My Own Worst Enemy

Roman closes his bedroom door and turns around to face me. Worry is the only clear expression on his face right now, but I am sure he's feeling much, much more. Did I truly fuck up with him? Oh God, I don't know.

Roman comes over and sits next to me, refusing to meet my eyes. Tears come to mine, knowing that in fact, I did fuck up. Why do I always fuck up? Why am I such a fuck up? I don't deserve him. He's so perfect and I'm so...broken. No one would want me and I deserve no one. I'm just a waste of space.

That's right. You are. You're a waste of space who should just kill himself already. Now, calmly leave Roman's room, go cut yourself a few times, puke in the toilet, and then convince Thomas to take anxiety pills. Therefore, you shall die.

I get up with my head hanging low, not wanting to meet Roman's eyes because then he would stop me from doing what I have to do. The voice in my head is finally right for once. I should just go kill myself.

I start to walk away, but Roman grabs my hand and I look back at him, his eyes meeting mine. "You're not going anywhere." Then he pulls me down on to his lap and holds me close to him very tightly. He starts to rub my back and asks, "What were you planning on doing?"

"Nothing," I say, trying to make myself seem strong, but it comes out as a feeble cry.

Roman wraps my legs around his hips and forces me to meet his eyes by cupping my face in his hands. "Tell me the truth right now."

I look down in shame and say in sorrow, "The voice...it told me to do things." I told him about the evil voice in my head and he understands what it is now.

Concern enters his eyes. "And what did it tell you?"

I sniffle, trying not to cry. "It-it told me to leave this room, then to c-cut myself, then to throw up in the toilet, and to c-convince Thomas to t-take an-anxiety pills." I start to full out cry and Roman presses my head on to his chest and starts petting my hair, trying to calm me down. Hopefully it'll work.

Roman runs his fingers through my hair and whispers in my ear as I cry, "Shhh shhh. It's okay, everything is okay. That voice in your head- it's just a fragment of your imagination. It's not real. Don't listen to it. It's just your own mind going against you. The Depression that's gnawing at your brain- the monster that's making you go insane- it doesn't have to always exist. Maybe we can kill it. Together. You don't have to be on your own now, you know that, right? I won't let your demons kill you and bring you down. I won't let you face this on your own. You're too weak for that. I'll slay every single one of them and make sure they never ever come back. Okay? You got that? I love you with all of my heart and soul and I can't stand to watch you crumble away in a deluded sense of fate. I will protect you and defend you till my dying breathe, and I don't care what it is. If it's depression, anorexia, suicidal thoughts- I don't care. As long as something is hurting you- no matter what- I shall protect you. Okay?"

I look up at him and sniffle, clutching on to his red sash. I don't know why, but it brings me comfort. "Promise?"

He starts blushing and kisses me with much desire and love. How can just one small kiss express so many emotions? Magic. True love. That must be it. He is the prince and I am the damsel in distress that he must save.

"Promise." Then he kisses my forehead and smiles sweetly. "I'll always be here for you, my little damsel in distress. And I promise, that I shall save you." He kisses my lips again and hugs me, pushing my face back on his chest.

We stay in this position for a while, and I know that my prince shall save me...

And destroy anything that comes to harm me.

Anything that gives me a cut, another new scar.

Anything that takes away my nutrients and strength.

Any little thing that hurts me, anything at all.

And he said he would kill it all...

But that means I would have to kill myself.