Trust me?

Summary:

Kelly decides they are ready to up their game a bit and try something that takes a lot of trust on the other person.

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Kelly has been doing research. A lot of research. If he was going to do this, he wanted to do it right and make sure he wasn't hurting Matt. He knew Matt had an abusive childhood, and it had a lot to do with his dad. He knew parts of it, but Matt never went into details about what the abuse was like. He wanted to try this, but he didn't want to drag memories up for Matt.

He was scared. No. He was petrified of messing up and pulling Matt into a dark mindset. However, something that reassured him was that Matt had approved of this.

When Matt saw bondage on their list, Kelly didn't miss how he tensed up, but Matt said he was okay with it. Kelly wanted to make sure that he would speak up if he didn't like something, and he did.

Spanking. Matt didn't hesitate to say no to that one. Kelly didn't need him to explain because the look in his eyes told him everything. It was the same look he gets when he mentions his father or the abuse—the face of pure fear.

Before Kelly had seen that look, he thought nothing faze Matt. He honestly thought Matt didn't have any fears because nothing seemed to phase the guy. But when they had gotten drunk together with Andy to celebrate their graduation and get their placements, Matt talked about his childhood for the first time. His face changed from playful and happy to sadness and fear. The scary part for Kelly was when he saw that face. It looked as if he was staring at a seven-year-old Matt looking up at his father with fear and pleading written all over his face.

Seeing that face again just by one word told Kelly that Matt may never fully heal from the past, making him hesitant to do this. Tying Matt down to the bed so he can't move or leave if he needs to scares him. Kelly knows that this involves a lot of trust for any couple doing this, but faith means more for Matt. For Matt to completely hand his body over to Kelly, giving him complete control means a lot more to Matt. When they usually have sex, Kelly can tell when he is taking too much control because Matt would flip the script and take over.

The past few times they tried something from the kink list, Matt had been more submissive, but he was always the tease, and in a way, he held more control than Kelly did. Kelly knew early on in their relationship that Matt was the "topping from the bottom" type of guy, and Kelly understood why. Matt needs that control as a sense of safety for himself, so he can bolt if he feels he is in danger. Matt didn't need to tell Kelly that for him to figure it out. For Kelly, he didn't mind it. He was more of a dominating guy and was happy that Matt gave him the feeling that he was in control. They had tried to switch where Kelly was the bottom, but Kelly hated it, and it never worked out.

Right now, Kelly had probably spent a week researching everything about bondage, dom/sub and BDSM. They agreed that a BDSM lifestyle wasn't for them, at least for now, but that didn't mean that these kinks had a BDSM undertone. Kelly wanted to cover all his grounds and make sure he was doing right by Matt.

They had spent many days talking about it, and every time Matt assured him that he was fine and wanted to try this. Kelly believed him to an extent. He has seen enough of these cases where the traumatized victim think they're okay, and when they face it and find out, they aren't ready. Part of Kelly doesn't want that because he doesn't want to put Matt back into the past. However, the other part of him thinks that this is a good idea, and if it doesn't work, then Matt knows for sure he isn't. But then Kelly doesn't want to toy with Matt's mental stability like that, which puts him in a state of confusion. In the end, he decided he would do research and try it once, and if he didn't go well, then he would be whatever Matt needed from him to come back. If it worked, then that would be great.

Matt had seen Kelly's research and how much thought he was putting into this. He smiled at Kelly and thanked whoever set that man in his life. If he was going to face one of his greatest fears, he couldn't have been happier that he decided that Kelly was the one there besides him.

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"Colour?" Kelly asked when he and Matt were both sitting on their bed naked.

"Green means I'm good. Yellow means I'm reaching my limit. Red means stop," Matt said for what felt like the millionth time but knew he needed to calm Kelly down.

"Are you sure your ready?" Kelly asked, and Matt smiled and leaned in for a soft kiss.

"I am, and if I am not, I will colour," Matt said, and Kelly scanned over his face for a hint of a lie but found none.

