Not our fault

They could've made it. They should've. So why, why did the ball drop? It happened too fast. Nishinoya was there, even Hinata. But the ball flew right through their sensors and even before they thought it was too late, the ball had slammed down. 

They lost.

"And that is the end of Monster rein for Karasuno! Every year they get higher to the top!" They couldn't even hear what the announcer said as they all had their attention to their minds. How? When?

It happened too fast. The thank you's and the interviews. Then their coach trying to get them to listen.

"I know it's hard-hitting. But this just proves that you've all grown. look at what you have achieved and look at what you have failed. fuel yourself with that feeling of dread and failure to sharpen your skills and achieve greater."

Yachi took it hard the most. Halfway through, their promising first year had stretched his leg muscle. If she knew- If she just helped him a little faster. If she had better her skills as being a manager, they might have just won. What's worse is Nishinoya had strained his own wrist while playing, maybe if she did another way of taping, it would have helped him relieve some of the pressure. If only she was better.

She picked up the bag of bottles, her big box of medical kits, another bag for towels, and a cooler. It felt natural, but she couldn't get that weird feeling of defeat in her chest. She gripped the cooler tighter.

"Let me help-"

"It's fine. you all should just get some rest." Yachi cut off her teammates' sentence. The brief silence around them seemed to last longer than she had wanted. They felt the thick and utter defeat surrounding them and they could do nothing but let it overflow their minds and body.

"Are-" Before they can ask her further, a warm hand gripped on her shoulder and a deep and gentle voice called out behind her. 

"Let her... She needs time alone." Tsukishima stopped their first year. Their junior shut his mouth and nodded, lowering his head. Tsukishima glanced at the two, feeling the all-knowing gloomy aura they had. "And... It's not your fault. You didn't know your muscles would strain if you bent further." Tsukishima reassured him. He burst into tears and nodded, a small whine escaping his throat. Tsukishima patted his back for comfort and pushed him with the rest. He glanced back at Yachi, who still hung her head low.

"Hitoka." He grabbed her shoulders, getting her attention. "You kept our spirits so high. If it weren't for you, we might have just lost even on the second set-"

"But If only I did better maybe we could have won the third." She cut him off. Tsukishima looked at her, surprised. Yachi herself was surprised. She slapped her mouth close. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to sound so selfish. You must've done more than I ever could. You were in the game. I was just... Just a useless manager." Yachi pushed him aside, biting her lip hard. Why was she being so selfish? She didn't wait for an answer as she pushed the doors to the gym back, her tears were threatening to fall, but she didn't want anyone to worry over her so she sucked it up and pushed the feelings down.

They got on the bus, her placing the bags into the storage area of the bus. She was the last to get in, she slumped down on the empty seat and rested her eyes. She felt the bus move and her memories recalled the games again and again. It didn't help that the bus was so very quiet. No Hinata shouting at Kageyama, no Nishinoya trying to annoy Tsukishima or literally any juniors. not one of their juniors held any conversations about the games and how to improve further. The dense silence made Yachi spiral more and more with her thoughts.

If only she noticed their first game that her junior might be overexerting himself, maybe she could have prevented the strain on their next game. If only she perfected her skills in tapping then Nishinoya would have been easily getting the ball back up in the air. If she was just that bit better, they could have done it. If she had done her research on their opponent's style of attack or how they dealt with attacks just an hour or two more. Or even took more care of her teammate's health and physical strength? Why didn't she do all of these 'ifs'? Why didn't she just pushed herself harder?

"Yachi-senpai, we're here." A first-year startled her. She opened her eyes and noticed the familiar school. She nodded silently and waited for them to walk first before she got off too. The silence carried over while they were walking and even in the gym. They all had silently agreed that no one should talk, not one.

"You should all get some rest. No practicing or thinking about the games you played today. okay?" Ukai warned them. They nodded, tiredly getting ready to get home. She told them all not to help her, she will unpack their equipment by herself. They were hesitant but agreed, leaving Yachi all to herself. One by one she saw them off, giving a big smile as they left. most had tears dripping down, some- well, Tsukishima had kept a frown permanent in his face. He was the last to go, Yachi just gave him a smile and walked off, not really seeing him get out of the Gym.

