35 - Starting Over

Our comeback is coming up. The group had been practicing all week, non-stop. I tried to forget everything that happened a week ago by busying myself in the studio. We had photoshoots, interviews, guestings, and the reality show. 

Mark would call or send messages at times. Asking how I was, how the preparations for the comeback were going and all that. I just tried to be casual and answered him as best I could. He even wanted to meet at one time but I reasoned I was busy with some things. I didn't know if I was ready to face him yet. 

It was the day before our comeback, it was also the day of the Maroon 5 concert. The boss had given us the day off. 

Should I go? 

I could've just given my ticket to John, but I didn't. Somehow, I was still hoping to watch it with Mark. 

I decided to go anyway. I didn't want the ticket to go to waste. 

The concert has already started when I got there. 

Might as well have fun while I'm here.

I screamed and jumped and cheered along with the other fans. I took the opportunity to let out what I was feeling inside - I miss him. 

I walked slowly out the arena after the concert looking at all the people rushing out. 

Am I expecting to see him? I was!

"You're here, " A familiar voice came up from behind me. 

"John?" I totally looked disappointed.

"We're you expecting someone else? I thought you were coming with a friend." He looked around and saw I was alone.

"Ah...yeah...that...cancelled at the last minute."

"Too, bad. You should have told me. Let's go eat something, I'm hungry." He pulled me towards the parking lot to my car. 

We ate at a nearby cafe. It was filled with fans from the concert. Some looked our way and recognized us. Some even came up to take pictures and autographs. 

"That was satisfying." John was rubbing his full stomach as we headed out of the cafe. 

"You have to start eating less, John," I told him. He's beginning to gain weight. He had been eating like a pig these couple of weeks. 

"Wouldn't you like me anymore when I'm fat?" He puffed his cheeks.

I just laughed. It was the most genuine laugh I had in days and it felt great. 

"Thanks, John." I hugged him goodbye. 

He got out of the car and waved. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Yes. Tomorrow. It's gonna be a busy day. The day of our comeback. The music program would be featuring our comeback and we would need to perform two songs. 

We were having our make up done in our waiting room when Yonghwa, Jun and Ailee came in. 

"Good luck, guys. Do great. I know you'll nail it." They were cheering us up.

"Kris, let's meet after this, ok?" Jun came and whispered.

Everything went well. The audiences, including non-fans, cheered for us. We were really hoping this album would hit it big. 

I met up with the three after we've changed and we went to my house. 

We ate take outs and had a couple of bottles of beer. (Just a couple).

Finally, Ailee asked, "Are you ok?".

"Yeah. Sure. Why not?"

She nodded at Jun and he brought out his iPad, clicked on something and handed it to me. 

I just sighed. The article read, 'JYP Idol Going PDA at the Airport.' It was a picture of Mark and Angela at the airport hugging. 

I put the iPad on the table and looked at them. They were all waiting for me to react. But, I didn't. This is old news. 

After a while, Yonghwa opened his mouth. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I...I...there's nothing...he..." I truly didn't know what to say.

"I thought you two were doing fine?" Ailee asked.

"We were...as friends." I was playing with my fingers. I was a little nervous. Yonghwa and Jun are scary when they get angry. 

"So, are you still friends now?" Yonghwa asked.

"Ye..ah..."

"Kris, you have to tell the truth. You don't want your insides to be bursting because of your secrets."

I didn't want to cry. My eyes were already dry from crying last time. But, that's what I thought. Tears came rolling down again. 

Shit! I'm such a crybaby.

"Come here, baby," Ailee pulled me towards her. Jun and Yonghwa came up beside me, too, and hugged me. 

"It's ok," Yonghwa was stroking my hair. 

I told them everything. From the start to what happened during his birthday. It was the first time they heard the story and they were all sympathetic. 

I didn't hear the words I was expecting them to say - 'I told you so', 'that's what you get', 'you should've listened to us'. Instead I heard comforting words - 'You were brave', 'You did well', 'we'll always be here'.

I felt a million times better after telling them the whole thing. No more hiding. 

They waited for me to sleep that night before they left. 

____________________________________________________________________

                                                                       MARK

We just got back from our concert abroad. JYP called us to his office to ask us how it went. He offered to treat us lunch. 

As we were heading outside the company, JYP pulled me back to his office. 

"We'll be following," he yelled to the guys who went ahead.

"Yeah, hyung-nim," I asked him as he closed the door of the office. 

"What's this?" He showed me an article. The picture shows me and Angela at the airport, hugging. 

"It's not what it looks like." I tried explaining. "She's a friend from LA who came to visit. That's all."

"I told you to be careful, didn't I?"

He let out a loud sigh. "Mark, do you know why I don't want you to date yet?"

He waited for an answer but I just kept quiet. 

"It's because I don't want you to get involved in these kinds of scandals. You know that, right?"

"Yes, hyung-nim."

"I know you're at the peak of your age. You can like somebody. I won't stop you from that. But, please....again...be extra careful."

"Yes, hyung-nim. It won't happen again." 

"One more thing, KCON in Japan would be next month. And the directors asked for you and Kris to perform your duet."

Yes...I'll be working with her again. That got me excited. 

It was the day of the Maroon 5 concert. I got dressed and arrived at the arena early.

Would she be coming?

