he's so cool, and he doesn't even have superpowers and Hyung, you have to see all his gadgets.

But most importantly, because he's gotten to know the person Jungkook truly is, showing Namjoon his kind and gentle heart. They frequently stay in to watch movies, have dinner together, study for tests, or just hang out to talk or do nothing. Now he feels like he craves Jungkook's company all the time. Sometimes Namjoon feels guilty, like he shouldn't be taking up Jungkook's time.

Now, a little over a year into their friendship, Namjoon's heart has carved out its own unique space just for Jungkook, something he knows he's not deserving of but wants to protect with everything he's got. Namjoon isn't oblivious to his feelings for his friend, but it's something he fights hard to keep at bay. He's not someone Jungkook needs in his life, even if Jungkook is the perfect person for him.

He knows he's not good enough for his Jungkook. He won't be able to give him the time and energy that a relationship would need to survive. And he deserves more than that: someone who won't be too focused on work and school and who will be able to dedicate time and focus on him.

So Namjoon buries it. Buries his feelings deep in the dark depths of his heart, with no light for them to take root and blossom.

"Well, let me help you with those," Namjoon laughs as he sees Jungkook struggling to carry the tower of books that looks dangerously close to toppling over again. He grabs some from the top of the pile, Jungkook looking relieved, and starts leading him to his car so he can put them in his trunk.

"Hey, so...are you going to Taehyungie hyung and Jiminie hyung's party this weekend?"

Namjoon turns to look at Jungkook and frowns in confusion. A party? He doesn't remember anything about a party. But knowing Jimin and Taehyung, it was probably something last-minute they decided to throw together.

Seeing confusion written all over his face, Jungkook elaborates. "They texted me last night. Said they want to throw a party this Friday at eight to celebrate their new apartment. Kind of like a housewarming."

"You mean the home they moved into four months ago?" he says, quirking an eyebrow. "Now they want to celebrate?"

Jungkook shrugs. "You know them. They probably just want a reason to throw a party and try to get something free out of it."

Namjoon chuckles, knowing he's right. Their friends love to party, and they'll use any excuse to throw one.

"So...are you coming?"

He puts the last of the books into his trunk and shuts it, turning to face Jungkook. He looks hopeful, and Namjoon feels the guilt gnaw at him. He knows how shy Jungkook can be around people, and Namjoon is his source of comfort, being able to relax and be himself when he's around. To this day, he's not sure why Jungkook gravitated towards him the most and opened up to him.

But he will never complain. He loves his friend... a lot.

"Sorry, Kookie." Namjoon gives an apologetic smile. "Probably not. I have work to do for class." He sees Jungkook's face fall in disappointment, a slight pout on his lips, and all he wants to do is take everything back and hug him.

"Aw, come on. Just for a little bit," Jungkook whines. "You need a day off to relax and let that big brain of yours take a rest for a change."

"Ah, I don't know. I really have a lot of work, and–"

"Please, hyung..." Jungkook cuts him off, knowing the excuse Namjoon is about to make is the same one he always gives. "I really don't want to feel alone, left in the corner while everyone else is sucking face or grinding on each other."

"It's a housewarming, not a club. I'm sure they have self-control." Namjoon says, giving Jungkook's arm a light squeeze for comfort.

Jungkook blushes again at the nickname but then groans in frustration, "Have you met our friends? How about if you just come for an hour and keep me company?" He smiles while batting his doe eyes.

And there he is again, already on the verge of giving in. He can't help it when he sees Jungkook's big, pleading eyes. They're like his kryptonite. Big, brown kryptonite that always seems to be twinkling, even in the dark.

Namjoon groans when he notices Jungkook's mole right under his bottom lip as he gives a little pout to go with his pleading eyes, and Namjoon feels his resolve breaking.

Well, that's not fair.

"Fine! Stop giving me that look," he finally gives in, feigning like he's upset, but in reality, he'd go to the moon and back for Jungkook. "I'll go. But– " he says, putting his hand up, stopping Jungkook from jumping in excitement. "Just for an hour. I still have to start my research paper, and I don't want to be hungover all day Saturday."

"Great! Thank you, hyung," Jungkook beams, finally able to grab Namjoon's arm to jump up and down, excited to have his most trusted hyung's company at the party.

"Alright, alright." Namjoon chuckles and can't help but think how cute Jungkook's being. "I have to go to work, but do you need a ride somewhere?" he asks, thumb pointing behind him to his car.

Jungkook scrunches his nose and smiles at him, bunny-like teeth on full display, and Namjoon is so weak for him.

And...so screwed.

"Nah, I'm good, thanks. Going back to my room to try to get some work done," Jungkook says, flicking his head toward his dorm room.

There are times when Jungkook would hold his gaze, feeling like he's looking through him and straight into his heart, trying to decipher Namjoon's thoughts and feelings. This was one of those times. Namjoon doesn't think Jungkook realizes when he does it. But he does it often, making his heart pound like crazy. Jungkook's eyes still linger, and he can't help but flush a little at the attention.

Namjoon smiles and walks over to the driver's side, giving Jungkook a little wave. "Alrighty then. I'll see you, Kookie." He watches as the younger's eyes widen and his cheeks turn red, avoiding eye contact by looking down at his sneakers. Namjoon laughs to himself.

That's so fucking cute.

Jungkook looks up shyly. "Bye, hyung."

"Thank you for the books. I really appreciate it."

"N-no problem, hyung," Jungkook stutters, and with that, he gives a wave goodbye and turns to leave.

Namjoon smirks, looking at Jungkook's broad shoulders, emphasized by his fitted sweater. He knows Jungkook likes to go to the gym and work out religiously, making him bigger and wider than he was over a year ago. Namjoon wonders if, under those clothes, he looks like he's been carved out of marble, a Renaissance sculpture carved by Michelangelo himself.

He shakes his head to stop himself before he gets carried away. He gets in his car, turning the radio on to try to rid himself of the image of Jungkook as a very naked David that he lustfully conjured up in his head.

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