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20:27, 24 December 2019

ZHAN POV

"I love you Yibo, and that's not going tochange, I realize that now," I whispered with conviction.

"What happened to not getting attached to me?" he teased and I leanedtowards him.

"Lost cause" I muttered, kissing his neck

"You made it so hard not to Mr. Wang it was hardly fair" I added smiling and he pressed his lips to mine....My eyes flew open and I cursed inwardly,rolling out of bed like it burnt me. My feet got tangled in the duvet and I fell onto the floor on my knees. I pinched the bridgeof my nose and breathed through my mouth, which always helped when I refused to cry. I cursed again at the pain in my chest, another goddamn dream about him again. My mind was my worst enemy, it gave me what I wanted...what I needed at night and it would take it away the moment the sun came up.

Ripping open barely healed wounds. Ithought I was getting better at evading dreams about him, but they would hit me effortlessly and I would come undone every time. I chuckled without humour realising that I was also getting better at holding myself together, how ironic.

I stood up and turned off the alarm clockbefore it could beep for 6 am. Or maybe time was my worst enemy.

Because no matter what one was feeling, no matter what one was going through. It ticked, unsympathetic and uncaring. It ticked on.

It's been a year and a half since the funeral, since I last felt alive; I lived but I never felt alive.

Sometimes I wished I could evaporate or fade into nothingness, but how could I when I had two beautiful kids to look after? I had to live, if not for me then for Zhen Xin and Fan Xing, they need me. I gave my undivided attention to them; they were the only reason I still woke up in the morning. I played with the ring on my finger as I walked to the bathroom.I finished pouring Fan Xing's cereal and Iwatched him eat, I sipped my coffee. I smiled to myself, he know insists on picking his own clothes. Ai and Zed's influence no doubt, plus he loved playing mannequin for them.

As I looked at my bracelet on him. I gave it to him when he turned four, five monthsago. Like my mother described the act was instinctual, I had no control over it. I just knew it was time to hand it over; he loved it of course. The moment it locked around his wrist it adjusting the size and changed from green to blue reconfirming it's new owner.The bracelet's stones was still amazing on how it's colour change everytime the last person give it to the next, I heard it from Mom one time we talk about it.

I silently hoped that he never discovered his powers. That he'd be among the ones that never came into their powers. My bracelet was a blessing and a curse, but more so a blessing because it brought me to Yibo...

I stopped my train of thinking and focused on something else, just then Zhen Xin came running down the stairs with his books over his shoulder.

"Overslept again?" I teased and he grinned at me grabbing some bacon. He was in his second grade this year.

"Serves him right for thinking he's oldenough to wake himself up." Mari teased coming into the kitchen.

Zhen Xin frowned

"That's because I 'am, duh?" he said

"No your not." Fan Xing said sticking histongue out at him and Zhen Xin glared at him.

"Okay enough you two." I said slightlyamused, I think they both get a kick out of annoying each other

"Finish up or we're going to be late." I added checking my watch. I normally drove them to school before going to work; sometimes Jeffery did it whenever I couldn't. But I always made sure that I could.

They said goodbye to Mari and ran towards the garage and into the M-Class.

I drove Fan Xing to his kindergarten firstthen carried on 29 blocks towards Zhen Xin's school; I parked next to the sidewalk and he turned to me.

"Oh mom, don't forget there's that parentteacher thingy today." He said and I nodded

"I didn't forget sweetie." I said.

"Mom." He moaned

"You really need to stop babying me." he said and I chuckled

"Oops.... so you can also stop calling me Mom and call me Papa instead?" I teased and he quickly frowned and got out of the car.

I watched him go, Zhen Xin never wants to be underestimated. Like his father he prided himself at being fearless and formidable even at such a young age. He was the spitting image of Yibo, sometimes when I looked into his eyes it felt like I was looking straight into Yibo's.

It cut me to the bone sometimes. I drove to work, that was another thing thatkept me sane. I drew as much from it as I could, preoccupying myself meant that I had little time to let my mind wander. And I knew and felt the consequence of letting that happen.

My drive to work harder had boosted thedepartment's turnover dramatically last year and I got promoted to head of marketing. Biyu was my second in command.

I checked my time and went out of my office, and into Biyu's

"Hey I'm going to that meeting with Zhen Xin's teacher, can you hold off until I come back?" I asked on the doorway. She looked up from her computer

"Sure, go ahead." She said

"Grab my favorite cupcakes when you come back." She added and I nodded.

When I got to Zhen Xin's school, some kids had already left. I found him sitting in the hallway

"Hey, am I late?"

I asked and he shook his head.

"My class is the third door down thehallway." He said and I rubbed his black head.

When I got in a lady slightly younger than me stood up and greeted me. Introducingherself as Miss Hui, she had dark hair with blonde highlights and seemed very friendly. I was surprised to find that I was the only one in the class as she offered me a seat.

She must've noticed me looking around because she said

"Oh I do these things individually, I found that it's more effective when I focus on one child's progress at a time. And the parents feel more at ease."

I nodded, and she proceeded to do so.

Explaining Zhen Xin 's behavior and overall performance in class.

"Mr. Wang your son is very bright, infact some of the things we do are too 'easy' for his thinking capabilities. I spoke to the relevant people and they agreed to have him jump to 4th grade next year." She said.

"Did you tell him that?" I asked; she nodded

"How does he feel about it?"

"He seems excited about it, we'll make ithappen if we get your go ahead." She said and I nodded.

"Of course, do it." I said immediately, aslong as its what Zhen Xin wants.

She smiled and went to her desk retrieving a page

"I had them write an essay about anything they wanted, and he wrote about you. I thought you might like to see it." She said handing the page to me. I was surprised and delighted, His topic read; 'Best mom in the world'. I couldn't help but smile and chuckle at some of the sweet and quirky things he wrote about me. My brows furrowed as I read a paragraph where he talked about Yibo's death and how he feels about it's effect on our family and me.

When Mom's sad, I'm sad he wrote.

Zhen Xin has always been a perceptive little boy, could he possible see some of my pain? I tried to conceal it for Fan Xing and his sake, and according to his essay I was not doing a pretty good job at it. I sighed inwardly; I wondered why he brightened up whenever I joked around or laughed.

He cherished the moments when I looked happy because I hardly ever did?

When Mom's sad, I'm sad.. the words echoed in my head.

"Mr. Wang?" the woman asked and my gaze lifted to her

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I said handing the page back to her

"That was lovely." I said and she nodded.

She said a couple more things and then she ended the meeting. I thanked her and walked back out, Zhen Xin stood up when he saw me

"What did she say?" he asked; I smiled.

"That you're a bright young man, who's going to 4th grade next year." I said.

He fist pumped in the air in excitement

"Really?" he asked and I nodded, he wrapped his arms around my waist

"Thanks mom."