She sighed, slowly washing the bottles as she heard the soft rumbling of the machine washing the towels. The silence was killing her as all she could think about was what happened that day. The more time she spent thinking about what could have happened, the more she began to get angry. Angry at herself. She frowned and scowled, rethinking and thinking again and again. Until she had enough of it.

She grumbled in frustration and slammed the bottle she held down on the sink. She took a sharp inhale and punching the tap off, hurting her knuckles in the process, but she didn't care. She stormed out of the storage room. In her angry and teary-eyed state, the blinding lights of the Gym made her squint harder than she already was. But what caught her surprise was Tsukishima sitting down in the middle of the court, reading the scores while still watching the game. She stayed frozen for a while, just examining the male. Every so often he would scowl or click his tongue in annoyance, then he'd flip the page angrily and tap on his phone rather too hard. Yachi know's he was feeling angry, frustrated, and maybe even sad. The salty blonde can be sharp with his tongue and cold to everyone, but he is still a human. She took a deep breath and dragged her feet to him.

"Ukai Sensei told us not to watch or even think about the game." She called out to him, he flinched and looked up. He had a surprised expression, staring at her. But his frown came back with his angry aura, he snapped his head back onto the screen.

"But I need to know where it went wrong. The game is still fresh in my mind. I just need to find that one error." Tsukishima explained, looking intently at the recording. He glanced at the scorebook and then back at the recording. His cold eyes examining their play, a small grumble when the ball would land on their side of the court. Yachi knelt down in front of him. She grabbed the book which he so happens to be flipping the page. He gripped it, glaring at her.

"Stop, Kei," Yachi tried to tug the book away but he held it firmly. She frowned. "Stop! Ukai Sensei said-"

"Just let me see where I went wrong!" Tsukishima shouted at her, instead of flinching, she snatched the scorebook away. Tsuksihima tried to get it back, but she threw it to the other side. He was going to get up but Yachi pushed his back down. Her hands positioned on both sides with her leaning onto him just enough to make him freeze. His cold stare changed into a more surprised and startled look.

"You did nothing wrong! Not one of our players did! You all were in your best state during the first game! and even on the first set of the second game!" Yachi shouted, gripping onto the collar of his shirt. Yachi continued her grip loosening. "But after that stretched leg muscle from our first year and even Nishinoya's sprained wrist, everything went wrong. If only I helped them get back into their perfect state, we would have won. Your plays were all correct. Nishinoya-san was always there when the ball was going to drop. But if his wrist was a little bit more supported... that set would have been ours. If our junior just came back in time... if only I helped them better..." Yachi let it all out at him, her voice going hoarse. She took deep breathes as she let go and moved back, wrapping herself up into a ball, gripping on her knees tightly as she hid her face.

"I'm sorry for being such-" A warm hug enveloped her. She looked up, only to meet his neck and scent. His hair brushed against her ear and she wonders just how warm he felt in an instant. Her arms gladly wrapped around him, her tears streaming down. "I'm so sorry." She managed to choke out.

"It's not your fault, okay?" Tsukishima tried to calm her down, rubbing circles on her back and gently petting her head. She felt the hot tears dropped down. He choked, trying not to sob harder than he already was. They held each other through the pain of loss, shaking, and vulnerable. Yachi gripped onto his jacket tighter, her never-ending tears must've dampened his jacket by now. Tsukishima took a deep shaky breath.

"Coach was right. We don't have to think about it now." His voice cracked and stuttered. Yachi's mind wandered all over the place. But as his warmth spreading to her and his soft hushed whispers gently calmed her soul. Yachi's mind began to silence itself. Her sobs turned into a quiet cry, her focus gradually going to him.

"It's not our fault, okay?" Tsukishma whispered to her. Yachi replied with a soft grunt. He held her tight until they both felt better.

"Next time. Next time we'll win." Yachi blurted out, even though her voice was so cracky and hoarse. Tsukishima gave a soft half chuckled and nodded.

"Next time."