❀ 𝚂𝙰𝚈 𝙸 𝙳𝙾 ❀

Some songs that I listened to while writing this chapter :) also added to the Spotify playlist.

https://youtu.be/GO4ToWhMs3Q

https://youtu.be/n6BwAWiHcSg

https://youtu.be/npDIVZFOXpc

Y/N POV

It's been three long years since I've seen Jungkook, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

I was contemplating suicide for a long time, but Namjoon watched me like a hawk. He never really left my side at first, I guess until he knew he could trust me.

The first time he left me alone, I tried to kill myself and it made things ten times worse. He wouldn't leave my side for the first year and a half.

I hated my life, I hated being in the mess I was in until I found out that I was pregnant. That changed my whole life around. Namjoon became a lot nicer, he isn't as bad as I thought he was but he's still very possessive.

He has taken care of me, even when I didn't want him too. He loves and adores Gio. Gio is a mommies boy.

He's such a good child. I never really thought about being a mother until the first time I got pregnant. At first I was scared and didn't know if I wanted to have the baby, but I'm so glad I chose too... He's a beautiful soul even at his age.

He looks just like his dad and sometimes it breaks my heart because I know he isn't here too see him growing up.

Namjoon plays stupid like Gio is his but he knows that Jungkook is his father, he looks identical to him and one of the reasons I chose his name... Gio... because it sounds like his dads name in a way.

I wanted to tell Gio, but I feel like it will only break his heart and he's still so young but I don't want him to think I'm choosing to lie to him.

I know he will never get the chance to see his real dad. Wherever Jungkook may be, I hope he is happy and healthy. I hope he is alive and thriving in his life. I don't think I'll ever forget him, and I'll never forget our history even if it was a complete shit show.

—————————————————

Namjoon and I got married a year and a half ago. It was a huge wedding with his family and mine wasn't invited.

I wasn't really shocked because I knew he wouldn't welcome them because he knew that they wanted me with Jungkook and that they still work with Jungkook.

Here lately Joon has been coming around to the idea of us going to Florida to see my family, I miss Bianca so much it makes me physically sick. She's never met Gio. They've never ever seen pictures, I think Joon is scared that Jungkook will see and realize that Gio is his son. 

Joon wants to have a baby soon, and I'll admit it, I even thought about it because I know this is my life now.

I kinda feel like I've gotten Stockholm syndrome with him. I've became use to this life and how he works as a human.

He's not horrible to me, not like he was in the beginning. He was so cold and mean and would hurt me without any thought. He realized how he hurt me and he's changed a lot or maybe just got better at hiding his crazy.

If he ever let me walk out of here though, I'd take Gio and Tao and run.

Oh yeah, Tao is still with me and he loves Gio so much. They honestly love and adore each other so much. Tao is the biggest sweetest wanna be puppy.

Tao

He's a loving good boy!

I spend most of my days with Gio and Tao, and Jennie. I didn't see her or speak to her during the whole shit show but when I finally did see her, she apologized and cried saying she had no idea that Joon was like this with me, that he truly kept it in the dark....

I want to believe her but I just really don't trust anyone anymore.

After losing Jungkook, and going through all that we've been through I can't let people In like I use too.

With Joon, I've kinda had no choice, but I still don't trust him, not even for a second.

He tries to be a good husband and tries to be a father to Gio but I don't like it because no matter how hard he tries, he will never be my one, he will never be Jungkook.

I think apart of him knows that too. He knows that I'm still madly in love with him and if given a chance I'd run the first chance I'd get but only for Jungkook.

Jungkook hasn't even tried to reach out to me, and that breaks my heart. He let me go so easily, it makes me angry to think how easy it was for him to just walk away and go back to his normal life while I'm left here broken on the floor. I'm trying to carry on, but this isn't love with Namjoon not from my side anyways.

I do try to make things normal for Gio, I don't want Joon too act crazy in front of him.

He hasn't though which is surprising, it's scary this facade he has put on, it honestly makes me believe him sometimes.

I forget it's all a act. It has to be, someone can't just change that easily.

I hear the front door open which made me snap back into reality.

I heard foot steps coming toward the living room.

JOON: there you are.

Y/N: here I am

JOON: I've missed you all day.

I didn't say anything, he sat down on the couch next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

JOON: Gio is already asleep?

Y/N: mhm, I think Tao wore him out today, I took them outside and they ran around all day. It was cute.

JOON: that means we get a little alone time.... Wanna go

I slowly cut him off

Y/N: I'm actually really tired today for some reason... I'm sorry..

He just looked at me, I was hoping he wasn't able too see the lie right on my face.

He honestly just looked kinda sad. He guilted me into things a lot.

I think that's the Stockholm syndrome setting in.

He makes me feel bad for him, and I always give in. Even when I don't want too.

He turned the tv up some to hear the show I was watching, I looked over a few times and he just looked kinda sad..

He wants me to love him back so bad.

A part of me wishes I could too so all of this wouldn't be so miserable.

He would probably be a good guy to the right girl. I mean put aside him raping me.

Hopefully he has never done that to another girl.

He tries so hard for me to love him, and I'm sure he knows I act to keep him happy, to keep him at bay.

My phone dinged and I picked it up and looked at it and I could see Joon looking behind me, that's his jealous side that drives me crazy.

