Deadly Game - Chapter 14

Sorry for the wait - lots to do in school right now, tests and projects :(

But this is a long chapter, to make it up!

Please COMMENT and VOTE if you like it! I love hearing what you think! Also inform me about errors and such - haven't edited that much!

Axara in pic.

<3 Anna

Chapter 14

His kiss tastes like home. Like I am standing on my doorstep, looking out at the massive ocean, tasting the saltiness in the air I'm breathing.

I save the memory of the kiss in deepest hole in my mind, refuse to let anyone ever dig it out and destroy it. When he pulls back and smiles, I feel so happy. In the middle of this fear, death and blood I'm going to face I'm going to carry this memory with me. This is one of the many things I'll fight for.

"Best kiss ever," Evan says.

"First kiss ever," I say, and we both crack up. We laugh there on the couch, and if someone sees us they'll think we're mad. But we don't care. We laugh away the fear of tomorrow, we laugh away the pain of past days. In this moment, everything is here and now.

Then we sober up a little, and he asks,

"Seriously, your first? Such a beautiful girl like you?"

"Yeah. There were plenty of candidates, but I was kind of focused on keeping my family alive."

"So what's different now, then? Isn't it your job to keep them safe anymore?"

"It is. But if I win now, they're safe. And right now there's nothing I can do to increase my chance of winning, so I have time for romance, for the first time in my life, really. And, of course, it's you we're talking about."

"Well, to increase your chances of winning, it's a good strategy to keep your mentor happy," Evan chuckles.

"I've never liked a boy in this way before, you know, so I don't really know what to do," I say nervously.

"Just be yourself," he tells me.

"Okay. And, as myself, I'm going to take a guess that that wasn't your first kiss?"

"Nope. I wish it was, though. But yeah, I've kissed a few girls. Mostly bets with my friends, nothing serious. And since the games... it's hard. Hard to love someone who has absolutely no idea about what you went through, and are still going through everyday. This nightmare never ends, Cass. I won't blame you if you're not strong enough for it." He looks sad, and I'm confused.

"Not strong enough for what, Evan?"

"Not strong enough to live through the memories afterward."

"I still don't understand."

He takes my hand in his, his green eyes locking on mine.

"I'm going to give you a choice, tell you something tributes aren't allowed to know. This choice is always made by others. Even for me." He sighs and his eyes are far away. "You never really leave the arena from the second you step into it. The memories follow you everywhere, you wake up screaming every night. There's no escaping it. Cass, it might be easier to die the arena then to keep living. Actually, it's much easier. A quick pain, then it's over. And me? I'll suffer for years. This is not something I would have chosen for myself. You don't know how many times I've wished I would have died in the arena. So if you choose death over this life of pain, I understand. I won't blame you."

I'm silent. He gave me some food for thought. He's not joking, I hear that, and after his little speech, death seems tempting. I really don't have any desire for more pain.

"It's too late to make the choice. I promised them I'd do anything to come back to them. I can take the pain. I'm used to pain, I feel it so often. It's like a second nature for me. I know how to embrace it." That's what Riccy taught me. Pain is a good thing, 'cause at long as you feel it, you're alive, you have hope. When you don't feel it, there's nothing left inside of you.

"I can't give up when I've made it this far. Everyone I love trusts me to make it, even you, Evan. You hope that I will make the choice to keep living." I am determined now.

I told Will that he lost me. I screamed those lies at him, told him I was happy to die.

Actually, I was afraid. I tried to cut our bonds, so that he would have it easier to live on if I died. I was afraid that he couldn't carry on, if he didn't think I wanted this.

But really, I'm not happy to die. I love life. And the kiss made me realize how much I have left to experience.

"I'm not leaving this world, not yet."

I hang on for my loved ones, hang onto my life with them.

Denlay's words echo in my head.

Love is stronger than anything in this world.

*****************************

I walk into the training room. The atmosphere is tense, and I feel that something is going on. And, as soon as all tributes are in the room, head trainer Atala calls us all to the middle of the room.

"The Games have been delayed one day, because of technical problems with the Arena. We'll still have your private sessions with the Gamemakers, though, and tomorrow will be the interviews. The day after that you'll get to just talk with your mentors, allies and get prepared, and the next day the Games will start. Everyone got it?"

First, I'm frozen. What does this mean? But then I understand. We get one extra day before the Arena! That means one more day for Caro to find sponsors, one more day for me and Evan to talk...

I nod along with the others, relieved. One more day before I have to enter that hellhole.

