Chapter 3

"Taayylorr," I hear in a singing voice. A hand comes into contact with my shoulder. I open my eyes slowly as the bright sunlight beams through the window of the room, and turn my head to my left. Amy's face is only millimeters away from mine, and she's smiling.

"Good morning sweetie. What's got you smiling so much today," she says in that soft voice of hers, giggling. Only now do I realize I have the biggest, corniest smile on my face, and then I start laughing too. "I had I dream," I begin, answering her question. "It was about a beautiful girl, with stunning dark brown hair. And she was in my bed cuddling up with me. She's so beautiful."

"Aww," she coos, giggling again. "I'm guessing that girl was me," she says.

"How did you know," I ask, smiling at her, and she starts blushing. She doesn't answer she just laughs. And then she pulls me closer and connects her lips to mine. We stay connected like this for a while until she pulls away. That's when her phone goes off.

"Urghh, noo I don't wanna go to shift today," she whines. Amy's a paramedic, and sometimes she gets called in for consecutive shifts with no break in between. I think last night was the first night she spent home in three days. But what can you do? Winter's a time where people get hurt more often.

I groan. "I gotta do a shoot and a few interviews today," I complain with her.

While Amy's in the shower I decide to make us breakfast. I open the fridge and grab some eggs, mushroom, spinach and some cheddar. It's one of Stef's omelette recipes she taught me. I still make it every so often, sometimes it almost seems like a routine thing to do. After a few minutes of preparing I feel Amy's arm wrap around me from behind. It's kind of soothing.

"You're really good at this T," she says softly. As I hear those words come out of her mouth, something in me makes me freeze. It quickly becomes uncomfortable, but I try to hide that. I nod and keep cooking, my mind travelling elsewhere.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I rub my eyes as I wake up to a warm summer morning in New York City. I see a lump under the covers next to me so I let it be. I have some filming to do in the city today and I have to leave in about an hour. I hop into the shower real quick and then decide to make some breakfast, and I know exactly what I want. An omelette with spinach, mushroom and cheese.

Once I get downstairs and into the kitchen, I grab what I need in the fridge and get cracking. It's cooking now, and that's when I feel a small and warm pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind, and a head rest against my right arm.

"You're really good at this T." It's Stef. "It looks even better than mine." I turn around and see her smiling. Then she looks up into my eyes, her beautiful grin still intact. I smile back, and wrap my right arm around her. "Well you're a good teacher," I say back to her before kissing her cheek. I soon realize she's wearing one of my flannels, which makes my smile grow wider.

"Hey, isn't your rehearsal only in the afternoon? Why aren't you still resting," I ask.

"Well I was but I don't want you to wake up alone. I figured I'd spend part of the morning with you since we won't be seeing each other again until tonight," she answers. She's always been so thoughtful like that. She always wakes up early with me and waits up for me if I'm filming til like ten at night or something.

My food's ready, but I decide I don't wanna eat it alone. I put my omelette into a plate and cut it in half to share with Stef. We sit across from each other at the table and eat together, always looking back at each other between bites, talking and laughing like every peaceful morning we share together.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"T are you okay?" Amy's voice pulls me back to reality. I shake off my last daydream and realize my eggs are done. Also, I just realized I'm not really liking the fact that she's calling me T. I know it's weird but even though we're not together anymore, T has always been Stef's nickname for me. It's awkward having things that remind me of her in this relationship. It's almost like Amy's trying to be Stef.

"Umm... yeah. I-I'm fine," I answer, kind of hesitating.

"Well then let's eat."

We sit at the table, across from each other and start eating. But something feels weird inside. I don't know why but things feel kind of... different. Between me and Amy, between me and Stef, everything. My stomach is a bit uneasy, so I don't really eat much of my omelette. I've lost some of my desire to eat it, so I just pick at my food with my fork, taking maybe a bite here and there, and head to the bathroom less than five minutes later for a shower to hopefully calm me down and soothe me. But maybe these feelings can't go away.

