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08:41, 16 August 2024Victoria stared at Joe, her piercing gaze ever fixated on his face, as she felt her rage build up with his every gesture. The way he spoke about some failed new strategy they tried to implement for the upcoming draft, how he felt about prioritizing drafting a reliable OT so he could be more protected, how his perfect blue eyes lit up whenever he talked about the prospect of the upcoming season, genuinely hopeful for his future. Totally oblivious about the bomb his ex girlfriend had just dropped on her, forcing her to carry the burden of such a tremendous secret, hiding it from him: the fact that he could've been a dad but never even received word of it.
She was all for women's bodily autonomy, the source of her rage wasn't a false sense of high moral ground, rather the way a secret so consequential was forced upon her without any regard for her commitment to be truthful to her husband.
"Vic? Love? Are you paying attention to what I'm telling you?" He asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah sure" She replied, rather nonchalantly.
"That sounds convincing" Joe said, scoffing.
"I'm sorry Joe, I'm just distracted today" She kept trying to downplay just how much her blood was boiling just by staring at him.
"Well I can see that" He said, taking a few steps towards her, closing the gap between them, emboldened by the intimacy of their bedroom, whatever she might be squaring off about he was confident he could solve.
Victoria bit her inner cheek, trying as hard as she could, to keep her thoughts to herself, remembering how she had promised Olivia not to say anything to Joe about her previous confession, but was ultimately unable to fulfill her promise, at least partially.
"Joe, would you ever consider having kids?" She blurted out.
His blue eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas Day, looking at her like she was this ethereal angel, precious and otherworldly.
"Is... is there something you would like to tell me?" He almost choked on his own words.
Victoria quickly picked up on his confusion by her lack of context.
"I'm not pregnant Joe, don't worry. It's just a question. I was wondering the other day about it" She replied, dryly.
"Oh" he almost couldn't hide the disappointment on his face from knowing they weren't expecting a baby. He cleared his throat before resuming his sentence. "Well yeah, obviously, I've always wanted to be a dad. You know have a big family, and now that we're married, I'd very much like to have kids with you. In the future of course, and whenever you are ready and willing. That is, if you're even up to it... I just, uhm, I'm gonna shut up now, I'm rambling" he finished.
Victoria felt an even bigger pinch of guilt, hearing him say all of that, knowing what she knew now.
She tried reassuring him, by holding his hand
"I'd like to have kids with you as well, one day" Victoria half smiled, however her facade was not very convincing and she knew it.
"Everything all right Marlowe?" Joe inquired, growing restless about his wife's reluctance to look him in the eye.
"Yeah it's just, I've been looking for jobs and you know, sending CVs is always stressful" She continued with her lie.
"Well honey with your qualifications I doubt you'll have any problems securing an offer" He reached for her hand, trying to reassure her.
Victoria pondered what to say about his comment, would this be a good time to confess she had been looking for positions at the other side of the country? Or to tell him his ex girlfriend was over at their place spilling the beans on the biggest detail of their entire relationship?
Liar. Her brain kept screaming.
And a sudden sense of rage against him started brewing in her mind. Was he not to blame for her forced lies? Because he didn't cut ties with his ex and now she was their neighbor? Because HE was the reason why she couldn't expand her horizons as much as he could?
In that moment, Victoria realized she had actually begun to resent Joe.
"Well things could definitely be easier if I had more mobility but what's a girl going to do? It is what it is" the words escaped her mind almost without permission. Almost.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" He asked, deeply hurt about his wive's insinuation that he was somehow holding her back. Somehow the fury this statement brought, was a result of a primitive fear living at the back of his head, something he suspected was prone to happen.
"Nothing. Joe, it's not what you think, I just need some space" Victoria tried to leave the room and exit this conversation as quick as she could, she could feel herself suffocating.
"Space from what? We've been married for like a second and already you wanna leave?" He kept pressing the issue.
Pressing and pressing until she snapped.
"Space from this little nonsensical argument for the moment" She replied, angrier.
"An argument you begun by insinuating I'm the reason you can't find a job" He continued, his blue eyes looked like darts pointed at her insecurity.
"Oh wow, that didn't take any time at all. Thanks for the support husband, you're wonderful" The irony on her voice was mixed with spiteful sarcasm.
"Yeah, blame me for everything Victoria, that's always the way to go, it's worked wonders for us in the past" He scoffed, and looked at the high ceiling of their shared newly wed bedroom, the floor to ceiling window let in the perfect amount of sunlight, and it was a beautiful early spring day outside. Such a shame they were spending it fighting over what seemed to be nothing. At least for Joe.
"You know what? I do blame you! I blame you for letting that woman into our lives, because she trauma dumped on me yesterday and I have to carry the burden of her secret and hide it from you" Victoria had reached her limit, she didn't care anymore, about her little pact, or breaking girl code. She couldn't handle being dishonest anymore.
"What? What are you talking about?" Joe kept trying to make sense of the words that came out of her mouth.
"Your ex was here yesterday" Victoria made a pause, swallowing hard, bracing herself for what was to come "she thought I was pregnant because we got married with a lot of haste. And she broke down crying in our porche because she aborted your baby after she rejected your proposal" She looked down, couldn't even met Joe's gaze after stating such a brutal fact.
"What?" Joe asked, his mouth was shaking, as his eyes filled with tears.
Victoria didn't answer. She knew that Joe wasn't asking her to repeat what she confessed, he was just finding a way to cope with the nuclear bomb she had detonated.