"Promise?" Kelly asked, and Matt's smile grew fonder and nodded.

"I promise Kelly Severide that I would colour if I need to and that I am ready to do this," Matt said, and Kelly nodded and kissed him again.

"What's your colour now?" Kelly asked, and Matt suddenly felt fear building up in his stomach but didn't let it show.

"Green," Matt said, and Kelly nodded again and stood up. He grabbed the box of stuff he planned on using tonight and placed it on the nightstand. He took out four scarves. They had bought handcuffs, but Kelly decided to go with something a bit easier for a start.

Kelly snapped his fingers and pointed to the bed and was a bit shocked that Matt had quickly laid down on his back with his legs spread and arms up to the headboard. They had that connection on calls where they would look at each other and know exactly what the other wanted from them, but he also put that down to a firefighters instinct.

Kelly shook his head from his thoughts, walked over to Matt's left arm, and held it closer to the headboard as he tied the first scarf to Matt's wrist. He made sure it was tight enough that Matt couldn't escape but loose enough that it wasn't cutting off any circulation. Matt looked to his left arm and pulled on the restraints, and he couldn't move his hand. Kelly walked down to the end of the bed and did the same to his ankles and wrist.

Kelly walked to the end of the bed and looked down at Matt, who was all spread out and naked for him, and he felt himself get harder at sight. He looked up at Matt's face and noticed the fear he was fighting.

"Colour?" Kelly asked, hoping Matt wouldn't try to ignore whatever was swimming around in his mind right now.

"Yellow," Matt said quietly as if he didn't want it to be true. "Just can you um blindfold me or something?"

"What? Why?" Kelly asked, alarmed but still walked to the box and searched for their blindfold.

"Whenever I was tied down not to a bed but restrained, I was always forced to watch, so can you make this different? Can you blindfold me?" Matt asked, and he resembled a kicked puppy.

"We can always stop," Kelly said, holding the blindfold in his hands.

"No, I don't want to," Matt said and looked up to meet Kelly's green eyes. "I want this. Please."

"Colour whenever, and I will stop even if I'm close to done. Say the word, and I'll stop," Kelly said seriously, and Matt nodded. "Okay," he whispered and leaned down to tie the blindfold around Matt's eyes.

Once Matt was entirely in the darkness, he wasn't sure if this was better than before. When he had his eyes opened, he saw his mom and dad. Now he felt fear but didn't see anything. He hoped Kelly would get a move on it to distract his brain.

Kelly moved quietly. Not because he wanted Matt to be surprised, but he was scared that a loud noise would trigger him. He had everything he needed on the bed beside Matt, but right now, he got a bit distracted by Matt's hole.

Kelly shook his head, picked up a vibrator, and turned it on. He saw Matt jump at the sudden noise, and Kelly rubbed his hand up and down on his inner thigh soothingly. He placed the vibrator at Matt's entrance, and Matt moved his hips down. Kelly grinned and pushed in slowly, and Matt moaned at the toy slowly entering him.

Kelly enjoyed slowly teasing Matt and put that to the back of his head. Kelly pushed the vibrator in, and Matt whined and moaned loudly and pulled on the restraints. He can tell by the level of noise Matt was making that Kelly knee that the vibrator was pressing against his prostate. Kelly then walked around the bed and straddled Matt's waist.

Matt groaned at the sudden weight on top of him, and Matt's breathing became heavier as he had felt Kelly's cock.

Kelly leaned down and placed light kisses on his neck down to Matt's collarbone. Kelly then sucked a lovebite on Matt's collarbone. Once satisfied, he moved on to the other collarbone and created another lovebite on the other side. Matt started squirming at the vibration in her ass and for Kelly to kiss at his neck. Matt moaned out his orgasm as Kelly began to suck at his sweet spot,  right under his jaw, but he started playing with Matt's nipples as well.

