Chapter 16

It takes almost a week for Ava to be able to come back home. The days were really long for her since there isn't much you can do when you're stuck in bed. They've been really long for me too. I haven't been able to sleep much, I definitely could not go back to work first of all because Ava needs me and second because I know that even if I were in a meeting or something I wouldn't be able to focus because I'd worry and wouldn't even be able to function without being by her side. To be honest it's hard on all of us. Taylor's as worried as I am and practically spends the day in fear when Amy goes to work, no matter how many times I try to convince him that everything's fine. He's had a lot of trouble sleeping like I have, and even eating. He's been fighting with Amy a lot; sometimes in front of me, or the kids. And Joey's had to spend a few nights with me in the hospital because I couldn't spend the night without his sister, and he's worried about her too; he tells me that a lot. On top of that, he's having trouble in school and that his friends find it harder and harder to have fun with him because he's so worried and stressed out. Amy looks like she might kill me in my sleep and I don't know why. I'm sorry but you gave her up that's your problem you can't take her back; the law's on my side now. She's come to visit sometimes, and Ava almost wet herself but I stayed in the room the whole time and everything went fine.

Despite all that tension though, there's been some more relaxed and happy moments. Joey and I have talked a lot in the last week about what he's been feeling and how he's doing. I make sure to check up on him every once in a while and talk to him about it just so I know how he's progressing, if he's feeling better or worse and why, what new issues come up and things like that. I've also been trying to show him as much love as I can because despite Ava needing me more often and what not, I love my son just as much as I do my daughter. Both my kids need and deserve equal love and attention and it would break me if either one of them ever felt left out. And in the end I'm happy to say it's brought us even closer.

Things between Taylor and me have become a lot less awkward, and we can manage to be best friends like before. We'd still take those walks outside together hand in hand. It sounds weird but we're best friends. It's not like things are going to get serious between us. And it's always so peaceful. No words are really needed, just each other's company. We both felt happy by the end of it, and a lot more relaxed. I think we both get a break in that time.

I sit at the kitchen table in plain grey sweats and my Iron Maiden t-shirt, just reading over the song I just finished writing, doodling on the page, changing words here and there or taking some out or adding other ones when I hear a loud noise coming from the living room. It sounds like it involved my coffee table but I'm not sure. I run to the sound worried that something is wrong, and of course, something is definitely wrong. Ava's on the floor on her stomach, trying to turn to her side and groaning. It takes a few seconds before she looks up at me and realizes I'm there.

"I don't wanna be stuck in bed or on the couch anymore. I wanna walk," she slowly whispers to me. Her face when she says that breaks my heart. I kneel down and as soon as she manages to turn to her side I wrap one of her arms around my neck and one of mine around her waist before putting my other arm under her knees to pick her up and sit on the couch with her on my lap.

"I know baby. It's not fun. But you need to take the time for your legs to heal. I promise you, when it's all over you'll be able to do all the walking and running around and jumping and dancing you want." But she shakes her head.

"It's not just that," she answers back, and I see small tears forming at the corner of her eyes. "It's just that... right now, I feel like Brianna's right and that I'm worthless. I can't do anything for myself anymore, and if I can't be of value or use to myself, how can I be to anybody else?"

"Hey." I wipe her tears and try rubbing her back to calm her down before she loses it completely. "Walking and being able to take care of yourself doesn't define your worth. Don't forget that okay? Brianna's just a jealous brat, and I've told you hundreds of times not to listen to what she says. By showing her that she's bothering you, you just show her that she has the power to bring you down, that she's superior to you in that sense. And baby if there's one thing I've taught you is that that's not true; no one person is less than another. You're worth so much Ava. I know you are, and I know life hasn't always been easy and it's made it hard for you to believe this but you mean a lot to people around you. You are of value honey, and it's always gonna be that way whether or not you can walk or dress yourself or no matter what kind of obstacle life throws at you. That's not what defines your worth. You define it honey. It's in you. Do you understand?" As I continue rubbing her back I feel her muscles begin to relax and see her nod in response before she leans into me a little more. I understand she's fragile at the moment and has a lot of different emotions running through her; so I just stay there, holding her for as long as she needs. I lean back on the couch a little more so I can get comfortable and let her cuddle into me. I take this chance to close my eyes and just relax. I don't know how long I fell asleep but when I open my eyes it's dark outside and I have a message from Joey saying he'll be home for about 7. He decided that he spend today with his friends, since they haven't been hanging out together very much or when they have been hanging out Joey's been too preoccupied with everything. I'd love to have him home with me so I can spend time with him but at the same time, I'm happy he's getting back out again, spending time laughing with his friends, acting like his normal self again.

I look at the clock to find out it's almost 6 and figure I should get dinner started. Since Ava's still asleep on me I gently lay her down on the couch and get some blankets over her before tiptoeing to the kitchen. Someone knocks at the door, which takes me by surprise. I'm not expecting anyone and Joey has a key to the apartment, so I know it's not him. I quietly make my way past the living room and to the front door. The second I open it even a little, without warning, a pair of lips lunges toward mine, instantly connecting the two of us. I try to pull away but something about him is so addictive, I can't stop myself. After a really heavy make-out session by the front door I finally have the chance to look into Taylor's crystal blue eyes. That's when I realize how lost I am.

"Tay, what are you doing?"

"I miss you. I know I don't deserve you but I love you so much I can't stand being without you." I'm already melting inside and holding back tears but then I remember something.

"But you have a girlfriend Tay. What about Amy?"

"She's impossible. I can't continue this relationship with her. I don't feel complete with her like I do with you." I hear anger in his voice, which means he fought with her, but I don't even have time to answer back before he presses his lips to mine and resumes our make-out session. I swear we end up kissing for five minutes straight without even catching our breath. Until I kind of have to.

"Tay," I whisper between kisses. "Ava's in the living room."

"Then we'll have to sneak upstairs and be extra quiet." Wait, what? Does he really want to....? "Well, if you want to," he adds; now making his way toward my neck. I guess he picked up on my reluctance to sleep with him. I'm scared to ask him this, but I know I have to. So I say it slowly.

"Tay, are sure you really want to? Or are you just taking out your anger with her on me?" Instantly I feel his lips part from my neck. His face flies up to face mine and his eyes darken from what I think would be rage. I've never seen them like that before, except for one time: the night he left me three years ago, which makes me feel a little intimidated.

"Why would you say that," he asks, a little loud. I feel my whole body freezing up, starting from my feet and up to my head. Every joint, muscle and vessel, every organ, piece of skin and hair, everything, stuck in place. I don't even think I'm able to breathe.

"Stef," he calls, almost shouting. That scares me even more. I feel the past creeping up on me again, like it's repeating itself. Tears are already threatening to pour out and I don't want him to see me cry, so I try not to make it obvious, but of course I fail at that as I try to speak.

"Tay, not so loud okay? Please try to stay calm," I ask, my voice starts to crack toward the middle of what I have to say. He sighs for a second.

"Whatever. I'm out," he answers softly. Then he opens the door again and gets ready to walk out.

"No, Tay, you don't have to go." I grab his hand to keep him from leaving, and for some reason he's the one to freeze this time.

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I know this one might be a little slow but I promise things are gonna get good ... soon.

Chapter 3 of Stay is coming.... I don't know when, but I'll figure it out.

I can't believe Cheek to Cheek is already in like 5 weeks. Seems only yesterday I was trynna get tickets and everything. Time went by super quick.