Chapter 45

Several hours of cleanup later, the conscientious was that Steve and Sam disappeared during the chaos.

There's no CCTV footage of where they went after the blackout but eyewitnesses put Steve and Bucky on the rooftop with the Helicopter before it crashed over the harbor. Knowing Sam, he'd probably regrouped with Ice Pick as soon as he could.

So for now, my gut tells me they've taken Bucky somewhere safe.

I only hope they could keep him that way until I'm released from heavy supervision by the United States Government.

"Here," Natasha swipes me an ice pack from across the table and I gratefully accepted it, taking the pack to put against my forehead.

Damn, that head butt hurt like a bitch.

Since Ross still deems me a weapon of mass destruction, I've been detained in a rather nice-looking office for the remainder of I don't know.

Natasha's been keeping me company, more like she's been nursing my wounds--putting antiseptic on the cuts I've gotten during the altercation.

The Spy chooses to remain quiet as the two of us sat there, although her green eyes are narrowed in focus, her fingers careful in wrapping the bandage around my neck. 

I don't bother looking in the mirror, I know I look like shit. The bluish-green fingerprint bruise around my neck is evidenced enough of the crap I'd gone through.

The Winter Soldier had not been kind. Then again he was looking to kill and I was the dumbass that threw myself in his way.

Good times.

No clue as to where my brother went but I'm hoping he shows up soon.

I needed to escape from here and figure out how to get Bucky away from the fight.

No Bucky, means no war.

No war, means my friends get to keep their heads.

Placing the ice pack down, I crane my neck away from Natasha, silently shooting her a glare to leave it, even as she frowns. 

"It'll heal soon," I tell her and attempt to crack the muscles in my back to get rid of the stiff feeling only to wince when a loud crack reverberated around the room.

Natasha packs up the first aid kit, her mouth curling into a small smile. "Never gets better does it?"

I roll my eyes. "If it was, they'd be millions of people lining up to be one of us. We'd be out of business."

The Russian hides a smile and looks down at the table where the stupid metal contraption lies.

They didn't put it on me but it was there, for show, that they could. I suppose being a potential threat could do that to you.

"How did you know, you could stop Barnes?" She relaxes onto the chair, arms crossed, red hair somehow, still in place despite the commotion. Leave it to her to look flawless no matter where we are. "He didn't know you, this time."

So she realized it too.

"I didn't," I answered honestly. "This was the version of the Winter Soldier before he met me,"  

The look she gave me could have buried me 6 ft under.

"You knew," She paused. "And yet you tried to stop him, tell me why are you so reckless again?"  

"I couldn't leave him like that," I run my fingers down my hair, but they came away knotted so I stopped. "He would have done the same for me."

"It was dangerous,"

"So you keep saying," She had every right to be concerned and every right to be worried. I could have been killed. 

So why?

"Nat, when you lose control, and you don't know what you're doing--but you are doing it, you're hurting people... you'll do anything to make it stop." The memory of my fight against the Winter Soldier is still fresh in my mind.

If my Protector was still there he would've told me to run, to not fight him because we both know just how destructible he could be.

No one should have to experience that.

Yet what type of person would I be if I just left him like that?

I wasn't going to abandon him. 

He's my Protector, but he was also the Winter Soldier.

I use to think they were different but they weren't.

They're one of the same.

 Clearing my throat, I blink rapidly, hoping to disperse the growing tears.

"Riles... you know you can't stop it right?"

It wasn't the words that got my attention but rather the odd tone in Natasha's voice.

She's looking at me with something heavy weighing in those eyes.

"The fight that's going to go down between us."

Oh.

I refuse to meet her gaze and instead, chose to look at a small spider crawling up the ceiling.

"I'm not asking you to choose Riles," Natasha sighs. "God knows you've been through enough for me to ask you that."

Running a hand through her wavy red hair she tilts it slightly so she could angle herself better in front of me.

"I just don't want to see you hurt when it does happen."

She's really asking a lot from me, to have to put up with everything she's saying.

"What do you want me to do Nat?" I asked mindlessly, toying with a lock of brown hair on my shoulder.

I cared for Tony and Steve with every ounce of my being.

I would do anything to stop them from fighting each other.

Even if that meant betraying the two of them.

"Stay out of it." She tells me bluntly.

