Chapter 4

Diluc stares at the gates of Mondstadt, only now that he was here was he starting to feel nervous. His hands started shaking, as he wills himself to actually breathe. Everything here had brought back any unwanted memories that he tried to suppress for years, at this point can he even go back to the manor? He clenches the cloak closer to his face in an attempt to ground himself as he takes a deep breath.

"Traveler, are you alright?" One of the knights guarding the main entrance makes his way to him, worry evident in his voice. Diluc straightened before clearing his throat.

"I'm fine, no need for concern." He said curtly before walking inside Mondstadt. The moment he enters a gentle breeze welcomes him, at least his Archon seems pleased to have him. Mondstadt was more or less the same as he had left it. He needed at least a few days to prepare himself before actually meeting Kaeya, he needed to rehearse the lines he needed to say. He needs to actually eat something despite the tugging sensation at his stomach telling him to vomit whatever was in his stomach from the nervousness he feels. It had taken five days straight of traveling to get here and in a span of those days he had barely rested yet he couldn't feel any sort of exhaustion as a slight tinge of excitement overcame him. How was Kaeya? Was he the same? What does he look like now?

He would find out about Kaeya in the proper time, not just now as he finds a aplace to stay. He tried to stop by the manor or the winery first but before even stepping close he had to stop the surging fear and dread as memories of his childhood surfaced so he forgoes the idea and just went straight to the city where he would rest.

Yes, he had a plan in his head.

Now, his plans went down the drain as he faces the man he has not stopped thinking about for the four years he was away. A lone blue eye that still resembles the stars stares at him in surprise as they both reach for the same doorknob. Diluc hoped his cloak had hidden away his face but judging from the reaction of the other man, he saw through it almost immediately. His heart races the same way it used to years ago as he waves his hand at him, trying his best to smile as the urge to vomit becomes even stronger.

"Hey," Was the only word Diluc could think of saying to the stunned man in front of him. Who was almost unblinking as he stares at how Diluc drops his hand and tries clearing his throat. Kaeya was in a daze, he knew at some point Diluc would return despite everyone else believing that he was dead but not in this way. Everyone had told him to stop waiting for his return because if he wanted to he would've returned years ago.

"Hi." Kaeya was almost breathless as he replied, berating himself for not saying anything else as the door opened to meet the landlady in charge of the building where his apartment was. The landlady looks at the both of them in confusion at the two people standing frozen at her doorstep before clapping her hands effectively getting both their attention.

"You must be the new tenant! Mister..."

"Alaric." Diluc continued, he could hear Kaeya's huff of surprise as he tried his best not to look at him. He was used to using pseudonyms in his travels, and this was no different. Especially when he would most likely be recognized in his country.

"Yes, yes! I received your letter. If you would, please follow me to your room. I suppose you haven't had a moment's rest since you came to Mondstadt. Where did you say you were from?" The landlady chatted away, as she led him to his room. Diluc followed, and he could also hear another set of footsteps behind him.

"Sumeru." Diluc answered, he was not used to small talk, he usually travels alone not having enough time and care to have a companion when he was busy wallowing in his own self loathing anytime he wasn't fighting. They both stopped in front of a door and the landlady had handed him the key before sauntering off,

"If you need anything, feel free to call me!" She said before leaving him alone with Kaeya once again, who had not said anything during the short tour. Diluc opened the door to his apartment, thinking Kaeya wasn't going to say anything anymore and he would rather use that time to find something to eat as he feels his body slowly succumbing to the exhaustion of his non stop travels.

"So, Alaric from Sumeru, huh?" Diluc stopped halfway through entering the room as his head whips towards Kaeya who was smirking at him but his eye was serious as if studying him. Diluc narrowed his eyes before nodding slowly.

"Well, I can't just give away my identity. It's not safe." He felt defensive as the lone eye studied him, wanting nothing more than to hide as he felt the itching urge once again. The urge to tear open his wounds was getting stronger with each passing time Kaeya stared at him.

"You're home, Diluc. What's the use of a fake identity when you're safe here."

Diluc feels his throat tighten up. Not once has he ever truly felt safe in what Kaeya claims to be his home.

"Just think of it as a force of habit." Diluc looks away, his hand gripping the door that was so tempting to close and to have him locked away from everyone. Kaeya must've sensed something when he only sighed, dropping the subject.

"I reckon, you haven't eaten anything yet. Why don't I treat you? Good Hunter still serves the best Fisherman's Toast." Kaeya tries, and Diluc almost finds it adorable so despite the nagging thought in his head to turn down the invitation he all but agrees even chuckling a bit.

