Chapter 77

I had a bad feeling going into the next week, but rallied for Pyramid anyway because I was again in charge of it. Everyone got quiet at the appropriate time, and I just launched into it.

"We all did well last week. The group won and we had a clean sweep in our solos. This week, we're going to Masters of Dance Arts in Virginia. The Candy Apples will be there. Miss Abby won't be here this week, she's still with her mother. She should ideally be back next week. Onto the pyramid- first up, Brooke, Paige, Mackenzie and Maddie, you were just in the group dance. You all danced well and it won, so that's good. Next is Ursula, you got second, I loved your solo."

"She was lovestruck backstage," Nia chuckled. "She almost missed the cue to go onstage."

I smiled with a shrug. "What can I say? Anyway, the first people in the middle are Nicaya and Kendall. You tied for second place and danced excellently. Asia, you did have some issues with your fluidity, but you showed a lot of improvement and determination with a different style through the week, and it paid off in a win. Nia, you won the Teen division, and you stood out in the group. Chloé, you won the Junior division and actually scored a point higher than Nia, so you're above her on the Pyramid. I thought you were great. I'm on top of the pyramid because I had the overall high score of the day with a Jazz solo."

For the second week in a row, there weren't any arguments from the mothers. I went on.

"Chloé, you're up against Maddie and Paige in Juniors this week. Brooke and Nia, you're up against each other in the Teen division. I'm doing a solo and a duet with Nicaya. Asia and Mackenzie, you have a duet. The group is Contemporary again and I'm the lead. We're going to start with that, so everyone spread out."

The theme of the group dance had me staring at Gia, aghast. "Abuse? Really? You needed to speak with me about this beforehand."

Gia didn't even try to pretend. "I know, but I was forbidden to."

I turned to the producers. "My trauma isn't a source of entertainment. Why would you do this?"

Bryan stepped forward, hands out in a placating manner. "Come on, Joanne, it's been years. This dance is important."

My jaw twitched. "It's not more important than my mental health." "You're being selfish," Bryan protested. "Think about the team here, they rely on you."

"Well, I hope not, because I have four weeks left at the studio," I snapped. "There are other dancers in this room that could be the lead."

"None of them could give real emotion like you can."

"Yeah, and that's a good thing," my aunt snapped, finally speaking up. "If you make her do this, expect a lawsuit."

"That's ridiculous. You can't pander to a teenager's drama," Brian scoffed. Ursula couldn't hold her tongue anymore.

"She's the least dramatic person I know. You're all fucking monsters," she spat. Gasps rang out among the producers, but none of the mothers were bothered (except for Kristie, who probably wasn't happy about the language).

"You can't speak to adults like that!" A producer shouted.

"I can when they're being awful," Ursula returned. "You can get sued because you're using Joanne's trauma for entertainment. She's under 18, there's rules about that. It would be wrong if she were 50."

I nodded, swallowing the anger and pain. "I'll lead the dance, but you'll be hearing from my lawyer. Okay, we have to start, there isn't a lot of time. I'm not performing the emotion until I'm onstage."

Ursula kept making mistakes because she was worried about me, but the dance itself wasn't really the problem if I only did the movements. The producers were truly in this only for the money; they didn't care if they hurt children in the process.

Gia gave good corrections, then called me in for my solo. "Are you feeling okay?" She asked me. I nodded. "Good. This is a fun solo, it's Lyrical but a happy story about someone who's spreading love, a bit like an angel. Your movements need to be light but exact."

I was able to block the group dance out of my mind during my solo rehearsal, then went right into the duet rehearsal. Nicaya and I were doing a Lyrical duet that didn't have much of a story, but was very pretty. It was classic Abby and it was also a big deal that it was being given to Nicaya. She wasn't perfect in the first rehearsal, of course, but did very well with a difficult dance.

I kept busy that week, also teaching the Junior solos (which James had choreographed). Paige had a Jazz solo with tricks, but they were harder tricks than she'd done in the past and there was good content in between. I couldn't do the tumbling, but she knew what to do.

Chloé was doing a Lyrical dance, about a girl who was leaving her life behind. It was definitely targeted towards her but she had newfound confidence and didn't let it bother her, which I was proud of her for. Maddie, meanwhile, was doing a tap routine. She was an excellent tapper and already knew it, an advantage that wasn't too big given that not many judges wanted tap to score well. The piece had difficulty and content, and she did a great job with her faces, so that was good.

I had the sense that this would cause some drama, so I spent dinner in my hiding spot near the moms to hear what they were saying.

"Okay, Melissa, there's no way that Maddie just learned that dance," Kelly complained.

Holly tried to redirect the conversation. "You know, that's the least dancing I've seen Joanne do when teaching a dance. I guess she can't be great at everything."

"No, she's not a tapper," my aunt agreed. "Maddie and Kenzie are definitely more versatile dancers than she is, but that's okay because she's extraordinary at what she does."

"Oh, don't change the subject. I don't care if Joanne's good at tap or not, I care that Maddie's getting special treatment," Kelly snapped. "I thought that was over and done with."

My aunt sighed. "She learned it yesterday. Tap is hard, that's why Joanne, Maddie, Ursula or Chloé don't often do pointe solos. You can't just learn it in three days like other styles, no matter how good you are."