I raise my eyes to meet her and realized she's being totally serious.

"If you can't choose, don't fight. You're not going to be the victim of their downfall."

Downfall.

Fall.

There's that word again.

It's been going around a lot lately.

Fallen.

Shaking my head, I hid my face behind the curtain of my brown hair, not wanting her to see the undeniable truth.

"You know I can't stand by and watch them destroy themselves--"

"Don't be an idiot." The Russian lays both palms flat on the table. "There's no other way around this. There's no in-between, it's one or the other. If you can't stand by and let this happen then either choose or let it go."

"And if I choose a side? If I let it go, what happens next?" It's raining fire. I can see the flames engulfing us, engulfing the Avengers, engulfing my family. "Steve gets arrested, Bucky gets thrown in jail, Tony breaks the Avengers and where do I stand?"

Natasha rears back, her chair hitting the wall with a loud bang. "And so?!" She demands, green eyes flashing angrily, frustration mounting. Fear and desolation swirled around us but nothing can be said. "You're going to stop them?"

I didn't answer. I didn't want to.

"You're only one person. You can't fight them. This fight is going to decide what's next for the Avengers, don't you get it, this is bigger than you!" 

Bigger than me.

Bigger than my problems, bigger than my emotions, bigger than anything else.

It's the harsh truth and maybe if it wasn't for the fact that I was, going to die, I would have even agreed with her.

This was bigger than me, and I should choose, but I don't want to. 

I don't want to decide between Steve and Tony, I don't want to pick up the broken pieces, I want to stop the pieces from being broken in the first place.

"Why do you want to stop them so badly?" Natasha is angry and concerned, wary and fearful of what might happen if I decide to go against them. "What's going on?"

She doesn't understand why I'm fighting so hard, why I couldn't choose.

It's selfish, but the truth was... I haven't worked up the courage to tell them what I've been hiding, so I've thrown myself into doing whatever it takes to stop their feud because maybe if I did that, my powers would stop killing me and I would live.

I would be worthy enough to live. 

"I..." Taking a deep breath, I stow the growing pain in my chest and look at her straight in the eye, hoping to convey everything and anything at the same time. "I'll tell you why one day... just not right now."

The silence stretches between us. 

I feel a cavern opening up in my chest.

Natasha shakes her head, expression twisting into one of fury and dismay. She points an accusing finger at me.

"You're on your own."

She leaves the room, the door slamming behind her as she goes.

I'm sorry Nat. 

I suck in a shaky breath and tuck my hair behind my ears, feeling my heart pound too loudly in my ears.

Breath. Slowly. Breath. Slowly.

I still had time. This will be over soon, I'm confident I can stop my family from breaking apart. I only needed a plan. 

Looking at my fingers, I released a small burst of energy that flared onto black vines that wrap themselves around my palm.

It felt so foreign to me that instead of my usual blue, green, and gold, only black remained.

It's like they abandoned me.

You're on your own.

She was right. I was.

Now is not the time to think of how hurtful that was, the clock is ticking. It's been 4 hours since the chaos happened.

I needed to find Bucky in the limited time I have before the facility gets up and running again.

Raising both hands, I stared at them accusingly.

"You helped me find him before. Don't fail me now."

Shutting my eyes, I relaxed in my seat, allowing my senses to heighten on their own.

Smell. Hearing. Touch.

It all gradually rose and I gently wave my hands in front of me, hoping to god the black worked as well as my other colors does.

I got excited when blue appeared but it merely faded out and turned to black.

Sighing out my disappointment, I stared at the clock in front of me and counted the minutes I need before I eventually have to stop.

Using this much was for sure going to speed up the veins.

And until I can get the last Serum, I needed to be cautious.

"Okay, focus."

Something crackled past my fingers and black-ink lights flared around the tips of my nails, bending back and forth as I created a contraption.

It was a triangle with a mix of squares and circles.

A mandala.

How odd.

I'm not used to it, but I can't help but feel enraptured by the shapes. It glowed with a certain gleam of attraction that drew me closer.

My light colors were beautiful all on their own but black had a certain appeal to it.

It doesn't light up the room like the blue and green, instead, the lights start to shrink, as though the black was sucking every little light there was, bathing the tiny office in complete darkness.

