fifteen - i can't breathe

“What can we do for you, Lassie?” Dain asked me. “I speak on behalf of the people of Lake-Town, my Lord. Thorin gave his word to give them a share of the gold and now that Smaug has destroyed their homes, they need it to rebuild,” I told them and Balin whispered something in his ear. 

Since Thorin, Fili and Kili died, the crown of Erebor fell to Dain. 

“I’ll allow it. Anything else?” he asked. “I was also hoping I could get the White Gems of Lasgalen for Thranduil of Mirkwood,” I told him and he laughed. “Now why would I let the Elfling have those gems, eh?” he asked. 

“They are in Erebor because he gave them to the Dwarves of the mountain to craft a necklace for his wife before she passed. It is an heirloom of Elven folk. Why would you want to keep something that belongs to someone you despise when they wouldn’t mind starting a war over it?” I asked and he went quiet. 

“The sprite can have the gems back. But I do not want him in here looking for ‘em. Only you and your cousin,” he told me and I nodded. “Thank you, Lord Dain. We will find the gems and leave after,” I said and he nodded. 

~~~

Cleos and I spent an entire bloody day in the mountain looking for those gems. Dain had stopped by a few times, asking us if we had found the ‘fairy jewellery’ yet. He wasn’t hasty to get us to leave, or so he said, he just enjoyed conversation. When we finally found them, I was just glad it was done and found.

The ride to Tiseah was quiet. We went through Mirkwood with little issues and stayed there for a day and returned the gems to Thranduil, who was more than grateful to have them again. 

~~~

Thallan sounded the horn and the gate opened and we trotted back to the castle. “Ver!” I heard someone yell from outside the stables. I rushed out to Zion, who hugged me tight and I laughed. “Zion, I can’t breathe,” I struggled.

 “Sorry,” he apologised quickly and I smiled. “Ver!” Dessa and Hadrian bolted for me and I hugged them tight. Aurelia ran out and I hugged her and turned around to see Nikolas standing there in shock. 

He didn’t say anything, just hugged me tightly. “You are never leaving again,” he said. “Where is Alek?” They looked at me in confusion.

“Father has not returned from Rivendell,” Aurelia told me. “We just came from Rivendell,” Cleos said.

~~~

“Sauron has returned. Gandalf went into Dol Guldur to confront him. Alek, Elrond, Galadriel, Saruman, and Radagast went after him. While we were in Rivendell, only weeks ago, Elrond told us Alek and Saruman into Mordor,” I told him. 

“I will ride to Isengard. Saruman must have some kind of explanation to where he is,” Cleos announced. “You can not go alone,” Vardos told him. “He won’t. I’ll go with him,” I said. “You have been gone for fifteen months. You are staying here,” He told me and I went rigid. 

“You may be my king and older brother but when it comes to our family I no longer take orders from you. Alek is out there somewhere and you will not stop me from finding him,” Everyone stayed silent, waiting for him to retaliate. 

It wasn’t uncommon for us to fight about me leaving. Actually, it happened quite often after the spiders. “Verena, you have been gone for over a year without a word. You are too irresponsible for this kind of mission,” He sounded out. 

“This is our brother, Nikolas. If you think I would take his disappearance lightly, and that my ‘irresponsibility’ will forsake him, then you have never been more wrong in your life,”

~~~

I walked into my room and slammed the door behind me. I rushed over to the closet and began packing clothes and weapons.

Minutes later, there was a knock at my door and I walked over to open it. “Wasn’t that an exit,” Martarys said with a sarcastic smile. I opened the door the rest of the way for him to come in. 

“If Nikolas thinks he can keep me from finding Alek, he has another thing coming,” I told him as he walked in. “He is our King and your brother, Ver,” he said. “I am reminded of that every day I am in this kingdom,” I muttered. 

“You are the only one that gets away with speaking to him like that. When Cleos went to find you, it was a fight worse than any other,” he said and I sat on my bed and leaned against the post. 

“Martarys, I can not stay here when Alek has gone into the most dangerous place on Middle-Earth,” I said. “I don’t give commands. At least, not those commands,” he sighed and sat next to me. 

“Would you let me go with Cleos?” I asked. “I wouldn’t even let Cleos go. I’d go and take Vardos with me,” he answered. “That would be the smartest course of action,” I agreed. 