"And also, we have a nice little surprise for you today! You'll be allowed to use some of our special training rooms, which are almost as little pieces of nature – the kinds of nature you could have to face in the Arena. The rooms are over to that side, feel free to use them." She motions to a door that certainly wasn't there yesterday.

I look over at Axara, and she smiles at me. I think she likes the idea of one extra day of life too.

Atala lets us free, and most of the tributes head back to the weapons, not even bothering to glance at the new door. Axara quietly steps to my side, her greenish eyes glistening in the light as she asks,

"Want to go check it out?" motioning with her head to the door.

I shrug. "Sure, why not. We've already done the most we can do in here anyway."

We walk over to the door and behind it is a corridor. I walk over to one of the doors, the door with an '1' in golden painted on it, and cautiously open it. A chilly wind hit me in the face as I step over the threshold, Axara hot at my heels. I scan the room. It's big, with massive rocks scattered around it, waist-high grass bending in the wind. Small dead trees stand among the rocks, the white branches making weird sounds in the wind. Some of the trees have fallen to the ground.

A shiver runs down my spine as I watch the deserted room. It scares me.

Axara and I walk around the room, chatting quietly about the different kinds of plants we remember, where the ideal place for a shelter would be, and how to escape or fight, trying to think about advantages this place could give us. When we're around the room, we move to the next.

It's a desert, and after it comes a arctic landscape, then a canyon, and then, when we step into room number five, I pull in a sharp breath. It's exactly what I think District 8 would look like. Big grey houses, the air heavy of the smells. Only one tree. She walks to one of the buildings, touching the wall.

I don't step further in, let her have her moment. It feels like I should not enter, like no one else but Axara should be entitled to move inside the perfect little replica of her home. She bends down, her fingers lightly touching the asphalt. She looks up at me, her eyes meeting mine, and I'm shocked to see tears. Axara seems so strong. But deep inside, is anyone of us strong? Even the Careers? No. We just pretend we are. This is all a lie, a hard outside, built to protect us.

She walks towards the tree, and nods for me to follow. I move carefully over the asphalt, my feet unsure about the new surface.

Axara leads us to the tree, gripping the lowest branch of it, and swings herself up. I climb after her, and when we sit in the tree she looks out through the leaves at the quite ugly room.

"It's ugly, I know, but it's still home," she whispers. "And I probably won't ever see my home again."

I frown slightly when she tosses her long, blonde, curly hair over her shoulders, closing her green eyes.

Until now I've never noticed how surprisingly fair her hair is, and how different her skin and eyes are from her fellow district tribute. As far as I remember, all the tributes from eight shown on TV have had dark eyes, brown hair, and almost white skin. And here Axara sits, with light olive skin, green-grey eyes, and blonde hair.

"You look different. You're not a really normal looking child from eight, right?" A tiny smile creeps onto her face, and she doesn't open her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm different. People from eight usually are brow haired and dark eyed."

"So how come you aren't?"

"My Dad was a Peacekeeper," she whispers, the breeze rustling the leaves, hiding her voice from anyone else than me. Well, that's a surprise. I notice the way she says was and wonder what happened to her Dad. "He fell in love with my mother, even though it was illegal. They kept it secret for a few years, then my older sister, Eriza, was born. She doesn't stand out the way I do; The only thing that's unusual about her is the green eyes. Her skin is not really as pale as my Mother's, though.

Everything was fine. No one asked about Eriza – poorer women in our District sell their bodies to wealthier men sometimes, and get knocked up, so it was no big deal. But then I was born. You can't exactly say I don't stand out. People got suspicious, at least when my little sister Mailey was born. She's blonde, too, just paler than I am, with dark eyes. Dad couldn't take the risk to sneak to see us again, but he still loved my mother. He watched me, Eriza, and Mailey, and if he thought we looked too thin, he slipped us some money when he and other Peacekeepers searched us for illegal stealing at the end of each working day. Sometimes, when Eriza and I were out playing in the street the weeks after reaping – the only time we could play – he might give us a smile. He was careful, no one saw. One time, when Mailey, Eriza and Mum were sick, and I was out in the streets after the dark, breaking the rules just to try to get them medicine, he noticed me. He dragged me into a dark alley, just as a squad of Peacekeepers walked by. I seriously thought it was just some Peacekeeper who wanted the honor of catching me to himself, and that he would arrest me. Instead, he gave me a bear hug, called me 'My pretty little blonde girl,' and told me he loved me.

When I explained why I was out in the streets in the middle of the night, risking my life, he placed me into a dark corner and told me to wait silently as he got the medicine, then made sure I got home safely."

"What happened to him?"

