Chapter 81

The day of Nationals dawned bright and early. We'd gotten there the day before so as to avoid jetlag, and managed to do last-minute rehearsals. This was a two-day competition, with first performances of solos and duets on the first day, and the group and title solo performances on the next day. I didn't even feel the pressure anymore, because there was no room in my head for that. I was there to perform the dances as well as I could, regardless of results.

The duets were up first. Brooke and I were the third dance to go, then five numbers later, Nicaya and Paige were up. To give me time to reset, Ursula and I were ten numbers after that.

I never really focused on costumes, but it seemed like everyone had matching costumes for their dances. Paige and Nicaya's duet was dark and had a story about two friends who were now bitter enemies, so their makeup was thick and dark, looking like they'd beaten each other up. The costumes themselves were black for Nicaya, gray for Paige, and the leotards with longer skirts were relatively simple and worked well. Jill didn't say anything, but sulked beside Kendall (who seemed unbothered to me, chatting with Maddie) as the two rehearsed. Abby wasn't mean, but businesslike, giving sharp corrections.

Brooke and I wore matching white dresses that weren't too long, again a simple but effective costume. I wore my hair half-down while hers was in a bun, and the makeup was very soft and pretty. Ursula and I had more complex, golden costumes, but I wasn't even slightly focused on that at the moment.

"We got this," Brooke said, taking over the pep talk for once. "Let's forget about scores and results, just dance for ourselves. One last time."

And we did, embracing the moment and showing our connection onstage. We weren't perfect but it didn't matter, and we hugged hard after the second performance. We were moving on and very ready to do so.

I got to watch Nicaya and Paige give a stellar performance twice over before changing into my costume for Ursula and I's duet. We started out on opposite ends of the stage, and all I really felt was joy- I got to do this dance and show how much I loved this girl, on national television, in front of so many people. I hadn't actually dealt with much homophobia, but I did understand that positive representation was important. This duet was important not just for us, but for a lot of other people. When the music began, we danced in sync, hitting every move and imbuing all of our emotions into it. I lost myself in the performance.

"Bring me higher love, love

Bring me higher love

Think about it, there must be a higher love

Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above

Without it, life is wasted time

Look inside your heart, and I'll look inside mine

Things look so bad everywhere

In this whole world, what is fair?

We walk the line and try to see

Falling behind in what could be, oh

Bring me a higher love

Bring me a higher love, oh

Bring me a higher love

Where's that higher love I keep thinking of?

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me higher love (oh)

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me a higher love

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me higher love (oh)

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me a higher love

Worlds are turning, and we're just hanging on

Facing our fear, and standing out there alone

A yearning, yeah, and it's real to me

There must be someone who's feeling for me

Things look so bad everywhere

In this whole world, what is fair

We walk the line and try to see

Falling behind in what could be, oh

Bring higher love (My love)

Bring higher love, oh (Oh)

Bring higher love (My love)

Where's that higher love I keep thinking of?

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me higher love (Oh)

Bring me higher love, love

Bring me a higher love

Bring me a higher love (Oh, bring me love)

Bring me higher love, oh (We need a higher love)

Bring me a higher love (Bring me, bring me, yeah)

A higher love I keep thinking of, oh

Bring me higher love, love

(Bring me a higher love)

Bring higher love (Oh)

(Bring me a higher love)

Bring me higher love, love

A higher love I keep thinking of, oh

Bring me a higher love

(Bring me higher love, love)

Bring me a higher love, oh (Bring me higher love)"

"Yay! That was so fun!" Ursula grinned once we were backstage, a bit out of break from the two performances. "I love you."

"I love you too," I smiled back. "We should get lunch then change for solos." We were able to see Taylor and Opal perform their Contemporary duet well, so they'd give us some competition.

Asia was up first, and I thought that her performance was inspired. Perfect, no, but she would surely win her last competition. Mackenzie came on next and just blew me away with the maturity and accuracy of her dancing; she'd grown a lot in the last three years. Chloé went out and gave her a real run for her money, though, dancing freely and executing with the raw emotions that made her dancing so special. Christi was crying happy tears, and Chloé glowed with joy backstage.