"Alright." He really can't say no to Kaeya even after all these years. Kaeya flashes him that boyish grin that still remains the same, yet a nagging thought makes its way to his head about how he doesn't deserve any of the smile or even how kind Kaeya was treating him after all these years.

Diluc's mouth nearly drops at the amount of food that was served in front of him. He stares at the food then back at Kaeya who was only looking at him, amuse evident in his smile.

"Did Sara give us the wrong order?" He tries to ask, overwhelmed at the foods in front of him. Kaeya only laughs, a sound that he had missed a lot before shaking his head.

"Think of it as a welcoming gesture." Kaeya says while handing him his utensil, only then he saw the burn scar on his arm. It wasn't noticeable, but if you know where to look it was there. Diluc gulps as he receives the utensil, looking down at the food. His thoughts were spiraling once again, he felt like he just wanted to jump at the tallest building right now. He didn't deserve any of this, he shouldn't have come home. He had hurt Kaeya badly to the point where it left a mark. His thoughts were racing, he just wanted to remove all the bandages on his skin and burn new wounds the same way he had burned that scar on Kaeya.

"Hey, where did you go?" Kaeya asks, concerned. Diluc shook away the thoughts, he had to act normal at least in front of Kaeya. Diluc only tilted his head while looking at him, feigning confusion.

"It seemed like you were lost in your thoughts again." Kaeya said nonchalantly, shrugging. It was the same thing as when they were younger Kaeya was always the one to ground Diluc when he was being swallowed whole by his thoughts. Diluc gave him a small smile before shaking his head. He said nothing as he started eating, straining as each bite tasted stale but still managing to swallow it for Kaeya. Diluc ignores everything as he eats more than what he's used to for years.

"Hey slow down, no one's gonna take the food away from you." Kaeya jokes, and Diluc wishes exactly for that to happen. He doesn't know how long he can keep it up before he vomits everything. He was also eating at his own leisure pace, looking at Diluc ever so often after each bite.

"I'm full." Diluc says, which was true this time. He feels like he's about to burst. Kaeya only hums while nodding. He didn't seem to be finished yet. Only now does he notice how much Kaeya had changed– grown. His hair had gotten longer, and his taste more lavish as he dons on the fur coat. He was bigger than he was before, but still remained lean. He had grown well,  unlike Diluc who, despite spending most of his years fighting, barely managed to gain any muscle.

"You really are a chatterbox," He teased.

"..."

"See?"

"I'm sorry." Diluc blurts out, there goes the lines he was about to rehearse then. He knows that this apology wasn't enough for the hurt he had caused. Even the Archons thought he needed to protect himself from him. Diluc grits his teeth as he looks down, afraid of Kaeya's reaction.

"You don't have to be sorry for not talking." Kaeya says simply while taking another bite. He offered a small smile towards Diluc who only shook his head.

"That's not...I mean to apologize for before. For everything." Diluc clears while still refusing to look at him. He doesn't see the way Kaeya's eye soften while looking at the figure in front of him. Diluc was fidgeting with whatever he can get his hands on and that warms Kaeya's heart; it was still the same as before. Kaeya looked at Diluc and despite the hood covering his face and hair, he surmised that it had gotten longer though Diluc wasn't really keen on taking care of his hair seeing as how it had lost its shine. His eyes still remained and his figure seemed to have gotten smaller as the years passed. The world hadn't been kind to him in his travels, Kaeya muses.

"Diluc, I've already forgiven you a long time ago. What happened that night was an accident, we both know it." Kaeya says gently while trying to get Diluc to look at him. He only shakes his head, it wasn't an accident. Diluc had failed to contain his vision's power resulting in it losing control and hurting Kaeya.

It was all his fault.

"Diluc, look at me." Diluc does.

"It's okay, you didn't mean it." Kaeya smiles at him, his voice soothing out every other thought Diluc had. He only finds himself nodding and Kaeya grins at that.

"Are you still staying at the manor? How is everyone?" Diluc tries to initiate the conversation this time, changing the topic. Kaeya shakes his head while continuing to eat.

"I left."

"Why?! That's your home Kaeya."

"We both know I don't belong there, not after what I told you." Diluc only shakes his head at this, that manor was more of Kaeya's home than his. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"That's not true. What you told me doesn't have anything to do with you having to leave your home."

"Why do you keep calling it my home but not yours?" Kaeya asks, effectively stopping Diluc from uttering another argument. Before Kaeya could add anything, Amber nears their table patting Kaeya by the back.