Didn't I regain my energy from the darkness?

Didn't the darkness help me concentrate?

There was something hidden there that raised a lot of questions in my mind.

Why didn't I notice it sooner?

Even in the darkness, the black was glowing an odd gleam, allowing me to see exactly what I was doing.

Swirling my fingers, the mandala expanded, the center growing larger and changing in shape.

A small black hole was forming in the middle and I leaned forward, frowning at the odd wind that was felt by me.

All around the center, colorful lights began to display themselves, circling the center.

Blue, It sat on a mantle in a guarded room. Guards wore horned helmets.

Yellow, It moved around, following its owner. I see Wanda smiling at it.

Red, Confined to a glass cage, hidden from view, and an all-white-haired man looked at it with wickedness.

Purple, Empty cupboard, monitored by gold and blue guards. The logo was like a star but with longer legs, shaped like stardust.

Green, Buried in a necklace, entrapped in a forbidden room. Library. With people wearing robes.

Orange, dark, hidden. I can't see it but it's cold. And there's a terrible whisper.

Pay the price.

The black hole in the center gets larger and larger and I pressed my hand forward, needing to confirm my suspicions.

To my complete shock my hand passes through and I pull back, remembering the cold bitter feeling of the place that haunted my dreams.

The black skies, littered with stars.

Then it made sense. 

Why I suddenly appeared at Bucky's front door. Why I was suddenly here one moment and somewhere else next. 

I could open up portals in space.

Like the Tesseract.

Oh, shit.

"No," I growled, crisscrossing my hands, I created an X and it bared the Mandala, caging it in from becoming larger.

Howls of wind blew through my hair but I remained determined.

It will not pull me in.

The black hole collapsed and the glowing gems evaporated.

Clamping my hands together, I expanded them and created a new contraption, swishing them forcefully.

"I need to find my Protector." I hissed out a warning, sweat dribbling down my forehead. Now was not the time to be thinking of my newfound abilities. I had bigger fish to fry. 

Whatever the black was, it held more control over me than myself. Appealing to it would hopefully help me.

There was a terse silence before I felt the familiar lull of being pulled away in a mirror projection.

I shut my eyes and allowed myself to float forward toward the source, leaving my body behind.

A loud, rushing sound goes past my ears like a howling wind. I'm moving, flying, careening through temporal planes before I'm suddenly halted.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, feeling my surroundings as they slowly come to me.

I'm standing on top of a rusted car in an abandoned warehouse.

There is no sign of life, at least not in this room.

Frowning, I jumped off the metal and made my way deeper into the warehouse, making sure to remain wary as to where I was going.

There are sounds of helicopters in the area, followed by police sirens. We're down the harbor somewhere, I just don't know where. 

"Is he here?" I mumbled to myself, narrowing my gaze at a familiar leather coat hanging on one of the hooks on the wall.

That's Sam's.

"Who were they?"

My heart nearly stops beating.

Steve?

"They're the most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history. And that was before the serum."

Protector.

I walked into the room and recoiled at what I saw.

Bucky-who is now normal- is resting his hands on his legs, his entire figure screaming fatigue. There's blood on the side of his face but otherwise, he remained unharmed.

He's back.  He broke out of the training.

I release a sigh of relief. 

Steve and Sam both stood around him, arms crossed over their chest.

"They all turn out like you?" Sam asks, gaze narrowing.

Bucky shakes his head and looks conflicted.

"Worse." He raises his eyes to meet Steve.

"The doctor, could he control them?" Ice Pick queried, as serious as he's ever been. 

There's a small sarcastic smile on Bucky's lips. "Enough."

I had no idea what they were talking about but I was only grateful they were all alive.

"...said he wanted to see an empire fall." Steve frowns and thinks deeper. His emotions tell me he was deeply conflicted.

They had been discussing something before I walked in. I didn't know if I should make an appearance but decided to wait longer.

"With these guys, he could do it," Bucky explains. "They speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize, they can take a whole country down in one night. You'd never see them coming."

Steve and Sam looked horrified.

It seems the mastermind behind this is slowly being revealed. Leave it to Ice Pick to figure it out. Tony had always been slower in that sense, choosing to believe in what he sees first. 

