Part 38 - I need a plan

Pugsley

I really thought I had grasped the concept of texting, but I had no clue what the less than sign and the 3 meant. The smiley face one I knew, as it was kind of obvious, but at the end of the text that Y/n sent back, I couldn't figure out the '<3' that she put.

She said she'll see us later, did it mean in less than 3 hours?

"Dude, if you're going to become a phone addict, can you at least help me carry this thing? I think my legs are about to snap."

Eugene's uncomfortable cry for help makes me quickly get up off the edge of the fountain I was sitting on in the middle of the courtyard, and I leave my new phone behind as I go over and pick up the other end of the decorative pillar he was attempting to lift on his own, and was failing very hard.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I got distracted."

Eugene huffs as we maneuver the pillar around a corner, and he clears his throat.

"So, how is your little distraction? Is she having a good time shopping for a dress? 

I wasn't really sure why he phrased it like that, but I nod nonetheless.

"Yeah, I think so. She texted me back saying the girls found a few things."

We lowered the pillar down, tilting is as we did so, making it stand up right in the spot where we were told to put it in order to pull all the decorations for the gala together. 

Eugene had gotten put on the team of students who had to help out with doing the set up for tomorrow night, and he dragged me along just because he could, and I didn't have anything better to do, since Y/n was out today anyway, so I agreed to help him.

"That's good, I think it'll be nice for her to hang out with some girls for once, it gives her a break from dealing with our annoying asses."

He laughs at his own statement, and I think back to Y/n's text for a moment.

"Yeah...hey what does it mean when a girl sends the less than sign and a 3 in a text?"

"Huh?"

He freezes in his steps, looking utterly confounded at my question, and I awkwardly glance away from him.

"I...I really don't know how to explain it any other way, it was like,"

I lift my hand up, using my forefinger to kind of make out the shape of what I was talking about, and Eugene's expression becomes one of understanding.

"Ohhhh, you mean the sideways heart. Wait holy shit did Y/n send that to you?"

I nod as I walk back over to where I'd left my phone, and I toss it over to him.

"Mhm, take a look. Are you sure it's a heart though? It doesn't really look like one. Hearts are not symmetrical at all, and they're a lot more bloody. Is this one of those girl things that guys don't know, or am I just a dumbass?"

He stares down at the screen as he reads the text, and he lets out a laugh to himself as he turns off the phone and hands it back to me.

"Oh man...hah, wow."

Okay I feel like there was something here that I'm not getting, and he wasn't making any move to explain it to me, so I was lost.

"Well? What does it mean?"

"It means.."

He gestures for me to follow him as he leans down to pick up another hollow pillar, and I grab the other side like before and lift.

"That you're in."

The amount of vagueness in his sentence was starting to annoy me a little bit, at this point he'd probably have to tell it to me like I was 5 years old just for me to get it. I don't know girls, never have. There's a huge difference between being told things by your dad about them, and actually knowing first hand if they're true or not. 

And I don't know what they're thinking, and I can't decipher a text from one, even though I knew the girl behind it well enough, sometimes she was still a mystery to me.

I lift my side of the pillar a little higher as I feel my arms drop down slightly as I got distracted by my own thoughts.

"What do you mean by 'in'?"

He sighs.

"Look, I can't say that I know much about women in general, but I do know Y/n."

I place my end of the pillar onto the ground, and Eugene pushes his side up so it's standing, and he leans against it gently as he looks at me.

"You're taking her to the gala right?"

My heart dropped at that, and apparently so did my face, because Eugene scoffed at me.

"Dude seriously? You haven't asked her yet? Come on, your crush on her is so obvious that even if I took my glasses off, I'd still be able to see it from a mile away."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and I look to the side.

Had I thought about asking to take her to the gala? Yes obviously, it was the first thing that crossed my mind when she'd asked me to be there with those adorable puppy dog eyes. 

Was I also scared out of my mind at the idea of even bringing it up to her at all? Also very much yes. 

I mean, if I asked her, it'd basically be just like I was telling her I liked her right then and there, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet. 

