3

My phone rings, and I just stare at it.

Lip. He actually called, just like he said he would.

The boys are asleep. The house is quiet—too quiet. It feels emptier without him here.

I pick up and bring the phone to my ear."You called." My voice cracks just a little.

"I said I would," he says almost instantly. There's a slight slur in his words, like he's trying to sound steady but can't quite pull it off."I'm sorry about earlier. I just... I don't know what's going on with me."

I pause, letting the silence stretch between us for a second before I ask, quietly but firmly,"Are you drinking again? You're drunk right now. I can tell."

There's a beat, and then I hear him exhale slowly, like he's bracing for something."I'm trying, Erin. I swear I am. But it gets hard, and I get carried away. It starts with one, and then I don't even notice when it's too much."

My throat burns. I blink fast, but it doesn't stop the tears from coming."Please don't do anything stupid. Just... take school seriously, Lip. You've got something most people like us never even get close to. I wish I still had that shot."My voice shakes now."Don't throw it away."

"I won't," he says quickly."I promise. I'm gonna figure it out. I've just... I've been feeling so far away from everything. And you—God, I miss you."

I don't say anything. I can't. My hand is shaking, and I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"I'm coming home for Christmas break," he says gently."I'll be at the Gallaghers most of the time, but I was thinking... if it's okay, maybe I could stay with you for a few days? I just want to be with you. I feel better when I'm with you."

That gets me. My chest aches with how much I miss him. How much I need him to mean every word.

"Yeah," I whisper."Yeah, of course. I want you here."

He's quiet for a second, like he's trying to hold himself together."I love you, Erin." His voice is low, but there's no hesitation in it."I know I don't say it right or enough, but I do. I love you."

I close my eyes and let the words sink in. I've been waiting to hear that—waiting to believe it."I love you too, Lip."My voice is soft, but this time it's steady."Just get home safe, okay?"

"I will."There's a rustle on his end, like he's shifting the phone closer to his ear."And Erin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for still picking up."

I smile through the tears."Always."

The line goes quiet for a moment, neither of us wanting to hang up.

But eventually, I do. And when I set the phone down, the house still feels empty—but a little less than it did before.

It's the next day.

The boys are still at school, and I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a half-eaten granola bar and my third cup of coffee. The light through the window is gray and dull, and I've got one of Lip's hoodies on like it'll somehow make me miss him less.

Then my phone buzzes.

Lip GallagherFaceTime Audio – Connecting...

My stomach flips. He just called me last night—we said everything we needed to say.This has to be a mistake. A pocket dial.

Still... I answer.

It connects. There's a beat of rustling fabric and muffled movement, like the phone is in his pocket or tossed on a bed.

Then I hear him.

"No, it's not like that. Amanda's just cool, okay? It's not a thing."

My heart stops.

I go completely still, barely breathing.

A second voice—some guy, probably one of his roommates—responds, laughing. I can't hear what he says, but I hear Lip's reply, clear as day.

"I didn't hook up with her, Jesus. We were just hanging out. Watching movies. It was late."He pauses."She crashed in my bed, but nothing happened."

A wave of heat rises in my chest. My grip on the phone tightens.

The other guy snorts.Lip again:"I wouldn't do that to Erin. I wouldn't. I mean... she already doesn't trust me half the time."

I blink hard, eyes burning.

Then quieter, almost like he's saying it to himself:"But Amanda's easy. No pressure. No expectations. Erin looks at me like I'm supposed to be some better version of myself, and I just... I don't know if I can live up to that."

Another pause.

"I miss Erin," he says finally."But with Amanda, I don't feel like I'm constantly failing."

And then—just like that—the line goes dead.Call ended.

I stare at the screen, my whole body tense, like I've just been slapped.

Amanda.

She was in his bed. He says nothing happened.He misses me, but I'm too much pressure.

My throat feels tight, but no tears come yet. Just that deep, heavy ache that settles into my ribs and stays there.

I don't call him.Not yet.Because I don't know if I want to scream at him or cry or both.

But I do one thing:I take off his hoodie.

That night, my phone lights up again.

Lip GallagherCalling.

I hesitate for a second, staring at the screen. Then I swipe to answer.

"Hey," he says. His voice is soft, careful. "I was hoping you'd pick up."

I lean back into the couch, tucking my knees to my chest. The living room's dark, the only sound the hum of the fridge.

"Yeah?" I say.I'm quiet for a second. Then:"How's Amanda?"

There's a pause. A full beat of stunned silence.Then Lip says, slowly, like he's not sure he heard me right:"...What?"

"Amanda," I say again. My voice is calm, but my chest is caving in."You know. The girl who was in your bed."

He sucks in a breath."Erin—"

"Don't lie to me." My voice hardens.

Another pause. Then he says, shaky,"How did you hear that?"

"You butt dialed me earlier. I heard the whole thing. You telling your friend that I don't get you. That she's easier. That being with me feels like pressure."My throat tightens, but I keep going."You said you miss me—but you feel like you're failing all the time. So Amanda makes you feel better. Or at least—less like shit."

He lets out a low breath, like he's been punched."Erin, I swear to God, nothing happened. She just slept there—"

"You really think that's the part that broke me?" I snap."It's not even about Amanda. It's about the fact that you're pretending to be someone for me—and resenting me for it."

He goes quiet.

"I never asked you to be perfect, Lip."My voice cracks."I asked you to be honest."

"I didn't want to lose you," he finally says."So you'd rather lie?"

There's a long pause.

Then, finally, I say it."I can't do this anymore."

"Erin, please."His voice drops, raw and desperate."Don't—don't give up on me."

"I didn't."My voice is shaking now."But you gave up on us the second you crawled into bed with someone else and told yourself it was easier."

"I love you," he says. It's almost a whisper.

"Then you should've loved me enough to talk to me instead of hiding behind someone like her."

I pause."Goodbye, Lip."

I hang up before I can hear him say anything else.

And for a moment, the quiet in the house is deafening. But it's better than hearing him lie.