I looked at the fans entering one by one but I couldn't see any sign of her. I went in as soon as it started, still searching around for her. 

After the concert, I rushed out, hoping I would see her. I looked around, scanned the fans that looked like her.

Then, I spotted her. She was being dragged by John to her car at the parking lot. I ran towards them but they already revved out to the road. 

Shit! 

The next day, I went to the music program to watch their comeback stage. I was hoping I would be able to talk to her after their last performance. When I got there, I only saw John, Daniel and Sarah. I ran out and saw her car darting out the parking lot with three other people inside. 

Shit again!

I miss her. I tried calling her these past few days. She answered, but she was always rushing. 

I must find a way to get to her. 

But how?

It had been hard since she was clearly avoiding me. 

Days passed by, I tried going to her house, but she was always out. I tried to go to their company whenever I had time, but she was not there. I texted her many times asking where she was, but all she said was 'busy'. 

My last hope would be KCON. We would need to practice before that. I just had to grab the opportunity.

'Kris, I heard we're going to do a duet at the KCON in October. How about practice?' I texted her. 

Please make this work.

'Yeah, I heard too. It's two weeks from now. I think we could just practice a day or two before the show. I'm a little busy this week.'

Shit! You have to think Mark.

'I was thinking let's do a dance for our intro.' I had to take advantage of this chance. I'm afraid after KCON we might not be seeing each other for a long time. 

'Oh. You sure? I don't really dance that much. You know that. Let me think about it.'

'You dance well, Kris.'

'I'll text you after I talk about it with my manager.'

'Alright. I'll wait. Good night. I miss you.'

At least she'll think about it. I just wanted to spend more time with her. The more we do, the better my chances of showing her how I really feel. 

This is your last chance, Mark.

I waited for two days before she replied. 

'Mark, the director thought it was a good idea. Let's do this then.'

Yeeessssss!!!!

_____________________________________________________________________

A dance performance? He's gotta be kidding. 

Even after I watched the very first dance performance I did for the reality show, I still couldn't think of myself as a dancer. 

I talked to the CEO about it. He said we had to talk to the KCON directors first. So we did. 

They actually were thrilled with the idea. 

Although it meant I needed to dance on stage, live, in front of thousands of people, the thought of practicing with Mark again made me excited. I know I shouldn't be feeling this anymore. I was doing well trying to avoid him for weeks. But, still, I wanted to see him.

He said we could start practicing this week. So, since AOA was using the only dance practice room in the company, I had to go to JYP. 

I was just parking my car outside their building when Mark spotted me and came running to open the door for me. 

"It's nice to see you again, Kris," he said as he closed the door of the car and lead me to the entrance. He was smiling from ear to ear and he sure didn't hide his joy. 

Is he really happy to see me? 

My heart skipped faster. I miss this face, I miss this voice, I miss everything about him. I smiled at him. I wanted to hide how excited I was to see him, but it was hard. I was smiling from ear to ear, too.

He lead me to the practice room where a choreographer was waiting. 

"You're here," he stood up from the stool, "so, you're Kris. I'm Dan, I'm gonna help you choreograph your dance." He took out his hand and I shook it. 

"Please be patient with me. I'm not really a dancer," I said.

He showed us the dance. It was a modern dance with a bit of hip-hop. The music is a remix of some GOT7 songs. It was really fun to watch. 

"Since you're partners, Kris, some of your steps would be a little different from Mark's."Dan was explaining.

He showed me the steps. They're a bit difficult. I became worried that I might not be able to pull this off. I regretted my decision of saying yes to this. 

He then taught us the steps slowly, one at a time. Mark was able to get them in no time. Dan, I think, was holding back his irritation because it took me several tries before I got it. 

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. I have to give this man credit for being the most patient. He deserves a bonus for teaching me. 

"Ok, here," Mark stepped up to help. He held my hands in position. "Hold it there. Then, swing your right leg here." He then, bent down to move my leg. 

I felt like a sculpture being chiseled. I giggled.

"What's so funny?" He said looking at me. 

"Me." I laughed. I was looking at the mirror and couldn't help but laugh at the disgusting awkward girl in front of me. 

He looked at the mirror, too, then cracked up. 

"See?" I said, fixing my posture. "Even you would laugh at this sight."

We just continued laughing out loud. 

I missed this. 

We haven't had this much fun since before his birthday. We were getting more comfortable with each other again. 

"Stop that, you two. Start practicing now or you'll end up doing this until tomorrow." Dan couldn't suppress his laugh either.

We practiced until late in the evening. We took Dan to a restaurant nearby. 

"I'd treat you to a better restaurant next time, Dan-oppa." I promised him.

"You should," Mark teased, "you were his first student who couldn't follow his simple steps."

"It wasn't that bad," Dan said. "It was hard for her to follow at first, but she dances pretty well."

"Heard that, Mark? He said I dance pretty well."

"What? What did you say?" He pretended not to hear.

"Forget it," I said. 

We talked and laughed all through out dinner. 

"I'll drive you home," Mark offered after dinner. 

I'm not sure, but, I wasn't ready to spend time with him alone yet. I was afraid of what I might say...or even of what he might say.

So, I just told him, "I need to go somewhere else first."

I got home, really tired. 

I soaked my body in the tub. 

And for the first time in a long time, I was happy again.