Chapter 4

The whole weekend I avoided Brad's excessive amounts calls, texts and voicemails. He's even tried coming over to my house but after Friday, I don't know what to do. I couldn't even bring myself to go and get my car, I had Normani do it for me.

I can't begin to describe the way I felt waking up on Saturday and having to relive that. I hid myself in my room all day ashamed of myself for letting him do that. I felt disgusting, like for him I was nothing but a toy. I felt pathetic that I couldn't even defend myself and that if it weren't for a girl, who hates me and has every reason to, I would've been assaulted.

Obviously he was drunk, I know he wouldn't hurt me if he were sober but I can't just forget about what happened. He almost raped me. He would've raped me if it weren't for Camila Cabello.

Honestly, all weekend she's all I could think about. I don't understand why she would go through all this trouble to protect me after everything I've done.

She could've left me upstairs but she didn't. She could've let me drive home drunk but she didn't. She could've took me to my own house and let me get yelled at for being so drunk but she didn't.

I also couldn't stop thinking about her lips. I thought maybe it was just the alcohol in my system that caused me to be attracted to her but even after I became sober I still wanted to know how it felt to have my lips pressed against hers.

I quickly push those thoughts away. I can't like her, I can never be attracted to another female, let alone the girl who I bully in school.

I sigh and look at the clock.

7:15.

I have to get ready for school. I am dreading this. Not only will I have to face Brad, I'll have to thank Camila for what she did. I am not looking forward to that part.

I roll out of bed, shower, brush my teeth and get dressed.

7:45

I grab a bagel from the table and give my mom and younger sister a kiss on the forehead. My father and brother must have left already.

"Bye mami! Bye Taylor!" I call out as I jog outside and straight to my car.

I take a deep breath, composing myself once I pull up to the school.

I walk out and as soon as I do that I'm greeted by an eager looking Brad and red roses.

"Please let me explain" he begs and hands me the roses. I sniff them and smile lightly. No one has ever gotten me flowers before.

"Brad I don't want to hear your excuses. What happened, happened. I don't think I can be with you after that." I sigh and glance at him apologetically.

"I was drunk baby" I cringe at the name but allow him to continue speaking.

"I didn't know what I was doing. I am so sorry I swear I would never hurt you. I won't even drink if you are around just please give me a second chance? I love you Lauren" he pleads and my eyes go wide. He's never said the L word before.

"Yeah okay." I reply, not wanting to say I love you back because I know it wasn't true. I don't want to be with him but I need a distraction from the Camila girl and he's the best choice.

Well, that's debatable but I trust that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I know it's wrong to use him when I know I don't love him but maybe one day I will. Anything is better than admitting that I have a slight attraction towards another girl. Not even just any girl but Camila fucking Cabello. The queer of the year.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" he smiles and takes a step closer to me.

"You're on probation" I wink and turn away from him as I search for Normani.

I walk into the school with Brad following me like a lost puppy. I spot my best friend and call her name. She turns to face me with a huge smile, however that disappears as soon as she sees the person behind me.

I can practically see steam shooting out of her ears and she walks toward us at lightning speed with her fists clenched.

Normani isn't a violent person but when it comes to me and her family, she would do anything to protect us.

"You fucking bastard!" she screams and swings on him, missing his face by a mere few centimeters. He flinches and has a look of horror in his face.

I quickly pull the darker girl away from him as she continues to yell profanities at him.

"What the hell are you doing with him?" she turns to face me, her face turning red.

"We're back together..." I mumble and look down at the ground to avoid the disappointed glare that I am sure I'm receiving right now.

"Lauren are you kidding me!?! After what he did to you? Are you really that stupid?" She continues to scream and I can feel myself getting angry at her words.

"Normani.. It was both of our faults. I am the one who took him upstairs in the first place and I was just as drunk as he was. Plus, he didn't do anything." I try to remain calm but I can feel my voice quivering.

"Because Camila saved you! Who knows what he would've done to you Lauren! Him or his friends!" she shouts and I flinch at her words.

I lean against the wall and slide until I'm sitting on the floor and I begin to sob. I feel the strong arms wrapping around me and I cry into them.

This whole weekend, all I could do was think about what if. What if Brad forcefully took my virginity? What if Camila let me drive home drunk? What if Camila didn't save me? Not once, not twice but three times. Part of me wishes she didn't. Maybe I deserved it.. It was my fault after all. Allowing myself to get so drunk and taking a guy upstairs, being so willing to drive home intoxicated out of my mind, not thinking about what would happen if my parents saw me so drunk.

Plus, after treating Camila the way I do, no one would have blamed her for letting it happen.

"Lolo please break up with him. If not for yourself than for me?" I look up at my best friend's pleading eyes and I just nod in agreement.

I sigh when the bell rings indicating that I have to go to first period. I wipe my tears and smile at my best friend.