But, maybe...

"Do you think she'd say yes?"

He holds his hands up and shakes his head.

"Woah, woah, slow down buddy. I'm not saying that she'll agree to go with you just because you ask her to, I'm saying that you won't know unless you try."

I knew he was right, but the trying part was what scared me. It's what's BEEN scaring me ever since I realized I had feelings for her in the first place. It always came back to the fact that I knew if she said no, things would change, and not in a good way.

She is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I just don't want to lose her. Though I guess if it did go well, and she did say yes, then maybe I wouldn't have to lose anything.

"Okay, sure. But how do I even go about asking her? Should I make a big deal out of it?"

Eugene shakes his head as he slings an arm over my shoulder.

"You my friend, have come to the right person. If there's one thing I know, it's that Y/n doesn't like being in the spotlight, but she loves the idea of having a special, intimate moment with someone, and if you play your cards right, you could be the guy to give her that moment. Do something low-key, get her some flowers, maybe a hand written note. But nothing flashy or expensive, otherwise she'll feel bad that you spent your money on her."

Ah shit.

I lift my hand up to my face and groan, and Eugene's arms falls from my back and down to his side as he stops to face me.

"What's wrong? I'm not telling you that you have to do it the romantic way, but your chances of success will definitely be raised significantly."

I sigh, dropping my hand down.

"It's not that... Hypothetically, if I had gone down to the place where the girls were going before they got there, and kind of used my money, that by the way was just sitting there not doing anything, to pay for any dress that she wanted, and didn't tell her about it, do you think she would get mad at me?"

Eugene's jaw dropped, but it quickly turned into a laugh that shook his shoulders as it continued on for a little too long.

"Oh- my god- You are SO whipped for her man."

I know I am. Is that such a bad thing though? He's making it seem like liking her this much, to the point where I would do something like that for her, was something to laugh at. But to me it wasn't.

"Okay, come on dude, I'm serious, I was just trying to do something nice for her, is she gonna be mad at me or what?"

He takes a few deep breaths, and grabs his inhaler out of his front pocket after needing to get his lungs under control, and he takes a puff, waiting a few seconds before exhaling and looking back at me.

"Nah, I mean, she might be a little apprehensive of accepting the gesture at first, and she'll probably try to pay you back, but as long as you're not a pushover about it, she'll cave eventually and be grateful for it. But quick tip, tell her it's a gift, and the whole process will go by quicker. She can't say no to a gift, it's like...a part of her morals or something."

I nod. 

Good, so I'm not going to get my head bitten off for it. And hey maybe she'll even let me see the dress she picked out today if I ask nicely.

"Alright, well apart from that. Do you really think I've got a shot at being her date to the gala? I really don't want to mess things up with her man, they're just starting to get real. I think she may actually be beginning to like me back, you should see the way she looks at me, it's like-"

Eugene holds a hand up to gesture for me to stop talking.

"Pugsley, I'm gonna be real with you right now, I don't really give a shit if her pupils literally turn into hearts when she's looking at you, I just don't want her to get hurt, she's my friend. And she deserves the world. My question to you is, can you give her that?"

He has no idea what he's asking me. I would give her every planet in the solar system if she asked for them, and I'd do everything in my power to make her happy. Giving her everything she deserved was the only thing I wanted, but it's me that I'm worried doesn't deserve her.

He's right, she does deserve the world, and more. And I wanted more than anything to be the guy who gave it to her. I'm just afraid that she won't accept it, and it may seem stupid to think she wouldn't, but that one thing could be the difference between gaining a relationship, and losing a best friend.

"Of course I can. And I would never hurt her, you know that. I want to be that guy. The guy who she can rely on for anything, the one she comes running to when she's afraid, or needs comfort. I want to be the guy who spoils her rotten just because I can, who gets to stay up late at night with her when she can't sleep, talking about anything and everything on her mind, especially those deep conversations that scare her. I want to hold her when she cries, and laugh with her until I physically can't anymore. I crave to be the one who she feels safe with, enough to fall asleep in my arms, no matter where we are. I want to be the person she thinks of when someone asks about her future, more than anything in the world."