Nia performed to a level far beyond her years, nailing her routine and winning over the judges completely. I was thrilled for her, and she couldn't stop smiling backstage. Ursula performed beautifully, showing her passion and technique. I never watched the dances before me, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was part of my journey, after all.

"Please welcome entry number three hundred and six, a Senior ballet solo, Joanne Ziegler."

I took in a breath and entered the stage, small, scared, already in character. The piece was classical with no lyrics, and it built into a joyful melody that allowed me to let go and show how glad I was for the life I was living. I didn't cry during the first performance, but the tears were there during the second, and the audience clapped enthusiastically. Exhausted, I found a free wall to sit against backstage.

"Are you okay?" Ursula leaned over me, worried. I nodded.

"Two pointe dances in three hours is hard. At least it's done for the day."

Braxton went on a bit later and performed excellently, as did Opal. Taylor was against Nia in the Teen division, but to my eye Nia definitely beat her. Opal was good, so she could get the win, as could Braxton.

Solo and duet awards were up first, and I was sleepy but ready to learn the results. Asia won Mini solos, to no one's surprise, and to her delight. Justice from the Candy Apples placed second in Junior solos, but Chloé and Mackenzie looked happy, so something was up.

"We actually have a tie for first place," the announcer said. "We spoke to these two dancers, and they decided not to break the tie. So, tying for first place in Junior solos with a score of 297, it's Mackenzie and Chloé from the Abby Lee Dance Company."

The crowd erupted into cheers, as did our team. Chloé and Kenz grinned and hugged warmly.

Taylor placed third in Teen solos, and Nia won in a lovely moment.

"Our top four Senior soloists are in their final competition and all scored over 298 points," the announcer said dramatically. "Fourth place, and a score of 298.1 points, is Opal from the Candy Apples Dance Center."

We clapped for Opal, who looked pleased with the result.

"Your second runner-up, 299.3 points, that's Braxton from Studio Bleu."

Braxton nodded and smiled, and Ursula looked shocked. She clearly hadn't expected to beat Braxton.

"Your runner-up Senior soloist today scored a perfect 300 points, and is winning the Technique judges' award. That's Ursula from the Abby Lee Dance Company."

Ursula jumped up, thrilled, and took her award. I was a bit confused- hadn't we tied if I'd also gotten 300 points? She couldn't have possibly scored any higher.

"Now, your champion Senior soloist also scored 300 points, and if the judges could give more points to this dancer, she would. She is also winning the Vulnerability judges' award. That's Joanne from the Abby Lee Dance Company."

I stood, immediately overwhelmed by the cheering around me, getting hugs from several of the top 10 soloist along the way.

"How do you feel about the perfect score?" The announcer asked me.

"Great," I smiled. "I'm so thankful for everyone in my life that's gotten me to this point, and I'll really miss this community."

"Aww, you're very sweet," the announcer replied. We sat back down for duets. Nicaya and Paige took the Junior title by three points, a wonderful win for them.

Taylor and Opal took third place in Senior duets, scoring 294 points. "Your runner-up for Senior duets scores 297 points. Please congratulate Brooke and Joanne from the Abby Lee Dance Company."

Brooke grinned and stood- 297 was a very high score for a duet. I joined her after the announcer indicated that I should.

"The dancers in the champion Senior duet are both getting their second perfect 300 of the day. That's Ursula and Joanne from the Abby Lee Dance Company!"

Ursula came up to join me, and we hugged tightly.

"That was such an incredible performance. Who choreographed that routine for you?"

"Joanne did," Ursula said. "It's such a special dance and I'm glad that we got to perform it to the best of our abilities."

"Extraordinary. Excellent job," the announcer said.

Abby had all the soloists and duets gather in the dressing room as we were packing up for the day.