"I... I don't know what to say, I never knew anything and" Joe's voice broke as he began to pace through the bedroom, holding his head between his hands.
"You need to talk to her" Victoria stated.
Joe looked at her, like she was crazy. He froze in place at her mere suggestion.
"I thought you hated me for letting her into our lives" Joe tried to detangle the mysteries of their interaction, but was unable to decipher Victoria's ultimate goal.
"I do blame you for it, but this shit is something you have to sort out with her. Maybe this is the final link tying you together. Maybe if you resolve it, this nightmare ends" She bit her nails as she kept speaking, afraid to suggest her husband should meet with his ex, but in that moment, that was the only logical option she could think of Joe nodded, willing to do whatever brought peace to her, even at great personal cost.
"I feel like we need to talk first" Joe emphasized the WE in the phrase before waking towards her. "I love you Victoria, and I want you to pursue your dreams, I never wanna feel like an anchor, weighing you down. You're free to look for any company you'd like, and I'll follow you, I'll make it work because I love you" He rested his forehead against hers, grabbing her waist and looking deep into her light brown eyes, always so lively.
"You have responsibilities in Cincinnati Joe, it's not that easy" She tried to reason with him.
"I have a responsibility to you. My wife" He kept going. "I'd leave the bengals if I had to, my contract is up for renewal this year. I could look for other teams, I know they'd be happy to sign me" He let out a cocky smile.
Victoria looked at him in awe. This man was willing to sacrifice his stability for her. He would uproot his life to please her, and here she was, fucking everything up.
"I love you. You get more perfect every time we speak" She snorted, and wiped the rogue tears that escaped her eyes "But let's discuss this some other time. Right now you need to sit down and have a very awkward talk with Olivia" She reiterated.
"I really don't know what I'll say" Joe bit his lip, and headed to the bed, where he laid down, staring at the ceiling once more, his thoughts were blank.
"You'll know when you see her I guess" Victoria joined him at the bed.
"Are you mad?" He inquired.
"Mad about what? This happened a long time ago, and she was in her every right to choose what to do for herself. The only thing that irritates me is she dumped this on me and expected me to keep it a secret from you" She added.
"You truly are wonderful Victoria Marlowe" He said, pulling her close to him.
So he fulfilled her request later that same day, he could feel the heart palpitations as he knocked on the door. Olivia opened and looked surprised to see him standing on her porch.
Justin was away on a family vacation, which explained why she had been spiraling the last few days, to the point where she confessed her darkest, deepest secret to his ex's current wife.
"I figure you know why I'm here" Joe cut straight to the point. Not wanting to waste any time.
"That bitch told you" Olivia scoffed.
"Don't you dare insult my wife in my face" He added, dryly. "You had no right dropping that piece of information to her and asking her to keep it a secret from me" He kept going.
"Can I come in?" He asked.
Victoria walked into that familiar bar she had grown accustomed to in her years as a PhD student, prior to knowing Joe, old habits die hard, she thought.
She swore she'd never resort to using alcohol to cope anymore but here she was.The idea of her husband visiting his ex's house to discuss the baby they could've had was just too much to deal with while being sober.
"Sure, come on in" Olivia opened the door and removed herself from the way so he could get inside the house.
"Why didn't you tell me about it? I would've supported you either way" He inquired.
"It wouldn't have changed a thing, I didn't want a kid, not yours, not anyone's" She stated, clearing her throat.
One shot of tequila straight. Another one.
"I could've at least supported you, been there for you. I loved you, Olivia" Joe stated.
"Not as much as you love her I suppose" She answered.
"That is irrelevant right now" He diverted the conversation.
A third and fourth shot of straight liquor.
"Does she know you're here?" Olivia asked him.
"She actually suggested I talked to you" He replied to her.
"A curious woman she is. Prompting you to come to my house to talk to me" Olivia pondered on why Victoria had requested that.
"I just wanna know you're okay with your decision" He inquired.
"I am Joe, I've always been. It's just finding out you married her, was too much emotional turmoil. It could've been us" Olivia looked at him, like longing.
"Thank god it wasn't. It wouldn't have worked out, and you know it" He reassured her.
A fifth shot... tequila? Vodka? How would she return home? She didn't care at the moment. Numbing the pain was the only alternative.
"I guess you're right" Olivia swallowed hard. "It just hurt seeing you married. My Joe, someone else's husband"
"I'm no longer your Joe, haven't been for a while" He reiterated.
"Sure. Doesn't mean I don't see you as the great loss of my life" Olivia confessed, blushing, embarrassed to having said that out loud.
"I just wanted to make sure you were holding up okay" He continued "I'll go now" he began to awkwardly walk towards the door.
"Why her? Why not us? I'll always wonder that" Olivia inquired.
"There is no point in dwelling on the past" He replied.
"I suppose not. You should be careful though, she's a career woman. What if she gets bored of you? A football player? A doctor? What an mis match" Olivia scoffed.
Joe looked at her in disbelief, a sense of dread washed over him. She had struck a nerve.
A lost count of how many drinks she had had. A total blackout. But the pain remained very much there. The idea of them together was the last thing she could remember. Then silence.
Hello beautiful people! How did you like this chapter? 🥰What do you think about Victoria confessing everything to Joe? And that conversation between him and Olivia? What are we feeling overall? I'd love to hear you. Lots of love. ❤️
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