9.0 jealously

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last night still weighted heavy on minho's shoulders as he sat at the table again, this time with most of the other members. he was mindlessly picking at his food, it looked good, but he wasn't necessarily hungry. not only did the sick feeling in his stomach keep him from eating, but also the never stopping guilt that settled in his stomach as well, making everything even worse than it already was.

he told chan that he wasn't hungry when he called him for breakfast earlier, but the leader told him to eat so he could have energy for the day, since he knew just how much minho was working out lately.

but this time he really wasn't hungry. minho was able to fall asleep after the little incident, hoping that he might be feeling a bit better physically when he woke up - but he woke up still feeling stuffed and sick, so his hopes of feeling better were quickly crushed.

at least it'll be easier to just not eat today.

as much as he didn't want to think about it, last night really put him in a bad mood;

he didn't feel like talking to anyone and even just hearing them talk and eat irritated him. he was mad at himself and annoyed by everyone else. both of those emotions had been having the upper hand since he woke up - the mixture of those would probably be a problem for him later, but right now he didn't even care enough to hide them.

he roughly laid down his chopsticks and leaned back on the chair - he had barely eaten anything, but his stomach wasn't able to get anything in anyway. there was no use in forcing himself to eat anything.

"are you not hungry?", the sudden voice startled minho and he flinched a little before looking to his right - jisung was looking at him with raised eyebrows. minho drily swallowed and looked at his plate. he could practically feel the food in his throat as he looked up again, slowly shaking his head. it was disgusting, now that he thought about it. he put on a smile and pushed his plate away. "I think I ate too much yesterday".

"really?", now it was seungmin who was speaking and minho turned his head once again. "I don't think you ate with us yesterday".

"ah...", minho felt his cheeks redden. it was partly the uncomfortableness that settles at the table and party the fact that he really wasn't in the mood to talk about how much he ate yesterday.

if you knew how much I ate yesterday you would laugh. it's pathetic, really.

"I wasn't hungry when you were eating", he quickly said, the lie rolling off his tongue like it was nothing. "I ate later".

at least that wasn't a lie

minho wished it was.

their little conversation was interrupted by jeongin, who entered the kitchen with messy hair and a tired looking face. he waved at the others before going to the fridge and opening it up. minho slowly remembered his mistake from yesterday.oh no."morning, innie", chan greeted the younger with a raspy voice and the other lazily waved back, still looking into the fridge. he reached inside and searched for something, apparently unsuccessful, because he quickly turned around again with a frown on his face. minho lowered his head.

"who of you ate my muffins? I bought them for myself yesterday", it was probably because he was a morning grouch, but he sounded really annoyed. minho felt guilt creeping up in him as he tried to make himself as small as possible. he ate them, he didn't even enjoy them, too. he just ate them because they were there and he didn't care about who they belonged to. minho felt awful.

he didn't admit to it, though.

"did you search everywhere?", seungmin asked and got up to look into the fridge too. minho just watched them from the corner of his eyes. they wouldn't find them, because they were gone. god, this was so embarrassing.he started to feel uncomfortable between the other members - the fact that they all knew they hadn't eaten the muffins drove him insane. he ate them. he was the fat one in the group, they probably guessed that he ate the muffins already - his body probably couldn't hide that fact.

they were probably all judging him right now.

he looked at the others. they were just mindlessly enjoying breakfast, looking as good and fit as ever.they were just able to eat what they wanted - or at least had the control to eat the amount of food that wouldn't make them fat.minho couldn't lie.he was jealous. really jealous.

on the other hand, he deserved what he was going through right now. he let himself go. of course he had to make up for it again.

and after all, he just started. don't be so dramatic. you need to keep going for some weeks and it'll be okay again. no need to be a pussy.

minho sighed. "I'm gonna get dressed, I'm not really hungry anyway". minho picked up his plate and was about to go into the kitchen, when a tall figure appeared in front of him, taking the plate out of his hand.

"I'll eat this, if you don't want to", hyunjin smiled and pointed at the untouched plate. minho looked at the younger and couldn't help but start to get ...mad?

the way hyunjin just carelessly ate his and minho's food was almost infuriating. and he still looked so good? why did only minho gain weight in this short period? did he eat that much in that little time? what was so wrong with him?

"also, lino", hyunjin said, pulling minho away from his thoughts. "are you trying to lose weight or something?".

"huh?".

"are you trying to lose weight?".

that was the thing that made minho finally snap. he raised his eyebrows and looked right into hyunjins eyes. he saw how the others expression changed, but that didn't stop him. "what do you mean 'try'?".

hyunjin just shrugged, but minho still saw the other shifting nervously in his place. "like... I just feel like you don't eat as much... and since we are on our way to our comeback I thought-".

"that I need to lose weight?", minho snapped and hyunjin quickly took a step back. the kitchen suddenly went quiet, minho felt everyone's eyes on him, but right now he didn't even care anymore.

was hyunjin purposely attacking him now? he asked that question loudly in front of everyone. it felt like he was just trying to make fun of minho - that he wanted to tell him that he needed to lose weight and tried to tell him that even if he tried, it wouldn't work anyway.

"wha-what? no, I was just wondering if you were", hyunjin quietly answered, his eyes were now staring at the plate in his hands. minho on the other hand was still staring holes into the other. "yeez dude, it was just a question".

hyunjin looked up again and suddenly minho felt like he snapped back into reality. he looked to his left and saw jeongin, who was still in front of the fridge, searching for his muffins, which he wouldn't find because minho had already eaten them all.

the word ashamed would be an underestimation by now. everyone was staring at him, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with him, too. minho balled his fists and dug his nails into his skin as he turned his head away to look at the ground.

he ate jeongins muffins and disappointed him.he didn't eat the food chan made for them.he snapped at hyunjin and startled him.

and on top of all that, he binged on tons and tons of food yesterday, which means that he would soon enough disappoint them all again. he was just a disgusting disappointment, from head to toe.

god, I am the worst.

without any other word, minho quickly turned around and went out of the room, loudly shutting the door behind him. everything was too much for him right now and being with people right now probably wasn't the smartest idea. he didn't want to hurt anyone else today.

after arriving in his room, minho looked at the little clock next to his bed and remembered his schedule for today. he sighed as he remembered that he would have training today and went to the closet to pick out his training clothes.

at least he could make up for his mistake by training everything off today.

he could train extra hard today - to make up for disappointing everyone today, too.

he just needed to be better.

-

OOF OMG sorry this took me SO long and it's not so long either :( but the next chapters will be longer again, promise lol. already have an idea for the upcoming chapters so i'm pretty sure it won't take me this long anymore.