"Captain! No wonder we couldn't find you anywhere, you were on a date after all. What would Acting Grandmaster Jean say..." Amber teases while laughing. Diluc chokes on the air as he coughs after hearing that. Amber had grown, so it seems but his cheerful personality remains. Kaeya hurriedly offers him a drink while glaring subtly at her.

"I am not on a date, but simply catching up with this person here. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have other places to be." Kaeya says while grabbing Diluc and dragging him away. He concludes that Amber had not seen him nor had she noticed who he was. Kaeya had already paid for their meal so he can't help but follow him as Kaeya leads him outside of Mondstadt. For a moment he panics thinking he was leading him to their old manor but instead they only stop in front a domain door that had already been conquered judging by the color of the stones surrounding it.

"What are we doing here?" He asks, slightly out of breath. Kaeya sits down under the tree where apples had fallen, he pats beside him and Diluc follows. He did not expect for any of this to happen, he thought he would be cursed, beaten or shooed away. Not treated with kindness by someone who he had hurt. And most definitely he did not expect Kaeya questioning him about the past, he was part of it after all.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"I left without a word, Kaeya. I don't deserve to call it a home." Diluc thinks he'll leave it at that. Kaeya was still unaware of what really happened and that made Diluc relieved. He didn't want Kaeya to know what he had endured, the people who were cruel to him were Kaeya's first family. It hurts him to think if there will come a time when Kaeya– the first person who was kind to him - would stand against him and join his abusers in hating and hurting him too. Though, he had every right to do so considering what Diluc had done to him.

"The winery and everything else is still in your name. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you return." Kaeya says though he himself isn't sure about the last part. Everyone's indifference when he left had shocked him though he supposes everyone was busy enough as it already is and that they barely had any time for any setback. However, that didn't stop him from searching for Diluc, even asking Jean for help in issuing a search party team. When they hadn't found anything Kaeya took the matters into his hands, looking for Diluc. He went back to the place where he had last seen Diluc and the only thing he found in his search was Diluc's vision which still lit though it was dull, almost fading. His heart dropped as he clutched the dimming vision so hard he drew blood from his own hands.

"Is that so? I'll have to pay a visit soon then." Diluc replied, though dread fills him at the thought of facing those people again after all these years. He had not gotten better, only getting worse. He didn't know how they would react that after 4 years he was still a disgrace and a failure. But now knowing how everyone is burdened because of him he needs to settle some things. He would have to remove his name from the registry and transfer the funds to Kaeya's name who was the rightful owner of the winery that even his father thinks so. Maybe he can find a way where he doesn't have to go back there, their family lawyer resides somewhere in Mondstadt, he can just go to him.

Their conversation continues just like when they were kids to teenagers. They had spent the entire afternoon under the shade of the tree protecting them from the sun as they talked about all things. Diluc had told Kaeyas some of his adventures excluding the part where he goes home barely alive after each mission and how he barely takes care of himself right after. Kaeya in turn catches him up on everyone Diluc knew and how they were doing now after all these years. It was a peaceful afternoon, really even after all these years being with Kaeya made him feel safe and at peace (even in his mind). He didn't want it to end, but he feels his eyelids growing heavier each moment as the sun sets coloring everything around him in a golden light. It only serves to make Kaeya more beautiful as the sun makes it seem like he's glowing. Diluc stifles a yawn as he listens to Kaeya talking about Klee who was twice as energetic as Diluc when they were young (Diluc was only every cheerful and happy around him, oftentimes he would try to be as quiet as possible afraid of getting another person's attention but Kaeya doesn't know that.). Kaeya notices how Diluc fights the sleep in his eyes and he only chuckles before standing up and offering Diluc a hand who took it, confused.

"Why don't we continue this sometime? You deserve to rest." Kaeya said as they walked back to the city. To Kaeya this may have just been something that he would normally say, but to Diluc this carried on a different meaning. Diluc had been trying his hardest for as long as he can remember, for someone to say he deserves to rest feels like the validation he didn't know he needed. Diluc had been so tired fighting everything alone and having to isolate himself from everyone else because he knew he would only end up hurting those who would come to care for him. The burn scars on Kaeya's arm was an indicator and the look on Mister Liwei's face when he had found out still haunts him every night wishing that they had left him on the side of the road to bleed. He tries to stop the tears from coming, even after all these years he was still crying really how pathetic of him.

"I'll do just that, in a bit." Diluc says before stopping himself. Kaeya only looks at him confused to which he smiles, his hood was on the entire time and Diluc silently thanked how it could cover up some of his face to hide how he truly feels.

Diluc will rest, after everything is settled.

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:)