"Christi, back me up here," Kelly demanded.

"I don't care anymore, I'm leaving. Besides, Lyrical usually beats Tap," Christi responded. "Paige's solo is great this week, Kelly, she definitely has a great chance of winning."

"Paige's solo isn't the problem," Kelly snapped. "I'm glad that she's being challenged in a style that she does a lot. I just don't like that it's not a fair playing field. No one else already knows their solo."

"Kelly, just drop it," Kristie said. "Maddie could have known that solo for a month and she wouldn't be any more likely to win because as Christi said, Tap doesn't usually win unless it's incredible. Honestly, maybe Maddie is that good, I haven't really seen her tap before."

"Maddie's not at that level because she doesn't focus on it enough," my aunt said reasonably. "I think that she can win, It wouldn't be easy for her."

As the competition came closer, even though for once all the dances were going smoothly, my anxiety rose. I wasn't ready to show my pain in a group dance, but it was too late to back out. I would be competing my solo and the duet first, so even if I fell apart for the non-judged versions at the very end of the day, I could get those done well.

Ursula had an unaired solo, performing the one that she'd done the week before. It looked even better, as it should. I followed her up and did about as well as I could, though my emotions were more faked than usual. Oh well, the judges had seemed to like it, and I didn't really care what place I got. Ericka and Opal weren't competing in the Senior division at this competition, so I didn't have anything to worry about with show drama. They were, however, going up against Nia and Brooke.

Both ALDC dancers had properly difficult and powerful Contemporary routines. While this was Nia's best style and she performed with confidence and accuracy, Brooke gave her a real run for the win with a fabulous performance. I congratulated both of them backstage. Opal and Ericka had watered-down Jazz solos without much of a chance to win, which was a shame for them.

I thought that all three Junior soloists did the absolute best that they could, and that it would be very tight between them with very different styles.

Nicaya was a generally calm girl and I didn't need to do much to help her backstage, which was a relief because I was beginning to deeply dread the group routine. I blocked that out for the duet, and was happy with how both Nicaya and I did.

"You did so good!" I told Nicaya afterwards. "That was a hard dance, and you worked just as hard this week. Great job."

Asia and Kenzie were fun and charming, making their duet look easy. Then it was time to get ready for the group dance. I could tell that everyone was kind of dancing around the theme, as Ursula stayed right by my side through the makeup process and there was no discussion of the dance at all.

I could feel the panic attack coming the moment I got onstage, and took a deep breath as I got into my starting position. It's just one dance, and you don't have to go again. Then you can cry all you want.

The emotions and panic actually worked well with the dance, and I did everything well, probably because my main coping mechanism for my issues was dancing. I was properly drained when I left the stage, though, and Ursula sensed that, putting her arms around me and directing me away from people and the cameras.

"You have to go again," one of the cameramen called, but Ursula just glared.

"Read the room, dude. She's not going again."

I tried to sip on water, but it went down badly and I coughed, sliding down against a wall. Opal passed by and frowned, putting together the situation. "What can I do?"

"Can you make sure that no one comes by here? At least until you go onstage. Thanks," Ursula responded softly before crouching down beside me. "Are you okay with me touching you, Jo?"

I shook my head, feeling the tears come. "No."

"Okay. How about I tell you about class yesterday?"

I nodded, as I liked it when she talked to me. Focusing on her voice helped get me out of my head. It was a good twenty-five minutes later when I felt well enough to get up and go to the dressing room, Ursula at my side as always.

"I have to do the second duet and solo performance," I said roughly.

"Are you up for that?"

"Yeah, those dances are fine." No one commented that I needed a full face of new makeup before performing again. Nicaya looked at me, concerned, as we waited for the judged dances to end. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, thank you," I responded softly. "I just need to go home."

The duet went off without a hitch. The exhaustion got to me when I changed into my solo costume, and though the first thirty seconds of the dance were fine, I completely blanked after that. I'd been trained not to stop so I just improvised the rest, and while the judges looked understandably confused they seemed okay with it. I stuck my tongue out backstage.

"That wasn't your dance," Maddie said. "Was it?"

"No, I forgot after thirty seconds," I shook my head. "Ugh, that's annoying. When are awards?"

The ALDC swept everything at awards; Asia and Kenzie's duet won, Nicaya and I won, Paige beat Chloé and Maddie, Nia beat Brooke, and I beat Ursula (though her receiving her award wasn't shown). The Candy Apples got second and we got first in the Junior groups. Gia gathered us all together in the dressing room before leaving.

"I have a few things to say. First of all, Joanne, I'm really proud of you today. You had a hard time with the group's theme but you performed excellently all day. Everyone, that's what you do when you forget a solo, just improvise to the music. I think that all the soloists did very well and Abby will be happy that you beat the Candy Apples. She will probably be back next week, just so you know."

I slept the whole way back, and curled up with Misty the moment I got home. What a rough week. I'd been working very hard on healing myself mentally, and this had been my first panic attack in months. It felt like a step backwards in my progress, and it was all the producers' fault. The first thing the next morning, I called my lawyer. They couldn't get away with this.