Sam shifted on his footing, emotions apprehensive. He didn't necessarily trust Bucky, but knew the answers to his questions were going to come from him. "So why keep them hidden away? Why not have a bunch of Winter Soldiers running around instead of just one--"

"Two." Bucky's eyes flash, lighting up with some sort of anger. "HYDRA locked the others up because they were unpredictable. It's easier when you have a better subject to control."

"Lorelie?" Steve furrowed his brows, mind turning over. "They chose her over the others?" 

Bucky nods.

"Hold up now," Sam scoffed. "She ain't a Winter Soldier though," 

"She didn't need a title, she had her own." The corner of Bucky's mouth tilted up, a dangerous smile slipping through. There's disgust curdling in his gaze like he couldn't believe what he was going to say next.  "I trained her, I made her kill... I made her something dangerous."

Soldat...

Steve gazes at his friend, solemnly. "Bucky..." 

My Protector refuses to make eye contact. Regret hangs in the air, his emotions swirling far too loudly. "They couldn't keep us under control at the same time. So only one of us was allowed awake."

He remembered so much.

I can only imagine the pain of those memories, knowing they're you and not you at the same time. 

At that, Bucky bowed his head in defeat, revealing just how miserable he felt inside. My heart split in half at my Protector who blames himself for all the things he did, for all the things he had to teach me. 

Sam walks up to Steve to discuss something, but he must have wanted to give Bucky some space because they walked further back, tones hushed, leaving Bucky by himself.

I stare at him from where he sat, head low, spine bent.

It's as though the whole world was on those shoulders.

All that burden, all that pain, it was eating him alive.

I step forward, heart in my mouth, just this sheer, need to be beside my Protector. He'd always been the one to shield me, but who was going to shield him?

I can see it now, clear as day, the rampage his mind is going through. He remembers fighting me back at the Joint Centre. He remembers choking me, nearly killing me. He remembers it all. 

Getting on my knees, I put myself as close as I can to him and raise my fingers, hovering them inches from his face.

A part of me thinks if I touch him right now, he might just shatter.

I'm not going to let that happen.

"Soldat," I whisper out loud, a calm waving motion sweeping through the two of us as my voice wrapped around the air and into his ears. He shut his eyes, mind going quiet, heart thudding silently in his chest, upon feeling the familiarity.

"Ved'ma."

Witch.

The response is a gentle caress that brings ease to the pain in my heart and the torture in my veins.

Tracing his jaw, I allowed my fingers to glide through. He tilts himself onto it as though he could feel it.

I was merely a mirror projection but it still felt like I was there in real life.

When he opens his eyes, I know he sees me, I can tell from the way relief trickled into his gaze. 

"Are you okay?" I asked gently, smiling weakly.

He eyes me closely, a small smirk playing on his lips. "Are you worried for me Ved'ma?"

There it was. The playful, cocky, Bucky.

I will always be there.

"Always," Nodding, I run my fingers through his shoulder-length hair, wishing I was there in real life. "I was afraid you were too far gone."

"I was," He lifts his fingers, the ghost of his touch imprinting itself on my neck, right where he'd choked me. My Protector doesn't explain it, he reveals it all by the way he's staring at the bandage.

"I can't handle another one gone by my hands." He says honestly, sounding irrecoverably broken. "Not you, especially not you." 

"Look who's worried now," I scoff, hoping my joke could ease the misery he was feeling. "I'm fine, a little banged up and scratched, but perfectly healthy."

Something crossed his expression.

A mix between fear and regret.

"You should stay away," That voice hardened like lead, as though he could pretend he was anything but affected by what he did. "Run, if you can."

"Would you run?" Raising a brow, I wave a hand, dismissing the thought. "I'm not going anywhere Soldat."

"It's only going to get worse Ved'ma, do not come between the soldier and your brother when they fight."

"You know a lot of people have been saying the same thing lately--" Huffing, I rose to my feet and planted my hands on my hips. "I don't know what to tell you but it's not going to happen."

Bucky clasps my hand but his fingers only go through. It's enough to gain my attention.

 "Bucky...?"

His head is down, his shoulders are trembling. "I remember,"

"Remember what?" Frowning, I gaze at him, unsure as to why he looks so frustrated. 

"There's... something I haven't told you." Fear, so much fear, but there was sadness too, dismay and devastation. 