Eugene's whole body relaxed with each word I said, and his expression softened as I spoke.

"I...I want to be the one who gets to love her with every fiber of my being, in every single sense of the word."

Woah. It felt so...surreal to say all of that out in the open, it made it feel like this huge weight had been lifted off my chest. But it was true, all of it was. I meant every word, and I hadn't realized how much I felt about her until I said it for someone else to hear, but...

"Because I do. I really do love her..."

A long exhale leaves Eugene's mouth as he scratches the back of his neck.

"Well...that's uhm, I'm happy for you dude, really. That's quite the big step, but are you sure you know what you're getting into with Y/n? I mean she can be pretty complicated sometimes."

Complicated? I don't know which Y/n he's talking about, but the one I know isn't all that complicated. I mean yeah sure, sometimes she says one thing and means the complete opposite, but that's just something you get used to overtime. 

It gets pretty easy to tell what she's really trying to say, even if it's not the words that come out of her mouth.

"I wouldn't say she's complicated at all. I mean, her sense of humor is made up of sarcastic comments and terrible puns, so it really isn't all that hard to make her laugh. And when she isn't in the mood to laugh, you ask her what's wrong because there is obviously something wrong, and then she says she's fine but you know she's just saying that so you don't worry about her.

Then you offer her food to see if that's the problem, and most of the time it is. But on the off chance that hunger wasn't what was making her sad, then you just sit with her in silence until she's ready to talk about whatever is on her mind, and you just listen. But you don't offer an opinion or any advice on her problems unless she asks for it, because all she needs is for her voice to be heard, since it rarely ever is.

She's a little behind when it comes to math, but she does want to learn, so you're allowed to explain stuff to her, but you can't try to over explain it. Otherwise she'll feel like you're saying it like you would to a little kid, and it'll make her feel stupid. And when she does finally grasp a concept that she's been struggling with, she gets the proudest grin on her face, alongside the little fist pumps into the air that she does, and it's adorable.

You can't let go of her hand in a large crowd otherwise she'll get lost and end up wandering off somewhere and you won't be able to find her, but equally she gets nervous when people hold her hand because she sweats really easily and she thinks it'll make you uncomfortable, and even if that does happen, you keep your mouth shut about it so she doesn't feel insecure.

She's kind of a picky eater so most of the time she survives off of snacks, but there is the off chance that you'll catch her trying something new, and you can't say anything or she'll start overthinking about it and then never touch that food again, and she's more likely to try something if it's not her meal, that way if she doesn't like it then she doesn't feel bad about wasting anything.

You shouldn't bring up her family unless she does, because it's kind of a touchy subject for her since her mom got remarried, but once she does get into it, you get to know a side of her that she doesn't show very often, the more vulnerable and open side that makes you realize that she has a lot more going in her life than she puts off.

And yes, all of those things may seem complicated to most people who don't really know her that well, but to me...

It's just her."

"Woah...that's..a lot. I didn't know you had so much knowledge on her. I mean I knew there was something going on with you two, but I didn't take you for such a romantic guy. But, I believe that you love her. I trust that you can give her everything that she needs and more, I've seen you two together. So,"

He looks at me with a bit more of a serious expression.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

My eyes narrow.

"What do you mean?"

He sighs, gesturing for me to move alongside him as he started to move.

"Walk with me Pugsley,"

The two of us fall into a slow wander, passing a few other people carrying around decorations as Eugene cleared his throat and go into it.

"So, you want to be her date, right?"

I nod.

"Yeah.."

"And you don't want some other guy to get to her first, yeah?"

Those words ticked me off.

"Fuck no. Is there someone else trying to go with her? Is it Ajax? Because I saw him looking at her the other day and I swear-"

He huffs in amusement and holds up a hand.

"Hey, hey, I'm not saying anything like that, but you've got a good attitude about her already. All I'm saying is, if you really want to be that guy in her life that you said, then you need to get off your ass, and tell her those things yourself, before someone else does, and steals her away from you."