"Lolo..." she starts but I cut her off. "Honestly I'm fine. I'll break up with him during lunch." I give her a quick hug and walk off to class.

I keep quiet the whole class, focusing on what exactly I should say to Camila. "Hey sorry for being an asshole to you but thanks for saving me at the party that I tried to kick you out of buddy!" yeah that'll go great.

Class went by quickly considering I spent all the time thinking about Camila and the party and the way Normani pleaded with me to end things with Brad.

As I'm walking to gym I feel hands around my waist and cringe. "So I was thinking, maybe to make up for Friday I can take you out on a date" I hear the all too familiar voice of Brad.

I know I have to do this, but I'm dreading it. I just told him he was forgiven and now I have to break up with him.

"Brad we have to talk" I grab his arm and pull him away from the crowd of people surrounding him.

"Okay? What's up babe?" he faces me and reaches his hand out to hold my waist. I flinch slightly and he must have noticed because he pulled his hand back.

"I can't do this Brad. I don't know why I pretended like what you did was okay.. I guess I was afraid to lose you but I can't be with someone that I'm afraid of." I look deep into his eyes as I speak.

"You really scared me Brad. I know that you were drunk but I can't just forget what you did. Every time I look at you, I remember Friday and I don't want to remember anymore. We're over and I'm sorry that it ended the way it did." I let out a breath of relief once I got it all out.

"Lauren I apologized. It was a mistake I won't do it again. Give me another chance" he pleaded but I know that I can't.

I apologize one last time before walking away from him and into the gym to meet Normani.

I put on a fake smile and pretend to be strong, even though I know I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

I get changed quickly and go to the track, running as fast as I can trying to escape all of my problems.

I'm running away from my guilt over almost letting someone take advantage of me, running away from my weaknesses, running away from the weird feelings that I'm getting for Camila, I'm just running away from myself.

By the end of class, I'm drenched in my own sweat and my legs feel like jelly.

"Lolo what the heck is going on?" Normani follows me into the locker room and into the showers.

"Nothing just exercising" I rinse the sweat off my body quickly and grab my towel as the older girl eyes me worriedly.

"Something is bothering you. Why won't you talk to be about it?" she continues with the constant questioning and I try to take deep breaths so I don't snap.

"Look Mani, I love you but drop it." I dry off and get dressed. I walk straight to my next class without another word to the older girl.

I'm not the kind of person to talk about my issues with other people. Mostly because I don't want anyone to see the real me. I don't want them to know how weak I really am. It's better this way.

During lunch I go the the library instead so that I don't have to face Normani or Brad. I put my headphones in and drown out everyone until it's time for Mrs. H's class.

I walk into class and search for the girl that I owe so much to. Once I spot her, I take a deep breath and walk towards her.

"Uh.. Camila?" I tap her shoulder and when she turns, I see that her lip is busted.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I ask the girl worriedly. I know that I am not the best to her, but I can't stand the thought of someone hurting her.

"Yeah, my phone fell on my face yesterday while I was texting. It's no big deal honestly" she smiles and I look over at her best friend who doesn't seem to buy that excuse for a second.

"Is there something you wanted?" she asks politely and that's when I noticed I was staring intently at her for a few moments.

"Yeah I just wanted to say thank you for Friday" I spit out and find myself looking back down at her busted lip.

"What happened Friday?" Dinah asks and looks between the two of us.

"She just helped me out at a party" I answer and I'm a little surprised that Camila wouldn't tell her best friend.

"You went to a party?" she turns towards Camila who just nods slightly.

I feel a little guilty for putting her on the spot like that but oh well.

"Okay that's all. I wanted to thank you. Even though I didn't ask you to take me home.. but thanks" I start turning away when I hear the other girl mumble something.

"What?" I exclaim and face her.

"You couldn't have just thanked me? You had to add the whole 'not that I asked you to' part? You know what, next time I'll let you drive drunk and get assaulted by your boyfriend" she fires at me and I can't believe what she said.

"Are you fucking.." I start but get cut off when Mrs. Hernandez walks through the door.

"Class take your seats but don't get too comfortable. As you all know, today your seats are being changed. It'll be completely random. I wrote 1-8 on a piece of paper twice. You choose a piece and whoever has the same number as you is your new partner. Remember this is for a mini science fair so do not give me any first grader projects. I'm not expecting a fancy impossibly project or anything but make it something good."

I sigh and wait for her to come around to me and take a number. Number 7.

I sigh realizing that it's the number Brad plays on his team.

My day can't get any worse.

"Okay class, find your partner and begin." Mrs. H squeals.

I sigh and go along with this stupid assignment.

"Who has number 7?" I call out and I see a pair of brown eyes meet my own.

When I said my day couldn't get any worse, I was obviously very wrong. I look up at my new partner and crumble the piece of paper I have in my hand.

Camila Cabello.

This is a llernjergii dedication stay flawless boo <3