My Protector opened his mouth to continue but I must have let go of the illusion because suddenly Steve and Sam spoke at the same time.

"Lorelie?" Sam gasps out, surprised.

"Riley?"

"Hey...." I waved at them, slowly looking away from Bucky. He's put his head down. Whatever courage he needed to tell me what was wrong had all but evaporated.

He'll tell me in his on time, I wasn't bothered.

What mattered now was getting Steve to stand down.

"Are you alright?" Steve's blue eyes trailed down my body, noting the injuries, with glowing concern. 

He betrayed you. And yet...

"I'm fine, and this is a Mirror Projection," I tell them all. "I'm not here."

Sam nods but he still seems unconvinced.

Steve looks at me carefully. "How much did you hear?"

"Not much," I shrugged. "Accept the fact that you found out who's framing Bucky."

Steve nods in acceptance before warily looking out of one of the windows in the warehouse. "Did Tony send you to find us?"

I frowned. Offended. "Who do you take me for, Steve?"

Gesturing around us, I glared. "Remember that I tried to stop you from making things worse? I'm not an idiot."

Steve sighs wearily. "Then what are you doing here?"

I bite my lip, my hands clenching on their own accord at the question directed at my soul. Now or never. 

"I came to stop you from fighting against Tony."

That was all it took for everybody to realize.

Steve and I needed to talk. Privately.

And he knows this too.

He's the first to leave, disappearing down to another part of the warehouse. Somewhere out of sight and out of mind.

"Lorelie," It's Bucky. He says my name with such conviction. 

I smile at him reassuringly, hoping it would ease the discomfort between us all. Sam looked like he wanted to say something too but decided against it. The only thing he gave me was a sigh and a thumbs up. 

Leave it to Parrot to try and joke this out. 

I could do this.

I could win.

Eventually, I find Steve waiting for me by the rusted car. We're not far, just out of earshot.

"Tony's planning on stopping us huh?" He speaks, arms crossed, not at all surprised.

"My brother doesn't know the full story. He's signed the Accords so he has to take you guys in." I sighed, trying my best to diffuse the situation.

There hasn't been a discussion yet but I know Secretary Ross would want it to happen.

"Have you?" There's a dark glint in Steve's eyes. "Signed the Accords?"

I felt threatened. Mentally and physically.

"I'm not choosing, Steve." Hissing, I make sure my answer is loud and clear. "The two of you need to decide on your own but I'm not letting you kill each other in the process."

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and scoffed. "I'm not going to sign the Accords Lorelie."

"I'm not asking you to!"

"Then what do you want?!" He snaps.

What do I want?

For everything to stop.

For us to be happy again.

A memory of the Avengers sitting around in the living room after the party as we celebrated our victory fills my mind.

We were all laughing as none of us could pick up Thor's hammer.

It made hot tears gather in my eyes.

Those were the easier times were they not?

"Steve," I began, my tone heavy. "What will you accomplish by going against Tony? You want to save the world but the truth is, you can't save it all."

Steve's blue eyes turn into a familiar shade of anger. "The guy that framed Bucky is going to unleash those soldiers."

He can't understand why I would stop him.

"You want us to let it happen?"

"I didn't say that! I'm asking you to think about this thoroughly! I'll get Bucky somewhere safe and we can figure this out without fighting each other!"

"By then it'll be too late!"

"Isn't staying together more important?!" I cried out, jabbing my finger onto his chest. "The world sees us as monsters. Beings that defy their laws. Tony's principals in this are wrong and I plan--"

"Tony's not going to listen to you Lorelie. I know that andyou know that. He made his decision, now he has to lie on it."

Agitated and beyond coiled, I exploded.

I was trying to keep them safe. I was trying to help them.

Steve won't trust me with Bucky and it claws at me that he would do that.

"You have to stop blaming my brother! Sure he's cocky and his ego is the size of the moon but he's only doing what he thinks is right!" I shout, my fists clenching hard. "Just like you are!"

My heart pounded and blood rushed through my veins.

"What did he do then Lorelie?" Steve demands with a growl. "All he's done is think about himself!"

I have never felt more offended than I did now. Steve was acting like a man I didn't know and it unnerves me.

I will not sit back and let him bash my brother when he too, was at fault.

