finding a routine

Olivia had now been a mother for a month. She was learning how to run on minimal sleep and dealing with a newborn. Even with all the things she had to get used to she was loving every minute with her new little bundle of joy. She was thankful the judge was allowing her to postpone Clarissa first visit with William until after she got her first round of follow up vaccines. As much as she was dreading william to meet the baby she was also dreading the germs that prisons tended to carry and hoped when she was forced to make the visit that her infant wouldn't get sick.

That morning olivia left the apartment for the first time in a month to do some errands and grocery shopping. She gently put Clarissa in to the baby chest carrier and then slung the diaper bag over her shoulder along with her purse and left. She kept a protective hand on her daughters small head as she walked down the street. People wanted to stop and see the baby but for now olivia refused mainly just not wanting to risk getting her sick.

After dropping off some of her suits at the dry cleaners she walked towards the nearby Cafe and bumped right in to amanda. "Oh...wow hey liv."

Olivia smiled "hey manda. What are you doing on this side of Manhattan?"

"Me and fin are working a rape a few buildings down. Just cane to grab us some coffee before we go do some interviews. How are you two doing?"

Olivia sighed "ok I guess. I'm tired as hell and...dreading the passing of time. I have to take Clarissa to the prison in two weeks for her first visit with Lewis. It's going to be torture standing there and letting him hold her." She said as fearand sadness formed inside her just thinking about it.

"I wish one of us could go with you." Amanda admitted rubbing the side of Olivia's arm.

"Yeah but that wouldn't end well either. Nick and fin would probably beat the crap out of him and you'd probably try to shoot him." She half teased letting out a small forced laugh.

"Wel listen if you ever just want to catch up on some sleep just give me a call I'd love to come over and watch her for a few hours for you." Amanda offered with a smile as she touched Clarissa's head softly.

"I may take you up on that soon. Thanks Amanda." She said "say hey to fin, Nick and the cap for me." She said before watching her friend walk away.

***

2 weeks later olivia was getting Clarissa dressed for the dreaded visit. Olivia's morning had been rough cause Clarissa hadn't slept much and neither had she. She downed a cup of tea before heading out and making her way to where the prison bus was picking families up for visits.

She sat nervously in a waiting area for a bit after arriving at the prison and then an officer called her name and lead her to a private area where she would be meeting with the man who still occupied her nightmares.

2 officers then led in william and unruffled him and guarded near the door. William made his way over to Olivia. Olivia was trying to hide the tensness in her body with every step closer he got. He then held his hands out wanting to hold Clarissa and she hesitated. She wished he wouldn't have to touch her but she kissed her daughters head softly and handed her to him but never let her eyes off of them for a moment.

William held Clarissa close and smirked "she has my nose. But she has your hair and your eyes." He said.

Olivia didn't speak. Partly out of anger and frustration but also fear.

"Shes a little on the tiny side though. Must get that from your mama too huh." He said speaking to Clarissa partly just to taunt olivia.

He then whispered in to the babies ear. "Don't you worry daddy will be around more soon."

Olivia heard this and finally spoke "over my dead body."

William smirked seeing he finally ilicited a response out of her. He then half joked and said "that would be nice wouldn't it."

Clarissa began to cry in his arms and olivia reached for her but william began to rock her and said "don't worry olivia I've got this."

"She probably is hungry I should feed her." She said mostly just trying to get her baby back in to her arms but william refused "Nah she's just a fussy girl like her mama." He said shooting olivia a look.

The visit seemed like it took forever even though it was only 45 minutes. Olivia finally held her daughter close when the officers said time was up. As they were taking him out he looked at olivia and Clarissa and said "daddy will see you in a few months little one."

Olivia quickly grabbed her things not wanting to be stuck in that room any longer and rushed out becoming the first one on the bus back to the city. "I'm so sorry my love. I wish I never had to put either of us through that." She said as she gave her daughter a bottle. Clarissa drank and curled in to her mothers chest as the bus began moving.