Chapter 35

"Don't--Why did you-Can you--?"

He sucked at this. No he sucked at everything really.

Now I remembered why I do most of the cooking when we're on missions.

"Put that down!" I ordered, trying my best to grapple the spoon from him that he so gingerly, stuck into his mouth.

"Nope," He holds it above his head and stares down at me with an expression I can only convey as pure mischief.

I know what he was expecting me to do.

So instead of fathoming it, I place my hands on my hips and tilted my head to the side, offended.

"Are you expecting me to freaking jump to get that?"

It's the tone and the way I smile, that Bucky has to pause like a deer in headlights.

He nervously paled at my words before lowering his hand and giving the spoon back to me sheepishly.

Huh. That teached him.

"Thank, you," Snatching it, I turn back around to the sink and washed it under the water. "Now be good and sit right over there."

Bucky walks over to the other side of the counter, muttering something along the lines of; he won't sit here, if it wasn't for the fact that the food smelled so good.

I shake my head and continued my task, which was slowly stirring at a bowl of sauce meant for the pasta boiling away at the stove.

Through the foggy windows, the early afternoon light can be seen as it entered the studio apartment.

I've been knocked out cold since yesterday when I first arrived. I remembered hugging my protector and crying and then suddenly feeling so tired that I just wanted to collapse.

Maybe I did because I couldn't remember.

He simply carried me over to his bed and laid me there while he stayed awake at my side, worried as hell about what was going on.

Yesterday's conversation had confused him, bothered him even. However he doesn't ask what brought me here. He doesn't even ask; why now?

He just trust me enough to know, I was in a really bad situation.

Its things like that, that made me grateful I found my Protector. So for now, I won't focus on the problems yet to be solved.

I'll focus on the now, which was the fact that I was hungry and I needed to eat.

"All these years alone and you still don't know how to cook?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow as I flipped the burner off.

He leans over the counter and crosses his arms over his chest.

"You and I both know, no matter what I do, I turn everything into ash."

I bit my lip upon remembering what he meant. "How does one burn, ice cream?"

And then the laugh was out before I could stop it. The spoon clatter to the bowl and I practically gasped, holding onto my stomach at the thought.

The memory is swift and fast.

I can still remember the fire alarm ringing like crazy before I ran into the kitchen only to find the oven spewing flames. If it wasn't for the fact that I used my abilities to hurl it out the window, the whole safe house would have burned down.

"Take that back," Bucky lunges at me and I dodged, still cackling. He huffs. "Take it back, Ved'ma--"

"But..." I try, I really try to bite my tongue. "...it's ice cream..."

He pauses.

A moment of silence floats in the air between us.

"That's it."

"No, no I'm sorry!" But I wasn't. The fact that I was still absolutely losing my shit, gave it away.

He hops over the counter and grabs hold of my escaping form.

"Okay, okay...!"

"Keep laughing, see where that leads you." Bucky doesn't let up, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my back into his chest in a tight hold.

I'm practically screaming in laughter as he unsuccessfuly tries to get me to stop.

"I wanted to create something called Molten," He mumbled, offended.

"It certainly was molten, just not the yummy kind--" A squeal escapes my mouth as he flips on my front.

"The microwave exploded, that's not my fault."

In one move, he picks me up by the hips to put me on top of the counter so our gazes match at eye level.

I'm still giggling even as his sulk deepens. "You placed a metal spoon in the microwave. You're not suppose to."

He rolls his eyes, hands skirting on either side of my thighs. "You never taught me how to cook did you?"

"I tried, remember? The metal on your arm would heat up to the point that you couldn't stand it."

We stared to smile then, but we didn't manage to. Not when I only just realized how easy the memories had come forth.

How could that be?

We had conversed so naturally, like we didn't forget at all.

"Do you..." It's difficult to formulate the words, even as we both share frowns.

"Yes." He answers.

So he was experiencing the same thing I was.

Remembering.

Memories we forgot, memories that we could never hold onto. We hadn't been able to do that, whilst apart.

I drop my head, heaving a long sigh. "You shouldn't have left,"

All those years, all those time, wasted.

We could've healed together. It would've been easier, it wouldn't have been so damn painful.

My gaze finds his, so endless, so warm, so dark but filled with tenderness, vulnerability, recognition. "I should have stopped you."