“You have to hurry! Saruman is here,” Cleos shouted as he ran in. We followed him right back out and to the throne room. 

I threw the doors open. Alek’s body was lying on a table. My hand goes over my mouth and I slowly walk over to the table. “I am truly sorry. I tried to stop him but I barely escaped with my own life,” Saruman apologised but I ignored his presence and stood next to my brother’s body. 

I ran my fingers through his hair and my tears fell. “Where are the others?” Martarys asked. It was only Nikolas, Vardos, Cleos, Martarys and I in the room. “We only sent for Ver so she wouldn’t run in the night,” Vardos answered.

“Thank you for returning his body to us, Saruman. You are welcome to stay as long as you need,” Nikolas offered and put his hand on my shoulder. “Ver,” He whispered. “No,” I whispered shakily. 

“I-I can’t- I can’t breathe,” I lowered myself to the floor with my hand in Alek’s cold one. Nikolas pulled me into him as I cried and gasped for air. 

My brother is dead and I wasn’t there to save him. 

~~~

“Lia,” I called as I knocked on her door for the fifth time. “Lia, it’s time for his burial,” I said softly. “Go away,” She called back in a hoarse voice. It’s been seven days.

Seven days since Saruman brought Alek's body to us. 

I took it the worst, vocally, but Lia shut herself away from us. “Is she still in there?” Dessa whispered as he stood next to me. “Yeah,” I nodded. “Lia, please talk to us. We’re here for you, darling,” Dessa said. 

The door opened and she stared at us. Her eyes were red, hair a mess, and still in the same clothes when she saw him. “You can’t help me,” she tried to shut the door again. Before she did, I stuck my foot in the way. “Move, Verena,” She said. 

“We can help you, do you know why?” I asked. She sighed in defeat and let me open the door. “Before you were even born, we lost both of our parents,” I started and she looked down. 

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, but we lost our brother too,” I continued. “Don’t mourn him alone when you have us,” Dessa soothed. “He’s never coming back,” She whispered shakily. “I know,” I replied in a soft tone. 

“I should’ve been there,” She said. “No,” I shook my head. “Do not say that, Aurelia Tempest,” I said. “But I could have healed him, and he would be here, alive,” She said loudly. “And if I went, I could’ve saved him too… there is not a day that will go by and I will not remind myself of that,” I replied. 

“You would have died there,” Dessa said. “Both of you,” She continued. “Mourning by yourself is normal. But shutting yourself away is not healthy, Lia,” She said. “Let’s go to his burial and we can say goodbye together,” she held out her hand. 

She took it and nodded. She let us in her room and we helped her get ready. Dessa got a dark dress on her and I braided her hair. 

“Mother,” Zion said from the door. “Yes, darling,” She called. “Aunt Esme, Iston, uncle Rumil, Oropher, and Haldir, are here,” At that, Esme barreled in and hugged Dessa tightly. “Is it true, big sisters?” She asked in Elvish. “I’m sorry, little one,” Dessa said as she held her. 

She may be a grown woman, but she will always be the youngest. 

Iston appeared next to Zion and I smiled at them. I finished Aurelia’s braid and put it over her shoulder and we walked over to the boys. “Hello, Iston,” I said and hugged him. “Aunt Ver,” he greeted me. “How long has she been like this?” I asked and moved to let Aurelia hug him. 

“Since Lady Galadriel told us,” He answered. “Oh, Lia,” Esme said and walked over to hug her. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” She said. Hadrian walked down the corridor to us and stood next to his nephews. “It is time,” 

~~~

We stood on the docks of the lake with Alek’s body in a boat next to us. Vardos, Martarys, Nik, Cleos, Hadrian, Zion and Iston pushed the boat out and I held the bow and arrow for Nik. 

“You’ve always had a better aim,” He said and I nodded, turning to light the end of the arrow with the fire and took my aim.

I let it fly, landing in the boat-casket and igniting the wood in flames. Aurelia cried from behind me and Zion hugged her and she held onto him tightly. 

After that day, I trained to better myself. 

I trained with means to march on Mordor.

I trained to tear Sauron to shreds.

Valar knows I can and will. 

He killed my brother and I will avenge him, even if it is the last thing I do.