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I wake up to a blasting alarm clock a foot away from my eardrum and the delightful smell of a cheddar spinach and mushroom omelette coming from downstairs. I slowly brush my teeth, wash my face, take care of hair and makeup and grab some clothes. Black legging with a fitted denim button up top, a long loose creme and brown patterned cardigan and a beige knit infinity scarf with long brown boots. I think about Brianna, and all those texts I got last night. Tears form in my eyes as I continue imagining what she has in store for me today. Sometimes I don't even understand how I still walk into that school. I wake up terrified every morning. I realize I'm shaking as I'm about to slip on my cardigan, and I find myself practically sobbing. I take a few minutes to cry and then settle down. I absolutely cannot go downstairs crying to mom. I need to put on my brave face and face my fears and insecurities head on. Once I feel ready I head downstairs to find mom cooking that omelette I smelled. She turns around to face me when I'm at the bottom step.

"Good morning baby girl," she greets me with a smile on her face like every other morning. It kinda makes me smile a bit too. "Good morning," I say back. Then Joey walks down and gives me a hug. "Good morning my sweet boy," she softly says to him. I don't know how but mom's voice is like the only voice that I enjoy hearing so early in the morning. Usually no one can talk to me. I kinda sound like a baby I know. Usually a mother's voice is the last thing a fourteen year old wants to hear. But I don't know, maybe I'm weird like that.

I sit next to Joseph as mom puts our plates in front of us and we all eat together. Well, I don't really eat much of it. I kind of just take a few bites and then pick at it, with Brianna's last text on my mind. I know I'm not huge or anything but somehow I feel that way. She has the power to make you see ugly things in yourself that may not even be there, and since she started picking at my body, that's all I've seen in myself. Fat and ugliness and worthlessness.

"Ava honey what's wrong?" I look up from my plate to see my mom looking at me with a concerned look, leaning over the table in her seat and her hand touching mine. I think she noticed. "Nothing," I answer, barely even audible.

"No? Then why aren't you eating anything? You love spinach mushroom omelettes," she asks. Why'd I have a feeling she'd ask? It's true what she's saying though, on an average morning I'd inhale this, so I guess it's kind of normal that she'd notice if I'm barely eating something I can usually scoff. So that means I'm stuck now aren't I? What can I say as an excuse? I don't wanna tell her anything about what Brianna did or about my sadness or anything of the sort. With the stress she already has she doesn't need this kinda stuff.

"uh... my stomach's just in a knot this morning," I answer with an uncomfortable look on my face. Good enough. My mother nods sympathetically. "Okay sweetheart. Do you at least want a small cup of tea? It'll help your tummy feel better." I don't mind tea. So I accept my mom's offer and watch her pour some boiling water from the kettle into a small mug with a teabag inside. I sip slowly until it's time to leave.

Bags in hand, the three of us head out. It's actually quite calm. No paps outside, not even fans. Mom drops off Joey first since his school's closer, and then we drive toward mine. I'm feel uneasy as we get closer and closer to school, because we all know very well what I have to face when I get there, and most importantly who.

I feel my mother's hand grab mine and squeeze it a little. "Deep breaths. Just ignore her. She's not worth your time," I hear her speak to me. Mom knows about Brianna and she knows she picks on me, and that I'm quote on quote "kind of" intimidated by her. But the thing is she has no idea to what extent this kid goes. She doesn't know about the whole mayonnaise incident, or the time Brianna put red paint on the back of my pants when I turned around in art class, so everyone thought I.... you know. Or anything other kind of crap she pulled on me. But I nod in reply anyway while still facing forward, and I don't let go of her hand just yet.

Once she pulls over by my school I just wanna get out of the car because I don't want her to see me shaking. So I quickly thank her for the ride and bolt out of the car with my bag, making my way inside the enormous building powering over me. I'm already getting looks and some laughs and what not. I just keep my head down, determined to get to my locker. Relief takes over when I get there and find my best friend Charlie waiting there. I immediately grab her and hug her, happy that she's one of the first people I see today. We open our lockers and talk a bit while we put our stuff inside. Her locker's right next to mine, thank God for that.