"Himself?" I scoffed. "Steve, Tony went through a black hole with a nuclear bomb. He owned up to his mistakes during Sokovia."

In each sentence, I was stepping forward, jabbing my finger deeper onto his chest.

"What did you do Steve?"

It was a deadly question.

One, he tried to answer but I stop him.

"You saved the world back in 1945." I breathe in deeply and my words drop off from their yells. "Went under the ice and came back 70 years later."

"You still went back to war during this era but you know what was the difference then?"

Steve remains quiet and I allowed a lone tear to fall.

"Steve Rogers, the man I know would have never said those words he did now because he knows they are wrong."

Tony and Steve had their flaws.

In their own ways, they'd saved the world multiple times and risked their lives every single time. 

I'm not going to side with one man and leave the other.

The two of them had victories and losses.

It's not anything I haven't gone through.

But this? This was too much. This was one step too far. 

"Lorelie..." Steve blinks rapidly, he looks almost defeated at my words.

I push back the tears and breathe in deeply.

"Now I'm asking you. Begging you." My words failed and a strange choking sound erupted from my throat.

I'm scared, by god am I scared.

I'm losing everything.

"Don't do this," I murmur. "I don't want to fight the two of you. I don't want to side with the two of you."

Raising my head, I force myself to not break eye contact even as tears fell down my face.

"I can't choose. Don't make me choose, I'm begging you."

The buzzing was returning and I know my time is almost up.

Steve slowly meets my eyes. One second passes, two,  and then the decision flashed in them. 

It breaks my heart and spirals my soul out of control.

No. Please no.

"I'm sorry Lorelie."

My heart is shattering. My hope is falling. I can't stop him. I can't stop Tony either.

"I'll see you on the battlefield." He walks through me and I whip my head around to see his retreating back.

The dam bursts.

You're on your own.

No. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want my family to fight. I didn't want all of us to be divided. I didn't want to be left alone to die.

It suddenly becomes unbearable, the pain, the sadness, the fact that I can't stop it, I can't win, I'm losing.  Loud sobs come out, making my breathing uneven and shaky.

"I CAN'T LOSE YOU!" I shout, agony in my voice. Steve stops and his fists clenched as he hears the pain in my voice.

I was fading. I could feel my body disintegrating.

"I... can't lose either of you," I tell him softly, hoping he'd stop. "Please..."

For a moment I thought he'd turn back to meet my eyes. To give me reassurance.

But he didn't.

He walked further away from me and no matter how I reached my hand forward he remained too far for me to catch.

I drop to my knees and my heart pounds restlessly.

"Steve..." It's a silent plea. "I love you. Don't do this."

I know he heard it.

I wanted to say it back in Sokovia. I wanted to say it so many times now but avoided it.

Now it was too late.

Steve disappears from my view and I let my hand drop as I'm finally dragged back to my real body.

The surroundings around me morph away and I allowed a small whisper to escape my lips before I'm taken away.

"Steve? Steve..."

I cry, because it's the only way to get it out.

I cry, because of the pain in my heart.

I cry because the two people I loved were going to go against each other.

I cry, because I had, no one.

When I was finally done sobbing, my neck was sore and my eyes felt like sandpaper.

I'm still in the office and no one was here to witness what I went through.

And as much as the outer Lorelie says it's good, the inner Lorelie wanted to be heard.

Wanted to be seen as not an indestructible person, but rather a human being with feelings and vast emotions.

Something snapped and black lights swirl themselves around the room, decimating the furniture and everything in its way.

I watch the pieces crumble, shattering into bits of pieces that scatter along the room like powder.

What was left was a mirror of my pain.

I shouldn't be worried about picking up Steve and Tony's pieces, I should be worried about picking up my own.

Death and destruction.

Do you see the beauty of it?

The inevitability?

Ultron's words held truth.

When the darkness settles.

The only thing that remains in this world.

Will be dust.

~~@ @ @~~

A/N

*Breathes heavily*

I'm sorry. Really. How you holding up?

;(

At least some things got cleared up am I right? And yeah those aren't actually Ultron's words, I wanted to put a little twist to how Lorelie's feeling at the moment.

Same concept, different words.

Team Steve? Team Tony?

Or, since its just been cleared.

There is officially another team on deck and that's Team Lorelie.

I love you all.

Vote and comment!