"He was reassigned, two years ago. I haven't seen him since. I never got to tell him goodbye." She opens her clear eyes, and they're vulnerable. I scoot closer, hug her.

"I've lost a parent, too. Both, actually. I know how it feels."

"How?"

So I tell her what I know. 'Cause actually, I have no idea what they had done wrong. My parents followed the rules perfectly. There was no reason to execute them, right?

"So here we are, two fourteen-year-old girls with one or two missing parents", she laughs bitterly.

"Yes," I agree.

Axara bites her lip, and starts climbing down. "Can't sit here all day, can we? There are more rooms to check."

I follow, and when we come to the corridor it's not empty.

The boy from District 8 is there, stepping out of room number 7, the boy from ten walking behind him as he shakes some water out of his hair. It's probably raining in that room. He glances at Axara, and is about to walk past her before she steps close to him, gripping his arm.

"Go in there, Sam", she says, pointing to where we came from. "It's home." He stares at her, angry from the fight they had the first day, I think, but he still obeys, gesturing for the boy from ten to follow.

Axara and I stand quiet for a few seconds.

"His name is Sam?"

"Yeah."

"What were you fighting about the first day?"

She laughs. "Oh, he tried to go all big brother on me. Wanted me to ally with him. I told him I was capable of taking care of myself and making allies."

I laugh to, and walk to the door with number eight on it. I don't really want to go into seven and get myself wet, and six has always been my unlucky number. It's snowing in room eight. I have never seen snow before, and as the cold wind whips snow in my face, I feel a thrill of excitement. Picking up some snow, I throw it on Axara. We throw snow for a while, and it feels good to just be normal, pretend that we're friends, not allies, forget that I might have to kill her soon.

When we're freezing in our thin shirts and pants, we make our way to room nine. As I open the door, salty air blows into my face, and I breathe deeply, the feeling of home all around me. The room is a beach, and it's almost a tropical climate in here, just like at home in 4.

I sink down on my knees in the sand, the bright sunshine in the room so familiar to my eyes.

I can't think anything else but one word.

Home.

I grab the pale sand, let it run through my fingers, then slowly getting up, walking to the water, kicking my shoes off. I stand in the wet sand, the warm waves lapping around my toes.

"Cassie?"

I forgot Axara's presence.

"It's okay, Axara. Come on in." My voice is shaky.

I hear her move to my side. The gasp when the warm water touches her now bare feet.

"You've got a nice home," she murmurs.

I feel my eyes fill with tears. This is the nice side of my home, the public side. The dark side – the hard work, the starvation – is what we never show.

"No. Not really." My voice is bitter, and the tears threaten to spill. I know she's confused, but I can't tell her. I can't tell her about my pain. It's too private, to hard to carry. It's only me and Riccy who have to carry this burden. I can't give it to her, can't break her by telling. It's too dangerous. My suicide plans can never be said out loud again. Ever.

"I'm going to take a swim. You want to come?" I ask.

"No, I can't swim."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

I walk into the water, not bothering to take off any clothes. They're soaked from the snow fight anyway. The waves wash my body as I walk deeper into the salty ocean. When my feet don't touch the bottom anymore, I dive into the water, opening my eyes under the surface.

One. Two. Three. I count the seconds.

The saltiness doesn't disturb my eyes – they're used to it. My job for a few years ago was diving for pearls, collecting clams. I dive closer to the bottom, watch for the obvious marks of clams – which doesn't take long. My trained eyes find the small breathing holes in the bottom where the clams hide, and I dig them out, stuffing them in my pocket. I know my time begins to end now, and I break through the surface just as I've counted three minutes. I take a slow, deep breath, just like I was taught.

"Cassie! Cassie!" Axara is screaming, and I swim towards her as she runs through the waves. My feet reach the bottom again, and I stand up, meeting her.

"What's wrong, Axara?"

"You! You were down there for minutes! I thought you drowned!"

"Oh," I say. "I'm used to diving. It was my job when I was smaller."

She looks a little calmer now. "What the hell were you doing down there?"

"I picked these." I pull the clams from my pocket.

"What is that?"

"Clams. Food." I laugh at her expression, and then stuff the clams back into my pocket.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Axara asks.

"I'm going to teach you how to swim."

And so I do. I teach her basics, knowing that if the waves are even slightly bigger than these she will drown anyway, but it feels good to be in the water. Good to do something familiar.

Then we sit on the beach, breaking open the clams with stones as the sun dries our clothes and hair. I collect the pearls, give one to her, saying,

"This is the mark of our alliance."

