Chapter 38

ONE MONTH LATER

Ziva POV

It was Christmas Eve, and before we went to Gibbs to stay the night, we were going to dinner tonight, although I think Ducky was only coming tomorrow. Abby had been furiously texting me asking ‘what are you wearing?’ and ‘what time do we have to be there?’, along with many other questions.

‘Abby,’ I told her when I finally called her. ‘All we’re doing is going to dinner at Vidalia on the 24th at 8:00pm, and then staying over at Gibbs! Calm down!’ She was fine after that.

Tony was still getting ready, and I’d already put our overnight bags, everyone’s presents and the mince pies we were instructed to bring in the car. Lizzie and McGee were bringing eggnog, Abby gingerbread, and Ducky was making his special mulled wine.

I’m not sure Lizzie wanted to celebrate much though.

Lizzie POV

flashback

‘Agent Marsden? Could you come to my office?’ the Director called from the balcony above my desk. Tim gave me a questioning look, and I just shrugged. I didn’t know what this was about, but there was a feeling, and it wasn’t a good one.

When I stepped inside, Dad was already in there.

‘Dad, what’s going on?’ I asked, slightly unnerved at the thought of not knowing what was happening.

‘Agent Marsden, we've had some news. From England,’ Director Shepard told me.

‘No. I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want to hear it,’ I said, backing towards the door, before turning and trying to walk out but Dad caught hold of my arm.

‘Lizzie, please. You need to hear the whole story,’ he said softly, his eyes starting to tear up. Well if he was crying, it couldn’t be good.

‘Elizabeth, about a year before you were born, a man named Pedro Hernandez ordered his son to kill your mother and sister, after she agreed to testify against him in court. He was a drug dealer, and was going to be charged with killing a marine; a murder your mother had witnessed.

'But his son couldn’t do it, so he gave them a drug that induced amnesia. After the car crash that supposedly killed them, samples of their DNA were planted at the scene, so it was assumed it was them. Agent Gibbs then found out about Hernandez and killed him. His son, however, carried on the family business. Your mother and sister were relocated to England and given new identities, where your mother had you. The son was Alejandro Rivera, who found you and wanted you to suffer because of your father’s actions.

 

'We now assume that it was him who set the fire at your mother’s home in England. We have confirmation that it was definitely Shannon and Kelly that were caught in the fire. But there was a third body. And that has been confirmed as Alejandro Rivera,’ Director Shepard told me, her own eyes welling up.

I backed up to the door and my eyes blurred, salty tears confining my vision. As my back hit the cool metal, I couldn’t hold myself up any more. My legs gave way and I sank to the floor. Dad came and sat beside me as the Director gave him a small nod and left through the other door.

He put his arm around me and placed his chin on my head, as I burrowed into his soft jacket, breathing in the scent of sawdust and his cologne.

‘I’m so sorry, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t come here. This is all my fault,’ I could hear his voice cracking.

‘No,’ I said, lifting my head and looking him directly in the eye. ‘If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. I was the one who left, and left them unprotected.’

Dad just sighed and held me tighter, knowing I wouldn’t believe any different.

ONE WEEK LATER

The only family I had left – one father, one boyfriend, two sisters, one brother, and a grandfather, as well as a good friend – surrounded me as I placed the white lilies on the adjoining coffins.

Standing in the cemetery, was the final indication that this was actually real. My beautiful mother, with her long red hair and kind eyes, always working herself too hard; and my gorgeous sister, her curly auburn hair, and her insistence on always doing the opposite of what anyone told her – gone.

Dad, Tim, Abby, Ziva, Tony, Ducky and Palmer all agreed with me when I said I wanted to bury them here in Washington, so I could visit them often. When the service was finished, we all went back to Dad’s, where Abby cooked little finger foods and I just curled up on the soft sofa I’d put in his basement, staring at the painted Kelly on the side of his nearly finished boat.

But that’s not how I knew her. It was always Mum and Kadyn.

flashback over

It didn’t feel right celebrating Christmas, not so soon after we buried Mum and Kadyn. It was only three weeks ago.

‘Lizzie? You ready?’ I head Tim come into the bedroom, where I’d dragged the thick covers right up to my chin and held my knees to my chest. He just sighed and pulled the duvet off me slightly, just enough to see the red blotches on my face and the dark bags under my eyes.

‘They wouldn’t want to see you like this, you know,’ he said, sitting down next to me, pulling me close.

‘Everyone says that, Tim. When someone dies. But how do you know they can still see you? They’re gone, and it’s my fault,’ my voice started to falter again.

‘Your dad thinks it’s his fault, and he wouldn’t want to see you like this either,’ he told me.

‘But it’s not his fault! He thought they were dead anyway!’ the tears were flowing freely now, and I must have cried more in the last month than in the last twenty years.

‘But it’s not yours. You thought Rivera was dead, and thought they were safe. It’s his fault they’re not here,’ Tim said.

I just sighed and snuggled into his shirt.

‘Can we not go tonight? Just tell Dad I’m not feeling too good. I haven’t got enough time to get ready anyway,’ I said quietly, like a child.

‘Of course,’ he smiled, getting up and calling Dad.

Whilst he was on the phone I went to the cupboard and grabbed an armful of blankets, as well as the bedcovers. I crept behind the bookcase to the kitchen. Tim was on the other side, in his ‘office’. I wanted to have a nice evening, and try not to think about everything going on. It was going to consume me. I’d already used all of my compassionate leave from work, so I was going back on Boxing Day. We’d closed Kevin’s case. It was Craig Reynolds that killed him – Rivera’s buddy.

I tried to get the cooler out of the top cupboard, but I could only just reach it with a chair, which slipped across the hard floor of the kitchen, alerting Tim, who’d just finished talking to Dad.

‘Lizzie, what are you doing!?’ he said, right as the chair began to slip from under me, catching my arm.

‘I want to go up to the roof. It’ll remind me of my birthday, before all of this happened,’ I said, trying to get him to agree. I knew he wanted the old me back. Maybe going back to before would help.

‘Okay then,’ he agreed. ‘You want me to order a pizza?’ he smiled as I nodded, and he plucked the cooler from the cupboard, so I could put some drinks in there.

Half an hour later, we’d eaten half a pizza, and were nestled under a pile of blankets, watching the stars.

A/N: comment what you think? next one will be happier i promise! :)