explaining clarissas beginning

Olivia was in shock by the question. She thought she would have several more years before she had to explain william lewis to her daughter completely. She knew Clarissa was almost 11 but had the mentality of a 13 or 14 year old because of the trauma she had went through but it still scared her to death to have to explain this to her. "My love....this is a bit different and...complicated...." she started and took a long slow breath. "I...I didn't and never will love william. He did bad things to me and...." she wasn't sure she should explain rape to a 10 year old but against her better judgment she tried "He raped me."

"What does that mean?" Clarissa asked curiously.

Olivia pulled Clarissa in to her lap. "It means that he ... had sex with me but I didn't want it. I told him to stop but he didn't listen like people are supposed to." She said trying to be gentle with how she explained things.

"Is it like what he did when he made you yell when we were at the cabin?" Clarissa asked as her mind slightly flashed back to that traumatic time of her life.

"Yes sweetheart." She continued "do you remember in the 3rd grade when Mrs. Jones taught you about good touches and bad touches?"

Clarissa nodded as she remembered that day when her mother had come to speak to the class about it as well.

"Well william did a lot of bad touches on mama. But after uncle nick, uncle fin and aunt amanda saved me from him I found out I was pregnant with you." She smiled softly. "And even though I hated and didn't want what he did to me I knew I wanted you." She kissed her head.

"But...if william is a bad man does that mean I'm bad too?" She asked.

Olivia touched her daughters chin and made her gently look at her as she said "no my love. You are the sweetest, kindest and smartest little girl in my whole world. When I look at you I don't see william at all."

"What do you see mama?" She asked with tears beginning to well in clarissas eyes.

"Well I see me and I see some of your grandma Serena and a little bit of your uncles and aunt amanda but mostly I see a wonderful girl named Clarissa who s the best daughter anyone could ever ask for and almost 11 years ago I chose you to be my daughter, my angel and my love."

Clarissa still didn't fully understand everything but she understood how much her mother loved her and that mattered more than anything. Clarissa hugged olivia around the neck and cried softly in to her shoulder as olivi held back her own tears and held her daughter tight.