She accepts it.

Axara and I walk into the dining room. The girl from twelve is right behind us, and as we take food I steal a few glances at her. Long black wavy hair, grey eyes. Shes slim and long, and very beautiful. I see sorrow in her eyes, she's afraid. She's eighteen, and it was her last year of reaping, so she probably had a lot of tesserae, too. The odds weren't in her favor. She seems innocent, almost like she's given up. That would be no surprise.

Axara and I walk to a table, and sit down. We eat in silence. Suddenly I hear the Career group enter, and I look up. They start taking food, and I walk over to get more water.

Rino is eager to get his food, and with a mix of an annoying smirk and a disgusted expression he pushes the little girl from nine, the one who cried at the reaping. The girl falls to the floor, gasping in pain.

I act on instinct.

My hand flies through the air, slapping him hard on the cheek.

"How dare you, Rino Delid!" I'm in front of him, between him and the girl, my face murderous.

"What kind of man are you, hurting someone innocent for no reason at all?" I demand. He rubs his cheek, looking shocked.

"Well, I'll tell you! You aren't a man, nor will you ever be!" My eyes narrow, and he seems frightened.

"I-I-I - " he stutters.

I don't care about him, I've already turned to the girl. She is also pretty, now that I see her from this distance. Reddish hair, brown eyes. She looks like she's much younger than twelve, because of her petite frame, and because she's short.

I offer her a hand, and she cautiously takes it, her eyes shining with fear.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I ask softly, pulling her to her feet.

She nods.

"I'm Cassie, what's your name?"

"Faith," she whispers.

"Pretty name," I say, and she smiles a little, deciding to trust me. I turn to face Rino, and turn Faith around, too, my hand on her shoulder. I look at Rino, and my gaze, which was soft towards Faith turns ice cold, and my blue eyes stare at him.

"Apologize."

My voice is hard, and Rino seems to understand that I'm not to be messed with right now.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, looking down at the floor.

"You should be. I thought you at least had some manners, but I guess I was wrong."I don't give him a second glance as I turn myself and Faith around. I lead her away from the Careers, and then stop to say,

"You want to come and sit at our table?" I nod toward Axara, who's still sitting, smirking at Rino.

"Okay," she answers quietly.

I lead her to the table, and she slips down next to me, opposite Axara.

"Thank you, Cassie," she says.

"No problem. Someone had to put Rino in line. It just happened to be me." I shrug.

"Actually," Axara says, "I don't think anyone else could have put him in line, Cassie. You were pretty damn scary, you know that right?" she smiles, but she isn't joking.

"Yeah. That's my you-better-not-mess-with-me-or-you're-going-to-regret-it mode. That's the side of me you don't want to be on."

Axara and Faith laugh.

I rise, and say,

"I still need to go get some water, since my first attempt was disturbed."

Faith looks unsure.

"I need some food, I never got to take it before Rino pushed me."

"I'll go get it for you," Axara says, and stands up too. "If Rino tries to push me, it'll be him who's on the floor after that. I'm Axara, by the way."

"Thank you, Axara. I'm Faith." No one can miss the gratitude in Faith's voice.

Axara and I go to the food again, and as I fill my water glass, Axara asks in a low voice,

"Are we going to ask Faith to join our alliance?"

"She reminds me of my sister and my best friend," I say.

"She reminds me of Mailey."

"Well, then why not?" We both ask in the same time. Laughing she fills Faith's plate, and we head back to the table.

"Faith, what would you think about joining our alliance?" Axara asks.

Faith looks up from her food, shocked.

"You don't have to, if you - " I start, but she interrupts me.

"Seriously? I didn't think you would want a weak small girl with you."

"You're not that weak," Axara states. "And besides, we're weak too, so what's the difference?"

"Yeah," I agree. "All people have weak sides."

"Well, I'd love to!"

Some nervousness seeps into me as I realize that our private sessions with the Gamemakers are after lunch.

"So, Faith, what are your strengths?" I ask.

"Umm... I'm quick. I tie knots. I'm used to working hard. I know pretty much about edible plants."

"Okay, that's good. Me and Cassie will take care of the weapon side of this alliance, right, Cassie?" Axara nudges my side playfully.

"Yeah, don't worry, Faith."

It's not long before my name is called. Time to go to the Gamemakers.

"Cassidy Wildeman, District 4!"

"Good luck," Faith says.

"You can do it, Cassie. And don't forget to try the knives you've been itching for all training."

I smile at Axara - she noticed that?

"I will, don't worry! Good luck guys."

I walk into the training room to face the Gamemakers.