Chapter 29: Childhood pain

Lina's POV

Three weeks later.

The world is a cruel, cruel place. Psychopaths, serial killers, rapists, abductors—they roam the streets everyday, looking for new prey. Sighing, I look outside on my balcony.

It's been 3 weeks since I've been at work. Ever since my encounter with the Russells, I've been feeling depressed. I can't let go of the fact that I shot my foster siblings. They were only 15 or 16 at most.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on my door. Walking over to the door, I look through the peephole and see Garcia. Hesitantly, I open the door and give her a weak smile.

Garcia tilts her head a bit. "Hey, Lina."

"Hi, Penelope," I greet. We awkwardly stare at each other for a minute before she breaks the silence.

Holding up a bag, she says, "I brought you some clothes."

My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Wow, uh... thanks?" Then I cock my head. "Wait, you said brought?"

Garcia nods eagerly. "Open it."

I raise an eyebrow at her and slowly open the bag. Inside are two sweater vests. "What's this?" I pull them out and hold it out at her.

"They're Spencer's."

"Oh." I furrow my brows, not knowing what to do with the vests.

"It was my idea." Garcia looks nervously at me. "I told Spencer that it would be a good idea for you to have something of his to make you feel better. Since he's on a case right now he asked me to bring it over to you."

I smile at her. "Thanks, PG. But as cute as this gesture is, I don't think having Spencer's clothes is going to make me feel better now."

"Oh, okay." She frowns. "Um, I need to head back to work now... but do you need anything?"

I shake my head. "Thanks for coming by, Penelope. I really appreciate it."

She nods. "Alright, let me know if you do." With that, she gives me a quick hug and leaves.

I close the door and sigh, looking at Spencer's sweater vests. I put one over the T-shirt I'm wearing.

Smells like Spencer—detergent and coffee. Even in my low mood, I can't help but crack a smile. Just then, my phone rings and I pick it up.

"Good afternoon." Spencer's cheery voice sounds over the phone.

"Hey," I mumble.

"Still feeling down?"

"Mm."

Spencer sighs. "I wish I could be there for you, darling."

"It's fine. I want to be alone anyways." I pick off a piece of lint from his sweater vest I'm wearing.

"Garcia told me she gave you my clothes."

"Yeah, she did... I'm wearing the brown and beige one with patterns right now."

He chuckles. "That's my favourite one."

"I know." I smirk.

"You can keep it if you want to."

"Really?" I genuinely love his sweater vests.

"Yeah, of course!" He laughs. "I have another backup."

I giggle. "Seriously?" Only Spencer would have backups of his sweater vests.

"Mhm," he answers with a chuckle, and then I hear Hotch's voice in the background, calling for Spencer.

"Gotta go?"

"Yeah, sorry." Spencer sighs.

"It's okay, go do your thing."

"Promise you'll come back to work soon? The whole team misses you."

"Yeah, yeah." I get up to the bathroom and turn on the shower. "Stay safe, Spence."

"I will. Love you, bye." He hangs up.

After that, I take a deep breath and close my eyes, a painful memory flashes through my mind.

Eleven years ago.

"Mama, where are we going?" I ask, looking at my mother.

My mother sighs. "You'll know when we get there."

I hug my stuffed cat toy tight, not knowing what is going on. Eventually, I doze off, only to jolt awake when the car stops. "Are we here?" I rub my eyes.

"C'mon." My mother steps out of the car and opens the door on my side. She picks me up and closes the door.

I look around at my surroundings and see a big red truck. "Fire truck!" I giggle with delight. But I frown when my mother doesn't acknowledge me. "What's wrong, Mama?"

No answer. Instead, she walks to a big building and sets me down on the front steps, then bends down so she's at my height. "Angelina, be a good girl, okay? Mama's going to leave now."

"What? Where are you going?" I tilt my head in confusion.

"That's not for you to know." She strokes my head gently. "Do you want to play a game?"

I nod my head enthusiastically. "Yes!"

"Alright, to play the game, I need you to stay here and don't move. When a nice lady or man comes out, tell them that your name is Angelina and that you're 7 years old, okay?"

"Is there a prize?" I bounce up and down.

"You'll see." My mother smiles. "You ready?"

"Mhm!"

"Okay." She stands up and kisses me on the forehead before walking away.

"Mama!" I shout.

"Stay right there, Angelina!" She starts sprinting back to her car and gets in, driving away.

I stare after her in confusion. "Mama!" I look around at the unfamiliar environment and tears well up in my eyes. Before I know it, I'm crying at the top of my lungs.

Suddenly, the door behind me opens and I hear a woman's kind voice.

"Hey, sweetie?" she asks from behind me. I turn around and see a dark-haired lady with green eyes, wearing a uniform. "Where's your mommy or daddy?"

"She got in her car." I point to the direction of where my mother's car was once parked.

The lady furrows her brows. "My name is Mia. What's your name, honey?"

"My name is Angelina and I'm 7 years old," I answer, remembering the game. "Do I get a prize now?"

"A prize?" Mia cocks her head.

"Mama told me to stay here and say it." I wipe away a tear and smile. "She said I'll win a prize."

Mia's expression changes, showing concern, but I don't understand why. "Yes, you win a prize!" She sticks out her hand. "Let's go get it inside."

I jump up and down in excitement. "Yay!" When we're inside, Mia gets me to sit down in a big chair.

"Sit here while I get your prize, okay?" She smiles kindly at me and I nod.

I watch as she walks up to a man wearing the same uniform as her. She whispers something in his ear that I can't quite make out. All I can get out of it is "mother" and "abandon". After that, Mia comes back with a lollipop in her hand.

"Is that for me?" I ask, staring at the lollipop.

"Yes it is, you've been such a good girl!" she gushes.

I quickly take it from her and rip off the wrapper. "Thank you!" I suck on the grape-flavoured candy.

A few hours later and several questions asked, a nice lady that looks like my mother comes into the room I'm waiting in.

"Here she is, Ms. Yang," Mia says.

"Oh, it's Mrs. Russell now." The lady shows Mia a shiny ring on her finger.

Mia nods. "My mistake, Mrs. Russell."

I watch as the lady walks towards me with a bright smile on her face. "Hi." I wave timidly at her.

"Hi, sweetie, I'm Ariel Russell." She sticks out her hand and I shake it.

"I'm Angelina and I'm 7 years old," I say proudly, still remembering the game from earlier.

"Yes, I heard." She raises her eyebrows. "Do you want to tell me a little bit about yourself?"

I nod. "Okay."

"I'll go first." Ariel bends down next to me. "Let's see... I'm from Korea and my favourite food is ice cream."

Korea.... "My mama said she's from Korea!" I announce proudly.

She nods and looks at Mia. "That's very cool." She grins at me.

Later that day, Ariel brings me to her home, the place where I spend the next 11 years of my life.

Present

I open my eyes again and sigh. Then I take my shower, feeling a bit more relaxed. As I'm changing I look in the mirror and stare at my scars. Tears start rolling down my cheeks involuntarily.

Before I know it, I'm in a full-blown mental breakdown, I cry for hours in the bathroom before hearing Spencer come home. I try composing myself but I can't. And soon, I hear his footsteps running towards the bathroom.