"So, winter break's almost here. You at least excited for that," she asks me.

"Well kind of. Like I'm happy I get some time off with no homework or anything but I still don't know what's gonna happen for Christmas. It's always awkward now and it's not really as festive a holiday anymore. I always feel like there's something missing-"

"Ya, a diet pill and parents who actually give a shit." FUCK! Satan has arrived. I turn my head to the side to spot her laughing from the corner of my eye. I wish I could do something back to her but I'm too weak. I try hard not to lose my cool, so I face my locker just focusing on getting what I need for first period and my mom's words in the car.

"Brianna the zoo called and said they found the giraffe pen empty this morning. They said they need you back in there." That wasn't me. I quickly snap my head to my right and see Charlie wink at me. My eyes widen in shock. It's rare I see her answer back at someone, let alone Brianna, who walks away with nothing to say back. We both run to class books in hand as the bell rings.

To my surprise nothing really happens today. Not even at lunch, and that's when I become the most vulnerable prey. The only thing is, she's kind of watching and Charlie from afar. My whole body tenses up when I catch her eyeing us, because even if she's not doing anything, I'm still scared. Charlie keeps saying that maybe Brianna learned what it feels like to get hurt this morning, and that she probably won't do anything. But my fear doesn't leave. I know she's plotting something. My muscles tense up and my chest tightens when I think about it, but other than that, I guess today can be considered a good one.

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A few snaps here and there mark the end of my shoot and the end of my day. I put on my normal clothes (blue jeans, white long sleeved shirt, black trench coat). I check the time while I change. 8 PM. Amy's probably still working, so I don't bother calling her. I just head home.

Everything has felt so out of place today. I don't know why though. My career is still going great, even getting a little better this year, my friends are doing great and I see them often, and my relationship with Amy is still going strong. Well, sort of. I guess I'm still kind of bothered by this morning. Amy calling me T, saying the exact same stuff Stef used to say, doing what she used to do, that dream.

I pass by my favourite bar on the way home. Well, it was me and Stef's favourite. We were always in here together. I sit down and order a glass of Jameson, trapped in my thoughts. It's not that I hate being called T or anything. If anything I still kind of blush and smile when I hear that nickname, because I miss it. But only when Stef says it. And when Amy says it, it kind of ruins it. I continue thinking and thinking until I realized I've probably had one too many, so I cab it back to my apartment.

I stumble back inside, somehow noticing Amy's not home yet. I close my eyes a few seconds to try and get rid of the dizziness. It works for a few seconds, enough for me to make it to bed. I just take my shoes and coat off and lay down. My eyes close as I re-experience that dream I had last night.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good morning baby," I hear a sweet voice calling. It can only come from one person. A huge smile appears on my face as I turn over and open my eyes to see Stef facing me in the bed, wide awake. She moves herself closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her, taking in the warmth of her skin on mine. I close my eyes and rest my head on hers, kissing her beautiful, soft brown hair.

"Good morning gorgeous," I say back to her. As I look down at her face I notice her cheeks becoming red and her eyes closing. She's smiling and hides her face in my shoulder. I giggle at the sight. She's so cute when she blushes. I put my face closer to hers and search for her lips, giving her a long good morning kiss.

And the dream continues, which is strange because I remember it specifically ending here.

Our kiss grows passionate as I realize that she's somehow already on top of me. I didn't even see her make her way there. Her lips travel along my jawbone, down my neck and finally my chest. She's not wearing anything. I watch in desire and she unzips my jeans and pulls my boxers down. Her body grinds against mine and it gives me the ultimate pleasure, but only for a few moments, and then I stop feeling it. That's when I realize Stef's not there anymore and everything becomes black.