"I didn't want to hurt anyone," He raises his hand, the metal one, and stroke the side of my cheek. "You of all people should know what that meant."

I will always be there.

But where was he?

Weren't we suppose to do this together?

Shaking my head, I try to turn away, not wanting him to give me that bullshit.

"Look at me," My Protector doesn't allow me to avoid it. He grabs my shoulders, keeping me in place. "I needed time to heal--"

That's when I couldn't take it anymore.

"You're not healing," I start to say. "You haven't healed since the day the Helicarriers fell, you haven't healed, since HYDRA's demised, you haven't healed, since you left, since you made it impossible to trace you, since you disappeared, you haven't healed, and I know! Because I'm just like you--!"

"You're right."

Two words.

That's all it took.

I stare at him, suddenly aware of how close we were and how his grip was warming everywhere in my body.

We're so close that if I lean down even the slightest, I could touch that familiar face and brush those dark locks aside.

"I shouldn't have left," He says. "I wished you stopped me."

Something flashed in those dark eyes as they stare back at me, nearly bringing me to my knees.

"Yeah well," I coughed and broke away, quickly facing the wall. "It's too late now."

There was no time left.

He hesitates, unsure of my cold attitude before he eventually loosens his grip and backs away from my form on the countertop.

What was I doing?

Living.

Shut up voice.

Hopping off the counter, I attempt to busy myself with the food, going to drain the excess water out so I could mix the pasta and the sauce together.

I feel his stare, burning and sharp at the back of my head as I do this.

"Lorelie..." He sighs, the atmosphere between us dragging with weight. "You still haven't told me what you're doing here."

The temperature dropped several degrees as I let out a sharp exhale. "I got tired of fixing everybody's messes."

He remains silent, expecting me to continue, but when I don't he has to step forward so I can't avoid his firm stare. "What do you mean?"

I try to hold back my emotions. But they're rising to the surface. Any longer and I would expose myself to him. "It means exactly what it means, okay?"

"No, not okay."

"Look, it's just things aren't good right now--"

"Between you and the Super Soldier?"

Clenching my fists I turned around to face him with a glare. "Between everyone!"

He doesn't flinch at my outburst instead he remained guarded. Poise. As if anticipating my attack.

I didn't ask him if he remembered Steve. I didn't bother to, because I came here, for me.

Not for anyone else.

So I don't know if Bucky remembers Steve, I don't know if his memories of his past has returned. I didn't care about any of that.

Because I was selfish and I only wanted to think of myself.

Right now, at this moment, the only thing I cared about was that he remembers me, he remembered us.

Who we are.

What we are.

The Winter Soldier and the Dark Witch.

We know each other.

We trust each other.

We work together.

Sometimes more closely than others.

Hell of course I'm having issues with Steve. I'm having issues with Tony as well.

The world has blown up everywhere and I'm trapped in the middle. I'm trapped, and I can't get out.

"I just..." Biting my lip, I turned back around to face the pot. "I just, need time..."

"How much time? I don't think the Super Soldier or the Iron Man would let you leave for too long." He says, a bitter tone mixed in those words.

"I didn't tell them where I went," I sighed, out loud, tired.

He shakes his head at me, eyes narrowed. "Do you think maybe you should?"

"I don't know! I told you I needed time for myself, and they couldn't give me that!"

He crosses the room in seconds and slams his hands on either of the counter, jolting me to the very core.

"Cut, the bullshit." He was angry. He thinks he was being used, or that I had an ulterior motive to find him. "Why did you come here? Do you expect to use me to help your relationship?"

"No! This isn't about that! I don't want you to help me!" I shout, desperately. "I came here because I wanted to. Because..."

Shakily, I raise my eyes to meet his and instantly wanted to look away at the intensity of it.

Inhaling sharply, I forced my features to remain blank.

"I needed you..."

It was an undeniable thought. He was always there. He was always at the back of my mind. Most of my life revolved around him, that's the truth.

Neither Steve nor Tony could tell me differently.

It wasn't a confession, but it might as well have been from how he was reacting.

Bucky slowly backs away from me. His metal hand had made a dent on the counter.

His dark eyes flicker. Doubt, anxiousness, fear, confusion. Hope.

He wanted something he shouldn't have.

I hold out my hand, trying to approach him. Please don't push me away. "Bucky, listen--"

"You're with the Super Soldier," He tells me bluntly and I gulped, conflicted. "This shouldn't happen."

