19 - some things never change

Strokes and strokes, each came by after one. Her eyelids drooped, on the verge of closing. Her back slouched and hunched due to the terrible position she was in. The tiredness was real. Her eye bags looked 10 times heavier compared to last week.

The lack of sleep and the sudden burst hormones, all thanks to the stress she was getting from her final art project.

Sighing, she laid down on the ground, closing her eyes, hoping to catch a quick 5 minutes break before diving back into her work. It didn't help that fact that she was wearing a tank top. The contact of her bare skin with the cold tiles of her floor gave her chills.

But the chills were soon warmed by her fellow friend, Finn.

Seeing her mom laid down to his position, he slowly made his way towards her. Joining in on her resting time.

His black fur tickled her a little, but Jieun was quick to welcome him and held him close. Finn didn't waste anytime and immediately rolled up close to her.

It felt cosy, warm and safe.

This break was very much needed.

I know she goes around telling people how 'busy' she is with her work as an excuse to avoid people. But this time it was finals week. and well, everyone on campus was just as busy as her.

The pressure had obviously gotten to her, and her surrounding didn't make it any better.

Compared to the previous semester she had Seolla to accompany her while the two would grind for finals together. But ever since her best friend moved out, all she had was herself.

Of course, she could always call one of them over, but then she didn't want to feel like a burden.

Seolla was beyond happy when Haechan offered her to move out and live together. It would only be selfish of her to call her over.

Jay, on the other hand, had finally stopped his playboy antics and started to court Stella for real now. The two had been going on for a few weeks now, and she didn't want to ruin his momentum.

And as for Jake, he's a very family-oriented guy. A good boy who always has his family first. And Jieun didn't want to bother him whenever he's at his hometown.

Her friends were amazing people and they are very much perfect at being her best friends. They were always there for her, they always knew what to say and they never judge her for being her.

Whenever Jieun cried over a grade Jake was there to comfort her, telling her that they'll study together for the next term.

Whenever she needed a shopping partner Seolla was there to accompany her, even though the two were very much broke. And whenever she got drunk at a bar Jay would always come and pick her up to send her home.

Her friends did so much for her, and it got her thinking, was she enough for them? If only she could do the same, being an amazing person like they were.

Heaving a sigh, she opened her eyes and sat up straight. Her sudden movement startled the cat, to which she quickly apologised and cooed him, giving him kisses and grooming him.

Her attention was quickly drawn to her phone alarm that went off.

it's already 7 huh? dinner time.

Living alone wasn't an easy task, and when Seolla moved out. She had no one to remind her of the time. Which led her to set many alarms for each different occasion - 3 so that she doesn't skip her meals which was breakfast, lunch and dinner, 2 to feed Finn and another one for bedtime.

The alarms obviously didn't help a bunch considering how stubborn Jieun is. But it's better than doing absolutely nothing right?

Dragging her feet to the kitchen, in hopes of finding some food or leftovers to heat up. Jieun definitely wasn't the best cook, she'd give herself a 6/10 score if you may ask. Above-average but not a 5 star Michelin chef.

To her dismay, the fridge was empty. There was only milk, some juices and some sodas. Nothing of which could fill her stomach. Heaving another sigh, she decided it was best to head down to the convenient store nearby, feeling that she wasn't in the mood to cook either.

Some good old 3 minutes instant ramyun and maybe a corndog shall fix her day, and she'll do the groceries tomorrow.

And so, she tried her best to look presentable, putting on her black parka, with just her tank top and leggings underneath. With that, she took her purse and left her apartment.

-

2 minutes, it took her 2 minutes to reach the convenient store. Not surprised since, the store was located only a block away from her apartment. Maybe she was walking too fast, too hungry and couldn't wait any longer to get to her instant ramen.

The bell rang automatically once she stepped into the shop, the cashier greeted her and she gave him a small nod.

Jieun immediately made her way towards the instant noodle aisle, paying no attention to the other racks.

She sighed as she saw eyed one of the noodle brands. Jin Ramyun Mild.

That was what he bought the last time they were here together. The very same old flavour that he'd go for every time they come to visit together. The same place they had adopted Finn.

Letting out a sigh, Jieun's hand naturally went over to pick the same flavour that he chose. In hopes that this will probably be the last memory of him.

"Mild? don't you usually go for the spicy ones?" A familiar voice speaks up next to her. Jieun could feel their warm, they were literally standing right next to her.

Her head snapped up almost immediately.

"Mark?"

"yeah...hahah that's my name" He chuckled a little looking at her face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth ajar. Not believing her own eyes.

"w-what are you doing here?" Jieun stuttered.

Her question only made Mark laugh a little harder, reminiscing the good old days with her, where the two would just sit and talk shit for hours at the convenient store.

"Are you dumb? We literally live like 5 minutes away from each other!" He teases, oh how the tables have turned, "of course, you would meet me here!"

Jieun stayed quiet, still in awe of his sudden appearance.

"Nah, I'm just playing with you, I had no food left at home so I came by to buy some ramyun, you know, quick and easy" he shrugged.

Jieun gave a little chuckle at his response. Glad that they weren't in an awkward situation, considering how they both haven't seen each other for a while.

Her gaze quickly went towards his hand, looking over to his choice of ramyun. Still the same old, Jin Ramyun Mild.

"Don't you want to buy another one for  Byeol?" Jieun asked observing how he only had one cup in his hand. The two were living together after all, it'd only be normal for Mark to buy her dinner at this time.

"oh no," Mark said, eyes following hers to his hands, "Byeol's working late today," He stated "she's having her housemanship at the hospital right now and she's doing a night shift, so it's just me" He gave her small smile.

"Oh! that's nice!" Jieun nodded.

