The End

It's been a few weeks, I think, since Virgil's death. Nothing's been the same without him. Thomas has been a complete wreck, almost getting killed a few times. Logan hasn't been able to think clearly, which is unusual for him, and he's starting to show some more emotion. Patton has just been...crying...and then cooking...Virgil's favorite foods. I know he misses him- we all do. We all need him in our lives, especially me. I've just been staying cooped up in his room, squeezing onto his hoodie for dear life, crying into it. I refuse to get out of his old bed and the only way I get nutrients is because Patton checks up on me. I'm sorry for making him worried, but I just can't help it.

When we buried Virgil, I passed out in shock. Didn't wake up again until a day later, and I complete forgot that he was dead. So when I couldn't find him, I started to freak out and had a panic attack. Patton and Logan later found me and gently told me the best they could about Virgil's death. Then all of the memories came back and I went into complete shock, and when I came out of it, I couldn't stop shaking. Even now, as I right this letter, my hand can't stop shaking. Hopefully Patton, Logan, and Thomas will be able to read this. Hopefully.

I miss Virgil so fucking much. These past few weeks have been hell. I can't eat. I can't drink. I can't sleep. It's unhealthy. I look like a skeleton...kind of like Virgil before he died. And it's all my fault. If I didn't leave him, if I just listened to my gut and stayed, he wouldn't be dead right now. I'm the reason why everyone is so depressed and suffering. If only I stayed, if only I just fucking stayed...

But no, I couldn't, I didn't. I ignored what my insides told me and just left. Left him alone, crying on the floor, all alone, bleeding, cuts all over his arms, hurting...I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm crying. I'm fucking crying. I'm staining the paper and watching the ink bleed...like his scars when I left...

When I found him, I was so distraught. I still am. I want to die but I don't think I have the will to kill myself, unlike my baby. If only time machines really existed. I could go in one and bring him back to life, but I can't. There's no way in bringing him back. I'm fucked. I'm screwed. And it's all my fault.

I would always tell him, "Anything that is beautiful, people want to break, and you are beautiful, I'm afraid," from the song "Ugly" by Nicole Dollanganger. He loved that song so I would always sing it to him when he was having a panic attack or crying or thinking about throwing up his meal. When I could hold him in my arms, embrace him with all of my love, but now he's gone, and I can't do that anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm done with life. I don't want to live it anymore. After I finish this suicide note, I will be gone, dead. Logan or Patton will find me at some point, but I hope it's Logan. I don't want poor Patton to see me like this. He's been through enough already. So as I tie this rope around my neck, I will listen to Virgil's favorite song, "Clown" by Korn.

Goodbye, Princey

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I open my eyes to see a blinding light. I walk out of my body and reach for a pale hand that reaches for me. I take it and they pull me into the blinding light. When I can see again, white surrounds me. I look up at the person and I see...........Virgil standing there with tears in his eyes and a wide smile on his face. I hug him tightly and know that I have found grace. This is my place...

With my heart in his hands.

The boy who brings me joy.

The boy who I must protect from himself.

The boy who loves me in return.

My Virgil.

THE END