I nod, taking in his words. And the thought of someone else doing what I wanted to so badly just pissed me off.

"Okay, what time is it?"

Eugene reached into his pocket and grabbed out his phone to check his lock screen.

"Uhh, almost 5, why?"

"She's gonna be back soon, I want to make sure I'm in our dorm when she comes in, then I have my perfect opportunity to say my feelings."

I take a really deep breath. I was scared shitless right now, and I hadn't even done anything yet. It was just the idea of finally telling her that made me want to throw up. 

I've never exactly done anything like this before, so I know I'll probably mess it up in the moment.

"Are you sure about this? Because once you tell her, there's no going back."

I nod silently, closing my eyes for a second to regain my composure, and he pats the side of my arm.

"Then go get her."

««« ♪ ♪ »»»

I fucking suck at origami.

The pictures in the book made it look so easy, and yet I'm still here, almost an hour and 3 papercuts later, and I still couldn't figure out how to fold the wings on this butterfly just right.

Everything had to be perfect for when she got here, and if I didn't hurry up with this thing, she'd walk in here and I'll have nothing for her. Because I'm not just going to settle for some lame hand written note that I couldn't even imagine had the power of holding all of the words I wanted to say to her, let alone have it express my feelings. I had to do that part on my own, but I wanted to give her something.

So on the way up here back to the dorm, I stopped by the school library and searched the shelves for some sort of thing that could teach me to make a small handmade gift for her, to show her how much she means to me. There was stuff on cooking, but there was no way I would be able to get anything like that done before she arrived, and then I saw a couple of books on paper folding and it looked awesome.

 I wasn't sure if it would be enough, but I had limited time and not a lot of materials in my desk to make anything else.

And sure it may have looked simple enough to do, but I severely misjudged the complexity of this craft.

Y/n was going to be back any minute now, and if I wanted to do this right, then I had to do it RIGHT.

Maybe I should've made more of an effort to clean up the dorm. Shit do I still have enough time to? I think I've almost gotten these wings right, so that's done. I could make her bed maybe? No that's weird, that's her space I shouldn't go rummaging around in it. I can definitely tidy up my own side of the room though to make it seem more presentable. 

I mean it's not like she doesn't live here already and knows how messy I can be, but I'm trying to be romantic here, and piles of clothes and various trash on the floor doesn't exactly scream 'let me be your date to the gala'.

I quickly move away from my desk, leaving the butterfly laying atop a few miscellaneous pieces of paper, and I grab the items of clothing discarded across my bed and around it on the floor and I throw them over to the basket in the corner that was already a little too full with the previous lots of laundry I had still yet to do. 

But I didn't have time to worry about that right now, out of sight, out of mind.

It's not like she'd notice if they were there anyway, but it was more for my benefit than hers, I don't wanna have this big moment when I confess my feelings knowing that I'm surrounded by mess. 

Wait, should I turn the light off? If I'm trying to be romantic then the atmosphere should be a little dimmer. But it's also getting dark outside so by the time she gets back she might be walking into darkness and trip over something, then she'll fall and hurt herself and I'll feel horrible. Yeah okay the light is staying on.

I was just able to shove my boots underneath my bed and straighten out my covers, before a faint jingle from the outside of the door reached my ears. The kind of jingle that came from a certain pair of keys that I'd become so accustom to hearing every morning and night.

Okay time to start panicking a little bit.

I race back over to my desk, grabbing the paper butterfly, that frankly was a tad bit deformed, but it had character. And from what I knew, Y/n would think it was cute for being imperfect, which in turn then I guess makes it sort of perfect for her.

I hear a small 'fuck' from outside the door as she tried to get her keys into the door, because the lock was just that tiny bit messed up on the inside, and I quickly hide the pieces of paper and failed attempts inside my desk drawer. 

I go to stand closer to the door, holding the butterfly in the palm of my hand behind my back, and I take a deep breath.

"Okay...here goes nothing.."

Or really, everything.