Kelly reached over and turned the force of the vibrator on low to give Matt some rest while he worked at his neck. He made the same spot on the other side of his neck, not stopping playing his nipples.

Kelly kissed down Matt's chest and took his nipple in his mouth, and lightly bit down on the nub. He then did the same to the other before going down Matt's happy trail and licked up all the cum. Kelly debated making Matt swallow his cum again but decided against it since he wanted it.

He looked up at Matt to find him quietly moaning and panting and still tugging on the restraints. Kelly moved back up his body, placed a hand on either side of his head, and leaned down to kiss him, making Matt jump at the sudden contact. Kelly pulled back immediately and wondered if his panting was because he was aroused or the start of a panic attack.

"Colour?" Kelly asked, reaching for the blindfold.

Matt didn't say anything.

"Matty?" Kelly asked, taking off the blindfold to find Matt with his eyes squeezed shut and tears falling down the side. Kelly immediately got off and undid all the restraints as quickly as possible. He then climbed in behind Matt and pulled him to his chest. "I'm here. Talk to me."

"I'm sorry," Matt whispered.

"You never have to be sorry," Kelly said, kissing the top of his head. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Flashback mixed with what you were doing ended up blending together, and instead of you, it was my dad," Matt whispered, and Kelly lightly lifted his head to find a distant look on his face.

"Hey, it wasn't him. You are safe with me, I promise," Kelly said. "Was the blindfold a bad idea?"

"No, if I saw your body, your face, then it would be him in your place instead and then every time I see you, it would be him," Matt said, finally looking at Kelly, and his eyes softened.

"Okay," Kelly whispered and wiped at Matt's tears with the pad of his thumb. "Why don't we enjoy a relaxing shower and then put on a movie or head to Molly's?"

"Sure," Matt said and leaned in to place a soft kid to his lips. "But want me to get you off first?" Matt looked down t Kelly still hard but starting to soften cock.

"No, that would be taking advantage of you when I know you aren't in the mood, and being honest, I'm not either," Kelly said sternly. Matt couldn't help but smile at his caring husband.

"I love you," Matt said and leaned in for another kiss.

"I will always love you," Kelly replied and connected their lips once again.

"Shower?" Matt asked, and Kelly nodded. Kelly told him to start the water, and he will join in later. When Matt was out of the room, Kelly cleaned everything, put it away, and tucked the box far back into their closet. He knew Matt wasn't ready to see it yet and didn't want him to have to face it until he was ready.

He then joined Matt in the shower, and the two cleaned each other and stopped for kisses here and there. After that, they put on a movie and cuddled on the couch. Kelly could tell Matt was trying to erase the mixed memory out of his mind, and he only held onto him tighter, hoping that helps in a way.

He mentally kicked himself for not putting up a fight against this. He should've known that he wasn't ready for it yet or should've started slower or smaller. He sighed and ran the entire night through his head and wondered when Matt began to cross the line of pleasure to pain. He should've checked more often.

As if reading his mind, Matt leaned up and kissed his cheek and looked at him with love and reassurance. He then pulled Kelly's arms around him tighter as if he was his lifeline.

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Note *IMPORTANT*: I know this isn't as smutty or hot as you would expect from this series, but I hope you understand my choice. We never got the whole backstory on Matt's childhood from the show. The main thing we know was he grew up in an abusive house. In this particular universe that this series takes place in, Matt was abused by his father when he tried to get involved and break up the fight between himself and his father. I want to clarify that he was never sexually assaulted or raped, but his dad made him watch him abuse his mom when he was restrained. So to me, when it comes to certain things, I feel like Matt might react to them. It didn't feel right to ignore it, and I thought it had to be written in this story despite its smut one-shots. I hope you see my point here, and I'm sorry if I disappointed you. From here on out, certain one-shots in this series that I feel might be a bit too close for comfort to Matt's past, it will be similar to this story. I might revisit bondage later, and it might play out differently, but this is what I have. Once again hope you understand.