No. It shouldn't.

But what could I do?

In my mind all I saw were the little flashes of moments when Steve would unintentionally hurt me.

Accuse me of things I didn't do.

It hurt, just thinking about it.

Both Steve and Tony could never understand what I went through, they could never fathom the pain or horror--I wasn't invincible. I can't control my powers sometimes, I can't even control my emotions, but wasn't that what made me human?

I was human.

How could they forget that?

My Protector turned on his heel and grab his coat from the rack. I remain rooted in the spot, fearful of his actions.

"Where are you going?" My voice is small.

He doesn't respond.

"Soldat, you're not leaving are you?"

You're all I have left.

He heard me, I know he did because he paused mid-stride. His back is all I see.

"They'll be looking for you," He says. "You should go."

By the time he opens the door and closes it behind him, I'm already on the ground with my hands around my head.

What have I done?

I was with Steve. I shouldn't do this.

What was happening to me?

You're changing...

The voice is practically snarling.

I think you like that.

;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;

My monitor was losing its goddamn mind.

Even as I remain seated on the floor, the pasta now forgotten.

It's difficult to grapple with my thoughts, made worse when every few seconds I would be aware of the fact that there were veins growing up my skin.

I should have told my Protector the truth.

That I came here because deep down inside, all I wanted was to escape this painful reality.

I didn't intend to use him.

I simply wanted to be by his side.

Another wave of alerts flooded my monitor.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I rip out my monitor from my pocket and flipped through the many messages and missed calls.

Most of them were from a couple hours ago.

Cocky Cracker- Where are you Blues?

Cocky Cracker- You can't disappear. Not like this.

Cocky Cracker- Blues, why are you leaving me now? I can't do this without you. Wanda's losing it too.

Hell on heels- Everybody's losing their goddamn mind.

Hell on heels- Including me, Riles.

Hell on heels- You need to come back.

Hell on heels- Tony's trying to track you down but its like you don't want to be found. What are you trying to achieve? Tony's right about signing the Accords. If we don't do it, they'll come for you. Is that what you want?

Parrot the Sam- You're not replying to anybody so I guarantee you won't reply to me.

Parrot the Sam- Steve's in a bad shape. Look his girl just died and you're not there.

Parrot the Sam- He can't do this without you.

Without me.

Everybody can't do it, without me.

And then my head was filling up.

My lungs were caving in.

My heart was beating so fast, so hard, I start to gasp.

And then I was screaming.

I was screaming and screaming with so much hate, so much fury, so much frustration that my lungs burned for air.

That my very being forces me to collapse and stop everything.

Stop, living.

"I didn't ask for this!" I yelled, clutching my heart as pain crawled up my neck and choke me dry.

Tears fell out of my eyes and dribbled down my face.

I don't want to go like this.

I don't want to leave like this.

I didn't want to die.

"Please... please..." I begged, lying face down on the ground as their concerns and pleas reached my ears. "No more..."

I can't do this anymore.

But no one heard me.

No one came.

I just laid there.

On the ground.

Waiting for help that will never arrive.

Shutting my eyes, I breathe out shakily. "No more..."

I don't know how long I laid there. Could be a few seconds. Could be a few minutes. Hours maybe.

But I laid there long enough to become numb to the world and to stop seeing it as it is.

My vision is about to turn black when a creak erupted from the door.

There's sounds of heavy footsteps, fast and hurried as the person made their way over to me.

My Protector's face came into view and his arms encircle me upwards so I no longer looked at him upside down.

"I'm sorry," He tells me, his face buried into my hair. I feel his hands tremble. Maybe from the fact that he found me like this or maybe from the fact that he left me when I needed him.

"I'm so sorry." Words cannot describe the anguish in his voice. "I shouldn't have left-- back then, now, ever. I'm not going to leave again."

The tears dribble out of the corner of my eyes and he was there to wipe it away with a tenderness not fit for who we once were.

"You said you needed me," He drags my chin to meet his and I watch as those dark eyes softened at my vulnerable state.

"Then I'm not going anywhere,"

~~@ @ @~~

A/N

Here's a little Lorelie and Bucky action for those that low key ship them.

I still dk how I feel about it however, but I'm actually glad I made their relationship so pure and honest.

Lorelie knows she can trust him and Bucky knows he can trust her.

VOTE AND COMMENT.