"Asia, you were great, you deserved to win, but you have to watch your feet. They get sloppy," Abby said, and Asia nodded. "Mackenzie, you were very mature and put-together. If anything, you could loosen up and dance more freely. Chloé, you were lovely, I don't have any notes for you other than to watch your shoulders on the turns, they get tense. I think it's very sportsmanlike to share the title. Nia, wonderful work, you won the audience and judges over. That's exactly what you need to do. Ursula, that was the best performance that you've given. That's a deserved perfect score. Joanne.... beyond stunning. I think that's a wonderful way to end out your solo career. That duet was incredible, and you're clearly deeply connected. Brooke, Joanne, I'm not upset about second place, you were beautiful."

Ursula and I grinned at each other, and Brooke and I high-fived.

"Now, my Junior duet, there were a few little errors but you told the story excellently. Nicaya, I'm very impressed with you. Paige, your technique was tighter, good job. Brooke and Joanne, Kelly was crying, you were stunning. Ursula and Joanne, that was incredible. You have a strong connection and you made it look easy."

The energy was good as we left the competition, and Braxton, Melody, Dustin, Ursula, Aunt Melissa, my cousins and I went out for dinner at a small restaurant. We were trying to just have a lovely chat, but there was clearly a group of dancers next to us that kept looking over at me in particular. Eventually, one of them got enough courage to actually say something.

"Hi," a black-haired girl who looked to be around twelve said shyly. "We're really sorry to interrupt, but we're all huge fans."

I smiled softly, willing to be patient. "Well, that's very sweet. What studio are you guys from?"

"Darla's Dance Studio. We barely got in, so we're just happy to be here," the girl said. "I'm Fiona, and my friends are Peter, Yolanda, Lily, Meena, Lisa, Kaden, and Hailey."

"Nice to meet you all," I said politely. "Did any of you dance today?"

"I had a solo and a duet with Fiona," Lily, a blonde girl who was around thirteen, said. "Peter had a solo, he fell though. Hailey and Meena had a duet, they're Teens."

Eventually the atmosphere got more relaxed, especially as Lily and Kaden in particular were cooing over Dustin. Both groups left early and separately.

The next morning was early, but I felt both calm and full of energy. This was the last day that I would compete outside of YAGP, so I needed to make it my best day.

The group dance was first up for the ALDC. While everyone else wore pink dresses, I wore white, partially because I was the lead and also because red hair didn't look good with pink. Abby was giving last-minute corrections, and the mothers were wisely staying quiet. We all felt fairly confident backstage, but I pulled everyone into a huddle anyway.

"We need to make this special," I told the group. "This isn't just a few of our last group dances, it's a tribute to the lives lost in Hurricane Katrina. Every single one of us has a role to play, and all of us can do an amazing job. Let's go out and give it our best."

I made sure to give my all, and everyone walked away pleased from the performances. The group won, making it three straight for the studio, and Abby had nothing bad to say for once.

It wasn't over yet, as all the soloists were competing for titles off the air. Asia got second runner-up in her category, while Chloé beat Kenzie in the Juniors and Nia won the Teen category. The top four for Seniors was the same except that Opal actually edged out Brandon for third.

There were many tearful goodbyes that day, but I would keep in touch with everyone. Ursula and I left separately (and with Ursula's father), headed right to New York, where Melody and Misty already waited, as we only had three days before professional training began. Leaving the world of Dance Moms behind was bittersweet, and I would dearly miss the girls and a few of the mothers. I didn't leave with any regrets, though, and I had grown so much over the last three years. It was time to move on and chase my dream, away from the prying eyes of the cameras and Abby. This was a happy occasion, and I was so glad that I'd gone out on the highest note possible. Everything had to end one day, and this was the perfect time for me to move forward with my life.

AN: Thank you to everyone who's read and commented on this story. It's a labor of love, and I've really enjoyed writing it. I will be continuing on, not with Joanne, but with a new character in Season 4. That story should be up within the next week or so.