Mark did the same, his eyes automatically went to her basket. She had her noodles, a few chips as snacks and two large cold brews.

"Let me guess you're grinding for finals as well?" He smiled at her, signalling at the amount of caffeine she had in her basket.

"Yeah, no shit Mark! I mean so is everyone else... Literally the whole campus is on finals week bro" Jieun said sarcastically.

Mark burst out in laughter at her response. Some things never change, Jieun was still the old her, being all jolly and cute. He misses their jokes, the stories that they shared, and most definitely her company. He misses every part of it. He missed her.

The two made their way to the cashier, paying for their own food. Mark insisted on paying for her, saying that she looked half dead almost like she was homeless and had no money. In return, all he gained was a smack from her on his shoulder.

Mark was a man of destiny and being able to see her after such a long time, he's definitely not gonna let this chance slide away.

The two stepped out of the store, but before letting Jieun bid him goodbye, "Hey...do you wanna perhaps sit down together and have dinner outside?" Mark speaks up, signalling the at the dining area outside where the two would usually hang,

"I mean it has been a long time since we've talked... maybe you wanna take a break you know? Kinda relieve all that stress from your finals..." He trailed off.

No. She knew exactly where this was going, and she couldn't bear spending more time with him, because she know very well that if she did, her butterflies won't go away. Even though they never left. Nevertheless, she had promised Byeol that she'd stay out of their business.

"By a long time you mean a few days...." Jieun forced a smile, "we literally saw each other like last weekend when we were having dinner downtown together"

"I know that... but" Mark scratched the back of his neck, uttering, "but maybe because of finals it feels like... it's been years since we've last talked" He said and his expression was soft.

Looking at his face, Jieun felt hesitant. Unsure if she wants to join him and have dinner together. Too bad, her mind was already made up in the first place.

Sighing, "Sorry Markiepoo" Jieun smiled.

Markiepoo, oh how he missed hearing that name from her.

"But I don't have the time today, I've got to rush home and finish my art project and feed Finn!" She explained not giving him time to respond

"Oh, man! Finn!" Mark exclaimed, "How's the little dude? bet he's not so little anymore huh?" He smiled, eyes glowing at the thought of the feline,

"Yep~ he's a big dude now haha but still as pampered as always" Jieun joked and Mark laughed along, "Dude! you were the one who kept buying him new toys!!" He half yelled still laughing.

"Oh come on! weren't you the one who kept giving him snacks like every 2 minutes?" Jieun retorted and Mark laughed harder.

Some things never change. Here the two were again, bickering, yelling and joking around just like how they used to be.

"You know..." Jieun trailed off, immediately earning Mark's attention. "There's something I've got to tell you" She said feeling her breathe started to go uneasy.

"Yeah? what's up? you good?" Mark was worried, hearing a different tone from her and her face that held an unreadable expression.

"I think we should cut off what we are having right now"

"What do you mean Eun?" he said voice suddenly shaky like hers,

"you know very well what I mean Mark... this whole 'friends with benefits' things" She uttered, her eyes almost teary.

Mark knitted his brows together confused and angry at her sudden suggestion, "Why? Just because we haven't been seeing each other  doesn't mean we have to cut off all ties" He raised his voice.

Jieun stayed quiet, but her tears did her no justice.

Her cheeks immediately flushed red as she burst out crying. Shaking her head vigorously as she felt a heat choking on her neck making her hard to speak. Her tears flowed and flowed, her hands started to feel cold and started to tremble.

Why does it hurt so much? When she was literally smiling and laughing 2 minutes ago?

"Did I do something wrong?" Mark looked at her, dropping his bag and hands immediately on her cheek wiping her tears away.

"You know you can always tell me! you can always call me when you need me!" Mark exclaimed but it didn't make the situation any better,

Her hands immediately pushed him away, but Mark being stronger and taller immediately try and went in for another hug but, "DON'T!" Her voice croaked almost breaking. Mark paused not moving to hug her any further, his heart clenched seeing her in this state.

Jieun continued to cry. Feeling that it was almost impossible to speak, her lungs felt heavy and with every moment that passes she felt the knot inside her get tighter and tighter. Her tears kept on rolling down her cheek each time warmer than the last ones.

She didn't want to break down in front of him. but it was too late, she couldn't control what she was feeling.

"Is it because of Byeol?" Mark voiced out uncertain of what to say, "Is it because that she's my new roommate and you feel uncomfortable coming over?" he continued, "you know we can always book a hotel...."

Stupid boy, all he thinks of me is sex.

Even when I'm crying my heart out, you still don't know how I feel. Or maybe you do? but you just don't wanna admit it.

Jieun was pissed and mad, just how exactly dumb can a person be?

Looking at her expression Mark didn't know what to say.

But as they all say silence speaks louder than words. And it was enough for Jieun to know this was the end of it.

She was too tired to care, too tired to even bother that she was gaining stares from people around the street. They were all judging her at her lowest state, but she was done.

All she wanted right now was to go home.

Jieun stood there tears still flowing down her cheeks as she struggled to calm herself down.

Not even wanting to give him an explanation, she turn her heels and began to walk back to her apartment.

"Where are you going??" Mark shouted, angry that she left him hanging again.

Mark picked up his bag, in hopes of chasing her and following her,

"DON'T FOLLOW ME! STAY WHERE YOU ARE MARK LEE! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Jieun yelled before walking off into the aisle, crying.

-

a/n: hello! Double updates? 😜 ? sorry if this chapter was a bit iffy. I'm not the best at writing sad/ mad emotions I'll improve <3 also, this book is ending soon! in about maybe another 5 chapters? thank you so much for 100 votes!! it means A LOT A LOT! I'll try my best to finish this book by maybe end of march?

thank you again <3