He really thinks I'd talk to another guy or maybe he's just worried about Jungkook, even though Jungkook chose his old life over me. 

I looked at my phone.

I looked at Joon and he just looked forward at the tv acting as if he didn't just read what Bianca said.

Y/N: joon?

JOON: hmm?

As he looked over at me.

Y/N: I know you seen the text, one day... do you think it would be okay if Bianca...

He cut me off

He stood up and started to walk out of the room.

JOON: I don't think it would be a good idea..

Y/N: why not?

JOON: I just don't. I'm going to get ready for bed, come to bed soon.

He looked back at me one more time before walking away.

He seen the tears building in my eyes. He knew I was hurting and that it was caused by him not letting my family come around .

I decided not to text Bianca back because I was just in a bad place at the moment, I felt a lot of anger and sadness. I didn't want it to show through text.

I watched tv for another hour while crying it out...

I started to get tired so I decided to head up to bed.

—————————————————

I went into the bedroom and Namjoon was sleeping peacefully in bed. I went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

I just stared in the mirror for a minute just thinking about Jungkook and where he was and how he was doing... I think about him so much these days. Even though I don't think he thinks of me.

I crept over to the bed and pulled my side of the blanket back and got under it.

I was trying to be as quiet and as light as possible so I didn't wake him, but I felt him roll over toward me.

JOON: what took you so long?

Y/N: I couldn't help but get sucked in to the show that was on.

JOON: hmm... I missed you...

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

JOON: can't I just love you?

I stayed quiet and laid there hoping he'd fall asleep, but no chance of that.

JOON: I'm sorry that I'm jealous and possessive, I wish I wasn't this way. I want your family to be apart of your life and Gios.

Y/N: I really miss Bianca Joon. It's hard my family didn't get to come to our wedding, they have never seen Gio.

I said as I sat up and looked down at him.

JOON: I know. I'm sorry. It's not fair to you or Gio. I want to change... I'm working on it. You will get to see her again... I'm really trying to work through my issues, I just know they still work for him. I know that they hate me. I know that they will tell him information..

Y/N: does it really matter if they do? I'm married to you, we live in a different state across the country, and he made his decision, so why are you still so hung up on it?

I said angrily.

He wasn't happy with what I said to him because he sat up and was looking at me deep in my eyes at this point.

JOON: you're my wife, we have a child and a home together and I don't want anyone or anything to ruin that.

Y/N: can't you just trust me? We've been together for years now, and have I done anything against you?

JOON: no... you haven't lied to me or done anything. I'm not saying it's you, it's me.

Y/N: why do I have to suffer because of your insecurities?

I was making him very annoyed at this rate but I was really irritated and I couldn't help what came out of my mouth.

His facial expression said everything.

Y/N: Nevermind, I'm sorry I said anything.... I'm not trying to make you mad... I'm just...I'm just... angry Joon!

JOON: I'm not trying to make you angry.

Y/N: but you are!

JOON: I'm sorry okay...

He sat back up against the head board and place his head up against it.

Here goes the guilt setting in.

I know he just wants my love, maybe if I was more loving he would feel more secure.

We have sex, but I do withhold a lot fromhim, and he doesn't run to other girls so I know he cares and only wants me but I just feel guilty like I'm cheating on Jungkook even though it was his choice to leave.

I dreaded what I was about to do next but I knew it would make him happy.

I climbed over Joons lap and sat on top of him.

He looked up at me, and gave me a little smile.

JOON: I just wanna be sure you really wanna be with me and not just because I made you at first.

I kissed him on the cheek, and he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer.

Y/N: I know...

JOON: let's make another baby?

My heart sank...

I knew he wanted to have a baby, and don't get me wrong I've thought about it because I wouldn't mind maybe trying to have a little girl, but I know that I'd be linked to Namjoon forever even though I kinda already am, with being married to him. I'm now Y/n Kim..... Gio, is also Gio Kim...

JOON: what do you say?

Y/N: I don't know...

He looked at me with a confused look on his face.

JOON: do you not want too?

Y/N: I don't know, another kid would be a lot... I mean the idea is nice but I just don't know.

JOON: it's not like you'd be doing it alone. We have Gio.... A little girl would be nice... or even another little boy!

Y/N: yeah... maybe...

I smiled a little, while thinking of a little girl with Gio.

JOON: is that a yes?

I looked up at him, and I was thinking about it but before I could say anything he already locked his lips on mine.

One thing escalated to another and before you know it we were naked and going hot and heavy.

We both reached our highs, one thing I liked about Namjoon is that he always made me finish first, no matter what. He is very selfless when it comes to that.

I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing to have another child, even if I wanted it too, it's too late to back out now. 

We both were laying next too each other until I heard " Mommy can I sleep with you tonight, I scared "...

—————————————————

I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I actually enjoyed writing this! I was in a rut for a little while, and was having very bad writers block but I feel like I'm getting back to the old me with writing, so I hope this part of me is here to stay!

I'm debating how to finish up the book with another chapter or two or it may be longer than that, but I'm trying to work it out!

I purple you guys so much! Thank you for your patience and thank you for all the love and support you guys give!

You guys are the best readers anyone could ever ask for!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️